u/TurbulentBat8328

I really hate my life right now. Its been 5 years and I have an 11 month old so there’s no end in sight. My almost 5yo has ADHD so he’s at the functional level of a 3yo maturity wise. I’m tired if everything. I no longer want to wake up. I’m sick of going to the same zoo the same museum the same playgrounds the libraries. People say ”oh just involve your kids in the things you love” and I do but it sucks because they’re kids and do wha kids do. I’m tired of making snacks and feeding everyone 1000 times a day, of wiping b and boogers and being coughed on and shitty sleep and all of it! My house used to be so beautiful and so stylish and its grubby as hell, my couch is trashed, theres always a stain somewhere, things always turned over, strewn all over the place NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I PICK UP AFTER THEM AND MAKE THEM DO IT TOO.

Who is actually enjoying this season of life?! HOW? Why? My 4yo won‘t ever shut up and is currently in the phase of stating the very obvious over and over again and my 11mo refuses to be anywhere but on me all the time.

Please tell me I’m not alone? I’m drowning.

I’m going do a TL:DR here but I’m ok with being called an AH here because I’m not rewarding shitty behavior.

I have big yard that all the kids in the neighborhood (all same age or 1-2 years older and younger than my kid) like to play in. Dead end street, we have a lot of fun stuff - trees and treehouse, creek, in ground trampoline, playground and in the summer I do sprinkler and slip and slide play situation (we have a well and it’s pretty shady). I own a double lot plus the additional empty lot on the side and the neighbors on each side have fences along their property lines and it’s marked by trees - creek in the back - pretty clear on ownership.

Anyhow, when they were all younger (3-4yo) my kids speech differences were NBD (he has SCD) but as they’ve gotten older they tease him about it a lot. Anyway a month ago they made him cry and bullied him so I told them to go home. One of the kids said my kid was weird and they don’t like playing with him I said cool you don’t have to.

The next day these kids came back to my yard to play and my kid came out and they told him to go away (in his yard lol) so I came out and told them to leave. Two of the parents came to ME to tell ME that I’m being unreasonable (?) to which I explained the situation your kids don’t want to play with my son (they made him cry they called him weird) so why exactly are they entitled to my home and my sons stuff?

Please make it make sense?!

Add: Thank you to all the people flagging the liability issues! We will get the tree fenced off - the trampoline is but we need a quote for the playground equipment in the back!

Update: We have a temporary fence going around the treehouse and have put up no trespassing signs. We’re getting a quote for a privacy fence and we’re going to submit a permit to the town this week after we get it and my husband and father in law will get going on installation (FIL is a builder/contractor).

Is this just a new thing like Nee Do for wealthier kids? It’s becoming such a nuisance honestly because 1. There are no sand dunes or mud and 2. the noise and the smell of the fumes is awful. Today the 6 neighborhood kids had their other neighborhood kid friends (an additional 4) around and it was just 2 straight hours of noise and fumes.

This episode was so incredible icky on two fronts. Commander McKenzie trying desperately to convince himself that this child bride thing is for the best “you’re all so young, societal norms have to shift (let’s all rape children so we can have more children)” all the while drinking and separating himself from the party because he knows it‘s morally reprehensible.

And tech bro wife beater Weston acting like Agnes should be excited about being 14 about to marry a gray haired beady eyed old man. His ”come on, I thought this would be exciting for you“ made me want to throw up in my mouth it was so gross. These men can SEE that these CHILDREN are uncomfortable, Agnes was giving all the get away from me vibes and that man was just “Excited to start our lives together…” MF you’ve had a life and you’re having another one in this disgusting alternate universe you‘ve created 😭

So if you’ve read the book you know who Vidala is there is vastly different from what we see in the show. So far, despite her harsh actions with the girls, she’s shown to be very nuanced in her reactions to what’s happening around her; she enforces but it’s traumatic. She‘s triggered at the playground, sheds a tear when the guardian has his hand cut off, despite Lydia treating her like garbage, shes still very measured and respectful when Judd all but offers her Lydia’s job. She tries not to flinch when the Pearl girl is dragged away but you can tell she’s afraid and worried about what’s going to happen to her.

