u/Silent_Buyer9830

hi, i wrote an entry earlier and bunch of people seen it but nb answered so ima ask again and hopefully someone will respond.

to sum it up, i’m in a loving helpful relationship where i feel loved and understood but recently (for no reason at all) ive been falling out of love and wanting to isolate (not just from my boyfriend but from everyone). i have so much unnecessary anger , sadness and grief built into me i just wanna be alone and sad fucc everything. for reference i have bpd and bipolar 1.

i dont wanna leave him because i love him and care a LOT about him (on top of him going through his own legal issues currently so i wanna be there for him the way he always is for me). right about now i just feel misunderstood, irritated and trapped i dont want any connections (i see them too much as responsibilities which i dont have the energy for) and most days I dont even want to be here. what should i do ?

hi, i wrote an entry earlier and bunch of people seen it but nb answered so ima ask again and hopefully someone will respond.

to sum it up, i’m in a loving helpful relationship where i feel loved and understood but recently (for no reason at all) ive been falling out of love and wanting to isolate (not just from my boyfriend but from everyone). i have so much unnecessary anger , sadness and grief built into me i just wanna be alone and sad fucc everything. for reference i have bpd and bipolar 1.

i dont wanna leave him because i love him and care a LOT about him (on top of him going through his own legal issues currently so i wanna be there for him the way he always is for me). right about now i just feel misunderstood, irritated and trapped i dont want any connections (i see them too much as responsibilities which i dont have the energy for) and most days I dont even want to be here. what should i do ?

hello all,
pretty much i’m in a good loving like situationship (working on dating) but after a recent shift in moods, i think i wanna be single. i don’t mean to lovebomb or be a piece of shit but in the beginning after finding out my bestfriend liked me back i felt like i was mf dreaming i was so lit / hype and happy cause he really is everything 2 me. he comforts me, im usually comfortable with telling him everything, he makes more than enough efforts, he a homebody like me and he helps me without even trying. for reference i have bipolar and bpd idk if what im feeling is contributing to that or if im just a piece of shit (also TW took a shit load of pills rn to feel high so bare wit me). i still love him and i feel not even bad but devastated that i feel this way anyways but i feel like i wanna be single. i’m at a point in my life where i feel so disappointed in everything including myself, feel like i can’t trust anyone but myself and i genuinely just wanna be alone like ALONE (or possibly d!e, whatever is clever).

i love him so much and ive showered him with love these past few months so i feel bad that lately i been distant or not really interested in what we have going on. i feel so sad and angry that im numb and it’s not at him it’s just how i feel atm. no matter how many times i apologize i can’t stop myself from seeming like i don’t give a fucc ab him when i do i just idk what i just but i feel so bad, i do love him.

so please , i need you guys analogies i feel like a piece of shit the one time im actually being treated right and suddenly i wanna dip out versus all the other pieces of shit that i clinged onto like they were my lifeline. i love him , i love his family and vice versa (if im usually that correctly but i mean the feeling is mutual between him and his family towards me), our families even love each other we grew up so close almost like siblings so he pretty much knows me knows me.

i just hate that im getting this feeling especially since he’s at a low point himself dealing with legal stuff and his own mental warfare im sure from the stress and i dont feel like it’s appropriate for me to tell him what im feeling cause it’ll only make it worse but i also dont want him to think im playing him or fell out of love with him because I honestly dont feel like i have , ive just fallen out of love with life itself and dont have a care in the world for anything not even myself. plz help and take care <3

hello all,
pretty much i’m in a good loving like situationship (working on dating) but after a recent shift in moods, i think i wanna be single. i don’t mean to lovebomb or be a piece of shit but in the beginning after finding out my bestfriend liked me back i felt like i was mf dreaming i was so lit / hype and happy cause he really is everything 2 me. he comforts me, im usually comfortable with telling him everything, he makes more than enough efforts, he a homebody like me and he helps me without even trying. for reference i have bipolar and bpd idk if what im feeling is contributing to that or if im just a piece of shit (also TW took a shit load of pills rn to feel high so bare wit me). i still love him and i feel not even bad but devastated that i feel this way anyways but i feel like i wanna be single. i’m at a point in my life where i feel so disappointed in everything including myself, feel like i can’t trust anyone but myself and i genuinely just wanna be alone like ALONE (or possibly d!e, whatever is clever).

i love him so much and ive showered him with love these past few months so i feel bad that lately i been distant or not really interested in what we have going on. i feel so sad and angry that im numb and it’s not at him it’s just how i feel atm. no matter how many times i apologize i can’t stop myself from seeming like i don’t give a fucc ab him when i do i just idk what i just but i feel so bad, i do love him.

