u/TugaMeioConfuso

I'm not in a good situation. I don't know what else to do.

About 6 months ago I was seeing a therapist in the happiest period of my life. Nothing could harm me and I was invencible. Except for my job.

I began seeing a therapist. I think I knew on some level something was off.

I'm a bisexual male. The therapist asked me how come she could not "see" my sexuality from looking at me and what I thought about people who did "show" their sexuality. This was an ignorant question and I was kind of annoyed at it.

But I answered that I thought they were brave. We continued the session and later she circled back to it.

When she mentioned that I said they were brave I was instantly overwhelmed with anxiety and thoughts "I'm trans, I'm trans." This became obsessive and I immediately abandoned that therapist and started feeling things I had never felt before.

It's fucking terrifying and I'm angry at my happiness being taken from me. I now spend almost every waking minute thinking about this. I did have moments where I felt relief which was when I read about OCD and some OCD patterns and did see some of my thought patterns in there.

I do think there's a level of OCD to these feelings and thoughts, for example recently I was convinced my liver hurt because I drank too much during a long weekend and I scheduled a doctors appointment right away, only to be told by the doctor that livers can't hurt. I was convinced I had cirrhosis or at least fatty liver.

But at the same time there's definetly something else there as well, I never liked my own name and I've been feeling weird about things that were never a topic for me.

And the thing is I really don't want any kind of gender affirming care. I was fine with being a guy all my life or at even neutral about it.

Now my quality of life has severely dropped and I feel incredibly alone I also feel like shit a lot of the time.

In my country gender affirming care would be social suicide and my social connections are the most important thing I have. I kind of feel like my life has been taken away from me.

I don't want hormones or treatments or anything. I just want this all to go away and for me to have some peace of mind.

Realistically what can I do? Because everything I read everywhere seems to lead people to transitions and gender affirming care. Which I do NOT want at ALL and I especially don't want it to be presented as the first/only option for me.

I will admit I spend a long time reading forums about detransitioning. It gives me some sort of relief because it's like I can still come back even If I transition? I don't know anything I'm lost and scared.

And the options between feeling like this forever or imploding my entire life has been incredibly disruptive.

Tengo 27 años y trabajo en el área comercial de una multinacional de consultoría tecnológica nórdica.

Y sé que puede parecer una locura salir de Europa para ir a LATAM, pero la verdad es que creo que puedo ser trans. Y aunque Portugal es tolerante con personas de distintas sexualidades, la identidad de género es algo bastante inexplorado en Portugal y existe mucho prejuicio.

Antes de abrir esta caja de Pandora, necesito estar en un lugar donde me sienta cómodo para hacer esta exploración sin un rechazo social completo. Por eso estoy considerando Uruguay.

Tengo una licenciatura en ciencias sociales que hice en Portugal y una maestría en gestión de recursos humanos en una universidad privada española, aunque terminé trabajando en el área tecnológica.

Hablo español con fluidez y lo entiendo bien, aunque usé una IA para traducir esta publicación. También hablo portugués e inglés.

¿Cuáles son mis posibilidades de conseguir trabajo allí en esta área o en otra similar y tener una vida normal?

Incluso si eventualmente decido hacer algún tipo de transición?

It's strange because I used to be a super social person before this came to me. I thrived in social environments and I was very very happy. My happiest moments were in large social gatherings such as weddings, friends birthday parties, etc etc.

Which is the saddest part for me. I feel like opening this pandora's box has stolen so much from me. It's just incredibly sad. It started about 7 months ago. My therapist at the time pounded me about my sexuality as a bisexual men and these feelings emerged.

I never did any gender affirming care nor do I plan to.

But I'm struggling to deal with the "dysphoria" or whatever it is. I never liked my name. I was just starting to get used to it and presenting myself in my own name before this came up but now it gets so overwhelming being referred to my male pronouns or my name.

Now social situations tend to be draining. I just need some advice. Any sort of gender affirming care would implode my professional, personal and romantic life. I miss my old happiness so much.

I would honestly rather die than deal with the fallout related to any kind of affirmation or transition. But I need to do something about this. Meditation has kind of worked. I also work from home and spend a lot of time alone. Maybe I should start going to the gym again.

Any advice is very helpful