u/Total-Tiger9553

Hey everyone,

I’m looking for a little bit of insight as to whether it’s normal to end friendships due to growth and change. I was married for a year and within 8 months I got a divorce. My divorce changed me a lot in ways I can’t express.

To keep it short and simple, the old “me” and the person I was before marriage is DEAD. That girl sought her happiness and attached her worth to other people. She sought constant validation and reassurance. She was desperate for attachments, connections, friendships, and anything she can find to leech onto. She would her anxiously attached to people and then they would leave her and she would be so heartbroken. But she’s dead now. This is the same pattern that had continued on with my ex and that marriage ended for other reasons (he was an abusive), but I’m trying to explain that I’ve changed now. If I don’t make the change now while I’m still young and healthy then I’ll never be able to make that change. I want to become a healthier and stronger person on my own. I’m currently also in therapy which has been helping me tremendously. I want to realize that the only person I need is myself and God. And I’m getting there. I’ve been praying non stop and feeling so much peace in solo outings and God. This is the person I wanted to be for so long, but I didn’t know how to get there until my divorce altered my brain chemistry and I had enough of the person I was. Everything about me has just changing and I cannot bring myself to seek those friendships anymore. I’m so turned off and detached from them and I feel this is very normal to feel.

I want to love myself, feel worthy for myself, dress up for myself, spend time with myself. I don’t want to use people from my past to fill the void my ex left inside me. And there were some friendships I had ended before I got married, but recently one of my old best friends had reached out to me as he found out I got a divorce and we spoke for maybe like two hours and I respectfully turned him down when he asked to rekindle our friendship due to my own struggles, change, and growth. He went on to say stuff like he misses me and he thought about me often over the last year. Reopening doors from the past that I have closed is not going to mentally, emotionally, or spiritually serve me any purpose. The time we had that friendship we were super close and he said something along the lines of “it hurts to see you’ve detached so much…” and idk he keeps viewing my profile and it’s bothering me. Not bc I want him as a friend but bc he’s prying constantly on my TikTok, instagram stories, etc and I just want to heal in peace. I’ve parted ways for my own sanity. And it hurts bc I used to be the person once who wouldn’t understand why a friend would want to end the friendship until now I’m the one who’s doing it. Part of me feels a little bad, but this is my decision and this friendship had already ended a year ago until he reached back out again and I declined him.

Any advice or someone to share a similar experience? If you’ve been on the receiving end of this or if you’ve been the person to end the friendship?

Hey everyone,

I’m looking for a little bit of insight as to whether it’s normal to end friendships due to growth and change. I was married for a year and within 8 months I got a divorce. My divorce changed me a lot in ways I can’t express.

To keep it short and simple, the old “me” and the person I was before marriage is DEAD. That girl sought her happiness and attached her worth to other people. She sought constant validation and reassurance. She was desperate for attachments, connections, friendships, and anything she can find to leech onto. She would her anxiously attached to people and then they would leave her and she would be so heartbroken. But she’s dead now. This is the same pattern that had continued on with my ex and that marriage ended for other reasons (he was an abusive), but I’m trying to explain that I’ve changed now. If I don’t make the change now while I’m still young and healthy then I’ll never be able to make that change. I want to become a healthier and stronger person on my own. I’m currently also in therapy which has been helping me tremendously. I want to realize that the only person I need is myself and God. And I’m getting there. I’ve been praying non stop and feeling so much peace in solo outings and God. This is the person I wanted to be for so long, but I didn’t know how to get there until my divorce altered my brain chemistry and I had enough of the person I was. Everything about me has just changing and I cannot bring myself to seek those friendships anymore. I’m so turned off and detached from them and I feel this is very normal to feel.

I want to love myself, feel worthy for myself, dress up for myself, spend time with myself. I don’t want to use people from my past to fill the void my ex left inside me. And there were some friendships I had ended before I got married, but recently one of my old best friends had reached out to me as he found out I got a divorce and we spoke for maybe like two hours and I respectfully turned him down when he asked to rekindle our friendship due to my own struggles, change, and growth. He went on to say stuff like he misses me and he thought about me often over the last year. Reopening doors from the past that I have closed is not going to mentally, emotionally, or spiritually serve me any purpose. The time we had that friendship we were super close and he said something along the lines of “it hurts to see you’ve detached so much…” and idk he keeps viewing my profile and it’s bothering me. Not bc I want him as a friend but bc he’s prying constantly on my TikTok, instagram stories, etc and I just want to heal in peace. I’ve parted ways for my own sanity. And it hurts bc I used to be the person once who wouldn’t understand why a friend would want to end the friendship until now I’m the one who’s doing it. Part of me feels a little bad, but this is my decision and this friendship had already ended a year ago until he reached back out again and I declined him.

Any advice or someone to share a similar experience? If you’ve been on the receiving end of this or if you’ve been the person to end the friendship?

I really need to understand if I’m in the wrong here. Me and my mother just cannot see eye to eye on these matters, and I don’t know why.

My issue with my mother is that she is very very very controlling and never gave me the freedom to grow up and live how I wanted to live and bc of this reason I am now 22 and divorced.

Let me give some examples. She tells me that I’m not allowed to cut my hair, dye my hair, get a nose piercing, and absolutely NOT allowed to wear makeup. She gives me a strict curfew and I’m not allowed to be past that curfew. She tells me that I cannot be in bed in the morning past 11 AM. She tells me that I need to grow up and that as you get older, you realize you can’t sleep in?? She says life isn’t proper this way? She tells me that unmarried girls should not put on make up and the ONLY time I ever explored makeup or was allowed near it was after I had gotten married. Naturally, I fell in love with it and now that I’m divorced I want to continue putting it on and living life for myself but the other day I put it on to go to my aunts house and my mom’s tactic is that if I do anything to upset her and if I don’t listen to all of her decisions she uses the silent treatment to guilt trip me. And that day, I asked her what’s wrong with putting it on and she was saying that you are not married anymore and she said word for word “ you have to live the same way you were before you got married” but who is she to make these rules?! I AM ALMOST 23!!!!!!! Like wtf?

As long as I’m not disrespecting her, working (I genuinely only sleep in on my days off), trying my best, learning, growing, helping in the house… and just doing what a good daughter does why can’t I make these little decisions for myself? She thinks I’m disrespectful when I say no to something she says, and I don’t understand how or why. I told her if she thinks being a respectful daughter is saying yes to everything she says then I can’t help her. And I genuinely don’t feel bad bc my ENTIRE life has been spent running on her commands and wishes like a puppet and I’m so tired of it.