so please , i need you guys analogies i feel like a piece of shit the one time im actually being treated right and suddenly i wanna dip out versus all the other pieces of shit that i clinged onto like they were my lifeline. i love him , i love his family and vice versa (if im usually that correctly but i mean the feeling is mutual between him and his family towards me), our families even love each other we grew up so close almost like siblings so he pretty much knows me knows me.

i just hate that im getting this feeling especially since he’s at a low point himself dealing with legal stuff and his own mental warfare im sure from the stress and i dont feel like it’s appropriate for me to tell him what im feeling cause it’ll only make it worse but i also dont want him to think im playing him or fell out of love with him because I honestly dont feel like i have , ive just fallen out of love with life itself and dont have a care in the world for anything not even myself. plz help and take care <3

hello all,
pretty much i’m in a good loving like situationship (working on dating) but after a recent shift in moods, i think i wanna be single. i don’t mean to lovebomb or be a piece of shit but in the beginning after finding out my bestfriend liked me back i felt like i was mf dreaming i was so lit / hype and happy cause he really is everything 2 me. he comforts me, im usually comfortable with telling him everything, he makes more than enough efforts, he a homebody like me and he helps me without even trying. for reference i have bipolar and bpd idk if what im feeling is contributing to that or if im just a piece of shit (also TW took a shit load of pills rn to feel high so bare wit me). i still love him and i feel not even bad but devastated that i feel this way anyways but i feel like i wanna be single. i’m at a point in my life where i feel so disappointed in everything including myself, feel like i can’t trust anyone but myself and i genuinely just wanna be alone like ALONE (or possibly d!e, whatever is clever).

i love him so much and ive showered him with love these past few months so i feel bad that lately i been distant or not really interested in what we have going on. i feel so sad and angry that im numb and it’s not at him it’s just how i feel atm. no matter how many times i apologize i can’t stop myself from seeming like i don’t give a fucc ab him when i do i just idk what i just but i feel so bad, i do love him.

so please , i need you guys analogies i feel like a piece of shit the one time im actually being treated right and suddenly i wanna dip out versus all the other pieces of shit that i clinged onto like they were my lifeline. i love him , i love his family and vice versa (if im usually that correctly but i mean the feeling is mutual between him and his family towards me), our families even love each other we grew up so close almost like siblings so he pretty much knows me knows me.

i just hate that im getting this feeling especially since he’s at a low point himself dealing with legal stuff and his own mental warfare im sure from the stress and i dont feel like it’s appropriate for me to tell him what im feeling cause it’ll only make it worse but i also dont want him to think im playing him or fell out of love with him because I honestly dont feel like i have , ive just fallen out of love with life itself and dont have a care in the world for anything not even myself. plz help and take care <3

i feel so down and in the dumps. i been taking Risperdal and Effexor for some time now and ended up feeling so empty and not necessarily numb but not whole either. it blocked me from being able to let out emotions, my “ happiness “ felt like a front because I wasn’t truly happy and I had so much emotional and mental turmoil on the inside that I felt like the medz physically didn’t let me express. psych told me to up my dose and from there I got really sick and nauseous so I stopped taking them and I recently got some Geodon today.

from this point on TW:
these past 5 days have been shit. panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares, i drank yesterday and broke my nic streak so that fuckn sucks i was happy for a bit tho until i blacked out. i swallowed my whole prescription of Ativan in one day because nothing helped my anxiety and i don’t know what was going thru my brain.

idk what’s triggering me or what’s causing me so much pain and it bugs me. i’ve been overly annoyed and anxious and angry. sleep hasn’t been for me until i drank due to the nightmares and panic / anxiety attacks that i get at night. TW: me and my boyf were talking about a week ago about my past trauma (SA) and it made me think the worst of the worst , i feel like i’m grieving. on another note TMI i am on my period so that can be part of the slob but i feel completely out of wack. even when i hit the gym i just feel angrier and more annoyed which creates a barrier between my mind to muscle connection.

