u/TurbulentBat8328

… a man made me feel horny and didn’t take his clothes off. Or mine.

Sex and sexual attraction are very mental for me and fortunately/unfortunately most men are dumb as shit and can’t understand that sex starts waaaaaay before clothes come off. But not this guy and I can tell that when it happens it’s going to be amazing. I thought because he‘s conventionally attractive he wouldn’t work for it (or wait) but it’s been the most amazing slow build over the last 3 months. I casually mentioned I prefer to wait and he took it as a challenge in the most respectful way - the flirt is always subtly sexy, the touch is always enough to make me want more without being overt and NGL I love that he really takes me in when he looks at me. Last nights goodnight kiss soaked my underwear 😭 - I shamelessly told him and the sext that followed …

He will be getting it.

My friends are struggling so badly right now since she was diagnosed with cancer and had to quit work because of chemo. She and her husband are hard working and have 3 kids. Everything they do they’ve always done themselves and they are genuinely some of the best people. I‘m not even making this a generational issue but just a general how can you be a parent and 🤷🏽‍♀️ at your kids suffering? Her mom is the worst and it’s breaking my heart so much. Both sets of parents are retired and extremely well off.

Friend is currently stressed about how much they have to dip into savings and how many extra side jobs her husband may have to take. They have to pull the youngest out of daycare because her job was paying for it. I dropped of sole freezer meals and her mom was over there going on about how they had to delay redoing the bathroom because they’re going away for 3 weeks and now friend can’t be over there to check in on the contractor (their friends are in FL and their other daughter is in another state). Ma’am, your daughter is sick.

My kids are everything to me. I can’t even begin to imagine not writing a check, paying the mortgage for a few months or even making sure the baby has a spot at daycare in this situation if I could if it would ease my daughters suffering for even one moment. What lesson are they wanting to teach here? I’m so sad and praying so hard for her family because it’s hard to see her friends step up for her more than her own mom.

Lol I love Bluey but we’re watching the house sale episode and I can think is how mad I’d be if I PACKED THE WHOLE HOUSE and now the buyers are like “nah mate I really wanted a pool” lmao. I hope they lost their earnest money deposit!

Add: Lol we are also moving, 15 minutes away so my 5yo had questions however we’re swapping a townhouse for a home on some acreage next to a horse farm so he‘s not upset lol he gets to drive his John Deer tractor and has already named one of the horses that we share a fence line with after Major Tom from the show 🥲

I can‘t relax anymore because she pounces immediately and then gets incredibly upset when I say no. I’m so tired of nursing but she is relentless and forceful and gets so angry it’s overwhelming : she’s generally just a very intense little person at this age compared to how her brother was so I’m actually also terrified to start day weaning because night weaning almost killed me - she screamed like I was hurting her for week. She does not take no for an answer and distractions don’t work. Please help

Structurally and in all the ways that don’t cost eye watering money it’s perfectly fine. We had an inspection and the foundation is perfect, the basement is solid and leak free, windows are older but still perfectly fine, the electrical and mechanics are newer and the roof was replaced in the last year. It’s on an acre on a beautiful country street with beautiful other homes around it (bought the ugliest home on the street) but the people who lived here gave absolutely no fu and let it fall into disrepair. I’ll admit the price (in this insane market) and the fact that our 900sf with 2 kids (one of whom has ADHD) was getting to me and heavily contributed to my rose tinted glasses but I’m having so so so mang regrets. We move in in under a month and I don‘t even know where the hell to start. We’re cleaning but everywhere I look is a hot mess and I’m moving my poor kids into a shit hole. They don’t care they are 2 and 5 and all my oldest kept on going on about is the yard and now he can go for a run and see the horses and my littlest was just toddling around happy as a clam. We don’t even have help with said kids to give us time to do much and that in itself if overwhelming me so much.

I know there’s a stereotype that follows XL bully breeds but it’s an earned one. There’s a reason they are banned in several countries. Also information that has come up about the breeder they use leads me to think he was not on the level and issues will arise with this dog. Issues I don’t want around my twins who are smaller and younger than her kids - I have asked that she crate him when were around and this annoys her so I just don’t go over anymore (we have always crated or moved our dogs to the second floor when a friend who is fearful comes over INCLUDING her son who was terrified of our newfie for ages because he’s huge).

Her husband wanted the dog but she’s the main caregiver for it because he’s never really home. She’s a tiny woman and the dog is currently 8 months old and 100lbs - last week I watched her struggle walking him because he kept pulling and pulling her along. They are in training as a family for the dog but have never owned a dog so this was also just wild for me to go from never ever having had a dog even as a child to getting an XL bully. I’m still seeing her regularly just not at their house - we’ll go to the playground etc. but she often cuts it short because she has to let the dog out etc. which is why she wants us to be over but IDK until the dogs been trained a few more months (they have had him for 3 months and training only started a month ago).

