u/Virtual-Carry7948

I’m 30F, Wasian, and my boyfriend (30M) is Indian (Tamil) and grew up in India before moving to the US. We’ve been together for about 2.5 years and have a genuinely good relationship. We’re at the age where marriage and eventually children are becoming real considerations.

For some additional context about my background, my bio parents are AMWF, but my biological mom passed away when I was very young, so I was raised by my Korean stepmom starting at the age of 6. I consider my stepmom my mom, so when I say “my mom” throughout this post, I’m talking about her.

Although I’m Wasian, I’m mostly/full Asian-passing. I’d say people sometimes assume I might be part Latina, but usually people think I’m a Southern Chinese girl with light big brown eyes who dyes her hair brown. However, I’ve never strongly identified with Korean culture despite being raised by two Korean parents, especially since my mom was extremely pro-Korean culturally to the point where she embodies some of the worst stereotypes of a Korean woman. She was very superficial, would plan with me which plastic surgeries she’d get me when I turned 13, powdered her skin white despite being naturally tan, only wanted me around Koreans, was obsessively into K-pop, etc. She was also pretty emotionally abusive but that's another story for another day.

Thankfully, I grew up in a very integrated part of Seattle where my schools were racially diverse and friend groups weren’t segregated by race. People tended to group themselves around sports, classes, theater, interests, personality, etc. My friends were mostly white and different types of Asian (East Asian, Southeast Asian, Wasian, Indian and even a couple of Asian/Indian mixes), but I also had a very close Hispanic best friend.

Race just wasn’t something I thought about very much. Most of my friends in college also happened to be white because I went to school in a predominantly white environment. Because of how I grew up, I always had a very strong individual identity and didn’t see myself as belonging to any particular “culture,” but rather as my own person.

In terms of my dating life, I’ve dated a Wasian guy and a white guy, who my parents didn’t really like because they weren’t very driven, wealthy, or well-educated. My parents were NOT accepting of my Mexican ex because of “culture reasons,” which I understood better later on. So I truly thought they’d be okay with my Indian partner because his culture aligns enough with East Asian culture in certain ways, and also because he’s ambitious, successful, comes from a well-off family, is well-educated, and treats me really well.

It’s been 2.5 years and my mom is still praying to God that we will break up, while my partner and I are planning our next steps together soon.

I’m repeatedly told that our kids will be “too dark,” unattractive, that they’ll have identity problems even in places like Seattle, NYC, or the Bay Area because they’re Korean/white/Indian, that they won’t fully belong anywhere, that they’ll experience discrimination, and that I’ve unnecessarily limited where we could live because I chose an Indian partner. They said Trump has made the country more anti-Asian and also anti-Indian, and I'm doing my future children a huge disservice by being with an Indian man.

My mom also has repeatedly told me I'm "wasting my beauty" and not giving it to my future children if I marry my partner, and that is messing with my head too. Especially since most of her Korean friends' children are either with Asian American men or white men, and that makes her feel really jealous from what she tells me.

They’ve also repeatedly told me that my boyfriend will suddenly become controlling or aggressive after marriage despite there being no behavior in our actual 2.5-year relationship supporting that prediction. Their reasoning is based on stereotypes they have about Indian men.

Now I catch myself obsessively thinking about hypothetical children who don’t even exist yet, such as whether they’ll be discriminated against and whether they’ll be able to feel like individuals rather than constantly being categorized by their ancestry. I truly grew up in such a wonderful, diverse environment where people rarely made race a big deal or used it to define each other.

The part that makes me particularly sad is that one of the things I valued most about my own upbringing was having the freedom to develop a strong individual identity. Being mixed and having Korean ancestry were facts about me, but they weren’t the organizing principles of my personality or social life. I want my children to have that same freedom.

For people who have watched attitudes toward race change over the past 10 to 20 years, do you think things are genuinely becoming more accepting for multiracial children and interracial families? By the time children we have several years from now are actually old enough to attend school, do you think having East Asian/white/Indian ancestry will be relatively unremarkable in diverse American cities? I’m especially interested in hearing from East Asian/South Asian mixed people, other multiracial people, parents of mixed kids, teachers, younger Gen Z people who recently went through school, or anyone raising children in places like Seattle or the Bay Area.

I think what I’m hoping for is that they can grow up in the kind of environment I mostly had, where their classmates may know they’re mixed/Asian, but it doesn’t have to be the defining thing about them. They can just be individual kids with their own personalities, interests, friends, hobbies, and identities.

I’m 30F, Wasian, and my boyfriend (30M) is Indian (Tamil) and grew up in India before moving to the US. We’ve been together for about 2.5 years and have a genuinely good relationship. We’re at the age where marriage and eventually children are becoming real considerations.

