u/SugarPuppyHearts

I wanted to go outside.

And it was raining. My mom told me it was raining hard. I checked for myself. It was hard, but not that hard. Hard enough that you can hear it though.

And then I heard God told me it's going to stop soon.

I decided to wait. I just waited outside the door.

And instantly. In like.. a few minutes. It stopped raining.

That's amazing. I was so impressed. I started singing. I worship you, almighty God. There is none like you.

Now no matter what you believe about God. I'm just sharing as a Chirstian Mystic Universalist. I am one with him, just like Jesus is. We are one with God too.

(By the way I live in Saipan, so if you been following the weather at all, this feels very significant to me. Thank you. )

I'm looking for songs that focus more on relationship than theology. (Jesus is my boyfriend songs. Songs that some people criticize lol. )

Maybe something like some well known ones like, Goodness Of God, In The Garden (I love this song the best. ) (I love the chorus of Sing to the King. ) Jesus Lover Of My Soul. Oceans, God will make a way, Nothing is impossible, You Are My All in All, He Knows My Name, waymaker, I Keep Falling In Love With Him

I can literally sing to God all day, so I'm just looking for songs that would touch my heart. Anything would awesome! I just need something that is easy to sing.

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Thank you! God bless!

I'm currently working on the progressive goal structure in the JM sub, well kinda, not completely. Lol. My main focus is millions, but I am doing targeted goals so that when I get my millions, I'll know how to manage it and not spend it all and go crazy.

So anyways,

Today I was sad because the first lawyer didn't believe in my case. I realize now I needed to work on my pitch, I didn't express myself clearly. I looked up her concerns and realize it doesn't really apply to this situation. But what made me fully realizes she's not the lawyer for me, when I was sharing other people in the room about Jesus words about faith, she wanted me to shut up and just go straight to the point. She told me to get a second opinion and it's always a good thing.

This made me realize that even if she does change her mind, she's not the lawyer for me. I needed someone who believes in God. Or at least believe Jesus words.

Anyways I was a little sad for the setback. I wanted to buy a little coloring paint by number to cheer me up. But I know I only had $9 in my bank, and I know that I still need to give $5 for my friend's book to help support them.

Anyways. I asked my mom for it and she told me I have money and buy it myself. And I said I only have $9, and I still need to buy the books from my friend to support them. And then she asked me if I checked my account. So I decided to do it.

I checked my balance and it had $500 deposited. The exact amount I was manifesting.

I told her. You gave me money? She never ever just randomly gives me that large amount of money. Never. Maybe if I have a good case like I am having a really hard time like how I was when the wedding was pushed back she'll get me a big gift if I ask her to. Like on January, I was sad about the canceled engagement, and I asked her if she can buy me a steam deck, with the money she was suposed to spend on the wedding, and she bought me a steam deck..a month or week later it went out of stock and now the price is high, so it was like a blessing in disguise. And now the wedding is back on track thanks to manifesting. So just a small detour for the steam deck I wanted.lol.

Anyways I got the exact $500 I wanted without even asking her. It made me feel happy that even though I had one bad thing happen with the lawyer, God is still with me. I feel like whenever I have setbacks in my life, like I experince once failure, then I get one win.

And the one win is something that I wasn't seriously working on. Lol.

My Method:

Last week my partner came over and we slept on the bed together cuddling, and while I was falling asleep I was telling him I'm doing my prayer method for 500. And I was doing SATs as we fell asleep together. It was so comfortable to just sleep in the same bed together.

I think on and off I would imagine myself holding money while I was in that sleepy drowsy state. My intent was $500. I only had like $9 in my bank that time. I didn't seriously work on this consistently cause I was working on my main goal..

It's so amazing how it happened! I wasn't even trying. I kinda forgot about it. Now time for the $1,000!

This is not a success story this is just basically Neville Goddard Imagination Creates Reality in action..for better or for worse I guess. 🤣

So I been going through a rough period. I am suffering from trauma after an individual sexually exploited and groomed me years ago.

I keep feeling I want to have sex with him, even though I know that's trauma talking. I decided to imagine it, feeling the full desire of it and just fantasy. I didn't do this to make something happen. It was basically just to feel better. Because I know it will never happen cause my partner would never approve of it.

My partner and I talked on the phone today. And we did joke about sex because of what I been through, he's been respectful of my boundaries and I'm learning to respect his own. I was saying about what I wanted to do to him, and he was like "next year. (When were married)" And I'm like. "Fine, I'll go with that other guy. " And he's like "next year. " And I'm like. "What. Are you saying you'll let your woman have sex with another guy? You'll let your wife have sex with another guy?" And he's like "if she wants to. " And I'm like so shocked with his words. I mean come on. I know that in the terms of the world, he is a loser like.. fat, bald, disabled, no job, old, the world would consider him a loser. And in like the world's perspective, I am settling. I'm much more attractive than he is, smarter, more potential, younger, prettier. I may not be the best woman in the world, but I know my worth. And I know some people think what I see in him? But to me his heart is so pure of gold, I love him so much. It's a type of heart that's really rare in this world, to have been with me at my worse, and now is with me at my best. I had to keep it fair. I was like. "You know you can do that too. If you want to have sex with another woman " I have told him that many times cause it's literally just sex. and he's like "no. " And I joked with him, but him knowing me, he knows my jokes have a tone of seriousness. "Okay. I'll consider it. But I'll only have sex with him if he pays me. like if he pays me like $2 million per session." Cause that's life changing money.