Add: I don’t mean to offend any bully owners. My in-laws have 2 adopted ones but they have had bully breeds for years. They also crate them when company is around because liability even though the dogs are well trained and socialized.

This episode is cracking me TF up and my kid keeps telling me to shut up. This prince and princess story role play is hilarious and the true love bit about Bosco not being Frisky’s friend anymore lol. I‘m glad I stopped being a hater and started this show because I myself look forward to pre-dinner watching!

I have known forever that people may look at me and my husband and think he’s somehow too good for me. He is tall and traditionally handsome. He’s also white. I am African. I am pretty average looking. I used to be in great shape (we met during varsity track) but we’ve have 4 kids in 8 years so I’ve gained weight. I do take care of my appearance. I’m clean, dress presentably and my hair is always done. Today hearing it was a little hurtful (some white ladies were whispering about us after my husband stopped by the playground on his way to the gym) but you know what lol, he’s with ME. Not you. He‘s loved me well for 14 years and will do so forever. It’s so sad that people can’t see that marriage and relationships aren’t just about looks. I’ll get back in shape eventually but right now I’m just enjoying my kids and my life without worrying about 25 extra pounds my husband doesn’t give a shit about lol.

Son is 5. He is currently in a preschool program 3x per week and doing ok-ish. His teacher has been the real MVP because her son as ADHD so she’s really trying. He has had issues with keeping his hands to himself (hugging/grabbing friends when excited), snatching without asking and trouble with waiting/taking turns (cries) never ever violent - he’s a big softie but his emotions are huge though and bubble right over with little provocation - he cries a lot and we have a 1yo. She cries less. Doctor and Psych refuse to medicate until 6 so we didn’t sign up for kindergarten for the fall.

My husband has it in his mind to homeschool. Flat out I don’t want to but we live in a rural district with not the best supports for kids who need extra help: evidence is a neighbor with a deeply depressed 10yo due to bullying, social troubles and unable to get through a school day without struggles and multiple people we know who have sold their houses and are renting to be in better support districts. Our area only has 2 schools that are tailored to kids with learning differences and both only start at age 9, there’s also long wait lists but another school has to be happening between that time as well. Private schools are expensive even with financial aid. One of which is notorious for pushing kids who might drop their 98% college acceptance rate out (someone we know went through this)

I feel like a fish out of water with all of this. I have anxiety about my son’s educational prospects every single night. I also don’t want to be in charge of it by homeschooling. I can’t do it and don’t want to do it but I’m scared for public school and cant afford private school. we can’t afford a move. everything I’m our area is so expensive even with rent. Please give me advice anything. I’m spiraling.

I’m pretty much over living in the US after having our second kid. All I can think of is how much better our lives would be back home (Wiesbaden, Germany). I miss my family. My parents (unlike his) are retired and able to help with the kids more. He CAN speak some German although he is rusty. There’s nothing keeping us here that is worth it in the grand scheme of things. I’ve tried broaching the subject multiple times but he keeps shutting it down. A while ago he was open to it but now it’s like he doesn’t want anything to do with the conversation.

Add: in our current situation; the pros of moving home far outweigh the cons: just the security and peace of mind of things like universal healthcare, kindergeld, subsidized preschool and even quality public education are some example. He also wants another child (as do I) but I couldn’t manage a third without support or having to pay out of the nose for it.

Anyone send their mixed/POC kids to a Wayne school? We purchased a home 1 street over from the Wayne Monroe county line so we’ll no longer be in the Webster school district. We tried for Spencerport (we have 3 mixed couple friends out there and they love the schools) but kept getting outbid on the kind of property we wanted (10+ acres, I grew up with farmer parents and wanted to get back to being able to raise some livestock and grow flowers and food). My son doesn’t *have* to start school this year; we are ok with starting him at 6 and we’re right on 104 so driving to a private school is an option.

I mentioned Wayne county to a co-worker who is a person of color who was born and raised in Rochester (my husband and I are not originally from here) and they said they’d avoid living that far east because of lack of diversity and a fear my child would be ostricized. I get that rural communities can be very conservative leaning but we couldn’t afford this kind of acreage in Webster. We’re here for the long haul but I’m questioning if we should just be saving for a private school or take a chance with a Wayne public school and hope for the best.

For reference it was hidden and locked. He went looking for it and broke the lock off to read it and is now acting like the injured party. He’s 13. He’s not acting actually, he’s distraught and his therapist and mine both think I should be the one to apologize and I feel like I’m in the twilight zone because not only was it well hidden - it was locked and he just decided to find and read it.

I have done my best since he was diagnosed to make sure he has the best of everything to help him succeed in life. I am not perfect but we’ve always done therapy, we’ve adjusted meds, routines, diets, have been good partners to his teachers and aids, given him 2 years of homeschool when he was struggling and champion him when he’s struggling.

At some point despite all this and still living a literal shit show I went into therapy myself because I genuinely just felt like a major loser and a failure putting in massive amounts of effort and seeing little to no improvement. I’ve accepted that it just is what it is but my therapist suggested I write.