For some additional context about my background, my bio parents are AMWF, but my biological mom passed away when I was very young, so I was raised by my Korean stepmom starting at the age of 6. I consider my stepmom my mom, so when I say “my mom” throughout this post, I’m talking about her.

Although I’m Wasian, I’m mostly/full Asian-passing. I’d say people sometimes assume I might be part Latina, but usually people think I’m a Southern Chinese girl with light big brown eyes who dyes her hair brown. However, I’ve never strongly identified with Korean culture despite being raised by two Korean parents, especially since my mom was extremely pro-Korean culturally to the point where she embodies some of the worst stereotypes of a Korean woman. She was very superficial, would plan with me which plastic surgeries she’d get me when I turned 13, powdered her skin white despite being naturally tan, only wanted me around Koreans, was obsessively into K-pop, etc. She was also pretty emotionally abusive but that's another story for another day.

Thankfully, I grew up in a very integrated part of Seattle where my schools were racially diverse and friend groups weren’t segregated by race. People tended to group themselves around sports, classes, theater, interests, personality, etc. My friends were mostly white and different types of Asian (East Asian, Southeast Asian, Wasian, Indian and even a couple of Asian/Indian mixes), but I also had a very close Hispanic best friend.

Race just wasn’t something I thought about very much. Most of my friends in college also happened to be white because I went to school in a predominantly white environment. Because of how I grew up, I always had a very strong individual identity and didn’t see myself as belonging to any particular “culture,” but rather as my own person.

In terms of my dating life, I’ve dated a Wasian guy and a white guy, who my parents didn’t really like because they weren’t very driven, wealthy, or well-educated. My parents were NOT accepting of my Mexican ex because of “culture reasons,” which I understood better later on. So I truly thought they’d be okay with my Indian partner because his culture aligns enough with East Asian culture in certain ways, and also because he’s ambitious, successful, comes from a well-off family, is well-educated, and treats me really well.

It’s been 2.5 years and my mom is still praying to God that we will break up, while my partner and I are planning our next steps together soon.

I’m repeatedly told that our kids will be “too dark,” unattractive, that they’ll have identity problems even in places like Seattle, NYC, or the Bay Area because they’re Korean/white/Indian, that they won’t fully belong anywhere, that they’ll experience discrimination, and that I’ve unnecessarily limited where we could live because I chose an Indian partner. They said Trump has made the country more anti-Asian and also anti-Indian, and I'm doing my future children a huge disservice by being with an Indian man.

My mom also has repeatedly told me I'm "wasting my beauty" and not giving it to my future children if I marry my partner, and that is messing with my head too. Especially since most of her Korean friends' children are either with Asian American men or white men, and that makes her feel really jealous from what she tells me.

They’ve also repeatedly told me that my boyfriend will suddenly become controlling or aggressive after marriage despite there being no behavior in our actual 2.5-year relationship supporting that prediction. Their reasoning is based on stereotypes they have about Indian men.

Now I catch myself obsessively thinking about hypothetical children who don’t even exist yet, such as whether they’ll be discriminated against and whether they’ll be able to feel like individuals rather than constantly being categorized by their ancestry. I truly grew up in such a wonderful, diverse environment where people rarely made race a big deal or used it to define each other.

The part that makes me particularly sad is that one of the things I valued most about my own upbringing was having the freedom to develop a strong individual identity. Being mixed and having Korean ancestry were facts about me, but they weren’t the organizing principles of my personality or social life. I want my children to have that same freedom.

For people who have watched attitudes toward race change over the past 10 to 20 years, do you think things are genuinely becoming more accepting for multiracial children and interracial families? By the time children we have several years from now are actually old enough to attend school, do you think having East Asian/white/Indian ancestry will be relatively unremarkable in diverse American cities? I’m especially interested in hearing from East Asian/South Asian mixed people, other multiracial people, parents of mixed kids, teachers, younger Gen Z people who recently went through school, or anyone raising children in places like Seattle or the Bay Area.

I think what I’m hoping for is that they can grow up in the kind of environment I mostly had, where their classmates may know they’re mixed/Asian, but it doesn’t have to be the defining thing about them. They can just be individual kids with their own personalities, interests, friends, hobbies, and identities.

Hey bitches! I'm looking for new rugs to cover some stains in my new apartment. Are there any affordable recommendations for rugs that look and feel more like actual carpet? I’m looking for something soft/plush and comfortable to walk on rather than the really thin, flat rugs that seem common online.

Also looking for recommendations for new bedding! I definitely prefer a fluffy/cloud-like comforter rather than a thin quilt or coverlet. I like bedding that looks plush and cozy but still clean and put-together. I’m leaning toward white or warm ivory/cream, and ideally I'd like something that can be used on its own rather than having to constantly wrestle it into a duvet cover. My bed is a full, so anything that gives it that oversized, fluffy look without being super expensive.

