u/QuietSuccessful5331

I got back from the trip to get my tattoo today. It really hit me hard when I walked into the house. I opened up the bag of her fur and smelled it and broke down. It doesn’t feel right here at all without her. I miss her so fucking much. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. The tattoo isn’t done yet but I’ll go back and get it finished in a few weeks. I think I’m being overly critical of it because I just lost her. It’s a good tattoo so far but it just doesn’t look enough like her to me. But everyone else says it’s a good representation of her so I think I’ll just give it some time and I’ll grow to love it. I don’t know what to do with myself. It just makes me wish I could go back even just a week so I could hold her for a few more days. I’m sorry I’ve posted so much about her recently, I just feel so.. empty. Talking about her helps a little. But really looking at her pictures and laying in bed without her is really hard right now. My other cats want my attention and I feel bad because I just don’t want them right now. I only want my little Lucy girl. She should be here with me, laying on my chest, cuddling into my neck. I was just numb the day we did the euthanasia, but it’s all becoming very real now. I keep seeing her all sedated and then when she was just.. gone. Her legs moved a little, paddling. After she was gone already. That hurt seeing too, the vet confirmed her heart had stopped so I knew she was gone but.. I don’t know. Seeing her legs move after like that was sort of morbid. The vet struggled to get the final injection in too, because everytime she’d draw back to make sure she was in a vein, the blood would clot and the medicine wouldn’t push because of the blood clotting. So she had to retry like 5 times, everytime I turned away and put my face in my mom’s shoulder and cried, bracing myself for the end. But then it wouldn’t work and the whole process would repeat. After they sedated her, she really wasn’t there anymore. She had this glossy look in her eyes, I’m glad she couldn’t feel anything though. My brain must’ve put some kind of safety net up so I could get through it because I managed, but I feel like a mess now. I wish I could take it back, even though I know it was time and she was only going to get worse. God I miss her. How am I supposed to do this without her for the rest of my life?

I got back from the trip to get my tattoo today. It really hit me hard when I walked into the house. I opened up the bag of her fur and smelled it and broke down. It doesn’t feel right here at all without her. I miss her so fucking much. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. The tattoo isn’t done yet but I’ll go back and get it finished in a few weeks. I think I’m being overly critical of it because I just lost her. It’s a good tattoo so far but it just doesn’t look enough like her to me. But everyone else says it’s a good representation of her so I think I’ll just give it some time and I’ll grow to love it. I don’t know what to do with myself. It just makes me wish I could go back even just a week so I could hold her for a few more days. I’m sorry I’ve posted so much about her recently, I just feel so.. empty. Talking about her helps a little. But really looking at her pictures and laying in bed without her is really hard right now. My other cats want my attention and I feel bad because I just don’t want them right now. I only want my little Lucy girl. She should be here with me, laying on my chest, cuddling into my neck. I was just numb the day we did the euthanasia, but it’s all becoming very real now. I keep seeing her all sedated and then when she was just.. gone. Her legs moved a little, paddling. After she was gone already. That hurt seeing too, the vet confirmed her heart had stopped so I knew she was gone but.. I don’t know. Seeing her legs move after like that was sort of morbid. The vet struggled to get the final injection in too, because everytime she’d draw back to make sure she was in a vein, the blood would clot and the medicine wouldn’t push because of the blood clotting. So she had to retry like 5 times, everytime I turned away and put my face in my mom’s shoulder and cried, bracing myself for the end. But then it wouldn’t work and the whole process would repeat. After they sedated her, she really wasn’t there anymore. She had this glossy look in her eyes, I’m glad she couldn’t feel anything though. My brain must’ve put some kind of safety net up so I could get through it because I managed, but I feel like a mess now. I wish I could take it back, even though I know it was time and she was only going to get worse. God I miss her. How am I supposed to do this without her for the rest of my life?