And my divorce has changed me in ways I can never explain. She cussed out my ex and called him a bastard when he was divorcing me, and naturally would have a problem whenever he would politely decline her or tell her no or disagree with her bc she wanted to control him the same way she’s controlled me my entire life, but he wasn’t the type of guy to be controlled. I’m not blaming my mom for my divorce bc at the end of the day, he was a rapist and he was abusive towards me, but I’m trying to explain that I have this 15% - 20% of bitterness towards my mother for playing a tiny part in causing a rift between me and my ex bc she would pry on our personal life and ask about our sexual life. Like for example I took off my location as my husband (at the time) wasn’t comfortable with it, and my mom gave me the silent treatment and went on to say that I betrayed her. Kept asking if I had sex with him and ofc he wasn’t comfortable with her asking this. Anyway, that chapter of my life is gone. I’m just bringing this up to share my bitter feelings. I’m also the only daughter and sister of 3 brothers and naturally my mom is very protective of me and attached to me. My mother’s parents and siblings all live in Seattle. We all live a few mins away from each other. Naturally, sometimes I share some of my problems with my mom and she would call her mom and her siblings and there was absolutely no privacy and everyone would end up finding out about the problems I had shared with my mom. And I will take responsibility for this as I didn’t understand how to establish these boundaries. I turned her down many times when she would ask about my sexual life and when she would pry. I did everything I could, but my mother is on a different level of emotional abuse and strained me that I ended up telling her bc I feared for my life that she would get so mad if I didn’t. Just giving examples. And when I’d share little problems with her out of frustration, she would tell everyone.

Let me give an example. I was trying to explain the concept of privacy to her and how she can’t just go around and tell everyone my business. Like what happened is that I have one ovary and when I tell you my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and everyone knows it’s so embarrassing and she never asked me before telling them. Now you may ask, how does your mom know? She has access to my medical information (all my passwords and usernames) and obviously when I found this out for the first time I panicked and told my mom. She goes on to expose how my ex “used” me for the last time before divorcing me in front of my UNCLE. Like what’s the reason to even say this? Now you may ask how does she know that you guys had sex. We did it in my parents house in the room next to theirs bc we were on vacation visiting my parents in Seattle here before he left me in Seattle and left to go back to Canada and then called me 2 weeks later to divorce me. And I still cannot even look my uncle in the eyes bc I feel so embarrassed cause my mother can’t watch her words.

When I got divorced, she went on to apologize and tell me that she’s sorry for controlling my life and for not giving me the freedom to be myself which has made me end up in the position today as this marriage was my moms decision. Ofc I agreed and bc I had grown-up thinking that I can’t upset her and that whatever decision she makes for me I have to say yes. And now the same pattern continues and I’m trying to break it bc I’m so sick and tired of living like this.

It’s made going through my divorce so much more difficult. The one thing marriage gave me was freedom. The first time I ever cut my hair was after I had gotten married and I felt so free. I can’t move out at the moment for cultural and religious reasons, so please don’t give me that advice and I also have an anxious personality, so it’s not easy to just ignore her.

Any advice at ALL?

I really need to understand if I’m in the wrong here. Me and my mother just cannot see eye to eye on these matters, and I don’t know why.

My issue with my mother is that she is very very very controlling and never gave me the freedom to grow up and live how I wanted to live and bc of this reason I am now 22 and divorced.

Let me give some examples. She tells me that I’m not allowed to cut my hair, dye my hair, get a nose piercing, and absolutely NOT allowed to wear makeup. She gives me a strict curfew and I’m not allowed to be past that curfew. She tells me that I cannot be in bed in the morning past 11 AM. She tells me that I need to grow up and that as you get older, you realize you can’t sleep in?? She says life isn’t proper this way? She tells me that unmarried girls should not put on make up and the ONLY time I ever explored makeup or was allowed near it was after I had gotten married. Naturally, I fell in love with it and now that I’m divorced I want to continue putting it on and living life for myself but the other day I put it on to go to my aunts house and my mom’s tactic is that if I do anything to upset her and if I don’t listen to all of her decisions she uses the silent treatment to guilt trip me. And that day, I asked her what’s wrong with putting it on and she was saying that you are not married anymore and she said word for word “ you have to live the same way you were before you got married” but who is she to make these rules?! I AM ALMOST 23!!!!!!! Like wtf?

As long as I’m not disrespecting her, working (I genuinely only sleep in on my days off), trying my best, learning, growing, helping in the house… and just doing what a good daughter does why can’t I make these little decisions for myself? She thinks I’m disrespectful when I say no to something she says, and I don’t understand how or why. I told her if she thinks being a respectful daughter is saying yes to everything she says then I can’t help her. And I genuinely don’t feel bad bc my ENTIRE life has been spent running on her commands and wishes like a puppet and I’m so tired of it.

And my divorce has changed me in ways I can never explain. She cussed out my ex and called him a bastard when he was divorcing me, and naturally would have a problem whenever he would politely decline her or tell her no or disagree with her bc she wanted to control him the same way she’s controlled me my entire life, but he wasn’t the type of guy to be controlled. I’m not blaming my mom for my divorce bc at the end of the day, he was a rapist and he was abusive towards me, but I’m trying to explain that I have this 15% - 20% of bitterness towards my mother for playing a tiny part in causing a rift between me and my ex bc she would pry on our personal life and ask about our sexual life. Like for example I took off my location as my husband (at the time) wasn’t comfortable with it, and my mom gave me the silent treatment and went on to say that I betrayed her. Kept asking if I had sex with him and ofc he wasn’t comfortable with her asking this. Anyway, that chapter of my life is gone. I’m just bringing this up to share my bitter feelings. I’m also the only daughter and sister of 3 brothers and naturally my mom is very protective of me and attached to me. My mother’s parents and siblings all live in Seattle. We all live a few mins away from each other. Naturally, sometimes I share some of my problems with my mom and she would call her mom and her siblings and there was absolutely no privacy and everyone would end up finding out about the problems I had shared with my mom. And I will take responsibility for this as I didn’t understand how to establish these boundaries. I turned her down many times when she would ask about my sexual life and when she would pry. I did everything I could, but my mother is on a different level of emotional abuse and strained me that I ended up telling her bc I feared for my life that she would get so mad if I didn’t. Just giving examples. And when I’d share little problems with her out of frustration, she would tell everyone.

