u/TheMindfulWarrior9

Been divorced about a year now. My issue is no longer the emotional processing of the affair and divorce, but rather filling my time and rebuilding my life.

I have a lot of free time. I work from home and my job is decent paying and super easy. No kids. I have a dog.

Typical Weekly Schedule:

• Gym 3 days a week (I have some chronic pain issues so can't really exercise more than 3 days a week)
• Social dancing 2 days a week (this has been my saving grace/hobby that has helped with healing)
• Maybe see a different friend once a week if I'm lucky
• Daily meditation, journaling, working on myself etc.
• Daily reading..usually 2 hours a day
• Light computer gaming and probably too much youtube/tv

The problem is between working from home and having activities maybe 2-3 days a week...I'm still "alone" for what feels too much time. All I know is that I'm less sad...maybe even happy when I'm out dancing or seeing a friend. But it's tough. I'm 40...I live in the suburbs...all my friends have kids.

I let myself get too comfortable in my marriage and relied on my wife for too much meaning/social interaction and now I'm paying the price for it.

Any advice is appreciated.

I’ve tried several unflavored whey isolates, and Naked Whey Isolate is my favorite because it mixes easily and has almost no noticeable taste.

Neutral taste is really important to me. I hate that sour, milky taste that a lot of powders have.

It’s getting expensive ($74 for 2 pounds), so I’m looking for a more affordable option. I’ve tried NOW Whey Protein Isolate, but didn’t like the taste despite the similar ingredients.

For anyone who has tried Naked:

Have you found a cheaper isolate with a similarly neutral taste?

How do Isopure, BulkSupplements, Nutricost, and MyProtein compare?

What might make Naked taste better than other unflavored isolates?

I’m specifically looking for unflavored whey isolate, not concentrate or flavored protein. Taste and mixability matter more than finding the absolute cheapest option.

Your ex-wife betrayed you, had an affair, divorced you, and blamed you for everything?

Part of grief is accepting the value of what you had and learning to let go. Grieving is a necessary step for healing and moving on.

That totally makes sense to me if my ex-wife had say passed away. I don’t know how I’m supposed to grieve with what actually happened…

Edit: I should clarify that this happened a little over a year ago and I’m doing a lot better. I know I’m doing all the right things like hobbies, gym therapy, etc. I guess this was more of a philosophical question grieving…. I was reading somewhere about how it’s important to grieve in order to move on and what the definition of grieving was and that’s what started to make me think about this.

Looking to buy casual short sleeve and long sleeve button down shirts to wear untucked with jeans/chinos.

I have a fairly athletic build:

• 6'2
• 195 pounds
• Chest = 43.5 inches
• Chest waist = 38 inches

It's seems really hard for me to find the right type of shirt to fit me. Before going custom (i.e. proper cloth), is there anything off the rack that will work? Or anything that will fit me well in the chest that I can get tailored?

The problem is most shirts in large are 47 inches in the chest and 44 inches chest waist. 47 in the chest is ok although that feels a little tight...I think I prefer 48 inches. And 44 waist feels too big I would prefer like 42 or 43 inches.

I’m curious if people have experience using prescription-strength adapalene, i.e. 0.3% compared to the over-the-counter 0.1% variant.

I’ve been using 0.1% for about six months now and it has definitely helped with facial acne and maybe a little bit for anti-aging. I’m curious if going up to 0.3% would be better for anti-aging.

I really don’t want to do tretinoin. I seem to tolerate adapalene well. I apply it 6 days per week at night followed by moisturizer. I use sunscreen in the morning.

It has been about a year since I discovered my wife’s affair and we separated. We were together for 16 years, married for nine, and we have no kids.

I’m doing better. I’m no longer in that initial state of shock where I can barely function, and I can see that I’m slowly rebuilding.

But it’s crazy how hard this still is after a year.

I feel stuck in this halfway stage where I’m no longer falling apart, but I don’t feel like I have a fulfilling life again either.

I work from home and live alone, so there is a lot of empty time. I go to the gym, attend therapy, usually see a friend once a week, and go social dancing twice a week (dance has been, by far, the single best thing I’ve done for my recovery. It gets me around people, gives me something to look forward to, and has helped me regain some confidence).