So anyways obviously not going to do it. I highly doubt he would even take me up on that offer. Or maybe he would. This dude is literally insane. But I know he just wanted to mess with me and take advantage of me. I kept praying money for a lawyer but then I was lead to a free disability advocacy group that will help me pursue legal action. They are a non profit that will help a disabled individual under a gaurdianship pursue legal compensation for cases like this. I am manifesting a giant goal of about $2 million. This dude is insanely rich. It's like a drop in a bucket for him. That's my goal I'm praying for. I have no hard feelings, it's literally just because he caused me so much pain, and I'm still struggling to recover today. But I don't hate him as a person..I just don't think what he did was right, to groom and manipulate a disabled individual like that when she was not in the right state. This is why I'm under a gaurdianship, to protect me in case like this . I only didn't call them sooner because they were closed. But as soon as the doors open in a few hours.

Slowly I am getting better. I just wanted to share. A case where imagination lead to a weird outcome. 😂 I mean if I wanted to go that path to actually have sex with him, the person who groomed me, my partner opened the door, but I choose not to. I know it's trauma talking. I want to close this chapter of my life.

I was an adult. But I feel this individual groomed me. He was my teacher for learning how to pray and manifest. I am declared legally incompetent in my area and I have a gaurdianship.. And in public he cares about my health and blamed me for bad behavior triggered by him and everyone thought he was being harassed by me. But in private he was telling me to lose weight so we can have sex. And he wanted me to go on a water fast. And i felt like I was forced cause he kept telling me to just do what I'm told and would insult me or call me names if I didn't do what he said. The names I don't care about. It was the sexual trauma that hurt because I feel like I didn't consent. I was thinking crazy things like he's the antichrist and I'm the whore of Babylon. And in public he says I have mental health issues. But in private I don't know why that didn't stop him from the sex stuff.

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Anyways that happened years ago. And I am still affected. What's worse is what he taught me is objectively true. So I am conflicted. I know he doesn't own the truth. But I just feel trauma bonded. I love his material. I hate his character.

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I can't sleep, eat or drink properly. I been getting better at getting sleep. But it's still hard to take care of myself. Now that I am in a safe relationship with my partner it feels like a bunch of this bad stuff is coming out. I just don't know what to do.

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I'm going to pursue legal action. I'm just waiting to talk to my doctor first. My appointment is not until July. But I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I need money for a lawyer that I don't have yet. But I think I can talk to my doctor and figure out a solution. I'll get the money for the laywer soon.

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Maybe I can go to the emergency room. At least so they can help me get better so I can at least survive because I haven't been taking care of my body. I think I'll go tomorrow if I still feel bad at the end of the day. But it's been weeks. I just feel distressed.

Before, my anger was running the show. I kept feeling like I need to protect myself by getting angry. 

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And now, I don't use anger to protect myself anymore. I feel very vulnerable. I am more loving, and understanding to everyone. I appreciate the little things that everyone does in life. I am spreading love and kindness the way I always wanted to. 

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I am not physically taking care of myself. I'm not getting enough sleep or focused on reality. I feel mentally fine, but physically exhausted. 

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I am afraid if I sleep regularly I will return to my former self. I am afraid if I focus more on reality I would forget this peace and become that hateful person again. I find myself like sleeping in the body but not the mind. I can't focus on a YouTube video or a task cause my head is too much in the clouds. I am afraid to be grounded and lose this peace and understanding I gain. 

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I would rather die than be that person I was when ego was running the show. How do I take care of myself and stay stable in the world without losing the new, understanding me? I have experience this before, but it wasn't a permanent change, maybe because I wasn't ready yet and I didn't really realize how toxic old me is. I don't ever want to return to that old me. Please help me.

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Before, my anger was running the show. I kept feeling like I need to protect myself by getting angry. 

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And now, I don't use anger to protect myself anymore. I feel very vulnerable and sometimes scared of other people hiring me (but no one is hurting me). I am more loving, and understanding to everyone. I appreciate the little things that everyone does in life. I am spreading love and kindness the way I always wanted to. 

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I am not physically taking care of myself. I'm not getting enough sleep or focused on reality. I feel mentally fine, but physically exhausted. 

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I am afraid if I sleep regularly I will return to my former self. I am afraid if I focus more on reality I would forget this peace and become that hateful person again. I find myself like sleeping in the body but not the mind. I can't focus on a YouTube video or a task cause my head is too much in the clouds. I am afraid to be grounded and lose this peace and understanding I gain. 

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I would rather die than be that person I was when ego was running the show. How do I take care of myself and stay stable in the world without losing the new, understanding me? I have experience this before, but it wasn't a permanent change, maybe because I wasn't ready yet and I didn't really realize how toxic old me is. I don't ever want to return to that old me. Please help me.

Today is day two of the disability summit. There are fidget toys on the table. My friend was playing with a sticky hand one. And I asked if I can play with it, and she said yes. 