My last post was deleted, Reposting it since I didn’t break any rules nor was I informed of why the post was removed. She is sedated in both photos, not dead. I wanted to get a photo of her with her toy surrounded by flowers before the vet pushed the final injection, she is not deceased yet in the last two photos. So it would be nice if this post stayed up, please.
Just a couple hours ago she was walking around the yard and happily smelling stuff. We had our very last cuddle last night and this morning. I held her wrapped in her blanket as the sedative took effect. Then I held her as the vet did the final injection. I stroked her head the whole time as I cried silently. It was more beautiful than I thought it would be. I feel okay right now. I miss the hell out of her already, but I’m okay. I’m glad I had those 4 months to love the heck out of her and pre grieve. Those final moments aren’t easy to watch but I’m so glad I was there. She’s my special girl, and she isn’t gone, her body is. And even her physical vessel will be back to me soon. Her ashes will sit with the memorial I made last night, which will be upgraded as soon as Ireceive the other things I ordered for her. I feel okay. I think it’s because she was ready, and it was so peaceful and beautiful watching her get that release. It hurt like hell but it was worth loving her for 14 years. She’s gone and it sucks but she’s at peace now. I love you eternally Lucy.

Just a couple hours ago she was walking around the yard and happily smelling stuff. We had our very last cuddle last night and this morning. I held her wrapped in her blanket as the sedative took effect. Then I held her as the vet did the final injection. I stroked her head the whole time as I cried silently. It was more beautiful than I thought it would be. I feel okay right now. I miss the hell out of her already, but I’m okay. I’m glad I had those 4 months to love the heck out of her and pre grieve. Those final moments aren’t easy to watch but I’m so glad I was there. She’s my special girl, and she isn’t gone, her body is. And even her physical vessel will be back to me soon. Her ashes will sit with the memorial I made last night, which will be upgraded as soon as I receive the other things I ordered for her. I feel okay. I think it’s because she was ready, and it was so peaceful and beautiful watching her get that release. It hurt like hell but it was worth loving her for 14 years. She’s gone and it sucks but she’s at peace now. I love you eternally Lucy.

Third picture is the gorgeous memorial urn/figure and nameplate I’ll be purchasing when I can come up with the money. It’s honestly one of the most gorgeous memorial designs I’ve ever seen. That will honor her. I still feel numb. I only cried a few tears this morning. I begged the vet for one extra hour, so she’s giving me that. At noon today, my baby will be out of pain forever. I know she’ll be waiting for me on the other side, playing with all the kitties that are waiting there for her. I know all of you who’ve lost a pet have the best kitties that will take care of my Lucy. I truly believe that. She’s having one last morning outside, exploring. She tried to jump onto my kitchen counter this morning and couldn’t do it, so even though seeing her explore makes me wanna cancel, I won’t. I’m handling it better than I thought I would this morning. I think my brain really has entered a somewhat state of shock and denial. It feels numb. I’m letting her enter my her enter the forbidden neighbors yard and I’ll just run up and grab her when I need too. She’s wanted to explore this yard for weeks, but I always went and got her before she could. I’m just gonna let her this time.

I can always run in and grab her. Just one more hour with my baby girl. I feel sad but not as empty as I thought I would, although it hasn’t happened yet. I’ll probably make another post after it’s done. I will sit there with her, if the sedative she gets knocks her out completely and she is fully asleep, I’ll probably step away before the final injection. Only if the vet confirms with me that she doesn’t have any awareness of what’s going on around her. I just don’t know how I’ll handle watching her take her last breath. My mental health is very bad and I don’t want it to push me over the edge.

I love you Lucy. Forever and always.

My sweet girl. Diagnosed with oral cancer almost 4 months ago. Thousands of dollars and thousands of painful crying sessions, thousands of amazing tender cuddle sessions, and thousands of hours spent in my backyard or alley exploring with her later, it’s time to say goodbye tomorrow. I’ve been constantly cycling through panic, depression, and then this strange calm feeling, peaceful almost, mixed with acceptance and tinged with sadness of course, but almost numb in a way. I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow night. I’m really so scared. She’s been with me through everything. I’m gonna miss her so much.

I keep hoping it won’t absolutely destroy me because I’ve had periods where I couldn’t function at all and have come so close to doing something I’d regret during those periods. I don’t want to feel nothing, of course. The pain is a testament to how much I love her. But I’m also so bad at coping with negative emotions that I keep hoping it won’t be as bad as I’m imagining it will be.

Like she’s obviously in pain, she isn’t eating so I’ve been syringe feeding her to get us through till Friday, it’s a home appointment and I really wanted to do it at home for both of us. I think part of why I’m handling it okay for now is because I know she’s ready. And the past 4 months I’ve been in a loop of constant caregiving, never wanting to leave my house, medications 4-8 times a day, constant stress over if she’s eating enough, does she look sick, is she okay, constantly checking her breathing, constantly feeling the tumor on her jaw with my fingers and flipping back and forth between it feeling larger or smaller, constantly wondering when the day id have to euthanize her would come. all of that has left me so exhausted.

