u/StrikingLock2448

It seems like each generation is getting taller. The average height in canada use to be 5’9 and now it’s 5’10. Among gen z, the average height is around 5’10.3.

It seems like the average height in Canada might be 5’11 soon. Seems like it’s on that trajectory.

As a 25m Canadian 5’9 man, this kinda sucks. Especially since i’ve always been insecure about my height because everyone else in my family is above 6’1 (my brother is 6’1, dad is 6’2, mom is 5’4 and all my younger cousins are well above 6’3). I’ve always coped by telling myself that i’m average height but not anymore.

I’m bald too which sucks. I can’t cure my baldness because it’s alopecia areata and you can’t get a hair transplant and minoxidil doesn’t work for autoimmune hairfall.

I feel like I could’ve grown to 5’10 or 5’11 if I had better habits (nutrition, sleep, etc) growing up. I had a tendency to sleep late on school nights and never ate a lot but never starved myself and I grew up in a financially stable middle class family.

My mom’s brother is 5’10.5 and his parents are 5’6 (grandfather) and 5’3 (grandmother). I’m the shortest younger generation individual in my family.

I’m also south asian, so my grandparents grew in India with different living conditions. I grew up in Canada, so technically I should be taller.

Am I cooked dating wise and is it likely I stunted my growth?

I’ve been thinking about this lately and I genuinely don’t know if I’m actually noticing something or if I’m just being insecure lol. I’m in my mid 20s and I’ve met a lot of millennial women who have been through some pretty difficult stuff, like broken families, divorce, bad relationships, etc. And it feels like some of them eventually build this really strong identity around being “healed,” emotionally intelligent, having strong boundaries, knowing their worth, being empowered, whatever. Some even become life coaches and stuff. And maybe it’s just me, but as someone who’s pretty sensitive and empathetic, I sometimes feel like there’s an ego underneath it. Like they’re confident, but not necessarily relaxed. You can almost feel their boundaries when you’re around them. I don’t even know how to explain it properly. It just feels like there’s this rigidity there sometimes, like they still have a lot of shit they’re carrying but they’ve built this identity around being fully healed.

What makes me think about it more is that I know women who have also been through a lot and they’re just chill. Like obviously they have boundaries, but that isn’t their whole personality. They’re just normal, relaxed people. And I’ve noticed something similar with some moms and how they raise their kids. They’ll talk a lot about raising their kid to be emotionally intelligent, confident, self aware, etc. and sometimes they get really rigid about it. Then the kid ends up having a pretty big ego and the mom sees that as confidence. And I’m just like, is that actually emotional intelligence? Because sometimes the kid just seems like a normal kid with a big ego lol.

I think about myself because I also came from a broken family and I was always a really sensitive person. I never really had a huge ego growing up and nobody was sitting there teaching me about emotional intelligence or boundaries. I just kind of became really aware of people and their emotions because I had to. So sometimes I wonder if there’s a difference between actually being emotionally aware and making “I’m emotionally aware” part of your identity. Because I feel like those are two different things. You can be confident and still have a huge ego. You can have boundaries and still be difficult to be around. You can be “healed” and still have a lot of unresolved shit.

But idk, maybe this is all me. Maybe I’m just intimidated by women who are more confident than me. Maybe I’m insecure and I’m reading their confidence as ego. I honestly don’t know. I’m not saying this is every woman who’s been through trauma or every millennial or whatever. I just keep noticing this specific type of person and I can’t tell if I’m actually picking up on something real or if I’m just projecting my own shit onto them.

I talk with a lot of people and share my insights. But I know some individuals, especially within my family, who will find a reason to disagree with anything I say. Like sometimes they’ll ask me a question like “You were on a diet before right? Why did you stop your diet?” and you give a reasonable answer, inferring that it was difficult getting protein (btw this diet was meat/fish free, dairy free, gluten free, sugar free. And I’m vegetarian). And they respond with “well not necessarily”. Like what?

Or they’ll ask you about your job and goals, and then proceed to test your logic, saying “really, is that all you care about?”. Almost like they’re tryna test you with a slight smile on their face.

I know that disagreeing is a normal part of conversation, but some people do it all the time. Almost like they’re tryna test find every opportunity to disagree with something I say. Idk it makes me feel small.

Am I doing something wrong? Do others not respect me? I also feel like i’m doing something wrong, because if i were doing something right, they clearly wouldn’t disagree with me as often.

I’m 24m and have a professionally tested IQ of 83. I was diagnosed with a math learning disability and mild autism, though nobody can tell that i’m neurodivergent. This is difficult to deal with, especially as a south asian with highly intelligent family members.