I do not hate my son and looking back at the entries, none are about him but about the behaviors that most get to me. One page though that really affected him was the one where I said I’m glad I had his sister despite my fears of having another ADHD brain in the house (his dad) and that she’s “normal” because he’ll have someone to take care of him hopefully as he gets older because I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to function on his own at this rate and she’s been pretty self sufficient, generally much better behaved and “together” since she was a toddler (she’s 9 now).

I do not play favorites with my kids; I’ve always been relieved that his sister is seemingly NT and up until HE read that he had no idea of these thoughts (by his admission he said so as well). He has different rules for like 2 things (punishments and chores are handled differently) but his sister knows why. They also adore eachother and always have.

I’m upset that he once again disrespected a boundary because he got it into his head he wanted to do something and just didn’t stop but I’m not ready to be the one to apologize. This is his own fault. I have sacrificed so much for him. Sleep, sanity, my career took a backseat when school was too much, we don’t travel as much as we used to because it can be too much for him etc. the only thing I had was journaling time to vent and he took that away from me by disrespecting my private thoughts.

And now I must apologize?

Unpopular opinion me if you must but the good majority of these kids have no home training. My niece (husbands really) had her grad party today. SHE is allowed to drink by her mom and that’s their business but her friends (+ the two mixed boys in question) grabbed a full bottle of wine to take to their table and when my husband (rightly) said “ummm, no, while you’re here we’re responsible for you so no alcohol you’re underage“.

Don’t you know this boy squared up and said “fuck you” to his face. Little did he know that just because we’re in the suburbs doesn’t mean my husband is *that* suburban white guy because what followed lol… no children were harmed in the doling out of that lesson… Anyway after the dust had settled my MIL said “that’s Jessica’s kid” and I just said of coarse he’s Jessica’s kid because mine and all the ones I know with black moms would never.

… she’s a woman of color. I’m a woman of color. Her workouts really helped me get into better shape and she shared such relatable content. I also loved that she was a woman of color with a similar body type and similar body issues after having a baby. Her comfort level with just saying it outright also just reminded me how far gone we’re becoming in this country about basic (and lifesaving and NECESSARY health care). Just so disappointed 😢

🥲

We’re just not going anywhere anymore. I cancelled Disney plans because I can’t anymore. We just abruptly left the splash pad and playground because even though we went through the ONLY rule (personal space) multiple times including the moment we stepped out of the car he threw water over someone’s head. His sister is still crying because she really was excited but I have no help it’s just me this summer so if find over for him it’s over for her. I’m so over it. It’s week 2 and i had all these plans for us but all I can see now are the problems he’s going to pose because he lacks impulse control so I guess we’re staying home.

I’m really just over how short every hem is for women’s clothes and how little in between stuff there is. It’s either micro mini or mennonite core bag. It’s hot as hell and I’m wearing very breezy long linen pants but they’re not really practical for the beach or splash pad with kids. I’m also very self conscious about my body and don’t like showing skin anyway. I really don’t need anyone seeing the underside of my ass cheeks or any part of my midrif but every store is convinced all women regardless of size are ok with this style of dressing. Where can I get shorts that are somewhere between my knee and the upper thigh That aren’t mens shorts. I tried but I’m curvy and they just aren’t cut for a woman’s body.

We live in Rochester NY for reference you can google this horrible market. My husband and I make $110k before taxes and have no debt - we have 1 car payment that’s $300 and that’s up in a few months. We have 3 kids (tried for a sibling for our first got 2 for the people who want to chime in about having kids we “can’t afford”). Rent is ridiculous $2300 in a decent school district, utilities (fuck you RGE) are costly, childcare we’ve had to do part time and rely on in-laws for the gap because combined all 3 full time would be around $3800 even with a sibling discount. Then there’s the usuals; food diapers etc and we shop costco hot zone prices don’t eat out and doo free activities and he passes etc from the library. The kids have conservative State 529 plans and we’re looking to stay in New York State in case they decide on further education because SUNY has Excelsior Plan for free tuition at state colleges for households under $125k

We have been trying to buy a home for 4 years. Outbid everytime. We have some savings for emergencies (and there have been several) and we had 20% saved for down and closing. My MIL felt the need to remind us that we’d have been better off if we just bought in 2018 but we had to travel instead. We were also trying to pay off student loans (which I have no regrets about). Despite our best efforts we’re just realizing we’ll never buy a house. We weren’t even looking at extravagant ones. 3 bedrooms would have been fine. Kids share all the time. We were often looking at run down homes that needed work - our only sticking point was making sure we were in a good school district (you can read about how segregated Rochester is as well and how red-lining made things worse). It’s so depressing to see a $200k home that needs lots of work go for $350-400k. We called our realtor and said we’re done.

The option to move to another state is there but we love being around all the family (this weekend was my twins birthday and the whole family showed up - cousins etc. reinforced that) so we’re just putting that dream on an indefinite hold.

Anyone else just giving up?