My dreams are always about her, being sick and me agonizing over euthanasia, dreams of me backing out of it last minute. I have cried almost daily for the last almost 4 months. I keep picturing my house without her and it feels so wrong. Making this decision feels so wrong. So why do I have moments where I’m calm, not happy necessarily, but okay? My baby will be gone in less than 2 days and right now I’m feeling numb.

And feeling a sense of acceptance, like I said. Even having moments where I’m not a crying mess is making me feel guilty. It’s like, I want to be able to get through the appointment and be okay afterwards, but then I feel guilty for wanting that. I want to be able to think of her and our times together and smile and laugh at our memories, but I feel guilty for wanting that. She’s going to be gone forever atleast until I also leave this earth in who knows how long, so shouldn’t I be a complete inconsolable mess constantly?

Anyways.. I am gonna miss the hell out of her. I hope I make it through tomorrow without breaking down completely. I have a trip planned right after the appointment on Friday to get the memorial tattoo I’ve had planned for her since she got sick. It’s going to be a portrait with heliotropes and columbine flowers. The heliotropes symbolize devotion, eternal love, and unwavering faithfulness. The blooms always turn to face the sun, just like my Lucy. The columbines symbolize endurance and resilience, and my baby is so resilient. A true warrior, the most brave fighter. I included a couple photos of the flowers. I think they’ll be so pretty surrounding her beautiful face. There’s also a mix of pictures from before she got sick and after. You can tell just by looking at her face that it’s gotten bad. But look how clearly you can still see her spirit shining right through. Those eyes always stop me in my tracks. They are so so so beautiful. Most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and I’m so glad I had the pleasure of having them look up at me lovingly for 14 years.

I’m headed to the casino straight after the tattoo for some mind numbing distraction, since it always used to be one of my favorite getaways. I’m hoping I’ll be able to enjoy the trip, for my mom’s sake too.But also for Lucy. I know she’d want me to, she’d want me to smile and laugh and eat good food and everything else. I love you Lucy. I’ll miss you sooo much. I would’ve done anything to fix this if I could’ve. I wish I could’ve. But I couldn’t, and I know you’re ready. I won’t force you to stick around just because I don’t wanna lose you. I know you won’t really be gone, anyways. Just the vessel that carries your beautiful soul. But you’ll still be right here with me. I know it. Until we meet again, you beautiful girl.

My sweet girl. Diagnosed with oral cancer almost 4 months ago. Thousands of dollars and thousands of painful crying sessions, thousands of amazing tender cuddle sessions, and thousands of hours spent in my backyard or alley exploring with her later, it’s time to say goodbye tomorrow. I’ve been constantly cycling through panic, depression, and then this strange calm feeling, peaceful almost, mixed with acceptance and tinged with sadness of course, but almost numb in a way. I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow night. I’m really so scared. She’s been with me through everything. I’m gonna miss her so much.

I keep hoping it won’t absolutely destroy me because I’ve had periods where I couldn’t function at all and have come so close to doing something I’d regret during those periods. I don’t want to feel nothing, of course. The pain is a testament to how much I love her. But I’m also so bad at coping with negative emotions that I keep hoping it won’t be as bad as I’m imagining it will be.

Like she’s obviously in pain, she isn’t eating so I’ve been syringe feeding her to get us through till Friday, it’s a home appointment and I really wanted to do it at home for both of us. I think part of why I’m handling it okay for now is because I know she’s ready. And the past 4 months I’ve been in a loop of constant caregiving, never wanting to leave my house, medications 4-8 times a day, constant stress over if she’s eating enough, does she look sick, is she okay, constantly checking her breathing, constantly feeling the tumor on her jaw with my fingers and flipping back and forth between it feeling larger or smaller, constantly wondering when the day id have to euthanize her would come. all of that has left me so exhausted.

My dreams are always about her, being sick and me agonizing over euthanasia, dreams of me backing out of it last minute. I have cried almost daily for the last almost 4 months. I keep picturing my house without her and it feels so wrong. Making this decision feels so wrong. So why do I have moments where I’m calm, not happy necessarily, but okay? My baby will be gone in less than 2 days and right now I’m feeling numb.

