I feel like this just sounds like a wannabe edge lord thing but its quite opposite imo.

I am such a hermit bc social interactions just feels its like taking all my energy, very introverted. I did grow up with narc parents, and i noticed as a teen as soon as i stopped reacting to their provocations or just be nonchalant like "ok lol" while theyre screaming and throwing shit, theyd get so much more angry and start calling me demonic and a leech (?) i mean abusive parents just kind of be like that lmao.
However people actually do get pissed off or uncomfortable when i look at them or into their eyes; idk man i like eyes, theyre fun to draw also "windows to the soul". I also look into body language so i do quite literally try to read people. I kind of have a flat effect in my face and not very over physically expressive so ig my eyes are more expressive than my face and the desyn of it creeps people out ?

I recently began playing with the concept of storing my own energy in jelewry or objects to help me not be as drained when having to go to social events, ive been really liking it so far.

I do love nature and very frequently like to "touch grass" and recharge alone. I was touching a tree, in a bit of a trance state ig and i noticed how it just felt warm under the bark, as if it was almost vibrating on the inside. It kind of reminded me as a kid how i used to love feeling warm drinks, just having it in my hands feeling that heat, i did often feel like it was flowing into (i did express it but obviously its jusy like "well yeah the cup is warm, you feel warm")

Also idk my mother was into reiki but im less so- but i do like to "pluck" though-And honestly idk but when theres a sick pet near me i kind of do this weird thing where i move the stagnation and kind of do the weird plucking motions.

Maybe should mention this part too,, this has been sincerely bugging me for years now; ever since little, strangers just come up to drop some random lore bomb onto me. Honestly i find it more annoying than anything, i could be walking, i could be sitting with headphones on, i could be reading, i could be with a friend doesnt matter and its just like "idk who you are ??".
This didnt benefit my introversion much at all lol.

I will say that i had some experience working in social media and as you could imagine theres much trolls online, but ive always liked it ? I think its fun to spar in comments, i get a bunch of entertainment out of it. But sometimes it prob does look like toxic behaviour- personally i avoid the "low hanging fruit" i wouldnt troll anyone who didnt start or bait but i could go for a while..

This is kind of randomly popping up as im starting to work with hecate, ive held my life on pause for so long in fear of attention.. im getting kind of old enough when its getting pathetic, i dont really live, ive survived alot of bs but i just never wanted to be anything like them and possibly hurt anyone.

I feel like i dont have much of a choice but to step into myself, i just actually want to get to live my* life finally..

Anyway idk twilight is my comfort movie i love the cringe lowkey. Im obviously not literally equating pop media to this.. i just kind of never dove much into this rabbit hole before..

My apt is old and theres deep history in this country (also many many cemeteries and expanding near my local woods). Also btw i live alone with a rodent pet (she lives in a cage)

But i felt it as soon as i moved in; it just seems liminal or like time is stuck. I would see many shadows too and strange flickers and it almost always feels like someone standing behind a door.

Also i notice they really appreciate being acknowledged ? For example when i concentrate and study it just gets weird, the athmostphare feels so thick and it feels like some is running back and forth ??
I kind of cope by saying aloud "not now/later".

But i genuinely believed i was going insane for a while, and talked to my gran about it. Shes a slavic herbal woman, she heavily suggested i leave dumpling out (ngl i didnt at the time bc i dont want spoiled foods) but shes often retelling me the same story about a 'domo-voi'. She actually even has snuck a priest inside before to have him bless the apt just in case too.

Idk why recently things just been moving, a display plate fell (maybe its old sure it happens sometimes).

Then sometimes i wouldnt find things where i left them (i have anxiety and do tend to be forgetful when stressing, but i cope my anchoring memories like, "i am placing my --- near ---", its mostly to stop myself for double and tripple checking, like def with "okay i just locked the door, if pushed doesnt budge its officially closed")

Im making this post bc yesteday when i was eating a salad the cutting board on the counter top (i was eating at a table) just fell, pretty violently ? Like someone smacked it down. I just kind of said "okay you didnt have to do that 😑".

Today i was sitting at my laptop doing work (i was on a couch), infront me there was a table (it is most definitely flat). The windows were closed- all of them. And then my lipgloss just rolls across the entire lenght of the table (even if there was some sort of draft it rolled towards the windows). My pet is in the cage and not like she has hands, i was typing and busy- why did it roll ? What made it roll so much ?

