u/ScentedCinnamonStick

NOT a religious post

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 11, I turn 21 in 6 days. My plan, since I was 12, was to buy an arm on my 21st birthday and take myself while it snowed after I turned 21. But lately, I’ve been thinking a lot more about what happens afterwards.
I studied mortuary science, I work in a morgue, I know what happens physically.

Many people say nothing, but I don’t believe that to be possible. Your soul, your sentiency, exists. Something that is cannot cease to be.
Some people may see that as hope, it is not. I wish more than anything that there was nothing, and that I became nothing. But in my brain, I know there is no logical was for that to be feasible.

I’m not afraid, I’m not detoured, I’m simply curious.

I would like to know what people here think. Or hope for. People that have the same broken part of their brain that I do.

I feel like my entire body is on fire. Clothes hurt, laying down hurts, I can’t feel my feet, I’ve thrown up twice from the pain. I’m not on meds, so I can’t take anything. I don’t know what to do. It’s been happening for 3 hours and I’m just laying on my couch sobbing.

Does anybody here take IV medications? I have intestinal failure and the only medications I can take are IV. I’m worried this will prove to be an issue when I discuss medications with my neurologist at my next appointment. My pain never lets up and during pain flares clothes and laying down are hurting my legs. I know that I need meds, my doctor said that it’s inevitable, but I know my options will be limited. Just wondering if anybody else has experience with anything close to this.

Hi all, I live in Arizona and just had a situation of a Hawk in my backyard killing and eating the heart of a Cooper’s Hawk. I didn’t get an ID on the other one, but it was a good deal bigger. I’ve never heard of this happening before and was wondering if anybody had any insight on why this would’ve happened? The one that was killed was a female juvenile, I’m not sure about the other one as it flew away before I could see.

Edit: Just got confirmation, the other Hawk was also a Cooper’s hawk.

Starting this off by saying that I struggle with SI and SH. Not proud of it, I’m in therapy, I’m working on it. I’ve been doing this grounding thing that consists of me walking to a nearby circular park and walking it until I feel safe enough to go home. I usually walk three circles, then head home. On Monday I was having a not-so-great night, so I went to said park and walked 2 circles. It was pretty late, around 0430-0500. I have a playlist that totals about 2 hours that I listen to. I remember getting a little over halfway through my playlist when my app stopped working; It has a glitch sometimes when it’ll just continue to only play one song and nothing else will work. I didn’t feel like dealing with it, so I decided to shut it off and head home. The sun was coming up and I always enjoy seeing the sunrise over the lake near my house, so I stopped to just stand and watch it for a little bit. I couldn’t have been there for more than 5 minutes. After taking a deep breath and restarting my trek, I got a notification from my doorbell camera. That was followed by 50+ DMs, texts, calls, the works. Mostly from my friends, but a lot of calls from my mom wondering where I was. I called her back and she started yelling at me telling me she was at my door and that she was about to call the cops. (That’s what my doorbell notification was) It’s now 0711 on Wednesday. I told her that I was at the park doing my circles and she said that she went there and couldn’t find me. I have no fucking idea what happened. I’m on IV nutrition, I do one bag a day. I have an extra bag, so I WAS gone. But I feel fine. And usually even if I start my bag even an hour late, I’ll feel like crap. I’m so confused. My friends and family thought I offed myself. They were terrified.

I wish I had an answer or an explanation, but I don’t. I’m just as confused and upset at everyone else. I feel this dread over not knowing what the hell happened.

I have had a port for going on 3 years. I’ve always been told that if I stick once and it doesn’t go in/it’s crooked/not flushing, that I can try one more time before having to get a different needle. Recently I was told that this should never be the case and to report whoever told me that. But I’ve been told the same thing by probably 20 practitioners. I’d appreciate some insight on what the correct information is if anybody can provide it!