Let me give an example. I was trying to explain the concept of privacy to her and how she can’t just go around and tell everyone my business. Like what happened is that I have one ovary and when I tell you my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and everyone knows it’s so embarrassing and she never asked me before telling them. Now you may ask, how does your mom know? She has access to my medical information (all my passwords and usernames) and obviously when I found this out for the first time I panicked and told my mom. She goes on to expose how my ex “used” me for the last time before divorcing me in front of my UNCLE. Like what’s the reason to even say this? Now you may ask how does she know that you guys had sex. We did it in my parents house in the room next to theirs bc we were on vacation visiting my parents in Seattle here before he left me in Seattle and left to go back to Canada and then called me 2 weeks later to divorce me. And I still cannot even look my uncle in the eyes bc I feel so embarrassed cause my mother can’t watch her words.

When I got divorced, she went on to apologize and tell me that she’s sorry for controlling my life and for not giving me the freedom to be myself which has made me end up in the position today as this marriage was my moms decision. Ofc I agreed and bc I had grown-up thinking that I can’t upset her and that whatever decision she makes for me I have to say yes. And now the same pattern continues and I’m trying to break it bc I’m so sick and tired of living like this.

It’s made going through my divorce so much more difficult. The one thing marriage gave me was freedom. The first time I ever cut my hair was after I had gotten married and I felt so free. I can’t move out at the moment for cultural and religious reasons, so please don’t give me that advice and I also have an anxious personality, so it’s not easy to just ignore her.

Any advice at ALL?

I really need to understand if I’m in the wrong here. Me and my mother just cannot see eye to eye on these matters, and I don’t know why.

My issue with my mother is that she is very very very controlling and never gave me the freedom to grow up and live how I wanted to live and bc of this reason I am now 22 and divorced.

Let me give some examples. She tells me that I’m not allowed to cut my hair, dye my hair, get a nose piercing, and absolutely NOT allowed to wear makeup. She gives me a strict curfew and I’m not allowed to be past that curfew. She tells me that I cannot be in bed in the morning past 11 AM. She tells me that I need to grow up and that as you get older, you realize you can’t sleep in?? She says life isn’t proper this way? She tells me that unmarried girls should not put on make up and the ONLY time I ever explored makeup or was allowed near it was after I had gotten married. Naturally, I fell in love with it and now that I’m divorced I want to continue putting it on and living life for myself but the other day I put it on to go to my aunts house and my mom’s tactic is that if I do anything to upset her and if I don’t listen to all of her decisions she uses the silent treatment to guilt trip me. And that day, I asked her what’s wrong with putting it on and she was saying that you are not married anymore and she said word for word “ you have to live the same way you were before you got married” but who is she to make these rules?! I AM ALMOST 23!!!!!!! Like wtf?

As long as I’m not disrespecting her, working (I genuinely only sleep in on my days off), trying my best, learning, growing, helping in the house… and just doing what a good daughter does why can’t I make these little decisions for myself? She thinks I’m disrespectful when I say no to something she says, and I don’t understand how or why. I told her if she thinks being a respectful daughter is saying yes to everything she says then I can’t help her. And I genuinely don’t feel bad bc my ENTIRE life has been spent running on her commands and wishes like a puppet and I’m so tired of it.

And my divorce has changed me in ways I can never explain. She cussed out my ex and called him a bastard when he was divorcing me, and naturally would have a problem whenever he would politely decline her or tell her no or disagree with her bc she wanted to control him the same way she’s controlled me my entire life, but he wasn’t the type of guy to be controlled. I’m not blaming my mom for my divorce bc at the end of the day, he was a rapist and he was abusive towards me, but I’m trying to explain that I have this 15% - 20% of bitterness towards my mother for playing a tiny part in causing a rift between me and my ex bc she would pry on our personal life and ask about our sexual life. Like for example I took off my location as my husband (at the time) wasn’t comfortable with it, and my mom gave me the silent treatment and went on to say that I betrayed her. Kept asking if I had sex with him and ofc he wasn’t comfortable with her asking this. Anyway, that chapter of my life is gone. I’m just bringing this up to share my bitter feelings. I’m also the only daughter and sister of 3 brothers and naturally my mom is very protective of me and attached to me. My mother’s parents and siblings all live in Seattle. We all live a few mins away from each other. Naturally, sometimes I share some of my problems with my mom and she would call her mom and her siblings and there was absolutely no privacy and everyone would end up finding out about the problems I had shared with my mom. And I will take responsibility for this as I didn’t understand how to establish these boundaries. I turned her down many times when she would ask about my sexual life and when she would pry. I did everything I could, but my mother is on a different level of emotional abuse and strained me that I ended up telling her bc I feared for my life that she would get so mad if I didn’t. Just giving examples. And when I’d share little problems with her out of frustration, she would tell everyone.

Let me give an example. I was trying to explain the concept of privacy to her and how she can’t just go around and tell everyone my business. Like what happened is that I have one ovary and when I tell you my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and everyone knows it’s so embarrassing and she never asked me before telling them. Now you may ask, how does your mom know? She has access to my medical information (all my passwords and usernames) and obviously when I found this out for the first time I panicked and told my mom. She goes on to expose how my ex “used” me for the last time before divorcing me in front of my UNCLE. Like what’s the reason to even say this? Now you may ask how does she know that you guys had sex. We did it in my parents house in the room next to theirs bc we were on vacation visiting my parents in Seattle here before he left me in Seattle and left to go back to Canada and then called me 2 weeks later to divorce me. And I still cannot even look my uncle in the eyes bc I feel so embarrassed cause my mother can’t watch her words.

When I got divorced, she went on to apologize and tell me that she’s sorry for controlling my life and for not giving me the freedom to be myself which has made me end up in the position today as this marriage was my moms decision. Ofc I agreed and bc I had grown-up thinking that I can’t upset her and that whatever decision she makes for me I have to say yes. And now the same pattern continues and I’m trying to break it bc I’m so sick and tired of living like this.

It’s made going through my divorce so much more difficult. The one thing marriage gave me was freedom. The first time I ever cut my hair was after I had gotten married and I felt so free. I can’t move out at the moment for cultural and religious reasons, so please don’t give me that advice and I also have an anxious personality, so it’s not easy to just ignore her.

Any advice at ALL?

I really need to understand if I’m in the wrong here. Me and my mother just cannot see eye to eye on these matters, and I don’t know why.

My issue with my mother is that she is very very very controlling and never gave me the freedom to grow up and live how I wanted to live and bc of this reason I am now 22 and divorced.