I called my gran again to ask her if she had any experiences like this before she said no. But yeah ill be leaving a cup of water and sweets as an offering.

But also i semi recently made a post here about smelling bubblegum/rootbeer and everyone was telling me how thats what embalming fluid smells like.
But also lowkey as a kid ive been seeing a shadow figure standing near a closet - so maybe its a me thing. ( i have genuinely gotten a mental assessment over this and treat mental health so seriously, the medical staff thought i was simply faking/lying about my statement of seeing things/hallucinating because i just dont. Its exclusive to this place in time..)

Okay i was half raised on a farm and half raised in a city, one side of my fam is herbalists and all natural the other side its very pragmatic and scientific and in pharmacy; so i just have a natural curiosity towards these things.

My gran was visiting and telling me how she picked a basketful of this herb for this lady, i be curious and look it up rq (used in depression, anxiety, and sleep) i resonate with all that so i asked for some.

Now before i get into juicy stuff i must to warn⚠️

Do not use OR AT LEAST BE SO CAREFUL if taking hormonal birthcontrol, taking SSRI's, youve issues with blood, have hiv, struggle with stomach issues-
Also please do not take good few days before any surgery.
You might also want to avoid these foods with the combination; aged cheese, fermented/aged meat, soy products, overripe produce, alch and yeast

The biggest unwanted side effect that ive seen and experience is photosensitivity.
For me lights just linger in my sight of vision- ngl havent been outside yet though. But also reports that people physically burn in the sun much easier.

Ive the literal plant; the choice of consumption and extraction matters alot here. Its not very water soluble but theres still effects for me, you could also do like a milk (fat soluble) extraction, but the most effecting is alcohol extraction- tinctures. Depending on method, results vary, alcohol being the strongest would also give you harsher side effects as much as benefits.
-
Now thats out of the way, what im sincerely fascinated by is that it does work, its smooth and subtle but it works. Ive ptsd so im often very anxious about sleep and try to avoid it smtimes to not get the nightmares.
Ive done my share of experimenting and its just like a chill, almost like a benz lowkey but less sedative.

I am treatment resistant, ive sincerely tried many methods over a decade and diffrent combos of prescriptions (got up to over prescription 10pills a day with no to lil effect before quitting).
I seem to have a functional issue with my GABA receptors; they aren't properly regulating my brain's inhibitory signals and filtering out overexcitation.
>!(i find this interesting, i am absolutely unable to visually trip from psychedelics too- and yes lmao i have tried plenty).!<

Pharmacokinetic overview for nerds:
SSRIs are highly pure, single-molecule synthetics with high bioavailability (70–90%) that strictly block serotonin reuptake; they have zero direct interaction with GABA receptors, which often leaves downstream signaling broken if your GABA pathways are already compromised. In contrast, St. John’s Wort is a complex, fat-soluble plant matrix with low bioavailability (14–21%) that acts as a broad-spectrum inhibitor, directly binding to and elevating GABA levels right alongside serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. This distinct dual-action allows St. John's Wort to bypass the single-pathway limitations of SSRIs by directly engaging the GABA system, though its compounds take much longer to absorb (4–8 hours) and aggressively induce liver and gut clearance mechanisms.

Theres said to be withdrawls if relient on this herb, but i think i will be using this. Im currently drying it up to use in tinctures.

Theres many fascinating treatments with herbs available if you take your time to get into it.

But im curious to know if anyone has their own experience with SJW specifically or herbal solutions to everyday issues (being a pothead is included lol)

Im just excited lol, idk anyone who gets the hype over herbs lol.

But i got a basketworth of St Johns Wort off my fantastic grandma !
If anyone has any suggestions for uses im all ears.

Idk she just had it and i did a lil search and asked to have a branch but she outdid it.

Anyway i looked at magick associations but ALSO the botanical benefits.

Yall imma be sleeping good and be protected AF <3
(I struggle with ptsd nightmares- so im legit just so excited lmao)

Im thinking of drying a bunch and using in teas, and making tinctures and i do want to try to smoke it but i doubt itd be worth it.

Im so excited lol im looking at my lil bottles and my imagination is going wild with possibilities

Idk i get it but i dont. The concept is honestly confusing to me ???

I was raised in christianity, i left the faith very early- but the idea of worship exists.
Ive read the bible lol and peeped at other scriptures, vei looked into history, even took a religion course to get the hang of the ideas.