And feeling a sense of acceptance, like I said. Even having moments where I’m not a crying mess is making me feel guilty. It’s like, I want to be able to get through the appointment and be okay afterwards, but then I feel guilty for wanting that. I want to be able to think of her and our times together and smile and laugh at our memories, but I feel guilty for wanting that. She’s going to be gone forever atleast until I also leave this earth in who knows how long, so shouldn’t I be a complete inconsolable mess constantly?

Anyways.. I am gonna miss the hell out of her. I hope I make it through tomorrow without breaking down completely. I have a trip planned right after the appointment on Friday to get the memorial tattoo I’ve had planned for her since she got sick. It’s going to be a portrait with heliotropes and columbine flowers. The heliotropes symbolize devotion, eternal love, and unwavering faithfulness. The blooms always turn to face the sun, just like my Lucy. The columbines symbolize endurance and resilience, and my baby is so resilient. A true warrior, the most brave fighter. I included a couple photos of the flowers. I think they’ll be so pretty surrounding her beautiful face. There’s also a mix of pictures from before she got sick and after. You can tell just by looking at her face that it’s gotten bad. But look how clearly you can still see her spirit shining right through. Those eyes always stop me in my tracks. They are so so so beautiful. Most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and I’m so glad I had the pleasure of having them look up at me lovingly for 14 years.

I’m headed to the casino straight after the tattoo for some mind numbing distraction, since it always used to be one of my favorite getaways. I’m hoping I’ll be able to enjoy the trip, for my mom’s sake too.But also for Lucy. I know she’d want me to, she’d want me to smile and laugh and eat good food and everything else. I love you Lucy. I’ll miss you sooo much. I would’ve done anything to fix this if I could’ve. I wish I could’ve. But I couldn’t, and I know you’re ready. I won’t force you to stick around just because I don’t wanna lose you. I know you won’t really be gone, anyways. Just the vessel that carries your beautiful soul. But you’ll still be right here with me. I know it. Until we meet again, you beautiful girl.

I say goodbye the day after tomorrow. I’ve been constantly cycling through panic, depression, and then this strange calm feeling, peaceful almost, mixed with acceptance and tinged with sadness of course, but almost numb in a way. I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow night. I’m really so scared. She’s been with me through everything. I’m gonna miss her so much. I keep hoping it won’t absolutely destroy me because I’ve had periods where I couldn’t function at all and have come so close to doing something I’d regret during those periods. I don’t want to feel nothing, of course. The pain is a testament to how much I love her. But I’m also so bad at coping with negative emotions that I keep hoping it won’t be as bad as I’m imagining it will be. Like she’s obviously in pain, she isn’t eating so I’ve been syringe feeding her to get us through till Friday, it’s a home appointment and I really wanted to do it at home for both of us. I think part of why I’m handling it okay for now is because I know she’s ready. And the past 4 months I’ve been in a loop of constant caregiving, never wanting to leave my house, medications 4-8 times a day, constant stress over if she’s eating enough, does she look sick, is she okay, constantly checking her breathing, constantly feeling the tumor on her jaw with my fingers and flipping back and forth between it feeling larger or smaller, constantly wondering when the day id have to euthanize her would come. all of that has left me so exhausted. My dreams are always about her, being sick and me agonizing over euthanasia, dreams of me backing out of it last minute. I have cried almost daily for the last almost 4 months. I keep picturing my house without her and it feels so wrong. Making this decision feels so wrong. So why do I have moments where I’m calm, not happy necessarily, but okay? My baby will be gone in less than 2 days and right now I’m feeling numb. And feeling a sense of acceptance, like I said. Even having moments where I’m not a crying mess is making me feel guilty. It’s like, I want to be able to get through the appointment and be okay afterwards, but then I feel guilty for wanting that. I want to be able to think of her and our times together and smile and laugh at our memories, but I feel guilty for wanting that. She’s going to be gone forever atleast until I also leave this earth in who knows how long, so shouldn’t I be a complete inconsolable mess? Anyways.. I am gonna miss the hell out of her. I hope I make it through tomorrow and Friday without breaking down completely. I have a trip planned right after the appointment on Friday to get the memorial tattoo I’ve had planned for her since she got sick. It’s going to be a portrait with heliotropes and columbine flowers. The heliotropes symbolize devotion, eternal love, and unwavering faithfulness. The blooms always turn to face the sun, just like my Lucy. The columbines symbolize endurance and resilience, and my baby is so resilient. A true warrior, the most brave fighter. I’m headed to the casino straight after the tattoo for some mind numbing distraction, since it always used to be one of my favorite getaways. I’m hoping I’ll be able to enjoy the trip, for my mom’s sake too.But also for Lucy. I know she’d want me to, she’d want me to smile and laugh and eat good food and everything else. I love you Lucy.