Basically looking for affordable options that don't LOOK cheap, but more so soft, cozy, plush, and good quality for the price. Would love specific brands/products you've actually had good experiences with!

Hi, everyone. I'm a part-time pet sitter who primarily uses the Rover app to get my clients. I just want to say I've only had positive experiences with most of my clients, and they tend to skew in the wealthier demographic since I live in a big city.

Anyways, I was referred to a client off the app from one of my favorite dog clients. I really love these owners and they're awesome people, so I trusted their word about a friend of theirs. They also live across the street from the client, so I was excited about going on walks with their dog.

I meet their friend in person who's an 80 year old lady. I am a huge "vibes" person, and I straight up didn't like her very much from the moment I met her. She was polite and wasn't mean, but she gave me a slightly snarky and pretentious impression. She didn't ask me a single question about myself, spent a lot of time bragging about her expensive $200k art on the wall and how her friends finally sold their 200 acre mansion in wine county, and gave me judgy looks every time I spoke about anything of myself (AKA not related to her or her dog). In other words, she was nice but not warm to me and it seemed like she saw me as purely a "service" rather than a person.

I figured it was her personality until we walked to the dog park to introduce me to her neighborhood pals with dogs (her dogs meet with theirs every evening), and she was very different with them versus me. She was very warm to them and whilst much more cold and aloof with me, which made me realize why these owners told me she was "so so nice". I'm annoyed but decide to still go along with the gig as a one-time favor for her friends, who I like a lot.

Anyways, because this is off the app and the gig is approaching, I texted her yesterday reminding her of the payment since we agreed on Venmo. She asked me if she could pay after the gig is over. I kindly tell her that my policy is to accept at least 50% payment upfront and she said that's "unfair" for her. I don't try to explain myself because I already don't like her very much and I also don't rely on pet sitting for my full time income.

I text her saying, "Unfortunately, that's my policy and I'll have to decline this booking. I wish you the best of luck in finding a dog sitter. I will drop off the keys at the front desk tomorrow."

I know she gets VERY upset with this because I get a text from the mutual friend about how she called them about what happened and said she's never met anyone so entitled and disrespectful. She is stressed about finding a "trustworthy" dog sitter now last minute.

I explained my side without bashing on the owners' personality and they slightly defend her saying that she's older but also didn't "disagree" with me. I spoke with my parents about it (who are the type to give others the benefit of the doubt) and they said I was mean about it.

So I am curious if I was being too harsh on the lady because I am biased about not liking her personality. AITA?

Hi everyone! I hope this is okay to ask since I'm not trying to promote my survey here

I'm working on an anonymous survey exploring how race, ethnicity, upbringing, culture, and life experiences relate to dating preferences and relationship history. The goal is to collect a large and diverse sample so I can analyze patterns across different backgrounds and eventually share the aggregated results.

Does anyone know of any Facebook groups, websites, online communities, or other places where people are generally open to participating in anonymous surveys like this? I'm especially looking for communities with diverse audiences.

I'd really appreciate any recommendations, thank you!

*Posting this for my cousin who doesn't have Reddit. Everything is written by her*

I'm 30F from India. Around 9 years back, after university, I joined a company where I became friends with my colleagues and eventually we formed a close friend group. I became especially close to one guy, Sravan, and over time we both developed feelings for each other.

Sravan was always very clear that he wanted to settle in America and didn't see himself staying in India for long. We both admitted that we liked each other and we were physically intimate (not sex) once or twice. Around one year after we met, he got admitted to a master's program in the US and shifted there.

A couple of years later, I got married through an arranged marriage, but it didn't work out. We were always fighting and were simply not a good match. After my ex-husband got fired, he refused to look for another job, so we eventually decided to get divorced around 3 years ago.

I have always loved Sravan, and during my marriage we stayed loosely in touch through our old office group chat. I didn't really FaceTime him because of my ex-husband, but we would join group calls from time to time with our old colleagues.

During my divorce process, I decided to reach out to Sravan because he was always someone I loved, and I believed he loved me too. He was there for me emotionally and supported me through that period. While catching up, I asked him about his dating life. He told me he had been having problems with dating but currently liked someone. I also noticed that he had only dated American women (white women and two Indian women who had grown up in the US), and he said that was his preference.

For the next couple of months, we spoke maybe once a week just catching up as friends.

After a couple of months, he told me that he had started dating an American girl he had always had a crush on. Since his previous relationships hadn't worked out, I honestly didn't think much would come of it.

About two months into their relationship, he stopped answering my calls. He would still text occasionally, and we'd send Snapchat updates about our lives. He wasn't responding to many of my Snapchats anymore, but I would still send them because I wanted to update him about my life and I felt he still cared about me.

This was difficult for me because I had leaned on him a lot for emotional support during my divorce, and I also had a feeling that his girlfriend probably had something to do with him becoming distant. Thankfully, I could still see how he was doing whenever our old office friend group had calls together.