Her shock at Hulda getting her period was surprising to me initially - but then again we all know that despite being the same age, Hulda is not just physically young she’s also very emotionally developmentally behind her peers. Shunnamite and Jehosheba obviously act older than they are - being from higher ranking families with multiple gossiping Martha’s mean they hear a lot more of the world that they’re about to go into - this doesn’t mean they should be in it or are ready. Becka has obviously already learned how vile men can be but is also struggling with her sexuality and what that will mean for her in Gilead and even though Agnes is extremely naive and wants “babies and a husband” she’s experienced the loss of a ”mother” and lives with Paula who frequently gives her little doses of harsh realities. Hulda on the other hand is living in a true bubble as evidenced by the very rosy way she reacts to everything. Her elation at the blood, how she was the only green shown making eye contact with and positively elated at sitting in front of her match was so sad to watch but also the full embodiment of what Gilead wants its child brides to believe - that this is a blessing.

After rewatching I got the sense that Vidala made her “pick” the punishment and hold Shu down specifically to try and send her a message about the life she’s about to go into in the only way she could in the moment. After all she could have let the whole incident go. It had been a few days? Why wait to punish Shu days after? The way Vidala scolded Hulda when she flinched confirmed it wasn’t about Shu slapping Jehosheba but about trying to bring Hulda back down to reality. It could also be why she seemed to be the only one matched with someone a little bit younger AFTER skipping out on the ball which could have seen her targeted by an especially predatory man like Becca. My gut says Vidala made her eligible this season so it wouldn’t look off and that older commanders were passed over when she’s paired with a man closer to her age and hopefully less likely to be a sociopath.

Makes me really sad for what’s to come for poor Hulda though…

They didn’t have the numbers figured out and I think Lawrence admits this in the show at some point while they are trying to lure escapees back with New Bethlehem.

The show has to show a post racial world - one where fertility is prized over race but in the books, Gilead is an all white theocratic state. By the time they have a stronghold one can only imagine less than 50% of the population remains for one reason or the other and they’re trying to repopulate with a small group of people who already struggle with birth rates. When the SOJ rises up and the coup begins they get rid of:

- Black and brown people by sending them to an irradiated mid-west and the colonies essentially doomed to die from exposure, lack of food and water and being worked to death.

- Other minorities: Asians, Hispanic/Lat Am, Mifed Race persons

- Jews are “repatriated” to Israel but its heavily implied they just dumped them in the middle of the ocean to die

- People who didn’t identify as heterosexual and those who had had abortions

- Doctors and nurses who performed abortions

- People who practiced other religions they don’t agree with including catholics although I think they may have spared those who converted to what they wanted

- Women who had high powered careers

Then there were war losses of life, people who managed to escape and then people they sent to the colonies for some reason or the other.

Even with how large America is - the fact that the birth rate had declined by 60%-65% this was terrible math to work with for trying to maintain a relatively stable closed economy and maintain a workforce. Sure a lot of jobs went away - tech manufacturing, fast food chains etc. but still if the world was still around 50-50 male female ratio 50% of the workforce cant read and then you have the commanders daughters and their children who can’t do much else but run a house and even then by just bossing others around - they aren’t taught anything. At some point soon the system collapses because there aren’t enough regular people who are capable to prop it up because I can’t imagine the commanders sons are taught anything of significance either outside of war. It’s not like they‘re learning to farm and engineer.

In TT book the food quality is starting to decline - less fresh vegetables and food available as most is being funneled to the front lines even though the show shows otherwise.

I’m re-reading the book while watching the show and this really stood out to me. In the book Becca was abused starting at age 4 by Grove. He didn’t stop and in fact went on to molest Agnes (who is still young but not pre-pubescent at the point as she’s gotten her period. Doesn’t make it less wrong FYI I’m not saying that.) who is 14. These are children. Period end of story. So why is Grove the only branded a pedo when literally everyone is raping children and she’s supplying them? She plays around with language saying Judd “likes them young” and he casually kills them in a few years - none of his child brides seem to reach their late teens or twenties. These aren’t just lecherous old men they are child molesters.

The scene at the ball on the balcony with Judd and the commanders after the plums got to dance with their peers made me nauseous truly.