All the pictures besides the last six are from before she got sick. My beautiful girl. This is a journal entry I just finished writing. A tribute to my baby girl. I love you Lucy.

It’s June 24th today. It’s been almost four months since Lucy was diagnosed with OSCC. I have an appointment scheduled for next week to euthanize her. She has barely eaten today, and just now she tried so hard and couldn’t do it. It’s so hard watching her go through this. It’s so undeniably unfair that there is nothing more I can do.
It’s going to break me to lose her, and I know I’m not ready. But it seems like she is. I feel selfish for even waiting this long. I don’t want to watch her fade away, but at least she won’t be in pain anymore.

I wish so badly that I could fix this. It’s the worst feeling ever to know I’m so helpless to take her pain away. She’s so special. Even throughout this whole time, her spirit hasn’t been dimmed. She’s so resilient, an inspiration to me to make something of my life for her. I know she would want me to be happy. I just don’t want to be happy without her.
The way she looks at me with so much love and trust. And I couldn’t protect her. This disease has taken so much from us, and I know I need to stop it from taking any more from her. Even though ultimately it’s still going to take the biggest thing, her life.

She is so innocent and perfect, and for some reason got the nastiest disease the universe could’ve given her. I will miss the way she cuddles into my neck, the way she lays facing me with our faces an inch apart, the way she curls herself into a tight ball. The way she gets excited when she sees me and her tail does that vibrate-y shakey thing. The way she would randomly be struck by lightning and haul ass down the alley. The way that, even sick, she’d see a bird and get into her low-down stalking position, her cute disappointed look when they would fly away.
Her unconditional love for me, even though I was so far from perfect for her.

The way she’d jump on my back if I leaned down and just hang out there or on my shoulder like a parrot. The way she’d rub against, stick her face in, and act all crazy with shoes or clothes that smelled like me. The way she’d chase Pretty Kitty outside and stalk him. She loved to explore and lay in the sunshine. She loved catnip toys, I have a few videos of her going crazy for those.

When she picks up her mouse toy and carries it around, announcing to me that she caught some food for me because I’m a terrible hunter. The way she always laid on the bed, and when I’d pet her she’d roll right over and show me her tummy. She loved tummy pets. Anytime I’d call her, she’d come. She always wanted to lay on my chest and sit in my arms on my shoulder. I should’ve let her more often.
She loved to paw at the blankets to make the perfect place to lay. She’d do the same thing with papers, plastic, even money. She loved to lay on weird stuff, like my purse.

She loved chin scratches. She’d play with money too, swiping at it like she was trying to make a bed out of it. Her crunchy meows she’d give me in the mornings, waiting in the kitchen window for breakfast.

She’s always been so affectionate, always wanting to cuddle me, yet hated seeing me come to pick her up and take her to the kitchen for breakfast. She’d run and hide under the bed to avoid being lifted and transported. I feel like there’s so much more I should remember about her and how sweet and amazing she is. But I can’t. She was always (and still is) so sweet to absolutely everyone.

Even at the vet, she hung out on the vet tech’s shoulder waiting for blood results. She walked right up to my mom the other day and did her tail shaky thing, giving my mom that same loving look she always gives me and jumping up on her shoulder in classic Lucy girl fashion, even though she barely knows my mom.

Before she got sick, I always thought she was picky. She only liked dry food and one specific brand of wet food. Maybe I only thought she was picky because she never tried naughtily to get food off my plate. She never begged. I knew she liked lunch meat (oven roasted turkey specifically), ranch, smoked salmon, tuna occasionally, and even the tuna and milk flavored Temptations, but only once I think. She never wanted them again. She still doesn’t like Churu. But she loves almost any human food now. Alfredo sauce, steak, cupcakes, Mexican-style chicken, Mar Far chicken, and probably so many others I never discovered.