And I played with it and it was so much fun. So much fun that I wanted one for myself to play with. I asked her if I can have her own, but she can keep it if he wants to, no hard feelings. Part of me was thinking, should I manifest it and force her to give it? But I was thinking, I don't want to do that. If she says no, I will find another one. She was hesitant, but she said no and said she wanted to keep it. I gave it back. 

I wanted one for my own. I went to all the other tables to look for one. Every table didn't have one. I was thinking maybe the organizers of the event has extras and I can ask them. But I didn't have the opportunity to and forgot about it. I just decided to buy on online for me. 

Anyways, lately my man has been treating me like a queen. It's so amazing. Maybe to like society it doesn't really look like Queen treatment, but to me it literally is. Like this is just an example of how good he's been treating me, not a manifestation in itself. Like I didn't eat breakfast. So I had to eat there. When he was eating his food, I just reached out and took some of his bread. And I said. I'm sorry if you don't want me to touch your food or grab food from your plate. And he said, if it's you, it's okay. 

I didn't notice my surroundings, I was too caught up in my head. And then I noticed a plate of pastries in front of me. I know he gave it to me. So I ate them. And he also gave me  some pineapple juice. 

When my drink was done, he asked me which juice I wanted, orange or pineapple (was it orange? I forgot. ) I chose pineapple, and he got me pineapple juice. And he also got me more pastries and even fruit. And I thank him and I was appreciative to him. I told him that he's literally treating me like a queen. And I said thank you. You're not obligated, but I appreciate it. 

Anyways that part is not the manifestation part. That part is I wanted the sticky hands toy. He knew I wanted one cause he literally saw me going to all the tables and trying to find one. And without me telling him or asking. Before we had to leave, he gave me the sticky hands toy I wanted. 

I was so happy and grateful to him. He literally didn't have to. He's not obligated to. I can get one on my own. I was thinking of buying one online. But he decided to find one and give it to me because he knew I wanted one. That's amazing. ❤️ 

I learned from my manifesting teacher that no one who is treated like a queen, sets out to be treated like a queen consciously. Love just naturally makes that happen. And it's literally so true. 

Technically he has always been treating me well, I just didn't really notice it because I was too caught up in my own pain. I mean I don't think he was literally always serving me pastries and drinks, but I am very grateful to him that he decided to do it. I would love for him to continue to treat me like a queen like this. 🤣. He doesn't literally have to, like if he's tired or something, I understand. It more like a I want, but not really a I need. 

Anyways I know some people would say it's literally not a manifestation or something. Idk. All I know is that I wanted a sticky hands toy. And someone gave it to me instead of me getting one on my own. To me that's a manifestation. I didn't ask him to do it for me. He just decided to. It reminds me of something my teacher said. 

>Desire alone is enough to move mountains. Desire is a non-relativistic force (this is a relativistic universe). It existed before this universe, just like God existed before this universe. Desire is the force, and imagination is the mold, by which God creates everything. The more time you spend with God or Godly people, the more you create in this way. Its that simple.

>emotional desire alone is enough to create physical reality. However, nothing mental must be involved.

I am not upset. I actually appreciated the feedback from the universe. I don't have enough subconscious faith to conciously manifest consistently on demand yet. I know my next goal is to manifest money bit by bit in increasing quantities, so that is what I need to work on until I know I can manifest conciously consistently on demand. But by that time, I largely wouldn't need to anyway. The only reason why I would even want to conciously manifest on demand would be to show and teach, but by the time I literally have millions, I literally don't need to do magic tricks to make people listen to me.

I kept thinking about. What did I truly desire? It wasn't exact a raffle win. I didn't really care about it much. If I truely cared about it, I actually would have use subconscious mind reprogramming to get it, but I didn't. I was given an opportunity by God when the tsunami warning randomly hit yesterday and I have a chance to go home and my tried and true method. I didn't want to use it as a crutch, or rely on a specific technique to manifest. When I manifested rain within 24 hours, I literally used subconscious mind reprogramming constantly. And it did rain, even a little bit. I wanted hard rain, but rain is rain. My man even said. It's counted, rain is rain. With this raffle, I decided that I wanted to take this opportunity to manifest based on pure probability alone, on pure conciously deciding it. I just wanted to test my skills, and I wanted to impress people. (That's kinda my pride talking. ) And the raffle could possibly have been messed with. They called out people's names and not the numbers on the ticket. They know I have been telling people I will win. Maybe they wanted to humble me and they decided to choose their friends instead? They didn't call out the numbers on the ticket. They called a list of names of the winners. So it's possible it was messed with.

But honestly I'm just making up reasons why it didn't happen because the truth is, I just lack faith. I didn't have enough faith to make that happen specifically. I didn't reprogram my subconscious mind to make it a garentee. I don't want to admit it. But it's the literal truth. The universe is a mind reader that doesn't lie. I even told my partner that I am just trusting God about the raffle thing and he nodded. I didn't have the faith like I did yesterday to say. "I'm going to win. " To be fair, I didn't really have enough desire to make it a gaurentee so that could be a factor in why I just didn't just do SATs for it.

Anyways, that's my failure. He's a success.

Today is day two of the disability summit. There are fidget toys on the table. My friend was playing with a sticky hand one. And I asked if I can play with it, and she said yes.