TW AGAIN.. my therapist recommended PHP or inpatient and idk if im at that point yet. everything in me wants to go to inpatient but idk if im overexaggerating and i’ll be fine in a week. i am getting strong self harm and su!c!dal thoughts especially today the only keeping me from doing things is listening to music and trying to distract myself with Reddit but it’s not promised. i feel like complete shit. i can’t stop crying and grieving over the life I could’ve lived before my trauma and how I’ve wasted so much of my life being angry and sad. when will it end ? i have nothing , i feel like nothing. side note : i have bipolar 1 and bpd and im honestly feeling both between the extreme emotions, the splits/ episodes, the thoughts, etc. it’s just becoming too much. help me.

hey guys, i’ma make this short. lately I been feeling like I’m kinda falling into not sadness but depression. it’s hard for me to cry so I haven’t been able to but sometimes I find myself not really wanting to wake up or getting thoughts like that. i’ve been hitting the nic and before I could take breaks but now it’s hard. my last nic is completely dead and says it’s out of juice and I’ve still been hitting it out of desperation of being able to feel something. i don’t wanna become a nic feen (barely started hitting nic this year) and i have more nics but i keep tryna resist the urge to open one and just blow this last one out. it feels like i’m torn in two.

what should i do ? how do i battle this rising addiction ( I’ve already stopped smoking weed for months , i recently drank , no other vices and i’m medicated with an antipsychotic and antidepressant though i feel like something is missing from my med list because i don’t feel as good as i know i can and it’s been months on the same dosage). how do i beat these crippling feelings and stop hitting the nic ? i wanna open one so bad :(

have any of you guys ever been on remeron/ mirtzapine before and if so what were your results ?

hey guys, i’ma make this short. lately I been feeling like I’m kinda falling into not sadness but depression. it’s hard for me to cry so I haven’t been able to but sometimes I find myself not really wanting to wake up or getting thoughts like that. i’ve been hitting the nic and before I could take breaks but now it’s hard. my last nic is completely dead and says it’s out of juice and I’ve still been hitting it out of desperation of being able to feel something. i don’t wanna become a nic feen (barely started hitting nic this year) and i have more nics but i keep tryna resist the urge to open one and just blow this last one out. it feels like i’m torn in two.

what should i do ? how do i battle this rising addiction ( I’ve already stopped smoking weed for months , i recently drank , no other vices and i’m medicated with an antipsychotic and antidepressant though i feel like something is missing from my med list because i don’t feel as good as i know i can and it’s been months on the same dosage). how do i beat these crippling feelings and stop hitting the nic ? i wanna open one so bad :(

hey guys, i’ma make this short. lately I been feeling like I’m kinda falling into not sadness but depression. it’s hard for me to cry so I haven’t been able to but sometimes I find myself not really wanting to wake up or getting thoughts like that. i’ve been hitting the nic and before I could take breaks but now it’s hard. my last nic is completely dead and says it’s out of juice and I’ve still been hitting it out of desperation of being able to feel something. i don’t wanna become a nic feen (barely started hitting nic this year) and i have more nics but i keep tryna resist the urge to open one and just blow this last one out. it feels like i’m torn in two.

what should i do ? how do i battle this rising addiction ( I’ve already stopped smoking weed for months , i recently drank , no other vices and i’m medicated with an antipsychotic and antidepressant though i feel like something is missing from my med list because i don’t feel as good as i know i can and it’s been months on the same dosage). how do i beat these crippling feelings and stop hitting the nic ? i wanna open one so bad :(

as someone with bipolar .. HOW DO YOU DETTACH ?? i feel so attached to my reality and the people in it .. i just wanna break away. I’m tired of heartbreak. i’m tired of disappointments. i don’t want a relationship (anymore at least). don’t wanna depend on or be attached to friends and family. i just wanna ride it out alone.

TW: but i been having some deep thoughts lately that led me to $h(ing) today. just feel like i would be better off not having connections and just fading away. i just got out of rehab in Feb. i was doing so good then here came the crash. nothing seems promised. no connection, no goal. everything feels like it’ll all fade away and i’ll be alone again. it’s hard for me to believe that the people in my life actually love or care for/ about me. it’s hard to believe i’m not a burden. life really is difficult man.

ugh i wanna be high so bad. life is so flat and unappealing. i mean i’m grateful to be alive don’t get me wrong but i just can’t seem to find the plus side of it yet.

for some background, i just got out of rehab in around feb (the end of feb to be exact) and at first life was alright, good actually. i got out of a year long manic / mixed episode, sober, was working at and everything and then suddenly there was just a crash. med changes. feels/ felt like i’m tugging myself through life and through my day to day responsibilities. TW but, sh ideation.

it feels like nothing is enough for me. i miss being high , i say with this old unopened nic looking at me. i miss how it felt to feel something.

i was doing so good. great even. but i always find a way to go backwards. taking my meds consistently turned to hardly taking them at all, haven’t had an appointment with my therapist in 2 or 3 weeks cause I been so busy and im scared for the upcoming one this week cause we’re unpacking ( TW) sexual trauma. closest friend is in jail. can’t get out of bed. can barely eat. i feel so much grief , but so numb at the same time. it feels like i only go backwards.