She made me laugh so often with how weird she could be. The way she’d occasionally play with my other cats, hiding and laying in wait for them to get closer, popping out and doing a few skibbity baps before going back to hide and repeat the process.
Outside of those rare moments, she actually had an obvious disdain for the other cats. Two of them she grew up with, and even they didn’t get too close or they’d get a quick paw to the face. She never put claws out when she did it, though. She never wanted to hurt them. She just liked her space. She never once scratched me on purpose, bit me, hissed, went outside the litter box, etc. She was so well behaved, by all standards the perfect baby.

Once I started taking her outside every day, I realized she actually likes other cats, just not being confined indoors with them. If she saw a stray outside, she’d start trotting up to them wanting to meet them, I think. As she got older, too, one of my cats, Cloud, who is very sweet himself, would always try to lay cuddled up with her. And she allowed it usually.

After she got sick is when I started taking her outside daily to explore. Before, we just had the catio. She absolutely loved it out there. She’d go down the alley with me in tow, usually attempting to enter forbidden areas and giving me an indignant meow every time I’d pick her up and turn her around. She’s so loving but so independent in some ways, always telling me vocally that she did NOT want to be told what to do.

She has many nicknames. Lulu, Lucegoose, Lucy Goosey, Luce, Lucygirl, Pretty Girl, Sweet Girl, Sweetie Pie. Probably more I’m not remembering right now. I know there’s so much more to her than I can remember right now, too. I’ve had her since I was 12, and unfortunately I have a lot of time missing from most of her life. Of course I know I loved her that whole time, but it still hurts that I have nothing specific to recall and no photos older than 3–4 years ago.

All my life partners I’ve had got the same loving Lucy treatment. She warms up instantly and loved to lay on their chests as well, because she is such an incredibly special, trusting, loving kitty with the prettiest green eyes I’ve ever seen and the cutest little white patches on her chest and tummy.
I hope one day some of the precious memories of us come back. I don’t ever want to forget anything about her. I don’t ever want there to be a day where I don’t think of her and how special she made my life.

There will never, ever, EVER be another cat that is as incredible as Lucy is.
I was and am so lucky to have been loved unconditionally by you, Lucy.
Forever and always. Until I see you again.

I was posting on here every week or so with updates on her treatment and her condition, it seemed like she was doing good, but the last week, week and a half have taken a turn. She still eats, she still explores outside, but for a much shorter duration. I’m now talking to my old primary vet about at home euthanasia and trying to get together the funds needed for it. It’s much more expensive than I initially thought. It almost feels like I’m using the money thing as an excuse to not do it yet. I’m not ready. I don’t want to live in a world that doesn’t have her in it. I thought the palladia was going to buy us a few months atleast but if it even worked at all it stopped working so fast. Her tumor is so much larger now than it was at the vet visit 3 weeks ago. She’s supposed to have a recheck today, but I’m not going. I’m not going to force her to go to the vet when I know what they are going to say.

I’m going to try to make her last few days or week as peaceful as possible. I’m struggling to actually make that appointment. Everytime I think of it I feel sick to my stomach. I have never had to lose someone so precious to me before. I hate saying this but it’s almost like I wish I’d gone through it before with someone I wasn’t so emotionally bonded too so I knew what to expect sort of in regards to my reaction during and afterwards. I feel guilty that I’ve wished this happened to anyone else and not Lucy. But it is Lucy. It happened to Lucy. And I have to say goodbye to one of the only friends I’ve had throughout my childhood and adult life. Been through 4 relationships with her by my side. A major move. Major mental health struggles. Struggles with addiction. I feel guilty. I had 15 years I should’ve used to cherish her more. I wish I had a Time Machine.

I love you Lucy, I’m sorry I couldn’t fix this. I’m sorry this is happening to you. You’re the sweetest girl and you don’t deserve it. I love you more than anything. I wish I could take all your pain away without having to take YOU away. I’ll miss you so much. You’ll always have my whole heart, always.

It wasn’t a lot of sauce, maybe a couple tablespoons. I stupidly didn’t think about the fact it had garlic in it although the amount compared to cheese and cream is miniscule. Everything I’ve read so far says she’ll probably be okay since it wasn’t like she ate concentrated garlic or fresh garlic. I just wanted to give her something tasty and easy to eat because she has a tumor in her mouth. Lately I’ve been knowing that the time for her to go is coming close, and I’m terrified I may have done something to get her sick by giving her that sauce. She is acting normal now and it’s been about 17 hours since she had the sauce, and again it wasn’t a lot. I put like a small spoonful on a Tupperware lid and let her lick it off, because she smelt it when I warmed it up and seemed like she really wanted it. She can’t eat dry food and lately has been struggling more eating wet food which is why I know time is close to being up. I still don’t want her to get sick in the last couple weeks of her life though. Picture is her now, we are exploring outside. I am in the US. I am an adult and can take her to the vet, but she absolutely hates the vet and I don’t want to stress her if it’s not 100% necessary