Let me give some examples. She tells me that I’m not allowed to cut my hair, dye my hair, get a nose piercing, and absolutely NOT allowed to wear makeup. She gives me a strict curfew and I’m not allowed to be past that curfew. She tells me that I cannot be in bed in the morning past 11 AM. She tells me that I need to grow up and that as you get older, you realize you can’t sleep in?? She says life isn’t proper this way? She tells me that unmarried girls should not put on make up and the ONLY time I ever explored makeup or was allowed near it was after I had gotten married. Naturally, I fell in love with it and now that I’m divorced I want to continue putting it on and living life for myself but the other day I put it on to go to my aunts house and my mom’s tactic is that if I do anything to upset her and if I don’t listen to all of her decisions she uses the silent treatment to guilt trip me. And that day, I asked her what’s wrong with putting it on and she was saying that you are not married anymore and she said word for word “ you have to live the same way you were before you got married” but who is she to make these rules?! I AM ALMOST 23!!!!!!! Like wtf?

As long as I’m not disrespecting her, working (I genuinely only sleep in on my days off), trying my best, learning, growing, helping in the house… and just doing what a good daughter does why can’t I make these little decisions for myself? She thinks I’m disrespectful when I say no to something she says, and I don’t understand how or why. I told her if she thinks being a respectful daughter is saying yes to everything she says then I can’t help her. And I genuinely don’t feel bad bc my ENTIRE life has been spent running on her commands and wishes like a puppet and I’m so tired of it.

And my divorce has changed me in ways I can never explain. She cussed out my ex and called him a bastard when he was divorcing me, and naturally would have a problem whenever he would politely decline her or tell her no or disagree with her bc she wanted to control him the same way she’s controlled me my entire life, but he wasn’t the type of guy to be controlled. I’m not blaming my mom for my divorce bc at the end of the day, he was a rapist and he was abusive towards me, but I’m trying to explain that I have this 15% - 20% of bitterness towards my mother for playing a tiny part in causing a rift between me and my ex bc she would pry on our personal life and ask about our sexual life. Like for example I took off my location as my husband (at the time) wasn’t comfortable with it, and my mom gave me the silent treatment and went on to say that I betrayed her. Kept asking if I had sex with him and ofc he wasn’t comfortable with her asking this. Anyway, that chapter of my life is gone. I’m just bringing this up to share my bitter feelings. I’m also the only daughter and sister of 3 brothers and naturally my mom is very protective of me and attached to me. My mother’s parents and siblings all live in Seattle. We all live a few mins away from each other. Naturally, sometimes I share some of my problems with my mom and she would call her mom and her siblings and there was absolutely no privacy and everyone would end up finding out about the problems I had shared with my mom. And I will take responsibility for this as I didn’t understand how to establish these boundaries. I turned her down many times when she would ask about my sexual life and when she would pry. I did everything I could, but my mother is on a different level of emotional abuse and strained me that I ended up telling her bc I feared for my life that she would get so mad if I didn’t. Just giving examples. And when I’d share little problems with her out of frustration, she would tell everyone.

Let me give an example. I was trying to explain the concept of privacy to her and how she can’t just go around and tell everyone my business. Like what happened is that I have one ovary and when I tell you my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and everyone knows it’s so embarrassing and she never asked me before telling them. Now you may ask, how does your mom know? She has access to my medical information (all my passwords and usernames) and obviously when I found this out for the first time I panicked and told my mom. She goes on to expose how my ex “used” me for the last time before divorcing me in front of my UNCLE. Like what’s the reason to even say this? Now you may ask how does she know that you guys had sex. We did it in my parents house in the room next to theirs bc we were on vacation visiting my parents in Seattle here before he left me in Seattle and left to go back to Canada and then called me 2 weeks later to divorce me. And I still cannot even look my uncle in the eyes bc I feel so embarrassed cause my mother can’t watch her words.

When I got divorced, she went on to apologize and tell me that she’s sorry for controlling my life and for not giving me the freedom to be myself which has made me end up in the position today as this marriage was my moms decision. Ofc I agreed and bc I had grown-up thinking that I can’t upset her and that whatever decision she makes for me I have to say yes. And now the same pattern continues and I’m trying to break it bc I’m so sick and tired of living like this.

It’s made going through my divorce so much more difficult. The one thing marriage gave me was freedom. The first time I ever cut my hair was after I had gotten married and I felt so free. I can’t move out at the moment for cultural and religious reasons, so please don’t give me that advice and I also have an anxious personality, so it’s not easy to just ignore her.

Any advice at ALL?

Salam everyone,

I am going through a very difficult divorce. My ex husband was abusive. One of my friends got married about 2 months before me and she has a baby girl already. I’m just looking for some help on how to avoid jealousy and comparing myself to her. I just went to focus on my healing and move on from this painful divorce. It’s been about 2 months since my divorce, but I’ve finished 3 menstrual cycles so my iddat is over.

Please don’t judge me and tell me I’m young and I have lots of time (I’m 22). I never imagined being a divorcee, but I know it’s a test from Allah swt. I’m thankful He saved me from having a baby with my narcissistic abusive ex. My marriage has absolutely destroyed my personality and has made me so afraid and scared of trusting men ever again. I panic and shake and it’s just so bad.

In my community, all my friends are mostly married with kids. Marriages at a fairly young age (early 20s) are a norm and I feel so behind. I feel like I was stripped away from living my dreams and from a future I imagined I would also have by now. I’ve wanted to be loved for as long as I wanted, but it’s so painful when I witness others live the life I so badly make dua for.

I genuinely don’t have jealousy for her, but I’m just going through a lot and could use advice on how to find peace or comfort. I think I was raped by him as well and I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror either. I barely have the energy to live. I feel like a dead person and alongside this I still have to work. I feel so overwhelmed. My friend has been on my mind all day and I just wish I could have what she has. Any tips, experiences, or positivity would really help me.

Salam everyone,

I am going through a very difficult divorce. My ex husband was abusive. One of my friends got married about 2 months before me and she has a baby girl already. I’m just looking for some help on how to avoid jealousy and comparing myself to her. I just went to focus on my healing and move on from this painful divorce. It’s been about 2 months since my divorce, but I’ve finished 3 menstrual cycles so my iddat is over.

Please don’t judge me and tell me I’m young and I have lots of time (I’m 22). I never imagined being a divorcee, but I know it’s a test from Allah swt. I’m thankful He saved me from having a baby with my narcissistic abusive ex. My marriage has absolutely destroyed my personality and has made me so afraid and scared of trusting men ever again. I panic and shake and it’s just so bad.