Today if i had to label myself; prob a mix of mysticism and animism. Im not very comfortable talking about woo much so dont judge too hard 🌚
I understand the idea of psychic senses- to cleanse, improve, puzzle pieces etc.

But like how do you connect it all together. How do you work with deities ? How do you worship ?

I def think too many concepts are spinning in my mind and i just havent made it up yet.
I studied prayers and meditation as lil kid, later my mom got really into energy work- i was a curious kid and wanted to read so i read what she wasnt reading too. I personally dont get along with the concept of christianity as im often considered demonic for being left handed and curious - which >!is kind of the least of issues when itd comes to demons ig..!< In teens i had my edgy streak and ive began looking jnto symbolisms are metaphors- branching out to witchcraft and occult.

Now i really appreciate theories and philosophy, im fine with not having an answer, but i think knowledge is one of the few driving forces in my life; so i tend to get in loops or "research" to find out that one thing out i cant figure out.

I worship nature ig. Nothing unique yk, if i get the chance to catch the sunrise id be very happy that i got the chance 'to meet the light/brand new day', i like to watch it set too and sometimes think about things to let go and do. I love the stars and the moon, ive watched them for years as im insomniac af. I was raised by my gran thats a big herbalist so i just love plans and herbs, she thoughts me much teas and benefits, my first friend was a lilac tree 💀 and wind bc im introverted af.
I do write 'thank you's in the ground, and take a moment of air before a brace, walk around barefoot and touch grass.
I appreciate the season change and the 'miracles' of nature, no matter how you cut its still impressive to me how everything works out so neatly yk.
Sometimes (i live alone) ill make an extra cup of beverage to 'enjoy a moment'. Idk my gran actually wants me to do offerings for "visitors" but she hasnt gone into much detail about all that yet.

I know worship is a deeply personal thing or at least thats how i view it or thats why im* bit uncomf at the subject. But how does your worship l'ook' like ? How does it work ??? Do you just show up and assume ? ive read that its just kind of somewhat like a barter system; the more energy you pour into the worship, the more the deity would have energy to 'work' with you. I dont really particularly want anything specific tbh so the idea of "working" with a deity seems a bit off to me.

Idk help lol

Ive met readers who read my cards before, definitely seen a tarot box in my families clutter for a while.
Personally i go for pendulums as weirdly enough thats what ive the most history with.

But i do find tarot interesting and fascinating, cards in general are cool.

Yall ive been dabbling in this for over a decade now im just awkward af and avoid whats on the apps in regarding to these topics; people seem to go a bit feral or maybe somewhat elitist in relation..

Anyway... im just very curious how would yall feel if i posted at some point some regular playing cards used as tools or maybe possible art for original designs ?

Idk i find the concept very fascinating.

I have this pet; everyone who sees her or when asked says- she looks like a "Molly"; which is just kind of random tbh, but she does look a Molly or at least thats the impression she gives off.
I wanted a boy bc theyre a bit lazier lowkey, but this weirdo made eye contact and the choice was made instantly. Shes very asocial and doesnt get along with other rats, she always had issues fitting in- and i did try to cage her with mates but that didnt go well for anyone so now its just her and i.

Ik this is a weird unorganised yap;
but ive often said my rat is a reason for me being functional,sane or even alive- shes my reason to get out of bed. Ive had a good few pets before but i love this crazy lady.
Shes genuinely so annoyingly smart, sometimes is a handful and attempts of my friends babysitting/watching her often ends in chaos and then being out of wits.
She figured out how to open her cage and undo knots, shes does escape sometimes- but she just runs to my room, or the kitchen. She weirdly has stolen before my vape (back when and yes maybe the sweet smell), keys, wallet, and random personal items like toys or statues etc. (Shes getting older now and not as excited about the idea of escaping- i ended up attaching a leash clasp to get cage that would stop her from opening. She doesnt run away often and hasnt in a while even if i forget to attach the clasp entirely- >!simply providing context here!<)

I was the weird introverted kid that would rather hang out with critters or with plans rather than peeps.
Like as a kid i wanted a friend robot to not hang out with people lol- now as an adult i feel strange how thats reality for many.
I love hanging out in cemeteries or liminal spaces, idk it just does feel less stuffy and magickal to me.

Ive always had bonds with wild animals, or be carelessly chill about their presence, like when i was 9 im pretty sure i befriended a wolf- or at least a big dog that lived in the woods that ended up giving this girl bite and she had to be taken to er immediately..