The last couple weeks honestly gave me a lot more hope than I expected. She started acting more like herself again, wanting outside constantly, exploring, chasing birds, carrying her toy around, grooming more, cuddling with me nonstop, and overall just seeming brighter. Multiple people around me also noticed the swelling/mass on the outside of her jaw actually seems smaller since starting Palladia.

We had a vet recheck today and her bloodwork still looks good. The vet also agreed the outside of the mass feels a bit smaller. They did find that her mouth is infected though, which likely explains the sudden increase in drooling, smell, and irritation she had the last couple days. She got a Convenia antibiotic shot today and goes back Monday for another one. I’m really glad that besides that, the treatment seems to be working really well for her and she seems genuinely happy.

Thank you so much to everyone who’s donated, shared her fundraiser, or checked in on her so far. Every bit of support helps more than you know. I’m still trying to raise as much as I can to be able to continue this at the pace we are. The appointment today was 519$ instead of the usual 400$ because of the antibiotic shot. Link to her gfm will be in the comments if anybody would like to read more or share/donate. Thank you everyone❤️

The last couple weeks honestly gave me a lot more hope than I expected. She started acting more like herself again, wanting outside constantly, exploring, chasing birds, carrying her toy around, grooming more, cuddling with me nonstop, and overall just seeming brighter. Multiple people around me also noticed the swelling/mass on the outside of her jaw actually seems smaller since starting Palladia.

We had a vet recheck today and her bloodwork still looks good. The vet also agreed the outside of the mass feels a bit smaller. They did find that her mouth is infected though, which likely explains the sudden increase in drooling, smell, and irritation she had the last couple days. She got a Convenia antibiotic shot today and goes back Monday for another one. I’m really glad that besides that, the treatment seems to be working really well for her and she seems genuinely happy.

Thank you so much to everyone who’s donated, shared her fundraiser, or checked in on her so far. Every bit of support helps more than you know. I’m still trying to raise as much as I can to be able to continue this at the pace we are. The appointment today was 519$ instead of the usual 400$ because of the antibiotic shot.

https://gofund.me/1cb506059

The last couple weeks honestly gave me a lot more hope than I expected. She started acting more like herself again, wanting outside constantly, exploring, chasing birds, carrying her toy around, grooming more, cuddling with me nonstop, and overall just seeming brighter. Multiple people around me also noticed the swelling/mass on the outside of her jaw actually seems smaller since starting Palladia.

We had a vet recheck today and her bloodwork still looks good. The vet also agreed the outside of the mass feels a bit smaller. They did find that her mouth is infected though, which likely explains the sudden increase in drooling, smell, and irritation she had the last couple days. She got a Convenia antibiotic shot today and goes back Monday for another one. I’m really glad that besides that, the treatment seems to be working really well for her and she seems genuinely happy.

Thank you so much to everyone who’s donated, shared her fundraiser, or checked in on her so far. Every bit of support helps more than you know. I’m still trying to raise as much as I can to be able to continue this at the pace we are. The appointment today was 519$ instead of the usual 400$ because of the antibiotic shot.

https://gofund.me/1cb506059

The last couple weeks honestly gave me a lot more hope than I expected. She started acting more like herself again, wanting outside constantly, exploring, chasing birds, carrying her toy around, grooming more, cuddling with me nonstop, and overall just seeming brighter. Multiple people around me also noticed the swelling/mass on the outside of her jaw actually seems smaller since starting Palladia.

We had a vet recheck today and her bloodwork still looks good. The vet also agreed the outside of the mass feels a bit smaller. They did find that her mouth is infected though, which likely explains the sudden increase in drooling, smell, and irritation she had the last couple days. She got a Convenia antibiotic shot today and goes back Monday for another one. I’m really glad that besides that, the treatment seems to be working really well for her and she seems genuinely happy.