Whenever I play monopoly, trivia, or am attempting to learn the rules of a new board game with my younger cousins, I look like an idiot because I do significantly worse than them. And before y’all say that i’m overthinking, this is one example out of the many times I look stupid relative to them.

As a result of this, I walk around with a chip on my shoulder. I feel like all my relatives think i’m “slow”. My brother has an IQ of 120, and he calls me “low IQ” on a regular basis. He says that most people aren’t that smart, but they’re usually smarter than me. Also, nobody else in my extended family has said anything negative about my intelligence, but I feel like they think it. Especially since all my younger cousins are extremely intelligent compared to me, especially the ones 10 years younger than me. It stings. Many of my cousins went to uni for stem, meanwhile I went to college for design school. Also, design school doesn’t require much intelligence to do well in.

I do well career wise, working as a UI Designer. But it’s gonna be an uphill battle trying to find a wife. Most women, especially south asians, want a competent, intelligent, and educated man. Not someone like me. Also, having kids would be selfish of me because I carry poor intellectual genetics.

As a result of this, I’m preparing to live my life as a chronically single man. This will consist of living alone, limited dating life, staying in shape, doing hobbies which I love, and levelling up in my career. My career is the only piece of leverage which I have in order to gain some of my family’s respect. Without that, i’m probably nothing in their eyes. I don’t even really have any friends anymore.

My overall lack of intelligence is making me pretty resentful and I’m gonna stop showing up to family functions as a result of this. If they think i’m stupid, good, they never need to see me again. Smh.

Just an observation, but I’ve noticed how so many of my uncles stopped showing up to family functions once they reached their late 20s.

I would see them a lot when they were younger, but now, it’s been over a decade since i’ve seen them. Many of them do well in life too.

Why is that?

I feel like if you really wanna test someone’s character… look at how they treat individuals who aren’t as socially dominant as them. If they find every opportunity to make a joke directed towards them, that probably means they’re insecure and masking their own issues.

Y’all agree?

Hey i’m 24m. I grew up in a broken family, i’m mildly neurodivergent and struggled with school, went bald at a young age because of alopecia and I’m only 5’10. I developed chronic low self esteem as a result of this. My only decent physical trait is that i have a somewhat above average face card and i’m a genuine, kind person.

Despite my disadvantages, I hit the gym, joined social hobby clubs, built solid savings, secured a respectable corporate job, and upgraded my style. I started exuding more confidence at family gatherings, but for some reason I still feel like they treat me the same. Like for example, I drive all the time but they assume I never do or don’t know how.

My cousins are all exceptionally tall (like 6’4-6’8), academically gifted, confident, come from a wealthier/more stable household than me, and overall have an effortless dominant presence compared to me.

I feel like other family members treat me differently than them. I also feel like some of them probably think something along the lines of “Shit, he’s really unfortunate and his genetics aren’t good. But atleast he’s a nice guy”. Nobody in my family has negatively commented on my looks before, but I feel like they do. Also, this one woman in college told me: “you’re bald at a young age and you’re not even that tall, how would you ever find a gf?”.

Some of my cousins also make condescending remarks towards me. They frame it as teasing, but to me it just comes off as constant nitpicking about how I do things. It gets under my skin and hurts my ego.

I don’t understand?? I’m doing everything right? What do i need to do in order to be respected? I feel like my looks are the problem. If i was taller and had hair they would probably treat me better smh

I lowkey feel like going ghost for several years and then showing up to family functions again with a better lifestyle and “fuck you money”. Then they’ll probably treat me better and respect me.

I’m 24m and lately I’ve been thinking about how fake social interactions can actually be.

I’ve always been the type to just be completely honest about my life. I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’m a virgin, I don’t drink, etc. I never really cared about those milestones and I’d never judge someone else for not having them either.

But I’m starting to realize that a lot of people actually do judge you for these things. And honestly, the more I’ve exaggerated or lied about small things in my life, the more respect I seem to get. That’s been a really weird thing to realize as an adult, especially after constantly hearing “just be yourself” my whole childhood from teachers and authority figures.

I see it with some of my cousins too. They all say the right things, treat certain people differently based off who’s in the group, make sure to tell others that they’ve had a gf before (even if they haven’t), and exaggerate their experiences. And everyone naively respond to it positively. The second they meet someone who doesn’t fit that mold, they call it “weird”. When in reality, the only person making it weird is them. Whats funny is that they pride themselves off being more mature because of their life experiences, yet they act shocked whenever anyone else’s lifestyle deviates from their idea of “normal”. Idk it just seems overly performative and competitive.