So I’m getting out of the house and around other people about three days a week. On paper, I’m doing most of the things people recommend: therapy, exercise, hobbies, friends, staying busy.

But the other four days can feel incredibly quiet. There are evenings and weekends where it feels like I’m not really living a new life. I’m just getting through the spaces between the things on my calendar.

I don’t want to jump into a relationship just because I’m lonely. I also don’t think the answer is to keep cramming random activities into every empty hour. But I’m starting to wonder whether I need to make some bigger changes instead of waiting for this phase to pass.

For the guys who made it through this stage, especially those who work from home and don’t have kids: what actually moved the needle for you?

Did you slowly build a fuller social life? Change your work or living situation? Start dating? Find a stronger group of male friends? Or was it mostly a matter of giving it more time?

What did your life feel like at one year compared with two or three years out?

I love fantasy books where the stereotypical farm boy becomes the hero and/or there is a lot of training involved and you really see the progression of the protagonist.

Here are some of my favorite books I've read in no particular order:

• Riftwar Saga - Feist
• Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card
• Kingkiller Chronical series - Rothfuss
• Pretty much anything by Sanderson (Mistwar, Elantris, Mistborn, especially Stormlight Archive)
• Codex Alera - Jim Butcher
• Lightbringer Series - Brent Weeks
• Blood Song Trilogy - Anthony Ryan
• The Faithful and Fallen Series - John Gwynne
• Red Rising Series - Pierce Brown
• The Rage of Dragons - Evan Winter
• Hierarchy Series - James Islington
• The Bound and The Broken - Ryan Cahil
• Licanius Series - James Islington

Others that I like, but not as much as previous list:

• Happy Potter
• The Warlord Chronicles - Bernard Cornwell
• Wizard of Earthsea - Le Guin
• Broken Empire Series - Mark Lawrence
• King's Dark Tidings Series - Kel Kade
• The Darkwater Legacy - Chris Wodding
• Cradle Series - Will Wight
• Covenant of Steel - Anthony Ryan

Hi everyone. I’m a 39M, divorced, and eventually hoping to date again. I’m not quite rushing into anything, but I’m trying to think honestly about what dating might look like for me.

I’ve dealt with chronic pain for about 10 years. It mostly affects my low back, knees, feet, and sometimes arms. I still work full-time, take care of myself, go out socially, and I’ve recently gotten really into swing dancing, which has been great for me. I’m not bedridden or unable to have a life, but I do have some physical limitations. I sometimes have to pace myself, avoid certain activities, or recover after doing too much.

I think I bring a lot to a relationship. I’m emotionally available, loyal, thoughtful, affectionate, financially stable, funny, and I try hard to be a good partner and friend. At the same time, I’m aware that chronic pain can affect a relationship. I would not want a partner to feel like my caretaker, and I’m actively working on building a fuller life, managing my health, and not relying on one person for all my emotional support.

My questions are:

• For women over 30, how would you think about dating or being in a relationship with a man who has chronic pain or physical limitations?
• What would make this feel manageable versus concerning to you?
• How much would you want to know early on, and how would you want a man to talk about it without oversharing or making it sound like his whole identity?

I’m looking for honest but compassionate perspective. Thanks.

Hi everyone. I’m a 39M, recently divorced, and eventually hoping to date again. I’m not rushing into anything, but I’m trying to think honestly about what dating might look like for me.

I’ve dealt with chronic pain for about 10 years. It mostly affects my low back and feet. Physically, I present as pretty healthy and active. I take care of myself and have a fairly athletic build, but I do have some real limitations. For example, my feet can start bothering me after 15–20 minutes of walking, so intense hiking or very physically demanding activities probably wouldn’t be realistic for me. My pain is not debilitating, but it is often there in the background, and I sometimes need to pace myself or recover after doing too much. Often I can manage it fine, but sometimes I do get frustrated...it's just a part of my life.

Unfortunately, a big reason for the divorce was that my now ex-wife wanted to have a more active life and partner who was more energetic. I'm not trying to bash her in this post, but at the same time, it's really affected my confidence in myself going forward.

That said, I still work full-time, take care of myself, go out socially, and I’ve recently gotten really into swing dancing, which has been great for me.