And I played with it and it was so much fun. So much fun that I wanted one for myself to play with. I asked her if I can have her own, but she can keep it if he wants to, no hard feelings. Part of me was thinking, should I manifest it and force her to give it? But I was thinking, I don't want to do that. If she says no, I will find another one. She was hesitant, but she said no and said she wanted to keep it. I gave it back.

I wanted one for my own. I went to all the other tables to look for one. Every table didn't have one. I was thinking maybe the organizers of the event has extras and I can ask them. But I didn't have the opportunity to and forgot about it. I just decided to buy on online for me.

Anyways, lately my man has been treating me like a queen. It's so amazing. Maybe to like society it doesn't really look like Queen treatment, but to me it literally is. Like this is just an example of how good he's been treating me, not a manifestion in itself. Like I didn't eat breakfast. So I had to eat there. When he was eating his food, I just reached out and took some of his bread. And I said. I'm sorry if you don't want me to touch your food or grab food from your plate. And he said, if it's you, it's okay.

I didn't notice my surroundings, I was too caught up in my head. And then I noticed a plate of pastries in front of me. I know he gave it to me. So I ate them. And he also gave me some pineapple juice.

When my drink was done, he asked me which juice I wanted, orange or pineapple (was it orange? I forgot. ) I choose pineapple, and he got me pineapple juice. And he also got me more pastries and even fruit. And I thank him and I was appreciative to him. I told him that he's literally treating me like a queen. And I said thank you. You're not obligated, but I appreciate it.

Anyways that part is not the manifestion part. That part is I wanted the sticky hands toy. He knew I wanted one cause he literally saw me going to all the tables and trying to find one. And without me telling him or asking. Before we have to leave, he gave me the sticky hands toy I wanted.

I was so happy and grateful to him. He literally didn't have to. He's not obligated to. I can get one on my own. I was thinking of buying one online. But he decided to find one and give it to me because he knew I wanted one. That's amazing. ❤️

I learned from my manifesting teacher that no one who is treated like a queen, sets out to be treated like a queen conciously. Love just naturally makes that happen. And it's literally so true.

Technically he has always been treating me well, I just didn't really notice it because I was too caught up in my own pain. I mean I don't think he was literally always serving me pastries and drinks, but I am very grateful to him that he decided to do it. I would love for him to continue to treat me like a queen like this. 🤣. He doesn't literally have to, like if he's tired or something, I understand. It more like a I want, but not really a I need.

Anyways I know some people would say it's literally not a manifestion or something. Idk. All I know is that I wanted a sticky hands toy. And someone gave it to me instead of me getting one on my own. To me that's a manifestion. I didn't ask him to do it for me. He just decided to. It reminds me of something my teacher said.

>Desire alone is enough to move mountains. Desire is a non-relativistic force (this is a relativistic universe). It existed before this universe, just like God existed before this universe. Desire is the force, and imagination is the mold, by which God creates everything. The more time you spend with God or Godly people, the more you create in this way. Its that simple.

>emotional desire alone is enough to create physical reality. However, nothing mental must be involved.

As a side note, not the main event. Today I told my partner, "I want to convert to Catholic. " (Because he is one, and I love Richard Rohr from the Universal Christ, and Pope Francis approves of Richard Rohr and even told him to continue to do what he's doing and continuing to preach what he is preaching, so I decided to just confirm in the church that is the closest to my beliefs, even though technically I don't believe everything they say. ) I told him. "I want to get married in the church. I want God to bless this union. " I mean technically it doesn't matter what church, but he had originally said before that he wanted a simple court wedding and don't want God to be in it. I told him. "I wanted to get married on February 14 2027" And he didn't answer, probably thinking if it was possible for me to go through confirmation and the classes before the time so I was like. "I'll pray to God about it. " And he agreed. But the fact that he accepted I want to get married in the church when he previously wanted a court wedding. Maybe he actually always wanted a church wedding, but since I wasn't Catholic, he didn't want me to be forced to join his religion.

I genuinely wanted to teach people about manifesting though. That's what I want. And I thought winning the raffle would be a good way to teach it or inspire conversation. But today, I started wearing my engagement ring. And I have two, one that he gave me but I didn't really like it, so I found another one I wanted and he paid for me. And that one I only wanted to wear for special occasions cause I was afraid it'll break, but now I have confidence it won't.

One of my friends noticed my ring and wanted the story. I asked him if I can share with her and he said yes. So we took some time at lunch and I told her the full story. I taught her about how I manifested a relationship with him after he rejected me and it was against the rules.. How I did SATs and turned the siduation around after he rejected me and after the enegament was previously canceled. I showed her my post on my u/SpirituallySage account with what Jesus said about manifesting and answered prayer. And I broke down his words and taught her the prayer method I use. I taught her that most people don't get what they prayed for because they lack subconscious faith and I taught her what I did to get subconscious faith. And I taught her that Jesus said they'll have whatever they say, he didn't say if it's in the father's will or something like that. He said whatever.

Anyways I failed at manifesting my raffle win. Oh well. Time for me to manifest money, which is something I practically need to take care of me and the people in my life. It's actually better than manifesting a stupid raffle win that literally will not even affect my life.