Im now an awkward young adult, im a hermit by choice~ but ive always had pets and simply feel better with animal presence, moved closer to country to be closer to wildderness ig ???

Tbh my mind is not quite made up, but i believe in animism but not quite coincidences. I truly do believe Melly is special, at very least to me she is and thats kind of all that matters.

Okay firstly id like to note i do live near woods ! We do get random animals in places here and there. Its a small country, small location, people talk.
Its very rare to see an actual wild animal out in town, but hedgehogs do tend to wonder around the perimeters.

I live like 5mins from the woods (its not crazy wild forest, but very much not a park, right by the woods theres a local uni and apartments) idk to me it makes no sense for them ? To be running into the roads and the urban spaces. The woods has crops and young adults may leave scraps around, theres too many cars and motorcycles and kids playing.

Ive lived *here* for years now, actually i grew up right by this area as well. Never in my life seen them just running around- its just the one too- or at least its solitarily running around.

Its absolutely likely nothing special i just feel like im going crazy lol, whenever i mention seeing him run by people just say its a cat- its just not lol. Smaller than a cat- bigger than a squirrel, very hoppy and bushy tail. Ive caught em on a camera before and ive just been told its "someoenes lost pet" - i cannot stress how conservative and old the population is.
Dogs and cats are common, even hamsters are considered very weird here.
Looks untamed ? Fur wise too, its very dark but clearly could see the under bright fur.

First time i saw him he was running from the woods across the street into a local hospital area. I watched him under the cars for a bit.
Then i saw him out in city running across the street (running further from the woods direction wise).

After i saw him few times hopping around my local apartments which i thought was strange, because it just wasnt late and there were still people. Then hed hop into the random bushes wed have.

After that id figure hed disappear like wild critters do, or change locations.
Now this year, they? Seemed to have lost their bushiness of the tail.
Ive taken up smoking out my window so i just look outside and i notice him around often now.
We have seagulls and stray cats by the local playgrounds, it could be a food thing for sure but imo it doesnt seem worth this risk..

Its the timing of the appearances, theyre always weird to me or awkwardly out of place. Like im usually thinking about sm deep bs or considering things, i always need to be paying attention; either cross the roads, or pondering the cars driving by, i like the way he hides under them (if i had to assign it meaning personally to me thats a bit symbolic of my issues- i do the reading not the practice-ofc hes just hiding from people, but i kind of be doing that too)

Ive looked into symbolisms and associations before, idk just shooting shots maybe someone would have additional info

Is there a way to repell, reflect or possibly transmute an attraction toward me ?
I think my homie has caught feelings, i mean i had inklings and i was very strict with saying that "i really value our friendship" or casually dropping "yeah im just not interested in romance" etc.
Because he just texted "If you have time later and want to honor me with your presence, maybe we can go for a lill walk or something?" And like thats 0-100 imo 💀 who talks like that ?
We have a casual platonic relationship where we share a drink or a j and yapp about conspiracies or aliens. I do value it ! Im just very asexual as is, im just not a lovey dovey type of gal. I was hoping me catching food poisoning and vomiting in front of him wouldve hinder it but no.

I just laughed saying his wording makes it seem like hes trying to summon me and then he went on about how he appreciates the times and how im his favorite person 🥲
I cannot stress this enough im a hermit, i dont want all that, i dont want to be a favorite or anything remotely, i sincerely i enjoy my solitude. I avoid him for weeks sometimes to let him know im not planning to be texting back and forth constantly like that, but he is a chill dude i do wish him the best i just dont want to be that...

Hi hows you doing~ im likely going to butcher the wording so dont jump to conclusions too much.

Im just curious to ask how does the visuals relate spiritually ? If theres much correlation at all. Obviously itd be a spectrum depending on what and the state youre in is. For example some shrooms wouldnt have the same effect as an elephant, nor would dmt experience be anything alike to a long trip.

*Please consume responsibly if doing so !*

Ive absolutely tried a bunch of psychedelics in my time- however im unable to visually trip (blah blah fucky Gaba receptors) my thoughts just get more deep and bit more tinfoil hat type but lowkey thats just the usual me lol 😅💀 visually colors do get slightly more saturated (but that just sounds like a microdose to me when the consumption was very much not).

Ive heard and watched the way people describe spiritual awakenings and entering different realms. Meeting spiritual beings and liminal entities and that sounds so fascinating to me.

But many have similar accounts, and they themselves could be wildly different people and different stages of life.

