u/Sad_Lobster1498

i (19m) am very ashamed of what i look like. i’ve hated my body since i was 6, but when i was 12 i looked in the mirror and thought i looked like a pedophile. that was the day i stopped going outside except for when i had to go to school, but eventually i stopped going to in-person school and did only online classes to avoid the stares. i hate going outside and being seen because i look like an actual criminal, but the truth is that i was groomed and exploited by pedophiles myself and i’d never do such a thing. but i look like i would. i hate this.

i am not new to the internet, i’ve been posting since i was 11 and im now 19. i post short form comedic/slightly informative videos or whatever else i want on tiktok, i have only a few thousand followers but i have gone micro viral a few times (millions to hundreds of thousands of likes) but one common thing that people talk about no matter the topic of my videos is my appearance. i show my face in all my videos, always have and always will. but occasionally i would get a few comments about my appearance once in a while but after more recently its been every single day. my notifications will constantly be spanned by those stupid tiktok stickers of people calling me ugly and comparing me to pigs and whatever else. i don’t really care about the individual comments and insults, ive heard everything before so none of the bullying was really new. and its not like i disagree with them either. but, its all about the HOARD of people all collectively calling me ugly. (actually, the only comments that somewhat get to me are ones that are just screenshots of my face lol). i kept going strong for a bit and kept posting, but my mental health had gotten too bad and i had to step away for a bit. i don’t know when ill return, maybe after i lose another 50lbs. i love content creation and always have, and i know that there will always be haters. but, fuck man. you know?

my mom and i have a good relationship and they’ve always been there for me for my health. my mom is obese and about 130lbs overweight and is very open about it and has stated how they want to lose weight but have made no major attempts to actually change (granted they also work a desk job so it’s hard to get a lot of movement in) but i was scrolling on tiktok and saw a video about signs of heart failure. i wasn’t worried about myself but i watched it anyways, but some of the symptoms lined up with my mom. nothing major, they aren’t feeling sick and are feeling fine- but now im a bit worried for the future of their health. i workout daily and im very open about trying to lose weight, i want to help them but i dont know how to start that conversation, especially without scaring them into thinking that they have heart failure (which to be clear they aren’t actively in, these symptoms have been around for years and haven’t really worsened recently as far as i know)

today i am 100 days binge free. i’ve had a lifelong struggle with my relationship with food but for the first time in my life i actually feel like i know what im doing. i may get occasional urges, but it’s never that bad.

a big factor in me binging was boredom and being constantly alone. my mom got a new job and they work from home most of the time now. they also work in the kitchen so they’d immediately see if i was binging.
i also started walking every day. at first it was 30 minutes, then 45, then an hour, and now 2-3 hours a day on my treadmill while i watch tiktok’s and youtube. before i walk i eat carb dense foods which are typically very sweet and may contain things i used to binge on in small portions. eating my binge food with a bulk food such as plain greek yogurt, a bowl of fruit, or even an entire vegetable both satisfies my craving while also filling me up. walking fills the time up in my day, and i typically need to nap afterwards which also fills up time that id usually spend binging. i also drink a lottt of flavored water (sugar free) and diet soda. i’ll put 2 packets in a big liter cup and that will satisfy my sweet tooth for a while. i also learned that it’s ok to go over my calorie limit. before then i would panic about going over my calories, or restrict and end up binging. i learned that it’s ok to go over sometimes, and it’s better to go over and not stress than to panic and binge and restart my streak. i also don’t restrict myself super low in general anymore (since im trying to lose weight). walking burns a lotttt of calories, and so i have plenty of leeway which also makes me worry a lot less when i go over. i know that weight loss might not be everyone’s goal here, but i hope that some of this still helps

i’ve recently discovered i’ve been struggling with severe anhedonia for the last year, i just didn’t have a name for it. anhedonia is the lack of pleasure in things you enjoy, life basically always feels boring. i’ve been having it very bad recently because my appearance constantly stresses me out that now it’s all i think about. i can’t draw anymore without thinking about my appearance, nothing. the only things i still enjoy are weight lifting and walking but that’s only because i’m trying to lose weight. all i do it sit on my bed and wait all day, im constantly waiting for the end of the year because ill be at least 20lbs down and might look a little better, and because of that constant waiting nothing else is fun anymore

i’m 19m 5’6 172lbs. i’ve lost about 19lbs since february but my body has barely changed and i feel like i wont reach my goal weight in time (id like to be 120-130 by november-december or so)
i eat 1800 calories a day and burn an average of 600 a day from cardio and light weight training 3x a week. i walk about 10k-15k steps a day too. is this alright? i’ve tried cutting my calories down but im recovering from a binge eating disorder, so 1800 is the lowest i can go right now

