u/Sparrow-Thought-9681

Hi guys! My aunt says that Hawaiian style shirts are better suited for when going on vacation, not for casual wearing.

I personally could go to a bar or everywhere except formal places in a Hawaiian shirt. But I am also a little bit autistic and have zero sense of fashion.

What do you think?

How can I regain their trust? I didn't directly wrong them, but indirectly. I reported something that was done poorly to our boss, however, I didn't report the person, but what we found upon arriving at work. I didn't report this person "behind their back" because we couldn't have possibly known who it was. Again, only what we encountered: a mess at work. And our boss forwarded the email to the person who left the mess. They didn't get a warning, they just received that email as info, as a reminder.

One night we were sitting together having a drink when one of the coworkers said she received an email about the mess. I admitted in front of everyone that it was me who wrote that report. She was disappointed, and I was sad. I tried to explain to her the situation.

If I went back in time I'd have done it differently. I'd have maybe sent a kind reminder to our group chat.

How can I show that my intentions weren't bad? I simply care about doing a good job.

Any of you deal with something like this?

I just care about harmony amongst people. I don't like confrontation. I don't like arguments. I want people to smile, laugh and have a good time, and to relax.

While I am aware I will never be everyone's cup of tea, there's an aspect of being perceived in a positive light that I seem to be overly preoccupied with in my life. I don't know if this is the result of some trauma, or it's just my personality.

Either way, I am also aware of the fact that not everyone is good to be around us. Not everyone is good. But I still like to see the good in people... even in the worst of people...

The uncertainty of a person having a negative view or understanding or perception of myself, such as them thinking I have bad intentions, is another level of psychological suffering for me. It tears at my soul more than anything else... especially when to my face they say "everything is alright" but behind they still gossipy. Even after I apologized to them. I know I can't control someone else's grudges but it feels scary to think that someone has a grudge against me.

Whenever there's a wholesome moment in my life such as a coworker congratulating me for my work or admiring my work or a positive feedback I can't help but start crying. It got better but still happens sometimes.

Either something has to be terribly wrong with me or... I don't know what to believe.

I just feel like anything positive that happens to me is undeserved and I just experience a version of reality where good things happen to me that is not what I was supposed to experience...

Let's say I accidentally spilled a bit of hot water, like a few tiny drops on a coworker while trying to make a coffee. I swear it can drive me to tears. It hurts me more to think about their pain than my own pain. Even after apologizing a thousand times and them telling me it's alright I still feel the pain in my heart.

🥺

If you got a really bad vibe from someone, say a coworker and you just want to stay away as much as possible from them, is it too harsh to block them on Whatsapp and stuff like that?

I noticed something out of nowhere.

I used to be a heavy coffee drinker where I'd drink 5, 6 or 7 coffees a day. On top of that at times I'd indulge in other sugary drinks.

Then one day I decided: fuck it! No more coffee. Just to see how I feel. One morning I also felt the weird need to drink lemon water. Just because.

I swear one month later what I thought was a bunion or gout got significantly smaller, not only on one foot but on both feet!

Try sugarless lemon water + no coffee for a month. If it don't work, at least you tried.

Could it be a placebo? Absolutely. But I've been eating and drinking sugary stuff lately (no coffee) and I didn't get a gout flare, which I was so surprised about.

It's interesting because it's the complete opposite of what it's written on the internet, that coffee helps gout. In my case my gout stopped after I stopped coffee. At least for now. I hope it stays this way.

I feel terrible anxiety when I make a mistake at work if lots of people were witnesses to it. It makes me feel incredibly stupid, even if it's a minor mistake.

How do I deal with this?

Do most people have a reaction like "this person's an idiot" or do they think it's normal to make a mistake sometimes?

Let's say that someone asks if a request can still be made today because until a certain X day of the month you can make a request. To which someone replies with "yes" and someone else also says the same. However, other people's request got denied because the deadline wasn't complied with. In other words, there is a shared misunderstanding on the group with some people saying that until X day you can still submit the request while others say that you can only submit it until Y day.