I know that Jesus didn't hoard divinity, and technically speaking God is in all religions and spiritualilty. And he gives freedom of choice. And he won't punish you for whatever choice you want. He loves you and cares about you.

But I do want Chirstianity to win in the end. Not because they have to or else they'll go to hell. I don't believe that. If there is a hell, it's temporary like purgatory. But I honestly don't believe if there is a hell at all.

It's more like Jesus is awesome and religions are like sports teams. And I want my sports team to win. Technically Chirstianity is already winning, so I am getting what I want.

Thanks for reading. 😊

Edit: Apparently I didn't really understood what I'm wanting. But thinking of what everyone says and what everything thinks. God/Jesus told me that if everyone is a Chirstian, than the beautiful nuggets of wisdom that I found on every other path by studying every other religion and spiritual aspect in the world will be lost. That's when I understood what I was wanting was more of a childish thing. Thank you everyone. You helped me realized it.

(I wish there was a progress report flair. )

So I always wanted to try to win the lottery. The problem is I live on an island that doesn't have a lottery at all and I'm not able to travel.

Today, we had an event, it's a summit for people with disabilities. I have bipolar disorder. Or specifically I was diagnosed bipolar. I don't know if I actually have it or still have it cause I had other doctors tell me I have nothing. So you know.

By per chance, at the event, there's a raffle. And I have an opportunity to manifest a lottery style win.

I have enough confidence in my manifestion abilities that I can get the job done. I know that I'll win it together with my partner. It's just I don't know if I really subconsciously believe it.

I have manifested a lottery style win once before, it was a gacha game for a specific character. I got the exact character I wanted and more better than I expected. I closed my eyes and imagined I got my results until it felt real like a memory. My boyfriend at the time had to ask what I was doing. And I said I was imagining. When I had full confidence I pressed the button. And I got the result. He was so impressed, he told me. “Do it again!” But I honestly didn't have enough faith I was able to manifest it again, so I said no. This is was way before I learned about subconscious mind reprogramming and way before I manifested my SP after he rejected me, and manifested our engagement after he canceled the previous one and said he never ever wanted to get married. He ended up changing his mind.

I told a lot of people today, I'm going to win the raffle. And most people didn't tell me no you're not or anything. We are literally at a summit for disabled people. They are not going to judge. I mean I didn't tell everyone I saw. Just when I feel like it. At first I only told my partner. I'm going to win the raffle. And then I did ask him if he entered, and he said no and so I got an entry paper for him. I think having two entries to rely on helps on the confidence side, even though I know the both of us will win, if there's multiple winners, with me winning the grand prize. You basically have to visit all the booths to get signatures and then submit it. So he and I toured the booths together, and sumited our paper. I told the woman. We're going to win it. And she said. Yes! Believe it! And then she said good luck. I was tempted to tell her, no luck, just faith. But I didn't tell her cause I was a coward.

So anyways thoughout the event, I did think about it. And I thought of all my success stories I have experienced, and I thought of my gacha win I did without subconscious mind reprogramming. And keep telling myself I know I will win, I have enough experience.

At some point I did think of do I have enough faith for this. To manifest a lottery win today. I did hear like God (you don't have to believe in God, to manifest, I just grew up pentacostal word of faith that God speaks in a still small voice and the first two scriptures I learned as a child was, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And we walk by faith and not by sight. I heard God tell me if I didn't have enough confidence and faith I can't get the job done, then he will get it done for me. And said we'll work together. He answers my prayers pretty consistently when I literally need help, so I do have previous experiences of him getting the job done for me. )

And then unexpectedly while was thinking. “Maybe I don't have enough subconscious faith. “ Unexpectedly out of nowhere, the event was cut short. And we had to go home. Apparently there is a tsunami warning. There was an earthquake in the Philippines 8.2 (googling it, it was actually 7.8. I just listened to what everyone else said. I didn't verify it on Google. ) and we are close by, and close to the ocean, so they had to end early and do the raffle tomorrow instead of today. It was completely out of nowhere they had to shutdown the location until tomorrow..

It was a blessing in disguise cause I can do my try and true method of manifesting, SATS or Self Hypnosis in other words. Daytime or nighttime before sleep doesn't. I have a feeling I can get the job done even without it, I have successfully did the gacha style win without it before. But I needed the boost on confidence to do my try and true method that worked wonders for my SP.

Anyways this is my progress report. I'll give an update tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a true test if I truly have enough faith to manifest this. I can't lie to the universe. It's a mind reader. It's like I know it will happen because I am meant to be a completely free manifestion coach, more in real life than offline and I have told multiple people it will happen. If I do fail, which I don't believe I will. I'll simply say it's cause I lacked faith. But I don't think I will fail. God will support me and help me. And when I win, I plan to remind them about what Jesus said about faith. Most of the audience is Catholic. And I had enough direct experiences for me to know that manifestion is completely real, it's more like I doubt my own abilities, even though I know I can do it. I'll do it tomorrow.

Wait tomorrow for the update!

