u/ThrowAway44228800

I should probably tell her about it lol it's been giving me nightmares, but I don't know how. I don't want her to be angry at me or think less of me.

Plus I had to report it to the police and that was genuinely one of the most uncomfortable and embarrassing moments for teenaged me. I felt so humiliated. It makes it hard for me to say the words of what happened as a result.

I've always been embarrassed to say that I'm embarrassed. I think it may stem back to my parents teasing me for being embarrassed when I was younger, although feeling embarrassed and lying about it is one of the earliest memories I have so I don't know if it's also something innate with me.

This is posing a problem in therapy because my therapist will ask me how I feel about things and sometimes embarrassment is the answer but I can't bring myself to say it so I'll just say stressed or sad instead. But I have truly no idea what to do about this. And it's starting to impact how much I can describe my reactions to things because one whole emotion is locked off.

I've always been embarrassed to say that I'm embarrassed. I think it may stem back to my parents teasing me for being embarrassed when I was younger, although feeling embarrassed and lying about it is one of the earliest memories I have so I don't know if it's also something innate with me.

This is posing a problem in therapy because my therapist will ask me how I feel about things and sometimes embarrassment is the answer but I can't bring myself to say it so I'll just say stressed or sad instead. But I have truly no idea what to do about this. And it's starting to impact how much I can describe my reactions to things because one whole emotion is locked off.

I just want to know if this is normal.

I've been in a beginner class for several months now. I'm currently 20, did ballet recreationally as a child, and also take tap classes so my ballet teacher feels I can move onto the intermediate class. She says she thinks I'm getting bored in beginners.

However the intermediate teacher told me I can't join her class until I have collarbones that stick out more prominently. She said the intermediate class would be too much on my joints until then.

I'm overweight but I'm not on pointe or anything so I didn't think the switch would be that dramatic? Also it's not advanced, I've seen the exercises done in both beginner and intermediate and the intermediate combinations are longer with more balancing and more extension but they're still on like single pirouettes and stuff.

I'm just confused. The people in the intermediate class are very thin but this just felt weird to me.

I have a choir director who has a very personal relationship with a lot of her student. She knows that I was sexually abused when I was 16. She also started giving me voice lessons and kept giving me songs that she said were about virginity.

She would say to me, "This song is about a flower and flowers are symbols for virginity." White dresses are too. The concept of spring also is. Everything is virginity. NONE of these songs talk about virginity, or even relationships. I don't get where she's going this but she always says "You understand virginity, right?"

Like yes I do, I was crying in your office about feeling like a chewed-up piece of bubble gum???

I'm afraid to confront her about it though, she had me re-audition for her choir and said "Technically you did perfectly but your attitude is a problem so I might not be able to take you back." Although maybe that would be a good thing because I'm going to lose my mind if I need to keep hearing about virginity. It makes me feel awful.

I'm in a college class with a student who I know takes advanced level ballet classes because I take the beginning level classes and hers are right after mine lol.

Anyway the two of us had stayed after the chemistry class we're also both in to ask our professor questions and for whatever reason we were talking about sloped stages, and I mentioned that turnout became popular in ballet so that the dancers wouldn't fall down the sloped stage. Our professor asked what turnout was and I said "when you point your legs and feet out" and showed my very basic fifth position.

I've always found turnout easy. I think I'm just flexible. I struggle with releve and any sort of turning so I'm not going to pretend that I'm a great dancer. But apparently my very basic fifth position really impressed this advanced student because she said "Oh my goodness your turnout is amazing! Mine isn't that good." We basically spent the next five minutes completely ignoring our professor and demonstrating our different turnouts in different positions to each other.

I was so proud of myself 😄

For me, it's rocking sick to side. I do it while doing work. I do it while relaxing. I do it in bed, right before falling asleep. I sometimes do it during exams though I try not to because I don't want to distract other people. Truly an amazing physiological response.

Shout out to your things too I just don't know them.