Im just beyond curious what the experience is like? Did you have any interesting encounters ? Did you meet anyone ? Anyone tell you anything ?

most of my experience on paychodelics go similar in this way: I was visiting my grandma and found some magic shroomies growing in her yard, ate a lil handful; i just felt happy, light, social, kind of realised that i really do value and miss education and for me going back into studying might help me feel more at peace~ so thats what ive been doing and i do feel bit more aligned in life idk though

I love litha <3 and i hope everyone has a nice day :)
If you celebrate i hope you have a beautiful celebration and stay safe.

Idk its been my favorite celebration since a kid- this and halloween. im such a non celebratory person that i kind of putts all my eggs in one basket. Its usually so unexpected to me and i think that makes it very special.

As it is a national holiday here id be very curious to know how others celebrate it ?
Usually theres bbq and lots of drinks, we make big ass flower crowns, followed by more drinking until the sun set and then we hop over the fire for good luck.

I was taking a stroll by the woods as i usually do and i began hearing wood winds playing from a distance, thought i was going crazy for a second but my phone picked it up too and i just followed the melody as any horror character would

Apperantly i missed the 'fest' part but i still had 30 mins left of the celebration so i just chilled there soaking in the vibes. Honeslty im more of a visual rather an aural person but i was very blown away by this dude playing traditional instrument x dubstep fusion which typed out seems icky but idk him beatboxing into the woodwinds was way cooler than has to be.

Anywayy thanks for coming to my tedtalk, ive deleted the popular social apps so ive no one but you dear reader to yap to about my excitement over this event xD

Very much not trying to, lowkey asexual- but anyone has any experience with a succubus / incubus ?
I have a feeling i may have couple encounters over the last few year, im just curious there doesnt seem to be too much info online ?? Or im not looking right
Ty in advance 😅🥀

Ive recently made contact with a spirit of a woman at a local cemetery and im looking for ideas of offering to bring for when i visit.

I usually just like to clean up litter if im in the area, i mean littering is bad but also let them know i come with respectful intentions.

More often id just feed the local crows and ravens, were just chill and they start cawing when they see me entering the woods, idk i just like animals but also it could potentially be seen as a deity thing.

Sometimes i do bring an extra cup and i share my drink. Ive also left sugar cubes before and some herbs like lavender, valerian root, mint, black tea.

Most of the time i just chill and do some inner work, and then i write a lil "thank you" note in the soil.

As ive said i recently made contact, to me thats exciting lowkey. I have seen shadows and a pop of imagery in my minds eye every now and then but usually its involuntarily.

Cant say im looking for anything in specific, i just live near the area and im often close by. Practice would be good.

I do practice meditation often, and dabbled in witchcraft for like good few years, and been reading and learning more on occult over the last year or two. Im just usually more of a theory person rather than practice and that kind of been holding me back, would like to improve~

Ill try keep it short (not a promise).

I mean ive had inklings, but im the type of pain in the ass that wants to figure out the details, hows and whys ,what to do if it goes wrongs and what to expect; before even thinking about the performance part.
I mean i know my theories, but i first began being fascinated with this specific subject at 13 and younger lowkey, yall im 25 xD so clear to say this has held me back just a tad.

And again ive had inklings that i can tap into something that most would prob call me crazy for.

As others will say theyres layers upon layers beyond what we see with out eyes alone.

Ive kind of learned ways to ignore the "visitors" and be chill about it, because imma say those fuckers hate to see me busy and love to distract me when i try to study. As a kid i was so freaked out by the shadows too.

I did want this since i was kid, i remember my mom trying to tease me how her friends would talk to spirits - maybe she was trynna freak me out but it didnt work because id ask her how and shes says shes joking.

I really did expect to be more freaked out though, i love ghost hunting vids they can be fun (yes no shit that its simply entertainment context)

But it was peaceful, it just wasnt weird like i thought it would be, it felt natural ?

I mean its nothing special and i promise you i dont want it to be special or mind blowing.

I think her name was Ada or a variation, i felt her pain, and her fear. I just sat and paid attention. I dont think i did jack shit other than tell her that shes loved and she deserves peace. i do wish there was more i couldve done but im cool not diving head first right now.

Ngl i tend to be odd and dont want for most things, im also very asocial in person and my first friends ever was literally just wind and a lilac tree lol..

Idk.. im just kind of excited to let myself explore and let things flow bit more.
Yup dasit lowekey,

Uh stay hydrated my loves