I am generally confident in my abilities to manifest, as I have manifested giant things and little things before, my SP being my biggest manifestion, so I'm able to share a failure story without worrying that it doesn't work or I can't manifest or something. When it counts, I know I am able to get what I want. So one odd failure when I kinda wanted to fail in the first place, doesn't really affect my confidence, but it kinda does hurt my pride. 😂

Basically I been super sleep deprived lately. Insomnia is rough. I was able to sleep for about 2 hours last night. But I know conventional wisdom says I need to sleep at least 8 hours a night or something. And to be honest, I wasn't trying to fall asleep on previous nights because I was too distracted by my phone. So I just slept when I couldn't stay awake anymore.

Last night, I decided I should seriously try to sleep because I was going somewhere the next day. Usually if I can't sleep, I take medication, but I ran out so I can't do it and I didn't want to depend on this specific mediation because even though it works perfectly for me, it ruins my metabolism and stands in the way of my weight loss goals.

Starting at about 5pm (approximately) I turned off my phone and just laid in bed and closed my eyes and pretty much tried to sleep.

I told myself. I will sleep. I imagined myself saying. I feel very well rested. And I slept good last night. I would say I was too awake to be in a sleepy drowsy state, although I was still in bed and thinking those things, so technically I don't think I was in a sleepy drowsy state.

Part of me wanted to fail. I know it sounds strange. But it's like, I'm believing, if your body doesn't want to sleep, then you do not have to sleep. I was thinking. Needing sleep certain hours a day is kinda just a belief that we learned as a child that we subconsciously believe to be true and therefore becomes true for us. I learned from a doctor before that you can't die from insomnia because the body automatically shuts down and makes you sleep. The only reason why people died from it is because they were forced to stay awake, even though they wanted to sleep. At least that's what they said. Doing some research apparently there is a rare condition that is so rare called fatal insomnia, but it's so rare, and has many more symptoms like not even knowing your own name and cognitive decline, it's like not a concern here. It's like lottery levels rare, and even though probality is just an illusion, it's still affecting me until I can consistently win the lottery at will consistently. And at that point, a rare disease won't be a concern. And even if I did have it, I am confident enough in my manifestion abilities that I can be the first one cured from it. No one truely dies until they are ready. They go back to a reality where they didn't die. I learned that from spiritual teacher Neale Donald Walsh.

Well my manifestion failed. I couldn't sleep at the night I wanted too. I didn't sleep the whole night. I mean I know I'll eventually sleep if I want to. If it's so serious, I'll just take medication, but I really just want to work on my sleep health instead of relying on medication.

TLDR: I failed at curing my insomnia at the night I wanted to sleep. I was biting off more than I can chew, I didn't have enough faith for it this time. And part of me actually wanted to fail to prove needing sleep is just a belief system. I know I'll sleep eventually if I need to. But I am working on manifesting on a time limit, which is pretty hard.

I don't feel miserable or cranky from not sleeping at all for one night, and I haven't been sleeping well for about a week. Last night was just the worse cause I didn't sleep at all. I usually just sleep a few hours, but last night I didn't sleep at all. My only worry is because science says you should sleep certain hours at night. Researching this says that means I have Paradoxical Insomnia. Meaning I'm actually sleeping more than I realize. 😂 So technically I am sleeping.

Anyways I just wanted to share my failures as well as my successes.

This is tag as help/question because I'm not able to post without a flair and there the one that best fits this post I guess.

So today, my two untrained dogs got outside of the house. They were running around, refusing to go in.

I stood in front of door and comanded them to come over. I had confidence in my manifestion skills that they will listen to me, even if they are untrained. And they were naughty, not wanting to listen they ran away even further.

I didn't chase, I didn't run around trying to catch them. Before I would have done that to try to catch them. But I didn't do that this time. I went closer to them where they can see me and said. Come here.

My bigger dog was the first one to come to me and I walked him back inside and close the door. My other dog was still running around. And I simply comanded her. Come here.

She came next to me and sat. She wanted me to carry her home and not walk. I carried her a little while before I decided I didn't want to baby her, I put her down and she followed me home.

Two untrained dogs listened to my commands spoken in confidence. You may not believe it's manifesting because I told them to come. Instead of by imaging they came home without me doing anything at all. (My mom would have yelled at me to get the dogs. She was the one who told me to go outside get the dogs in the first place because she accidentally let them out) But I know it is a manifestion because I had full faith they would listen and do what I said, even though they aren't trained.

So I disappeared for a while because I was a coward when I experienced a failure on my bridge of incidents to manifest the wedding. Things are back to the right track now though and better than ever. I am confident enough to at least share the story about what happened with me and my SP. You can skip to the end for the TLDR if you don't want to read the whole story.

So we were engaged and scheduled to get married on February 14 2026, and on the right track. But to be honest I never worked on my self concept/improving myself when I manifested him.

To give a little backstory, First, in 2024, I manifested a relationship him after he rejected me at first. He went from. “I'm not a relationship person. “ To “I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you.” it was a miracle how it happened and my first really big giant manifestion. I did SATS and prayer.

Our relationship had a really good first year, some moments where we had a few arguments, but I feel like it was kinda the honeymoon phase “I'm on my best behavior.” A month after the one year mark, he proposed and then things started to progressively get worse.

Some complicated series of events lead to a breakup. I posted my story before on my profile. But basically a series of events lead me to cut myself in front of him because I was triggered by him which traumatized him and lead towards a breakup. But anyways the breakup really only lasted 5 days, cause I have faith we'll be back together, he still loved me, and then we got back together. We decided to put the wedding date back on schedule.