… asked me “who are these pedo’s?” and then I downloaded him on the show and he said well thankfully I will mercy kill you all and then shoot myself if this ever happened and we couldn’t get away to Canada 🫠

Seriously. My neighbor is starting to annoy me with how much he keeps pointing it out. Mind your business.

My husband and I are both PhD’s. My husband is not just an academic though he’s genuinely brilliant intellectually and was a gifted child. I have a slightly above average IQ. We both work in Academia. I did everything by the books before and during my pregnancy but could tell around 3 months there was something wrong with our son. He’s 5 now and Level 2 Autistic with intellectual disabilities as well. I’ve been depressed since he was 3 months old. So much therapy. So many therapies for him. I don’t look at him and feel any joy or happiness. I feel like I’m waiting until he’s old enough to go into residential care. I’ve put my career in academia on hold. I’m just biding my time tolerating the situation until I can get out. I keep trying to back track and see where I went wrong. What I did wrong to deserve this.

She knows the rules. She states herself that girls like her from higher ranking families always get matched with the most powerful commanders. So I’m sure the delusion was fueled by Lydia saying she’d consider making him eligible but the fact that she REALLY thought she was special and would get exactly what she wanted was really shocking.

And then she really rolls the dice and mouths off about Westons wife. I read a post here saying Agnes‘ saying its time to change things would be something good but IMO just like her mom she’s about to start getting reckless and putting people around her in danger.

Now that the baby is 11mo and mobile and interested in playing my 4 (almost 5yo) has been awful about playing with her. I try to patiently tell him the “rules” don’t apply and that she plays differently and it’s just chaos everytime - today I figured castle blocks would be a low stakes thing for us all to do together and I’m already regretting it. There are enough blocks for everyone and the baby does a great job copying in the mix with being a baby and mouthing things - she’s trying to stack and make her own castle but then knocks it down or it’s not steady and falls and my son loses it every time because she’s not “doing it right”.

Mostly it‘s my son still struggling with sharing anything with her - everything is his. He won’t share his Yoto even when he's not using it, he snatches everything of his that she touches even though he had no intention or interest and then still does the same thing with her stuff. I’m a SAHM and struggling and trying to just stay the course until he starts school full time in September and this poor girl can play in peace lol. He does have ADHD which hasn’t been fun on top of the FU Fours and becoming a new sibling so I’m tired AF.

Send help.

It’s also so obvious. And then she keeps it on the ear most visible to literally everyone in the vastly wide open room. It’s so implausible that in all that time no one’s seen it?! What if she falls sleep? What if someone else wakes up and sees her hiding it/listening to it (we know Gilead loves a snitch) I’m so wildly confused and annoyed at times about how risky it is even though at times she takes it to the bathroom.

Ny husband and I are both US citizens (Naturalized) and an opportunity came up with his company and initially we were afraid so he put it off - this was pre-elections. In January it came back around and this time his VP specifically recommended him for the transfer. I’m still very nervous despite the fact that I’ve moved countries before lol. We’re both from 3rd world countries (well him no so much but Moldova isn’t great) and I’m from Africa. We relocate in August and are visiting for 2 weeks in the next 3 weeks to look for housing and a school for our 5yo but I’m curious how other moms who have made the move to not Toronto Canada from the US have found it?

We love a family bed over here. Kids start off in their bedrooms and usually 1 or both end up in bed with us. Mostly when sick or having bad dreams. Probably 3x per week. We co-slept/room shared from birth-2yo with each and then transitioned to their own rooms. We have plenty of sex lol. We just got creative (no never around the kids) and also we love eachother and there were some dry times but sex isn’t everything in those early childhood years. My husband and I have been married 15 years and were married a whole 7 before we had kids. We enjoyed that time and headed into a new season knowing there would be changes. He’s also not a creepy guy who sulks when I’m tired and touched out because I nursed both kids a little over 2 years (he was so proud of me and would snuggle me while I nursed some nights and said thank you for feeding these babies with your body you don’t have to but I’m proud of you!). It’s also always older women who act like I’m somehow torturing my husband by having our kids in the bed. He loves a good snuggle with his kids while they want to just as much as I do!