After around one and a half years of them dating, I noticed that he had removed me from Snapchat. I tried calling him but he didn't answer. I then texted him asking if we could talk because I wanted some closure, especially since our mutual friends would sometimes ask me about him. He agreed to speak over the phone.

During that conversation, he told me that his girlfriend had recently asked him about our history after she woke up and saw that I had tried calling him twice.

He told me that when they first started dating, he had told her that we had liked each other years ago, but he emphasized that we never had sex. According to him, he thought he had implied there had been a little more to our history, but she apparently understood it as basically just an innocent crush.

Later, when she asked whether there had been anything else between us, he told her the complete story. He told me she felt disrespected because she hadn't known the full truth from the beginning, while he felt he didn't want to go into all those details initially because he wanted to spare her feelings.

He also told me that because she felt so disrespected, and because she herself doesn't keep in touch with any man she has had a past with, he decided to remove me from Snapchat.

I asked him if he still had romantic feelings for me, and he completely denied ever having them at all, which honestly felt laughable to me.

He said he loves his girlfriend and wants to marry her, but I reminded him that his goal had always been to end up with an American woman anyway.

I asked him why he still chose to stay in touch with me for all these years. He said it was because he didn't want any unnecessary drama in our old office friend group and that he only saw me as a friend from that group.

I told him I felt his girlfriend was controlling him, but he insisted that she had never asked him to remove me and that it was completely his own decision because he wanted to respect his relationship. Here's where I'm struggling.

If I truly meant nothing to him anymore, why didn't he tell his girlfriend the complete truth from the beginning? Why leave out part of our history initially?

Also, if he removed me from Snapchat, does that mean he was tempted by me in some way? Do you think his behaviour suggests that he was trying to protect his relationship because he still had some unresolved feelings for me?

What would be the best way to reach out to him again?

One more thing, his girlfriend is East Asian by origin but grew up in America and doesn't really have any Indian friends. I feel they cannot understand each other at the same level that Sravan and I did, especially because we're both Telugu and grew up in the same culture.

TL;DR: A former lover (30M) moved to the US. We stayed in touch for years, but after he got into a serious relationship, he gradually distanced himself and eventually removed me from Snapchat. He says it was to respect his relationship, but I'm struggling to understand what his actions really mean and whether I (30F) should ever reach out again.

I recently saw an exchange on this subreddit that was disturbing and extremely uncomfortable to read (link: https://www.reddit.com/r/SFbitcheswithtaste/comments/1v7hqmq/making\_new\_friends\_in\_sf\_my\_honest\_review\_after\_4/). The discussion started as a condescending disagreement, but it escalated into personal attacks directed at OP, including comments that weaponized something vulnerable she had shared. The person deleted their account so the comments are not available, but I do have screenshots.

Throughout the exchange, his comments came across as attempts to belittle, corner, shame, and talk down to OP rather than engage with what she was actually saying. I privately messaged him that his comments were disturbing and reported his comments. In our brief exchange, it became clear he was a man behind the screen. I also spoke with OP, and according to her, he never apologized to her after blocking her. Instead, he admitted to me that he "might have crossed a line."

This subreddit exists so women can share experiences, ask questions, and have conversations without being talked down to or personally attacked. Although I know men are welcome in this sub, it was disappointing to see a man come into a women's space and respond with such a condescending tone toward a woman who had shared something so respectful and vulnerable. In my opinion, anyone who participates here, regardless of gender, should do so respectfully.

I hope we continue to report comments that cross the line and support each other when someone is targeted. We shouldn't normalize hostility or contempt simply because it's online.

Thanks to the moderators for the work they do to keep this community welcoming!

I just finished watching Fatal Attraction for the first time and absolutely loved it. I haven't watched a lot of movies in that timeframe, but I really enjoyed how I felt "in" the scenes with the characters, seeing the embodiment of NYC life in the 80s and the very authentic acting. I also thought it had the right amount of "thrill" and unpredictability.

Any movies similar to Fatal Attraction, ideally from the 70s-90s?

Hi, all. I work remotely and have been looking for a place to "go" aside from my room. I've tried Coworking spaces before (specifically Anchor and Trellis), which weren't the right fit for me

I keep seeing ads for Groundfloor on my IG and it seems really social but it's kinda expensive. Is Groundfloor worth the $ in terms of the social aspect? Curious for those who've tried it!

An acquaintance of mine recently went to a "PNM event" for a group called SF Spinsters. She told me it wasn't the best fit for her and thought it was a little cliquey, but the group is intriguing to me especially since I miss having close friends from my college sorority. A current member told her that the org is smaller now than it used to be and not as active and social as before, but I am still intrigued.

If anyone's been in this group within the past 2 years, what has your experience been like?