i almost took my life last night, i was fully ready to go. i was so desperate to get out of the thoughts that i just wanted some human contact. i have no friends so i texted my therapist, my mom, and my sibling. my mom was asleep so no response, my sibling only responded once or twice but they were with their boyfriend, and my therapist clearly wanted to sleep. i was genuinely so alone. it was terrifying. it didn’t feel like night time, it felt like an endless dark hour where the sun would never rise. it was like a horror game in my own mind but no one was coming to save me. i don’t know. after a few hours of crying i got high and finally stopped. i was wailing so hard that when i woke up i was shocked that no one made a comment. it was like nothing happened. i could’ve died and everyone is so casual. i tried to open up to my mom about my depression after but they didn’t want to hear it when i brought up them. my head is racing, im overwhelmed. i want this to end

i’ve been in a really bad depressive episode since last may. i mean, REALLY bad. the worst one i’ve ever had. nonstop crying, i can’t sleep anymore because i can’t stop crying or thinking about things that make me cry. the only way i can sleep and stop crying now is if im high, it’s very dumb but it stopped me from doing some awful things to myself. is this normal? will this stop at some point? i am medicated and i go to therapy but i dont know why it doesnt help

some of this has been going on for a long time now. i (19m) have really bad depression, and it’s been at its worst this year. all year my depression mixed with my adhd keeps me up with racing thoughts of how im ugly and a failure and it keeps me awake. i recently had a really bad relapse on my stomach and i realized that the pain and visuals was oddly soothing to me, and the thoughts quieted a little. im covered in cuts on multiple parts of my body, im typically up until 1-3 cutting until i can sleep. i dont know.

i used to not care and i enjoyed having the privacy to wail in my own room without question, but i wish someone would. i come out of my room with the reddest eyes post crying sesh and no one says anything, everything is normal. i verbally beg and plead during nightly depression episodes to be normal, yet somehow no one hears me. it makes me feel lonely when i cry and my sibling in the other room is laughing with their boyfriend, while my mom is downstairs laughing with their new boyfriend. two different worlds. i feel so disconnected it’s unreal

i (19m) was groomed a lot when i was like 13-15 by men who were minimum 25. i had been bullied a lot growing up for my appearance to the point i pulled myself out on in-person school because the stress began to affect my physical health. i was severely isolated then, but also for my whole childhood because of my mental health so i didn’t have any friends from highschool before i left. i was completely alone most of the time, the only times i saw my mom were late at night from 12-2am when they got home from work, my dad didn’t talk to me and hid in the basement. i never got attention from other guys my age (im gay) because most weren’t gay and i am severely ugly, (even uglier then). i knew that what i was doing was wrong, i knew everything. i didn’t care at the moment though, because for once i finally had someone who noticed me and thought i was attractive- even though it was all for dark and immoral reasons, i still knew and i still didn’t care. i dont talk to men anymore tho. the one time i did he was so grossed out by my body that he ran out of my house and ghosted me sometime after we met.

i cry every day but no one hears me. i sob. i wail. nothing. no one talks to me, every conversation is quick just to get me away. all my messages are ignored. i’m disabled and have been asking my mom to cut my hair for months, every time they say yes they never do for whatever reason may be. i couldn’t wait anymore. last night i tried to cut it myself but i couldn’t finish it because my disability, now im walking around with half cut hair. and no one cares. no one wants to. i don’t think im worth caring about

i’m 19m 5’6 175lbs. i’ve lost about 17lbs since february but my body has barely changed and i feel like i wont reach my goal weight in time (id like to be 120-130 by november-december or so)
i eat 1800 calories a day and burn an average of 600 a day from cardio and light weight training 3x a week. i walk about 10k-15k steps a day too. is this alright? i’ve tried cutting my calories down but im recovering from a binge eating disorder, so 1800 is the lowest i can go right now

i am 19m 5’6 175lbs. if i ate 1500 cals a day, burned 625 average a day, and then ate 1800 on sundays (my break days)
do you think id reach 130 by new year’s this year?

i (19m) am extremely overweight and very ugly, always have been. anyways, i relapsed very bad on my stomach and did something that have been wanting to do forever and i finally feel complete. i wont go into detail, but i cut “FAT PIG” into my stomach. it’s not deep, ill heal up fine. but, i somehow feel better. idk.

my body (m19) is 10x worse than my face, and i’m already made fun of the daily for that. my stomach and back are fatter than my legs, so i have comparatively smaller thighs and embarrassingly small arms in comparison to the rest of my body. my butt is so small it’s genuinely indented, my back fat is bigger than my butt. my body scares people away, rightfully so. i’ve lost 60lbs but i look the exact same. i wish i was dead. my life is actual torture.

no one will miss me. i have no friends. my family always acts annoyed around me to make me hide in my room all day so they don’t have to see me. i’m deformed, genuinely. my face and body are so badly deformed that i cant escape the bullying, men run away from me, even the ugly fetishizers hate my body. i’m worth nothing. i have no future, i have no diploma, i have nothing.