Meanwhile, I’ve always thought “why would I pretend to be someone I’m not? It’s inauthentic and unethical”. But my from pov, it’s starting to seem like being fake is actually rewarded socially.

So now I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m just unusually self-aware about this, or if everyone else realizes it too and simply doesn’t care. Should I also start lying about stuff? And am I being too ridgid for refusing to play along?

Any of y’all familiar those who are usually in their 30s, and have a habit of giving out unsolicited advice?

I’m 24m and probably do better than these people when they were my age. Yet, they act as if they’re the ones with all the answers/insight. When in reality, most of them peaked in college, hold regrets from their past, didn’t lock in during their 20s, work a job which they don’t like, or are in an unhappy marriage.

They usually look confident, dominant on the surface, show minimal emotion and they’re kinda dry to talk to unless they’re trying to give advice or challenge you on something. They’re also kinda hard to read, and you’re left wondering whether they’re judging you. Idk man, they just don’t seem very personable to talk to.

I used to give these kinda people the benefit of the doubt, assuming that maybe i’m just being insecure.

But nah, these people are definitely masking insecurity or are envious of me in some kind of way.

I have dyscalculia and mild autism. I took a professional iq test, and my visual memory is 1 percentile. Whats weird is that my visual spacial was average.

Is low visual memory and dyscalculia linked to each other?

I also scored poorly in fluid reasoning, with an 86iq in matrix reasoning and 76iq in figure weights. It says online that dyscalculia usually doesn’t affect matrix reasoning tho

I’m confused. Anybody able to offer some insight?

Hey i’m 24m. I took a professional iq test, and it turns out my fluid reasoning IQ is 76 and my processing speed IQ is 83. I also have mild autism and dyscalculia.

I don’t really have much experience with women, but I’ve always struggled with being witty/ flirty on the spot. I also struggle with anxiety and low self esteem.

I read online that fluid reasoning and processing speed play a meaningful role in flirting/being witty, making it easier to rapidly process new information and pivot/expand on jokes or teases.

After seeing that my iq scores in these areas are that low, i’m in disbelief.

Not sure if my dating life is gonna significantly suffer because of it. Does anyone relate?

When I was 16, I did an iq test, administered by a professional. I scored 83iq with a spiky profile and was diagnosed with mild autism and dyscalculia.

I scored an 85iq on matrix reasoning and a 76iq on figure weights. This lead to my overall fluid reasoning score to be a 76iq.

I’m 24 now, and while I do well in life overall, both career wise and financially, I beat myself up over the smallest slip ups. Unlike normal people, I never seem to pick up on things easily. It’s beginning to become a self loathing issue. Also, I’m never sure whether my slip ups are normal or if there’s something wrong me.

For example the other day, I was paying for something and the card reader was vertical, therefore I tried paying by facing my card vertically when tapping. It didn’t work and the cashier wasn’t sure why. Then, my friend told me to move the card horizontally, and it worked. I’m still self loathing over how dumb I was during this.

I also freeze whenever something unusual is presented to me. For example, my parents installed a new set of blinds, operating on a modern mechanism which I was unfamiliar with. I was asked to open it in front of family members and I had no clue how to open it. Everyone else knew how to open it, despite them never using it before.

Are these normal people mistakes or is there something else at play here?

I wonder if its because of my low fluid reasoning iq score. I can’t get over how dumb I feel all the time. I feel like an idiot. And my iq test confirmed that I’m not intelligent.

There are numerous other occasions where stuff like this happened too. And others just tell me that i’m normal and being too hard on myself. But I disagree with them because my fluid reasoning score was low.

How can I continue living my life with these issues? Eventually this will lead to ruined relationships and public humiliation due to looking dumb.

So i’m a 24m south asian man living in canada. I want to glow up mentally. I’m tired of not living to my full potential.

Basically, I struggle with rejection sensitivity and self hate. I have an iq of 83 (professionally tested), alopecia (i’m fully bald at 24 and cant grow a beard because of it), 5’10 in a Punjabi family where everyone is above 6’3, and I’m neurodivergent (mild autism and dyscalculia) in a family where everyone is a genius, and I did pretty bad in school growing up. My 10 year old cousin is smarter than me. I often feel like he thinks i’m slow. It stings.

I have a great job, developed solid savings for my age, stay physically active, attend hobby clubs, and dress well.

Despite all this, I still feel extremely insecure, especially during family gatherings. I take it personally whenever family members disagree with me and I internalize condescending remarks too much.