In December by the time I disappear on Reddit, I was too focused on changing him all the time to be what I wanted, instead of actually taking the time to work on myself and be a good partner. I actually was getting good at manifesting the changes in behavior I want with him. But the problem was that I was doing this under the belief that if he didn't do certain things, that means he doesn't truely love me. So I didn't really believe he truely loves me. I didn't respect his boundaries. I was a definite walking red flag. Every time he did something I didn't like or didn't want to do something, or said something that triggered fear of him not loving me, I would say I was thinking of hurting myself. And the talk of self harm because I felt triggered by him was what really stress things out, I think we was still traumatized about seeing me bleed in front of him.

It lead to another breakup in December. And this one was more serious than the last one. I don't want to give too many details, but I admit I was a giant red flag. We eventually did get back together in January. But we didn't put the wedding back on. He told me during that time “I never want to get married.” He was only with me temporary because he didn't want me to kill myself cause I got depressed after the breakup and canceled wedding. He mainly said he was waiting until I was tired of him and strong and ready to move on.

So I didn't really focus on doing my go to method which is SATs that much. I didn't want to work with a time limit. So I decide to wait till after February. I honestly forgot how often I did SATs during March, if I did it at all. There are some points in that time where I would like talk about it sometimes if it comes up in conversation. And he would say things like “I'm never getting married.” But I was honest with him about how I told him that I know he'll marry me one day cause God said we'll be married one day. He didn't tell me God never said that or anything. He respects my faith. He knows I prayed (technically did SATs too) to be with him and then we became a couple. (He has seen me pray for rain before in a 24 hour time limit and it rained the same day. I kinda said it was too little rain, I wanted it to rain hard, but he said it's counted cause rain is rain. I prayed for rain and got rain.) One time he told me that he's just going with the flow right now, and that if he loves me deeply he would marry me. But then some other time he would tell me he doesn't know because he doesn't know the future.

We did still have problems with arguments and stuff. Towards the end of March, I wanted to give him more space and spend time to myself. I honestly always wanted space, or the freedom to have as much space as I want, but a previous ex broke up with me randomly after I didn't talk to him for a while after a dumb argument about a nickname he didn't like and I only took space cause I wanted to cool down, and he broke up with me out of nowhere, so I was kinda traumatized about a random breakup if I stopped contacting him.

So I decided to have no contact periods. We would agree to not talk for a few days until we see each other at our volunteer work. The truth is I wanted him to miss me and because we were kinda heading back towards the point where he couldn't take it anymore with our conflict, so I know we needed space to cool off. And he did miss me. After our first 6 day of no contact, he was so sweet when we spoke again. Very affectionate. He said he missed me.

And I went no contact again, keeping contact to only face to face time when we see each other at work. In fact, there was a time period that I decided to stay home to take care of myself cause I wasn't feeling well even though he was expecting to see me. And like a day after our scheduled meeting date, he started sending me like a million texts about how much he misses me and wants to be around me and how much he loves me. I didn't see the messages cause I blocked him. I planned to have actually gone no contact for 21 days but I ended up failing cause I was kinda convinced no contact wasn't working. Contacting him like three days later and he asked me if I saw the messages, I said no, so he resent them again. I told him. “This is not the behavior of someone who doesn't have feelings.“ Cause he claimed he didn't have feelings, even though he said he loves me, but his behavior showed otherwise that he really loves me with constantly texting me after only 5 days of no contact. By this time it was already early April.

Anyways so in mid Apirl, my area got hit by a typhoon and it was bad. We had no power and water level bad. Actually during the typhoon, I was upset about my whole siduation. I prayed to God. “Please let one good thing happen to me. Just one. Something to give me hope.” I was expecting something like maybe I get money from typhoon damanges compensation or somthing. But something even better than I expected ended up happening.

So I was upset that he wasn't there with me to help out with manual labor. If we got married he would have been there I thought. I decided to call him to ask him if he can stay over temporary for a few days to help out. And he said yes, he wanted to help.

When he arrived he said it felt like dejavu. He was like falling asleep and he dreamt or thought of me calling him to ask him to move in, and then he said yes. And then right after that, I called him. And then now he's there. it was a cool thing of how we both manifested it.

So we spent 14 days together. We got along so well together. Things were nearly perfect. I heard some couples had an adjustment period in living together, but we never argued about chores, so things were pretty good. He even spent his birthday here and I had a small party and he said it was the best birthday he ever had.

Anyways. One day he was sitting up in bed. And I was taking a nap. And sometime I noticed I was sleeping or about to, so I decided to imagine a scene that implies what I want. He was sitting up in bed just like what he was doing in real life, and I was laying down. And he told me he's so happy he's my husband, and he would say he's so happy I'm his wife. It felt so real that it was happening right now. And I felt like it was happening right now and I was convinced it was happening right now. And then at some point my dream changed and I lose awareness, then I gained awareness and decided to imagine our wedding and it felt so real. And then some time I woke up.

After that day, I decided to do SATs more seriously. Every night I did it.

He did eventually have to leave when we got our water back and didn't need his help anymore.