I turn 20 in 2 days and I live with my mom. I’m chronically ill and have been since I was 11. She broke up with her boyfriend of 13 years and couldn’t afford a place on her own, so we found a new place (I lived on my own at the time) and moved back in together. We split rent and she helps me and I help her, we are pretty co-dependent. (We both know it isn’t the healthiest, we’re working on it.) I self harm very inactively and she knows. We don’t talk about it because I see a psychiatrist and am managing well. Yesterday I cut myself deep and had to go get stitches. I left and got back before she woke up. It was my first ER trip without her and first time processing insurance on my own. She will know because she gets emails. I have to tell her before she gets notified that the billing went through; I have no idea how. To anybody that may be able to give me any advice in the slightest, I beg for it. PLEASE be straightforward. I really do not know how to go about this.

I turn 20 in 3 days. I cut myself sometimes. It’s not a big deal, really. Just once, maybe twice a month. It used to be a LOT worse, but I’ve gotten better mentally and physically, so I never really do it anymore. This morning (around 4:30) I cut myself deeper than I ever have and I panicked. I’ve lost a bit of weight recently since it’s summer, so the bone in my arm protrudes a bit and I think that’s what tripped me up. I wrapped a red sweatshirt around my arm and drove myself to the ER. By the time I got there, it wasn’t bleeding anymore, but I got stitches. The doctor numbed me and said 3 would be good, so I now have 3 stitches. I needed to get home before my mom woke up (I live with her), so I lied and said I did it on accident cutting an avocado. I don’t know if I should tell my mother or not. I don’t know if I should tell my friends or not. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m more scared NOW than I was while bleeding on my carpet. Any words of advice are very much welcome, encouraged, and appreciated.

I turn 20 in 3 days. I cut myself sometimes. It’s not a big deal, really. Just once, maybe twice a month. It used to be a LOT worse, but I’ve gotten better mentally and physically, so I never really do it anymore. This morning (around 4:30) I cut myself deeper than I ever have and I panicked. I’ve lost a bit of weight recently since it’s summer, so the bone in my arm protrudes a bit and I think that’s what tripped me up. I wrapped a red sweatshirt around my arm and drove myself to the ER. By the time I got there, it wasn’t bleeding anymore, but I got stitches. The doctor numbed me and said 3 would be good, so I now have 3 stitches. I needed to get home before my mom woke up, so I lied and said I did it on accident cutting an avocado. I don’t know if I should tell my mother or not. I don’t know if I should tell my friends or not. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m more scared NOW than I was while bleeding on my carpet. Any words of advice are very much welcome, encouraged, and appreciated.

I do primarily event photography and currently shoot with a 42.5mm f/1.2 lens. I find that the fixed focal length is really limiting and I’m not sure where to go from here. I reeeeally value a wide aperture because of how bumbling the events I do usually are. Does anybody have any zoom lenses they like with f stops on the lower end for a G85?

I do primarily event photography and currently shoot with a 42.5mm f/1.2 lens. I find that the fixed focal length is really limiting and I’m not sure where to go from here. I reeeeally value a wide aperture because of how bumbling the events I do usually are. Does anybody have any zoom lenses they like with f stops on the lower end for a G85?

I know that Great white is fine and dandy, but I can’t find any statements from Alex anywhere. If anybody has links to anything, PLEASE let me know!!

I went to a neurologist for the first time in a decade on Friday. (He was awesome) He left me with 13 tests to schedule, 2 of which i don’t have numbers for. I did 2, had a panic attack, cried, then fell asleep on my floor. I’m so crazy overwhelmed and every time I go to call an office to schedule a test, I start to cry. I’m just so sick of being sick. And I know that these tests will help in the long run, but FUCK is it stressing me out. I’m 19 years old. I should be able to schedule a damn MRI without breaking down. I’m just frustrated with myself and don’t want to bother my friends or family with my medical crap. (Advise, mean/kind/any words are welcome btw. If I need to be told to get it together, please let me know.)

I’ve got a G85 and have been debating upgrading to a G9. I LOVE the size, weight, and the way the g85 shoots. Can anybody that’s shot with both tell me if the upgrade is worth it in your opinion? I usually do portrait or snapshot photography and my go-to lens is f/1.2 42.5mm. I was thinking of getting a lens with a wider zoom range so photographing m&g/autographing would be easier, but was advised against it due to the color grading.