Since I’m a neurodivergent, I often struggle with tiny novel tasks, like closing a modern set of blinds or understanding certain instructions. Judging by the look of my family members faces, they probably think i’m dumb.

A month ago, my grandfather asked me to fix his parking job. He gets high anxiety whenever anyone drives his car so he started to panic before i could barely do anything. Then my cousin laughs and says that it doesn’t look like I have my full licence. It stings because I drive all the time. I still think about it everyday.

I wake up everyday thinking about all the encounters where others potentially saw me as an idiot and I feel resentment. I wake up angry almost everyday because of it and I feel like my family thinks i’m an idiot.

I’ve went to multiple therapists and nothing has worked. All of the therapists which I’ve seen just nod and validate my feelings. But I want actual insight on how to change. Therapy kinda felt like talking to a wall. I would open up and get no real insight in return.

I wanna become confident, I wanna succeed in my dating life, and I wanna be someone my family respects.

Everyone on this sub says to work on yourself but i’m afraid that it won’t work given my genetics. I believe that self improvement and confidence takes a baseline level of IQ which I simply don’t have.

Any advice?

So i’m a 24m south asian man living in canada. I want to glow up mentally. I’m tired of not living to my full potential.

Basically, I struggle with rejection sensitivity and self hate. I have an iq of 83 (professionally tested), alopecia (i’m fully bald at 24 and cant grow a beard because of it), 5’10 in a Punjabi family where everyone is above 6’3, and I’m neurodivergent (mild autism and dyscalculia) in a family where everyone is a genius, and I did pretty bad in school growing up. My 10 year old cousin is smarter than me. I often feel like he thinks i’m slow. It stings.

I have a great job, developed solid savings for my age, stay physically active, attend hobby clubs, and dress well.

Despite all this, I still feel extremely insecure, especially during family gatherings. I take it personally whenever family members disagree with me and I internalize condescending remarks too much.

Since I’m a neurodivergent, I often struggle with tiny novel tasks, like closing a modern set of blinds or understanding certain instructions. Judging by the look of my family members faces, they probably think i’m dumb.

A month ago, my grandfather asked me to fix his parking job. He gets high anxiety whenever anyone drives his car so he started to panic before i could barely do anything. Then my cousin laughs and says that it doesn’t look like I have my full licence. It stings because I drive all the time. I still think about it everyday.

I wake up everyday thinking about all the encounters where others potentially saw me as an idiot and I feel resentment. I wake up angry almost everyday because of it and I feel like my family thinks i’m an idiot.

I’ve went to multiple therapists and nothing has worked. All of the therapists which I’ve seen just nod and validate my feelings. But I want actual insight on how to change. Therapy kinda felt like talking to a wall. I would open up and get no real insight in return.

I wanna become confident, I wanna succeed in my dating life, and I wanna be someone my family respects.

Everyone on this sub says to work on yourself but i’m afraid that it won’t work given my genetics. I believe that self improvement and confidence takes a baseline level of IQ which I simply don’t have.

Any advice?

So i’m a 24m south asian man living in canada. I want to glow up mentally. I’m tired of not living to my full potential.

Basically, I struggle with rejection sensitivity and self hate. I have an iq of 83 (professionally tested), alopecia (i’m fully bald at 24 and cant grow a beard because of it), 5’10 in a Punjabi family where everyone is above 6’3, and I’m neurodivergent (mild autism and dyscalculia) in a family where everyone is a genius, and I did pretty bad in school growing up. My 10 year old cousin is smarter than me. I often feel like he thinks i’m slow. It stings.

I have a great job, developed solid savings for my age, stay physically active, attend hobby clubs, and dress well.

Despite all this, I still feel extremely insecure, especially during family gatherings. I take it personally whenever family members disagree with me and I internalize condescending remarks too much.

Since I’m a neurodivergent, I often struggle with tiny novel tasks, like closing a modern set of blinds or understanding certain instructions. Judging by the look of my family members faces, they probably think i’m dumb.

A month ago, my grandfather asked me to fix his parking job. He gets high anxiety whenever anyone drives his car so he started to panic before i could barely do anything. Then my cousin laughs and says that it doesn’t look like I have my full licence. It stings because I drive all the time. I still think about it everyday.

I wake up everyday thinking about all the encounters where others potentially saw me as an idiot and I feel resentment. I wake up angry almost everyday because of it and I feel like my family thinks i’m an idiot.

I’ve went to multiple therapists and nothing has worked. All of the therapists which I’ve seen just nod and validate my feelings. But I want actual insight on how to change. Therapy kinda felt like talking to a wall. I would open up and get no real insight in return.