I constantly did SATs. I even did it in the day time in meditation. At one point I felt the urge to just call him and call him like every 15 minutes or hour and annoy him constantly. (Honestly I don't know why. I just believed in my heart that he'll love me no matter what I do and I want to prove it to myself. )

It ended up with a really bad argument at night. He said some curse words. I said curse words. I did SATs that night as I always have done.

But here's the most craziest unlogical thing that happened.

The next day, he decided to come over. He actually called me at 8pm the previous night and I didn't see it. And I called him in the morning and he said he was coming over.

I'm like thinking. He's not going to break up with me. (He had previously broken up with me when he came over before and canceled the wedding and it lead to a really bad self harm incident. ) I had that background fear but I had genuine confidence and weirdly I told myself he's going to propose. I was partly imaging him coming over to propose in my imagination somtimes.

So we spend the day together, and he said that he planned to come over today and spend the day together cause he didn't like the way things ended last night with the argument and his cursing. We talked about things and it ended up with him telling me that he was thinking of marrying me for a while. And he said when he stayed over a few days and drank coffee in the morning, he thought to himself. “Is this what I want for the rest of my life? Drinking coffee in the morning and watching my wife sleep.” I know he had a really good time when he stayed over. It was heaven. Mostly, if we had power and water. Haha. We got closer together from that. He enjoyed just spending time together. He admitted he only canceled it last time because he was scared with my self harming thoughts and behaviors that were triggered by him, and he promised as long as I don't go crazy, he won't be afraid and he'll go through with it. He told me. "I do want to marry you. " So he went from saying before. "I never want to get married" to "I do want to marry you."

So anyways he decided he wanted to move in before the end of the year. He can't do it now because he has to settle things at home. His bio family relies on him a lot for things. And then he said he'll move in, and then we'll get married next year. And he said. We had a year long engagement before, I can do it again. I did tell him like what if you move in and we never get married? (Not really phase like that, but that's a rough equivalent.) And he was saying that if we move in together, we will get married. And I said so you're not the type of guy to just live together with a girl without marrying her, and he said that's right.

So we ended up being engaged again. Haha. But since then, things have been good. I kinda dropped the subject after that and basically focused on improving myself and my life. A few weeks ago, he asked to move in in September, and he said he already told his family his plans. And I asked him if I can tell my mother, (who I live with) and he said to tell her.

He started on his own, calling me wife on text messages. Before he would only say it when I say husband first, but now he's doing it on his own. And sometimes when we hang up I feel the urge to call him husband and he calls me wife.

I started working on my triggers and taking care of myself emotionally instead of being so codependent. Our messages are basically very sweet affectionate good morning and good night texts. And one call a day that he does when he is free. I decided for the most part to wait for him to call me. I wait for him to text me good morning and good night and I answer him when he does. For the most part, like for example, once I felt bad he missed texting me good morning when it showed he was online, and he didn't reply to my good morning text and waited till later to call me, I would ask him why he didn't text, and he would tell me he was talking to family long distance and was busy. I decided to not show read receipts and online status for my piece of mind after that. and he never gets upset about it when I ask questions like that, he's just honest about what he's been doing. And I am honest with him about how I feel, like for that example, I would say I felt bad and I thought I wasn't a priority to him. And then he would ask why would you feel that way or think that way, and then I tell him. I know it logically doesn't make sense because you're always there when I need you and your actions prove you'll be there for me, but this is just my feelings that I am working on. Then we talked about other things. Or if he says something and I felt like he's lying. (Even though he's not. Like literally, he showed receipts before about something I felt he lied about but turns it to be true. Actually that happens every time he was able to prove it. So I know he's honest. I just have a broken danger radar. )

We haven't have a major argument for like about a month, we haven't have a major argument since this events happened. I would keep imagining before me saying. “Oh we used to argue, we don't anymore.” Gemini says that it's normal for a couple to go through a rough patch after the honeymoon phase and then go through it stronger than ever and be more stable and it's a sign of a enduring long term relationship.

I constantly tell myself. He loves me. He's crazy about me. I don't accuse him of not loving me anymore. I just trust in it. I work on learning to manage my own emotions without being so codependent. I think the big thing if you believe in it, it's also cause I recently turned 30 and finished my Saturn return. So I did reach a point where I am more stable with myself in general. So he doesn't trigger me as much as before. Interesting enough my psychiatrist and my mom said I'll be more secure when I am 30, so they are right.

So anyways.

TLDR: I manifested a relationship with my SP without working on my self concept/self development and it leads to break ups. I keep having to manifest him back. You don't need to work on self improvement or self concept to manifest what you want. But you do need it to keep it. When I finally decided to work on myself and work on my self concept that he loves me and I am loved, it lead to a more peaceful relationship.

A good example is that you don't need a self concept you are a rich person to manifest a lottery win. You just manifest your lottery win. But if you don't learn the financial skills to keep it, or you don't have the self concept you are a wealthy person that uses money wisely and instead you spend it recklessly, you'll lose it, and then you have to manifest it again. But if you learn the financial skills to keep it, work on your self concept so you know you are a wealthy person and act wealthy, make wise investments and stuff. (When you already have it by the way, it's to prevent self sabotage cause your beliefs about yourself change reality. ) Then you'll keep it.