In my community, all my friends are mostly married with kids. Marriages at a fairly young age (early 20s) are a norm and I feel so behind. I feel like I was stripped away from living my dreams and from a future I imagined I would also have by now. I’ve wanted to be loved for as long as I wanted, but it’s so painful when I witness others live the life I so badly make dua for.

I genuinely don’t have jealousy for her, but I’m just going through a lot and could use advice on how to find peace or comfort. I think I was raped by him as well and I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror either. I barely have the energy to live. I feel like a dead person and alongside this I still have to work. I feel so overwhelmed. My friend has been on my mind all day and I just wish I could have what she has. Any tips, experiences, or positivity would really help me.

Hello everyone,

I am going through a very difficult divorce. My ex husband was abusive. One of my friends got married about 2 months before me and she has a baby girl already. I’m just looking for some help on how to avoid jealousy and comparing myself to her. I just went to focus on my healing and move on from this painful divorce. It’s been about 2 months since my divorce.

Please don’t judge me and tell me I’m young and I have lots of time (I’m 22). I never imagined being a divorcee, but I know it’s a test from God. I’m thankful He saved me from having a baby with my narcissistic abusive ex. My marriage has absolutely destroyed my personality and has made me so afraid and scared of trusting men ever again. I panic and shake and it’s just so bad.

In my community, all my friends are mostly married with kids. Marriages at a fairly young age (early 20s) are a norm and I feel so behind. I feel like I was stripped away from living my dreams and from a future I imagined I would also have by now. I’ve wanted to be loved for as long as I wanted, but it’s so painful when I witness others live the life I so badly pray for.

I genuinely don’t have jealousy for her, but I’m just going through a lot and could use advice on how to find peace or comfort. I think I was raped by him as well and I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror either. I barely have the energy to live. I feel like a dead person and alongside this I still have to work. I feel so overwhelmed. My friend has been on my mind all day and I just wish I could have what she has. Any tips, experiences, or positivity would really help me.

Salam everyone,

I am going through a very difficult divorce. My ex husband was abusive. One of my friends got married about 2 months before me and she has a baby girl already. I’m just looking for some help on how to avoid jealousy and comparing myself to her. I just went to focus on my healing and move on from this painful divorce. It’s been about 2 months since my divorce, but I’ve finished 3 menstrual cycles so my iddat is over.

Please don’t judge me and tell me I’m young and I have lots of time (I’m 22). I never imagined being a divorcee, but I know it’s a test from Allah swt. I’m thankful He saved me from having a baby with my narcissistic abusive ex. My marriage has absolutely destroyed my personality and has made me so afraid and scared of trusting men ever again. I panic and shake and it’s just so bad.

In my community, all my friends are mostly married with kids. Marriages at a fairly young age (early 20s) are a norm and I feel so behind. I feel like I was stripped away from living my dreams and from a future I imagined I would also have by now. I’ve wanted to be loved for as long as I wanted, but it’s so painful when I witness others live the life I so badly make dua for.

I genuinely don’t have jealousy for her, but I’m just going through a lot and could use advice on how to find peace or comfort. I think I was raped by him as well and I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror either. I barely have the energy to live. I feel like a dead person and alongside this I still have to work. I feel so overwhelmed. My friend has been on my mind all day and I just wish I could have what she has. Any tips, experiences, or positivity would really help me.

How do people work while going through something as painful as divorce?

I swear to god I feel like I can’t function. Not to mention that working with kids on top of that is so much more harder bc they drain so much energy out of you already and it’s not like I have any energy to give out in the first place.

This should literally be illegal. And I’m such a strong person. It takes so much courage to wake up everyday with a heavy and broken heart and go chase my career and build something stable for myself.

I honestly crash so hard when I get home and just cannot stop crying and I feel so tired and exhausted. I just want a way out from this. I wanna be happy again so bad and I’m saying this while sobbing my eyes out. I feel so helpless and alone.

Life is genuinely so beautiful with so many opportunities and blessings, but life feels so pointless and boring and dull without my ex. I just can’t seem to find peace anywhere.

Are there ANY tips to make this better at ALL?

I’m stupid. I should’ve listened to my intuition.

My intuition told me it’s weird that my ex-husband didn’t want to discuss finances with me and didn’t want to tell me how much money he makes. I told him we are life partners and we should openly share these things with each other, but he told me that I’m pressuring him and it makes him uncomfortable. I was so hurt, but I overlooked it because I was like oh whatever maybe he’ll open up with the time.

My intuition told me it’s weird and sketchy how he doesn’t engage in conversation about kids or our future kids names. I would light up at the thought of having kids with him and what we would name them, but he would be dry and cover it up by saying he’s not ready for kids. He wouldn’t engage in long term future planning with me either or deep level connection by sharing pics or talking about.

My intuition told me it’s weird how his brothers and him were all born and raised in Canada yet his older brother marries a village girl from Pakistan. As if all the girls in Canada and America were dead??? I asked my mom before marriage if his older brother has some disability bc it didn’t make sense to me how they’re all educated and stable in Canada, but again I overlooked it bc it wasn’t my problem. Turns out nobody wants to give their daughter to my ex in laws family bc they are seriously mentally ill people. (Long story, check my other posts for details).

HE WASNT INVESTED IN A FUTURE WITH ME, NEVER SAW ME AS A PARTNER, AND USED ME TO FULFILL HIS STUPID SEXUAL DESIRES, AND AS SOON AS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF MARRIAGE, CREEPED UP, HE LEFT.

ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. IT’S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.

UGH IM SO MAD.

HIM AND HIS “MOMMY” CANT EVEN FACE ME. COWARDS. My friend face times me while his mommy hides in the back lol creeping up on my status, but doesn’t have the guts to tell to my face he doesn’t want to continue this marriage. Neither him or his so called “mommy.”

Anyway, im 22, only married for 8 months, got no kids, got my whole 20s ahead of me to live, learn, and explore. My ex is 29, almost in his 30s, starting med school (I assume), and yeah… anyway hope his second wife has fun raising him…if he can even find one.

I’m stupid. I should’ve listened to my intuition.

My intuition told me it’s weird that my ex-husband didn’t want to discuss finances with me and didn’t want to tell me how much money he makes. I told him we are life partners and we should openly share these things with each other, but he told me that I’m pressuring him and it makes him uncomfortable. I was so hurt, but I overlooked it because I was like oh whatever maybe he’ll open up with the time.