Lydia actively participated in the abuse, rape and torture of a lot women. I know self preservation is a thing but her co-worker in the book chose death over anything to do with Gilead - I hate to be that person but Lydia literally had no family, no kids, no life partner/spouse - nothing but her job - nothing to be lost by simply bowing out. I rewatched HMT and re-read TT before TT Show dropped and honestly I hate the arc she gets in the book, the same way I hated Serena’s - neither actually get what they deserve - in fact after all is said and done Lydia gets to exit on her own terms! The way she narrates a lot of her parts in the book also shows little contrition for her actions - she speaks like she’s there to punish horrible me all the while ignoring how horrible she has been herself.

Even though she’s horrible in the book my hope is Vidala gets to share the “hero/savior” arc storyline. Not until late in HMT do we see Lydia seem even remotely remorseful for her disgusting role in Gilead (and even then a lot of it was directed at Janine) but Vidala has already since episode 1 been shown to have complex feelings around her role in the regime. Shedding tears when the guardian has his hand chopped off, hesitating when Judd basically offers her Lydia’s job, being triggered when the girls are playing outside. I absolutely also hated how Lydia was treating her and blaming her for ”failing” knowing full well she was powerless to stop the commanders from giving the girls alcohol.

I’m so extremely tired. He woke up at 6am - it’s 10:30 now and I feel like I’ve lived 1000 lives. TV for 30 minutes used to buy me time but not anymore as symptoms start to intensify. His pediatrician and psychiatrist are still insisting on waiting until he’s 6 to medicate (another year) and there’s a 6 month wait for a second opinion. I’m feeding him as well and as clean as I can with his picky eating, he’s taking iron, magnesium, fish oil, zinc and D3&K2 and a melatonin. There’s routines and charts and physical exercises and OT and Speech.

There’s all the things. I’m doing all the things but it’s very clear he needs to be medicated for his sake and ours. I’m a shell of a human being right now and my son won’t give me space and let me breathe. He hasn’t seen the iPad for months but I’m so tempted (there’s only Khan Academy Kids and a PBS STEM game on there) because it’s the only thing that’ll give me at least 45 minutes of absolute silence guaranteed but the fallout when I take it it away wont be worth it.

How are you all surviving this? I’m so miserable.

I know she’s in love and therefore not really thinking straight but I found the way she brazenly (for Gilead) went to ask for Garth to be made eligible was a wild watch lol. She looked so guilty she may as well just have been like “hey I’m really horny let’s make this happen“. Women are obviously allowed no choices (no matter who their family is) so her entitlement was jarring to me. Secondly the whole Garth thing varies wildly from the book so I’m wondering if Lydia is just trying to use this as leverage to get Agnes to do what she needs her to later in the series?

How are you supposed to survive this? I have a 5yo boy (6 in July) and a 3yo girl. My 3yo girl is entirely more capable than her older brother and it’s frustrating and sad to no end - I’ve lost patience for him more rapidly since his sister turned 2.

I treat them exactly the same because his psychiatrist said they are around the same executive function wise - only clearly she’s more capable than he is. I feel like I’ve been stuck parenting a toddler for almost 6 years with no end in sight.

I’m almost mad that we decided to have a second child who so far appears to be NT because I wouldn’t know any better. Or that she had been born 1st and him second. My patience runs so thin for my son lately. He’s also tall so he looks even older and it’s messing with me. I feel like I’m always apologizing and explaining when we’re in public.

I am burned out by him but obviously cannot give up. It’s not even full on caregiver burn out. I am never stressed or tired or anything with my daughter. She’s just easy and agreeable - I enjoy her company. Some days I look at my son and just see a lot of work. My son was away with his dad for a weekend two weeks ago and I was shocked at how relaxing it was. She ate what she was given without complaining or saying she didn’t like it. She napped. She followed directions. Didn’t whine at while we ran errands. We played and when I said I was tired she said “ok mommy” not the meltdowns her brother usually has when it’s time to stop. Sat still and was polite. Wasn’t starting Radom conversations with strangers or eloping in the store. I enjoyed myself. I felt like a good parent for a full weekend not just a failure with a hurricane for a child.

Today is hard again. I’m picking him up from school early. I’m terrified for his piano lesson today because he’s so dysregulated but he sees to enjoy it and idk if he’s teacher is gaslighting me / lying when she says she’s been enjoying her lessons with him (I sit outside the door and she has 2 students).

I have therapy tomorrow. I’m so sad and exhausted.