u/Silent_Buyer9830

hey guys, i’ma make this short. lately I been feeling like I’m kinda falling into not sadness but depression. it’s hard for me to cry so I haven’t been able to but sometimes I find myself not really wanting to wake up or getting thoughts like that. i’ve been hitting the nic and before I could take breaks but now it’s hard. my last nic is completely dead and says it’s out of juice and I’ve still been hitting it out of desperation of being able to feel something. i don’t wanna become a nic feen (barely started hitting nic this year) and i have more nics but i keep tryna resist the urge to open one and just blow this last one out. it feels like i’m torn in two.

what should i do ? how do i battle this rising addiction ( I’ve already stopped smoking weed for months , i recently drank , no other vices and i’m medicated with an antipsychotic and antidepressant though i feel like something is missing from my med list because i don’t feel as good as i know i can and it’s been months on the same dosage). how do i beat these crippling feelings and stop hitting the nic ? i wanna open one so bad :(

have any of you guys ever been on remeron/ mirtzapine before and if so what were your results ?

hey guys, i’ma make this short. lately I been feeling like I’m kinda falling into not sadness but depression. it’s hard for me to cry so I haven’t been able to but sometimes I find myself not really wanting to wake up or getting thoughts like that. i’ve been hitting the nic and before I could take breaks but now it’s hard. my last nic is completely dead and says it’s out of juice and I’ve still been hitting it out of desperation of being able to feel something. i don’t wanna become a nic feen (barely started hitting nic this year) and i have more nics but i keep tryna resist the urge to open one and just blow this last one out. it feels like i’m torn in two.

what should i do ? how do i battle this rising addiction ( I’ve already stopped smoking weed for months , i recently drank , no other vices and i’m medicated with an antipsychotic and antidepressant though i feel like something is missing from my med list because i don’t feel as good as i know i can and it’s been months on the same dosage). how do i beat these crippling feelings and stop hitting the nic ? i wanna open one so bad :(

hey guys, i’ma make this short. lately I been feeling like I’m kinda falling into not sadness but depression. it’s hard for me to cry so I haven’t been able to but sometimes I find myself not really wanting to wake up or getting thoughts like that. i’ve been hitting the nic and before I could take breaks but now it’s hard. my last nic is completely dead and says it’s out of juice and I’ve still been hitting it out of desperation of being able to feel something. i don’t wanna become a nic feen (barely started hitting nic this year) and i have more nics but i keep tryna resist the urge to open one and just blow this last one out. it feels like i’m torn in two.

what should i do ? how do i battle this rising addiction ( I’ve already stopped smoking weed for months , i recently drank , no other vices and i’m medicated with an antipsychotic and antidepressant though i feel like something is missing from my med list because i don’t feel as good as i know i can and it’s been months on the same dosage). how do i beat these crippling feelings and stop hitting the nic ? i wanna open one so bad :(

as someone with bipolar .. HOW DO YOU DETTACH ?? i feel so attached to my reality and the people in it .. i just wanna break away. I’m tired of heartbreak. i’m tired of disappointments. i don’t want a relationship (anymore at least). don’t wanna depend on or be attached to friends and family. i just wanna ride it out alone.

TW: but i been having some deep thoughts lately that led me to $h(ing) today. just feel like i would be better off not having connections and just fading away. i just got out of rehab in Feb. i was doing so good then here came the crash. nothing seems promised. no connection, no goal. everything feels like it’ll all fade away and i’ll be alone again. it’s hard for me to believe that the people in my life actually love or care for/ about me. it’s hard to believe i’m not a burden. life really is difficult man.

ugh i wanna be high so bad. life is so flat and unappealing. i mean i’m grateful to be alive don’t get me wrong but i just can’t seem to find the plus side of it yet.

for some background, i just got out of rehab in around feb (the end of feb to be exact) and at first life was alright, good actually. i got out of a year long manic / mixed episode, sober, was working at and everything and then suddenly there was just a crash. med changes. feels/ felt like i’m tugging myself through life and through my day to day responsibilities. TW but, sh ideation.

it feels like nothing is enough for me. i miss being high , i say with this old unopened nic looking at me. i miss how it felt to feel something.

i was doing so good. great even. but i always find a way to go backwards. taking my meds consistently turned to hardly taking them at all, haven’t had an appointment with my therapist in 2 or 3 weeks cause I been so busy and im scared for the upcoming one this week cause we’re unpacking ( TW) sexual trauma. closest friend is in jail. can’t get out of bed. can barely eat. i feel so much grief , but so numb at the same time. it feels like i only go backwards.