My intuition told me it’s weird and sketchy how he doesn’t engage in conversation about kids or our future kids names. I would light up at the thought of having kids with him and what we would name them, but he would be dry and cover it up by saying he’s not ready for kids. He wouldn’t engage in long term future planning with me either or deep level connection by sharing pics or talking about.

My intuition told me it’s weird how his brothers and him were all born and raised in Canada yet his older brother marries a village girl from Pakistan. As if all the girls in Canada and America were dead??? I asked my mom before marriage if his older brother has some disability bc it didn’t make sense to me how they’re all educated and stable in Canada, but again I overlooked it bc it wasn’t my problem. Turns out nobody wants to give their daughter to my ex in laws family bc they are seriously mentally ill people. (Long story, check my other posts for details).

HE WASNT INVESTED IN A FUTURE WITH ME, NEVER SAW ME AS A PARTNER, AND USED ME TO FULFILL HIS STUPID SEXUAL DESIRES, AND AS SOON AS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF MARRIAGE, CREEPED UP, HE LEFT.

ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. IT’S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.

UGH IM SO MAD.

HIM AND HIS “MOMMY” CANT EVEN FACE ME. COWARDS. My friend face times me while his mommy hides in the back lol creeping up on my status, but doesn’t have the guts to tell to my face he doesn’t want to continue this marriage. Neither him or his so called “mommy.”

Anyway, im 22, only married for 8 months, got no kids, got my whole 20s ahead of me to live, learn, and explore. My ex is 29, almost in his 30s, starting med school (I assume), and yeah… anyway hope his second wife has fun raising him…if he can even find one.

I’m stupid. I should’ve listened to my intuition.

My intuition told me it’s weird that my ex-husband didn’t want to discuss finances with me and didn’t want to tell me how much money he makes. I told him we are life partners and we should openly share these things with each other, but he told me that I’m pressuring him and it makes him uncomfortable. I was so hurt, but I overlooked it because I was like oh whatever maybe he’ll open up with the time.

My intuition told me it’s weird and sketchy how he doesn’t engage in conversation about kids or our future kids names. I would light up at the thought of having kids with him and what we would name them, but he would be dry and cover it up by saying he’s not ready for kids. He wouldn’t engage in long term future planning with me either or deep level connection by sharing pics or talking about.

My intuition told me it’s weird how his brothers and him were all born and raised in Canada yet his older brother marries a village girl from Pakistan. As if all the girls in Canada and America were dead??? I asked my mom before marriage if his older brother has some disability bc it didn’t make sense to me how they’re all educated and stable in Canada, but again I overlooked it bc it wasn’t my problem. Turns out nobody wants to give their daughter to my ex in laws family bc they are seriously mentally ill people. (Long story, check my other posts for details).

HE WASNT INVESTED IN A FUTURE WITH ME, NEVER SAW ME AS A PARTNER, AND USED ME TO FULFILL HIS STUPID SEXUAL DESIRES, AND AS SOON AS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF MARRIAGE, CREEPED UP, HE LEFT.

ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. IT’S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY.

UGH IM SO MAD.

HIM AND HIS “MOMMY” CANT EVEN FACE ME. COWARDS. My friend face times me while his mommy hides in the back lol creeping up on my status, but doesn’t have the guts to tell to my face he doesn’t want to continue this marriage. Neither him or his so called “mommy.”

Anyway, im 22, only married for 8 months, got no kids, got my whole 20s ahead of me to live, learn, and explore. My ex is 29, almost in his 30s, starting med school (I assume), and yeah… anyway hope his second wife has fun raising him…if he can even find one.

Hey everyone, I need help understanding why my ex is doing this.

Background info: he told me about a month ago that he doesn’t want to continue this marriage and this came all of a sudden. He basically said that he made this decision with his mom and his reasons for making this decision is that we are just very emotionally different people.

So basically it’s been a month and he’s given me 2 divorces and he still has yet to give me the 3rd one, he told my dad about two weeks ago that the divorce papers are on their way, but I still haven’t received them. He’s sending them from Canada to the US so I assume maybe there were just some issues with customs and stuff and lastly is that he still has yet to send me my stuff from Canada to the US because the way the situation played out was that in March we were visiting my family and we were supposed to go back after visiting my family, but I ended up staying here because he told me we needed space apart and then that’s when he said he can’t continue the marriage so yeah my stuff is still there.

I don’t understand why he’s delaying and dragging this process.

And I just found out that he’s been spreading insane and evil rumors about me to my sheikh in my community. And this is ridiculous. How can someone fall this low to the point where they need to ruin my reputation???

A bit about my ex: he avoids communication, accountability, is emotionally unavailable. He’s basically a very hard-core dismissive avoidant who let things pile up and then eventually when they become too much he bursts and emotionally and mentally checks out. He can’t sit with accountability or guilt.

The thing is I’m an Alimah and my sheikh taught me Hadith and tafsir. I’ve grown up in front of his own eyes since I was 7. I’m now 22. Like he raised me in a way. I studied in his madrassa for 9 years. My family has so much respect and honor in this community. So what does my ex think? He thinks that he can go behind my back and fill in his ears against me but jokes on him this community knows me since I was a little kid so no one’s gonna believe him??? Like is he trying to find someone to validate his decision of leaving me so that he doesn’t feel guilt? So that his guilt has reduced?

A little bit more info on my ex and his family: his mom is very controlling and possessive, and she just cannot emotionally handle anybody around her sons or else she starts freaking out. My ex’s dad doesn’t have any say in household decisions and his wife (my ex MIL) has been controlling him since they got married. At the time of ending this marriage, I threw up, and I started hysterically crying to which my ex and his mom who were on the phone started laughing at me and said that they know karma will get them and that they’re ready to face it. Like who says that???? Who laughs at someone’s pain??? Now for the bigger part: my exs older brother is married so I have an ex SIL who is from Pakistan. She comes from the village and uneducated population. Anyway, she isn’t allowed to talk to her family on the phone, isn’t allowed to visit her family back home, has to live with her in-laws, and the cherry on the top is that she works from 2 PM to 11 PM and gives all the money she earns to my ex MIL to help her run the house???

so idk what these people were expecting from me, but if they expected to dominate me and control me the same way jokes on them, that’s not gonna happen. Allah saved me for sure.

At the same time, I’m still very broken and shocked. I feel like I was married to a man who had a mask behind his face the whole time like at least respect the fact that we were intimate??! Before defaming me? The fact that I was a very traditional and giving wife??? Like it doesn’t make sense how people can switch up on you so fast the moment they decide they don’t want you in their life???