Those whose request got denied do they think the other ones who said yes are idiots? Is this how they perceive this mistake?

I'm starting to think my overthinking isn't necessarily something bad. I feel protected when I think. When I don't think at all is when I feel like something could be wrong.

I am aware some of my overthinking reaches lands of "unnecessary thinking" but I am also aware that it can help me by providing an extra layer of safety. It's usually around making sure things "work properly", that's the best way I can describe it.

Another reason I started to look at it from a positive light is that media constantly bombards us with the narrative that "overthinking is bad". Says who? Exactly. Them.

Some days I feel like my coworkers like me, others I feel like they don't. Reasons range from being ignored when saying hi to them, to hearing gossip behind my back occasionally, to being cold towards me.

On our group chat I recently said something funny/lighthearted and many people found that funny. I was surprised. I didn't expect so many positive reactions to it.

How do I cope with the fact that some coworkers simply won't like me no matter what?

I love 1991. Godtier DnB.

Some people find me funny, even hilarious just by saying normal stuff. I'm not sure if it's my voice or the lack of expression on my face when I say stuff. I can seem overly excited about situations with a O_O face. At times people find funny my tone of voice, which may sound too serious. Other times I say philosophical stuff, basically thinking out loud which makes people burst into laughter, even if I was far from trying to be funny.

Like, seriously, I am terrible at getting jokes or making up jokes, but I do have a rich creativity for stories.

Is being unintentionally funny a neurodivergent thing?

What do you think?

I don't fit into the autistic stereotypes. Some of them I do, others I don't. But I still feel that neurotypical persons don't deal with what I deal with regularly.

But I may not be autistic, I may just be me.

Example: My room has to be perfectly tidy otherwise I can't sleep or relax there. It applies to any kind of indoor rooms.

Could live off eating feta cheese and fries for an entire year every day. Why? I just love this combination.

Super clumsy all the time. I have to be aware of where my arms and legs are in space to avoid hurting myself randomly.

I hate getting dirty or my clothes getting dirty and I hate touching stuff from the ground, if I do I feel the need to wash my hands immediately. And so on and so forth...

Again, it could just be my personality, though curiosity is begging me to get tested...

I'm curious how other infjs view friendships.

I'm not talking about family friends. I'm not talking about friends that live far away from you that you were once in constant contact with years ago and now that you moved somewhere else you started talking less to them.

I don't have what the majority of people understand by friends. And when I say friends is people that I am constantly in touch with when I am home, to plan stuff and such. I get along with a lot people, I'm an easy going, smiley person, but friendships for me have always been something so tough to understand.

Am I friends with someone if we laugh together at work? No. Should I consider someone a friend if I invite them to visit my city? Maybe. But even then, it might just be a coworker that I get along with really well. And there's a level of trust there.

Are there people in my life that consider me their friend? Probably yes. Do I consider them my friends? Hard to say. If we only interact at work, for me it's just a work relationship, not a friendship. Anything outside work, has the potential to become a friendship.

Somehow I've learned to live my life without friends. For me it would even be a big stress in my life to have a lot of friends.

Hi fellow INFJs,

Honestly I don't know a better place where I could ask this but here in goes. It could be a link to MBTI.

For me, personally, friendships are deeply personal and involve trust and mutual respect, beyond work duties.

Both at work and in my personal life I am that kind of easy going, smiley person that tends to get along with everybody, simply because. I enjoy my job and I like to socialize occasionally. However, my job's nature is highly extraverted, even though I am an introvert.

I realised that some people think that just because I treat them nicely, speak nicely and am helpful at work they automatically consider me "their friend". While I don't have an issue with that, it becomes an issue when they have certain expectations from me and people only create those expectations in relationships.

I am super reserved outside my job, tend to keep stuff to myself. I'd only consider real friends outside the job. Not saying that friendships at work aren't possible, but it's tougher to connect at the job, especially when you work with different people every single day.

How do you feel about this? At times for me it's extremely stressful because people create expectations about me or assume some sort of deep friendships when I was polite and considerate.

Am I the issue? Does it make sense what I say?