"I miss when I was young and had no responsibilities" I was 8 when I was first listed on official school documents as my sister's emergency contact because my mother couldn't trust my father.

"I miss when I had no worries" I was 6 when I panicked because I dropped a pencil on the floor and I knew one of my parents would hit me.

"I miss when I was innocent" I checked Why Does He Do That and The Gift of Fear out of the library when I was 12, so I could try to save my mother.

"I miss when everybody seemed happier" I was 15 when my mother went to the hospital as a result of my father. I was worried about getting my sister to her ballet lesson because I knew that, when kids underwent trauma, you were supposed to keep their routines the same.

"I miss going home" I was 16 when my mom threatened to drop me off at the hospital and leave me there after I had been SAed.

"I miss when adults encouraged me" when I was 17 my parents told me I was the reason they wanted to kill themselves.

Nobody takes care of me now. Nobody took care of me then. But at least now I have the facilities to keep myself safe.

Being in high school during Covid definitely didn't help because that was a couple years of complete isolation on top of everything else, but even beyond that, I would never want to go through childhood again.

I'm 20 and a junior in university. I'm aware that I'm an awkward person. I try my best despite it.

I attended the last class session of one of the classes I'm in this semester which was, interestingly enough, about autism, so I felt comfortable asking my professor for some sensory accommodations. Normally I'd try to mask better but I really wasn't here because the professor himself said he had close family members with autism, he understands. I never explicitly told him I was autistic but between the nature of the accommodations and how I knew a lot about the diagnostic process during class discussions...

Anyway during our last class he brought a microphone and he never has done that before so I asked what it was for. He said it was so that people could hear him better and he I asked if I wanted to try it out. I said sure, I love trying things out.

But instead he stands in front of everybody, turns it on, and says "Hi, I'm [my name]. I'm doing really well in this class. I write excellent essays." It was complimentary at this point so I was kind of like this is a little weird to be doing an imitation of me but whatever, I won't complain about a compliment.

Then he says, "I participate a lot, but it's always random connections that nobody else understands. When I say things they have nothing to do with the rest of the conversation. I ask my professor to tell the others to stop kicking their feet against their chairs because the noise bothers me. Then I asked again because I can't focus when they do that."

At this point I was embarrassed because it was in front of people and I felt like he was making fun of me. He was pointing out ways in which I was different from everybody else and I didn't like it. I'm happy it was our last class session but I have no idea why he did that.

It can be craft-related or not craft-related.

For me, craft-related: Breathing Yarn, her videos are so comforting.

Not craft-related: Hannah Alonzo, I love how she debunks harmful MLMs.

My choir director started crying and threw a chair during our rehearsal. Not at anybody specifically, but she threw it. She's had some personal stuff going on and she said she is tired of us not working hard.

I know this sounds like a fake post but I promise it's real. I grew up in a violent house so I have no idea what's normal or not.

I'm in a college choir. I just turned 20.

My choir director started crying and threw a chair during our rehearsal. Not at anybody specifically, but she threw it. She's had some personal stuff going on and she said she is tired of us not working hard.

I know this sounds like a fake post but I promise it's real. I grew up in a violent house so I have no idea what's normal or not.

Dear Hacker,

Seriously, if you want to steal my essays and lab reports, go right ahead. But please grade them. I have several classes with zero grades. Our finals are in a week. I want to know how I'm doing.

And while you've stolen my data, please let me know how to interpret it. I ran one experiment and my results make zero sense.

The man who assaulted me (per the social worker, I didn't know what he did counted as assault) ended it by telling me I was a whore. He called me other things too, with a similar sentiment, and I've never felt so worthless as a person.

I really don't know what to do. I didn't want it to happen to begin with and then he made it worse by adding names to it. The first time he did anything, I was 16. I don't know how to reconcile being a teenager and being something I literally have a computer censor to block the spelling of.

Like dude, YOU'RE THE REASON WHY. I would've been completely untouched if it weren't for you.

I just don't get how he could literally cause awful things to happen to me and then be like "haha you're disgusting now."