And I did beg him. I know I shouldn’t have now that I look back, but I begged him and a lot of my family members begged him to not end this marriage over very trivial matters, but he didn’t listen. Now, if he was expecting me to get a ticket and fly back to Canada and beg him to his feet to take me back, that wasn’t gonna happen.

Hey everyone, I need help understanding why my ex is doing this.

Background info: he told me about a month ago that he doesn’t want to continue this marriage and this came all of a sudden. He basically said that he made this decision with his mom and his reasons for making this decision is that we are just very emotionally different people.

So basically it’s been a month and he’s given me 2 divorces and he still has yet to give me the 3rd one, he told my dad about two weeks ago that the divorce papers are on their way, but I still haven’t received them. He’s sending them from Canada to the US so I assume maybe there were just some issues with customs and stuff and lastly is that he still has yet to send me my stuff from Canada to the US because the way the situation played out was that in March we were visiting my family and we were supposed to go back after visiting my family, but I ended up staying here because he told me we needed space apart and then that’s when he said he can’t continue the marriage so yeah my stuff is still there.

I don’t understand why he’s delaying and dragging this process.

And I just found out that he’s been spreading insane and evil rumors about me to my sheikh in my community. And this is ridiculous. How can someone fall this low to the point where they need to ruin my reputation???

A bit about my ex: he avoids communication, accountability, is emotionally unavailable. He’s basically a very hard-core dismissive avoidant who let things pile up and then eventually when they become too much he bursts and emotionally and mentally checks out. He can’t sit with accountability or guilt.

The thing is I’m an Alimah and my sheikh taught me Hadith and tafsir. I’ve grown up in front of his own eyes since I was 7. I’m now 22. Like he raised me in a way. I studied in his madrassa for 9 years. My family has so much respect and honor in this community. So what does my ex think? He thinks that he can go behind my back and fill in his ears against me but jokes on him this community knows me since I was a little kid so no one’s gonna believe him??? Like is he trying to find someone to validate his decision of leaving me so that he doesn’t feel guilt? So that his guilt has reduced?

A little bit more info on my ex and his family: his mom is very controlling and possessive, and she just cannot emotionally handle anybody around her sons or else she starts freaking out. My ex’s dad doesn’t have any say in household decisions and his wife (my ex MIL) has been controlling him since they got married. At the time of ending this marriage, I threw up, and I started hysterically crying to which my ex and his mom who were on the phone started laughing at me and said that they know karma will get them and that they’re ready to face it. Like who says that???? Who laughs at someone’s pain??? Now for the bigger part: my exs older brother is married so I have an ex SIL who is from Pakistan. She comes from the village and uneducated population. Anyway, she isn’t allowed to talk to her family on the phone, isn’t allowed to visit her family back home, has to live with her in-laws, and the cherry on the top is that she works from 2 PM to 11 PM and gives all the money she earns to my ex MIL to help her run the house???

so idk what these people were expecting from me, but if they expected to dominate me and control me the same way jokes on them, that’s not gonna happen. Allah saved me for sure.

At the same time, I’m still very broken and shocked. I feel like I was married to a man who had a mask behind his face the whole time like at least respect the fact that we were intimate??! Before defaming me? The fact that I was a very traditional and giving wife??? Like it doesn’t make sense how people can switch up on you so fast the moment they decide they don’t want you in their life???

And I did beg him. I know I shouldn’t have now that I look back, but I begged him and a lot of my family members begged him to not end this marriage over very trivial matters, but he didn’t listen. Now, if he was expecting me to get a ticket and fly back to Canada and beg him to his feet to take me back, that wasn’t gonna happen.

Hey everyone, I need help understanding why my ex is doing this.

Background info: he told me about a month ago that he doesn’t want to continue this marriage and this came all of a sudden. He basically said that he made this decision with his mom and his reasons for making this decision is that we are just very emotionally different people.

So basically it’s been a month and he’s given me 2 divorces and he still has yet to give me the 3rd one, he told my dad about two weeks ago that the divorce papers are on their way, but I still haven’t received them. He’s sending them from Canada to the US so I assume maybe there were just some issues with customs and stuff and lastly is that he still has yet to send me my stuff from Canada to the US because the way the situation played out was that in March we were visiting my family and we were supposed to go back after visiting my family, but I ended up staying here because he told me we needed space apart and then that’s when he said he can’t continue the marriage so yeah my stuff is still there.

I don’t understand why he’s delaying and dragging this process.

And I just found out that he’s been spreading insane and evil rumors about me to my sheikh in my community. And this is ridiculous. How can someone fall this low to the point where they need to ruin my reputation???

A bit about my ex: he avoids communication, accountability, is emotionally unavailable. He’s basically a very hard-core dismissive avoidant who let things pile up and then eventually when they become too much he bursts and emotionally and mentally checks out. He can’t sit with accountability or guilt.

The thing is I’m an Alimah and my sheikh taught me Hadith and tafsir. I’ve grown up in front of his own eyes since I was 7. I’m now 22. Like he raised me in a way. I studied in his madrassa for 9 years. My family has so much respect and honor in this community. So what does my ex think? He thinks that he can go behind my back and fill in his ears against me but jokes on him this community knows me since I was a little kid so no one’s gonna believe him??? Like is he trying to find someone to validate his decision of leaving me so that he doesn’t feel guilt? So that his guilt has reduced?

A little bit more info on my ex and his family: his mom is very controlling and possessive, and she just cannot emotionally handle anybody around her sons or else she starts freaking out. My ex’s dad doesn’t have any say in household decisions and his wife (my ex MIL) has been controlling him since they got married. At the time of ending this marriage, I threw up, and I started hysterically crying to which my ex and his mom who were on the phone started laughing at me and said that they know karma will get them and that they’re ready to face it. Like who says that???? Who laughs at someone’s pain??? Now for the bigger part: my exs older brother is married so I have an ex SIL who is from Pakistan. She comes from the village and uneducated population. Anyway, she isn’t allowed to talk to her family on the phone, isn’t allowed to visit her family back home, has to live with her in-laws, and the cherry on the top is that she works from 2 PM to 11 PM and gives all the money she earns to my ex MIL to help her run the house???

so idk what these people were expecting from me, but if they expected to dominate me and control me the same way jokes on them, that’s not gonna happen. Allah saved me for sure.