I think I bring a lot to a relationship. I’m emotionally available, loyal, thoughtful, affectionate, financially stable, funny, and I try hard to be a good partner and friend. I’m also aware that chronic pain can affect a relationship. I would not want a partner to feel like my caretaker, and I’m actively working on building a fuller life, managing my health, and not relying on one person for all my emotional support. My questions are:

• For women over 30, how would you think about dating or being in a relationship with a man who has chronic pain or physical limitations?
• What would make this feel manageable versus concerning to you?
• How much would you want to know early on, and how would you want a man to talk about it without oversharing or making it sound like his whole identity?

I’m looking for honest but compassionate perspective. Thanks.

I posted my story here a few times and I appreciate the advice I’ve gotten so far.

TLDR: my wife of 16 years, had an affair and left me 10 months ago.

I have issues with chronic pain, and I have some difficulty walking long distances, which was one of the primary reasons that she decided to end the marriage. I guess “in sickness and Health “didn’t mean anything to her…

Even though I’m doing better emotionally now than several months ago, the main area I still feel stuck is my confidence and self-esteem. I’m so scared and afraid that I’m not gonna be able to find someone else again due to my physical limitations . every time I have a pain flareup; every time my feet hurt while walking …it just reinforces this narrative.

Honestly, I don’t even care about her having the affair anymore. The real damage she did to me was all of the post hoc justification, saying how I wasn’t enough of a man and how all of my injuries gave her no choice that is what has been messing with my mind.

I’m trying to do everything I can take care of myself physically I eat very healthy. I’ve been to 1 million doctors. I exercise to the best of my ability but at end of the day at least for the foreseeable future if not indefinitely, I am going to have physical limitations.

How the hell am I supposed to deal with this? How can I feel better about myself and not be so down? How can I put myself out there with all this fear? I’m not even super old. I will be turning 40 in six months.

Late 30s guy, looking for decent quality/value jeans. I'm 6'2, 190 pounds, athletic build.

I usually just buy Old Navy/Gap straight jeans which worked for me well in the past. Now, it seems like a lot of the jeans today are too baggy for my taste.

I've tried a bunch of Levi's...514s almost work but they are a little too tight around my knees. The next size up is relaxed straight Levis 559 which are "ok" but a little too baggy. I can't do slim jeans...but at the same time I don't want something super baggy. Just something classic, low rise, straight cut jeans if that makes sense.

Late 30s, looking for decent quality/value jeans. I'm 6'2, 190 pounds, athletic build.

I usually just buy Old Navy/Gap straight jeans which worked for me well in the past. Now, it seems like a lot of the jeans today are too baggy for my taste.

I've tried a bunch of Levi's...514s almost work but they are a little too tight around my knees. The next size up is relaxed straight Levis 559 which are "ok" but a little too baggy. I can't do slim jeans...but at the same time I don't want something super baggy. Just something classic, low rise, straight cut jeans if that makes sense.

I’m about 10 months out from the end of my marriage. We were together for 16 years, married for 9. The divorce involved her having an affair, lying about it and leaving all in a matter of a few weeks. I was totally blindsided. There has been a lot of grief, anger, confusion, and trauma to work through.

I do think I’m healing. I’m functioning. I work, I take care of my dog, I go to therapy, I’ve been journaling, I go to the gym, read; I’ve started doing West Coast Swing dancing, and I’m trying to reconnect socially. I’ve had moments recently where I actually felt happy again, which is a big deal. I think a big problem though is that I have a lot of free time. No kids and I work from home. I probably need some more hobbies.

But I’m struggling with something deeper now which is identify and purpose

Being a husband was a huge part of my life and my sense of purpose. I liked having someone to care for. I liked being part of a team. I liked having a shared life, shared routines, shared plans, and someone I was building a future with. Now that’s gone, and even though I know intellectually that my life isn’t over, emotionally I feel stuck.

How do I create a life that feels meaningful when the role that mattered most to me disappeared?

I know the answer can’t just be “find another partner.” I do want love again someday, but I don’t want my entire sense of worth or purpose to depend on being chosen by someone else. At the same time, I don’t want to pretend partnership doesn’t matter to me, because it really does and i wonder if I'm holding myself back from fully healing by not starting to date again.