I wanna become confident, I wanna succeed in my dating life, and I wanna be someone my family respects.

Everyone on this sub says to work on yourself but i’m afraid that it won’t work given my genetics. I believe that self improvement and confidence takes a baseline level of IQ which I simply don’t have.

Any advice?

So i’m a 24m south asian man living in canada. I want to glow up mentally. I’m tired of not living to my full potential.

Basically, I struggle with rejection sensitivity and self hate. I have an iq of 83 (professionally tested), alopecia (i’m fully bald at 24 and cant grow a beard because of it), 5’10 in a Punjabi family where everyone is above 6’3, and I’m neurodivergent (mild autism and dyscalculia) in a family where everyone is a genius, and I did pretty bad in school growing up. My 10 year old cousin is smarter than me. I often feel like he thinks i’m slow. It stings.

I have a great job, developed solid savings for my age, stay physically active, attend hobby clubs, and dress well.

Despite all this, I still feel extremely insecure, especially during family gatherings. I take it personally whenever family members disagree with me and I internalize condescending remarks too much.

Since I’m a neurodivergent, I often struggle with tiny novel tasks, like closing a modern set of blinds or understanding certain instructions. Judging by the look of my family members faces, they probably think i’m dumb.

A month ago, my grandfather asked me to fix his parking job. He gets high anxiety whenever anyone drives his car so he started to panic before i could barely do anything. Then my cousin laughs and says that it doesn’t look like I have my full licence. It stings because I drive all the time. I still think about it everyday.

I wake up everyday thinking about all the encounters where others potentially saw me as an idiot and I feel resentment. I wake up angry almost everyday because of it and I feel like my family thinks i’m an idiot.

I’ve went to multiple therapists and nothing has worked. All of the therapists which I’ve seen just nod and validate my feelings. But I want actual insight on how to change. Therapy kinda felt like talking to a wall. I would open up and get no real insight in return.

I wanna become confident, I wanna succeed in my dating life, and I wanna be someone my family respects.

Everyone on this sub says to work on yourself but i’m afraid that it won’t work given my genetics. I believe that self improvement and confidence takes a baseline level of IQ which I simply don’t have.

Any advice?

Heyoo. I have high functioning autism and dyscalculia with an iq of 83.

Despite all that, I feel pretty average most of the time, nobody can tell that I have autism based off my social skills and I have a good job. I often get told that my iq score is inaccurate.

I feel like most people with autism generally have a high IQ, so I kinda feel like an anomaly. And I honestly feel kinda dumb most of the time (working on my confidence).

Anyone else on here relate?

I’m 24m and think that dating is stupid and performative asf. But unfortunately, I need to play the game if i want anything beyond a platonic relationship with a woman.

So how do you flirt as a man and avoid giving off friend vibes around women who you date? I’m not a witty person so I cannot come up with jokes on the fly.

I’m honestly surprised at how many young men have gfs, like are y’all just very witty because I cannot come up with flirty jokes or comments to save my life.

I just genuinely wanna get to know a woman for who she and share a connection, but it seems like men that do this are supposedly giving off “friend vibes”.

I’m genuinely surprised with how many men go along with this whole dating system and never question how dumb it is lol

So how do i play this dumb dating game and actually build a romantic connection with a woman without giving off friend vibes?

I’m 24m and some of my cousins never say anything outright rude to me but they take almost every opportunity to tease me about something that I do. It kinda gets under my skin. Anybody else relate to this or is that just me? It seems kinda targeted towards me specifically sometimes.

Am I the issue? Is this common in the south asian community? (I’m proud to be a south asian regardless but i’m just curious)

I tend to be more sensitive and less outwardly ego driven, so i understand that sometimes that can come across as having weaker boundaries. But aside from some low self esteem issues (which i try my best to mask), I do well in every other area of my life.

I just brushed off the condescending treatment as them being an insecure bitch. But should I give them the benefit of the doubt? Maybe i’m the issue because nobody else seems to have an issue with them?

Yo i’m 24m but when i was 22, my cousins and I were playing pool at bar and a good looking caucasian woman around my age approached me. She and her brother kept showing me pool techniques and she was straight up flirting with me in the most obvious way. She shook my hand, kept approaching me, teased me, touched me a little, giggled, and waved at me.

I was kinda confused because i don’t consider myself ugly, but i’m a regular, skinny, shy, virgin, brown guy with glasses who was dressed pretty normally. But she was actually attractive.

Idk i’ve never had that happen to me, I was in disbelief lol