Thank you so much to everyone who’s donated, shared her fundraiser, or checked in on her so far. Every bit of support helps more than you know. I’m still trying to raise as much as I can to be able to continue this at the pace we are. The appointment today was 519$ instead of the usual 400$ because of the antibiotic shot.

https://gofund.me/1cb506059

The last couple weeks honestly gave me a lot more hope than I expected. She started acting more like herself again, wanting outside constantly, exploring, chasing birds, carrying her toy around, grooming more, cuddling with me nonstop, and overall just seeming brighter. Multiple people around me also noticed the swelling/mass on the outside of her jaw actually seems smaller since starting Palladia.

We had a vet recheck today and her bloodwork still looks good. The vet also agreed the outside of the mass feels a bit smaller. They did find that her mouth is infected though, which likely explains the sudden increase in drooling, smell, and irritation she had the last couple days. She got a Convenia antibiotic shot today and goes back Monday for another one. I’m really glad that besides that, the treatment seems to be working really well for her and she seems genuinely happy.

Thank you so much to everyone who’s donated, shared her fundraiser, or checked in on her so far. Every bit of support helps more than you know. I’m still trying to raise as much as I can to be able to continue this at the pace we are. The appointment today was 519$ instead of the usual 400$ because of the antibiotic shot.

https://gofund.me/1cb506059

The last couple weeks honestly gave me a lot more hope than I expected. She started acting more like herself again, wanting outside constantly, exploring, chasing birds, carrying her toy around, grooming more, cuddling with me nonstop, and overall just seeming brighter. Multiple people around me also noticed the swelling/mass on the outside of her jaw actually seems smaller since starting Palladia.

We had a vet recheck today and her bloodwork still looks good. The vet also agreed the outside of the mass feels a bit smaller. They did find that her mouth is infected though, which likely explains the sudden increase in drooling, smell, and irritation she had the last couple days. She got a Convenia antibiotic shot today and goes back Monday for another one. I’m really glad that besides that, the treatment seems to be working really well for her and she seems genuinely happy.

Thank you so much to everyone who’s donated, shared her fundraiser, or checked in on her so far. Every bit of support helps more than you know. I’m still trying to raise as much as I can to be able to continue this at the pace we are. The appointment today was 519$ instead of the usual 400$ because of the antibiotic shot.

https://gofund.me/1cb506059

I know I’ve posted here a few times in the last couple weeks, but I am posting again because this sub seems to help us a lot even with just shares/kind words and encouragement.

Lucy has been doing pretty good, she’s very energetic and upbeat. I’ve been taking her outside every day for some exploration time and she never wants to come back in now, lol.

She found a neighbors yard had a small hole in their fence and i swear no matter how many times I picked her up and redirected her, she stubbornly went right back to the hole because she needed to see and discover this new land with her own four paws 😅

She really is doing well with the cancer treatment as well, her bloodwork looks great, she’s gained a few ounces, and the mass itself feels significantly smaller from the last time my vet had a look/feel of it.

Really the reason I’m so sure about continuing treatment is the really good results we’ve had so far AND how darn happy she seems. My dad continuously tells me he’d never even know she was sick if I hadn’t told him already because she just acts so normal.

I wanna say a heartfelt thank you to everyone in this community who had kind things to say for me and Lucy, and every wonderful person who donated to help us. It really means the world to me, and I know she can’t say it, but I know it means the world to her too, if she could talk she’d wanna thank each and every one of you.

https://gofund.me/bfe55d2df

I know I’ve posted here a few times in the last couple weeks, but I am posting again because this sub seems to help us a lot even with just shares/kind words and encouragement.

Lucy has been doing pretty good, she’s very energetic and upbeat. I’ve been taking her outside every day for some exploration time and she never wants to come back in now, lol.

She found a neighbors yard had a small hole in their fence and i swear no matter how many times I picked her up and redirected her, she stubbornly went right back to the hole because she needed to see and discover this new land with her own four paws 😅

She really is doing well with the cancer treatment as well, her bloodwork looks great, she’s gained a few ounces, and the mass itself feels significantly smaller from the last time my vet had a look/feel of it.

Really the reason I’m so sure about continuing treatment is the really good results we’ve had so far AND how darn happy she seems. My dad continuously tells me he’d never even know she was sick if I hadn’t told him already because she just acts so normal.

I wanna say a heartfelt thank you to everyone in this community who had kind things to say for me and Lucy, and every wonderful person who donated to help us. It really means the world to me, and I know she can’t say it, but I know it means the world to her too, if she could talk she’d wanna thank each and every one of you.

https://gofund.me/bfe55d2df