At the same time, I’m still very broken and shocked. I feel like I was married to a man who had a mask behind his face the whole time like at least respect the fact that we were intimate??! Before defaming me? The fact that I was a very traditional and giving wife??? Like it doesn’t make sense how people can switch up on you so fast the moment they decide they don’t want you in their life???

And I did beg him. I know I shouldn’t have now that I look back, but I begged him and a lot of my family members begged him to not end this marriage over very trivial matters, but he didn’t listen. Now, if he was expecting me to get a ticket and fly back to Canada and beg him to his feet to take me back, that wasn’t gonna happen.

Hey everyone, I need help understanding why my ex is doing this.

Background info: he told me about a month ago that he doesn’t want to continue this marriage and this came all of a sudden. He basically said that he made this decision with his mom and his reasons for making this decision is that we are just very emotionally different people.

So basically it’s been a month and he’s given me 2 divorces and he still has yet to give me the 3rd one, he told my dad about two weeks ago that the divorce papers are on their way, but I still haven’t received them. He’s sending them from Canada to the US so I assume maybe there were just some issues with customs and stuff and lastly is that he still has yet to send me my stuff from Canada to the US because the way the situation played out was that in March we were visiting my family and we were supposed to go back after visiting my family, but I ended up staying here because he told me we needed space apart and then that’s when he said he can’t continue the marriage so yeah my stuff is still there.

I don’t understand why he’s delaying and dragging this process.

And I just found out that he’s been spreading insane and evil rumors about me to my sheikh in my community. And this is ridiculous. How can someone fall this low to the point where they need to ruin my reputation???

A bit about my ex: he avoids communication, accountability, is emotionally unavailable. He’s basically a very hard-core dismissive avoidant who let things pile up and then eventually when they become too much he bursts and emotionally and mentally checks out. He can’t sit with accountability or guilt.

The thing is I’m an Alimah and my sheikh taught me Hadith and tafsir. I’ve grown up in front of his own eyes since I was 7. I’m now 22. Like he raised me in a way. I studied in his madrassa for 9 years. My family has so much respect and honor in this community. So what does my ex think? He thinks that he can go behind my back and fill in his ears against me but jokes on him this community knows me since I was a little kid so no one’s gonna believe him??? Like is he trying to find someone to validate his decision of leaving me so that he doesn’t feel guilt? So that his guilt has reduced?

A little bit more info on my ex and his family: his mom is very controlling and possessive, and she just cannot emotionally handle anybody around her sons or else she starts freaking out. My ex’s dad doesn’t have any say in household decisions and his wife (my ex MIL) has been controlling him since they got married. At the time of ending this marriage, I threw up, and I started hysterically crying to which my ex and his mom who were on the phone started laughing at me and said that they know karma will get them and that they’re ready to face it. Like holy shit. Who says that???? Who laughs at someone’s pain??? Now for the bigger part: my ex older brother is married so I have an ex SIL who is from Pakistan. She comes from the village and uneducated population. Anyway, she isn’t allowed to talk to her family on the phone, isn’t allowed to visit her family back home, has to live with her in-laws, and the cherry on the top is that she works 2 PM to 11 PM and gives all the money she earns to my ex MIL to help her run the house???

so idk what these cheap people were expecting from me, but if they expected to dominate me and control me the same way jokes on them, that’s not gonna happen. Allah saved me for sure.

At the same time, I’m still very broken and shocked. I feel like I was married to a man who had a mask behind his face the whole time like at least respect the fact that we had sex!!? Before defaming me? The fact that I was a very traditional and giving wife??? Like it doesn’t make sense how people can switch up on you so fast at the moment they decide they don’t want you in their life???

And I did beg him. I know I shouldn’t have now that I look back, but I begged him and a lot of my family members begged him to not end this marriage over a very trivial matters, but he didn’t listen. Now, if he was expecting me to get a ticket and fly back to Canada and beg him to his feet to take me back, that wasn’t gonna happen.

He has to miss it right? Men have to miss a woman who was so good to them right??!

Why did I learn how to make eggs the way he liked it?
Why did I adjust my entire day to meet his schedule?
If he wanted dinner earlier bc he has somewhere to go later, done. Even if I’m tired or dying from pain, it’ll get done.
If he wanted salad without tomatoes, done.
If he wanted laundry folded and his clothes laid out for work, done.
If he wanted someone to iron his clothes, done.
If he wanted to be served bc he’s tired and doesn’t want to get up from the couch, done.
If he wanted his closest to be rearranged, done.
If he wanted food to be packed for his dad, done.
If he wanted us to go spend time with his parents, done.
If he wanted me to make tea for his parents, done.
If he wanted me to host his friends and cook their favorite meals, done.
If he wanted me to wear sky blue, done.
If he wanted me to be ready for him on the bed, done.
If he wanted me to go to a community event with him, done. Why? Bc it made him happy and his happiness meant everything to me.
No matter what he wanted he got, bc I loved taking care of him, seeing him happy, being a traditional and giving wife.

3 things were done every single day no matter what:

1. pretty and dressed up wife
2. home cooked meal
3. clean house

Picture this: it’s suhoor time during Ramadan.
I set my alarm the quickest volume so it doesn’t wake him up.
I proceed to get out of bed while slightly laying the blanket back on the bed.
I walk out of the room and quietly shut the door behind me.
I turn on the kitchen lamp at the lowest mode
I check what he texted me for suhoor
Oats, eggs, sandwich, yogurt bowl? Whatever he wants, he gets.
I make it and serve it on a plate with his filled up water bottle.
I turn off the lamp behind me to quietly open the bedroom door and go tap him very very very gently “suhoors ready, come eat honey”

Yet he still left. He blindsided me. Didn’t think I was worth a conversation. Laughed at my pain. Told me I can wish for revenge if I want. Told me he’s found peace since he left me. Told me he doesn’t regret his decision. Chose his mom over me. Listened to her instead of fighting for us. Went behind my back to discuss our marital fights with other people and took their advice on divorcing me.

And the worst part? I had flowers and a gift basket ready to pick him up from the airport after he completed his itikaaf and he had talked to someone behind my back about ending our marriage. I was jumping up and down, hugged him so tight and smelled the scent of his clothes, held his hand so tight and started kissing it, and telling him I missed him.

All while he was planning an escape. The worst form of betrayal is seeing how much someone is in love with you, yet slowly playing with their emotions and planning an escape from them.

I don’t deserve this. What did I do wrong?
I’m devastated. Heartbroken. Torn apart. Like there’s a burning fire in my heart leaving wounds in me that I can’t heal.