u/Worldly-Painting-233

Summary : My on-and-off girlfriend from college forces me into a toxic cycle of fighting and begging due to my anxious attachment style. After a year of no contact, we got back togetherb but she has since lied about her relationship history, initiated unprotected sex that led to severe pregnancy scares, called me "cheap" for wanting to split shared expenses, and openly treats me with contemptblike throwing food in the trash rather than sharing it with me. I am constantly walking on eggshells and apologizing for things that aren't my fault just to keep her from leaving

We both go to the same college, and about two years ago, she randomly texted me on Instagram confessing that she liked me. We started talking and eventually began dating, but that first attempt lasted only a month and a half because of constant, exhausting fights. Right from the start, a terrible pattern formed where I was always the one begging and crying for forgiveness, even when I did nothing wrong, because my anxious attachment style made me terrified of losing her. For instance, I wanted to be completely honest with her, so I mentioned that I had a two-month online situationship before her. She blew up, yelled about how I could dare to date her after that, and said she would never talk to me again. When I blocked her on Instagram out of frustration, she immediately started spamming my WhatsApp with calls. The moment I answered to fix things, she twisted it on me, asking how I could block her, and even though she pushed me to it, I ended up apologizing. Right after that, she flipped again and told me that if I wanted to break up, it was fine because she was tired of saving the relationship and putting in all the effort. Up to that point, we had only ever met once in person at college for literally two minutes.

Soon after, another guy who openly liked her told her they should go to the library together. I told her that since she knew his intentions, she shouldn't go. She turned that into a massive fight and broke up with me. I actually went to her in person at college to apologize and fix it, but she just told me it was over. Then, a few days later, she texted me out of nowhere saying she was sorry and wanted me back. After that, a guy from my own class liked her and they followed each other on Instagram. One day, she told me he was looking at her weirdly and that when he asked for a pen, he intentionally grabbed her hand. I told her to unfollow him since he made her uncomfortable, and she did, but a second later she accepted his request again. When I asked what the point of unfollowing him was if she was just going to let him back in, she refused to unfollow him again, saying she didn't want fights in class and told me not to be controlling. I told her that respecting my feelings isn't being controlling, and she just replied saying it was my choice and told me to f\*\*\* off.

Before that big fight, we had planned to go on a proper date in the afternoon right after our exams. When I came out of the exam room, my phone had no active data, so I had to take a hotspot from a friend. I saw she had called me once or twice on WhatsApp and I called her back immediately. She picked up and angrily said she had waited for so long, but since I didn't pick up and her mom was calling her, she was going home. I tried explaining that I had just finished my exam and the first thing I did was call her, and I had even brought flowers for her, but the date was cancelled. She didn't text me until the next day, and because of my anxiety, I texted her asking if everything was okay. She finally admitted that she lied about her mom calling just because she was angry I missed her calls and wanted to punish me. After the classroom argument, things completely fell apart. My anxiety went out of control, and I sent thousands of texts and called her repeatedly trying to fix it. Her family found out about the situation, and she blocked me everywhere. A mutual friend texted me saying she wanted to meet, but I initially said no. Then my anxiety kicked in again, and I reached out, crying and begging because I truly loved her. She finally agreed to stay with me but told me it wouldn't be long-term. The next morning, I sent her a sweet good morning text saying she was the only one I had, and she just replied that I was expecting too much, that it wouldn't work, and that we should just be friends. She broke up with me right there while saying she would always love me. During this whole time, she swore to me that she had never been in a relationship before, had never kissed anyone, and had never even held a guy's hand. Because she didn't have a father, I felt deeply protective of her and promised myself I would never hurt her.

We stayed broken up for a whole year. I missed her terribly but didn't text her because she didn't want me, and I just couldn't move on. Then, around March 2026, her close friend requested me on Instagram, and right after, my ex requested me too. I ignored it, but for a whole week, she kept sending and removing the request about twenty times. Eventually, a friend told me to just accept it, so I sent her a request and she accepted. Two days later, she texted me "hi." I waited a day to reply casually, and she immediately got offended, asking why I was being rude like nothing happened. We slowly started talking again, and even though I loved her, I didn't want to get hurt. She told me she just wanted to be friends and even showed me a photo of a college senior who was her crush, who actually happened to be a friend of mine. I got incredibly jealous and told her to date anyone else but him because he was like a brother to me. She snapped, saying I didn't care about her and had no feelings, but then she suddenly confessed that she loved me, had never moved on, and wanted a serious relationship. I fell for it and decided to give it another chance, promising myself I wouldn't be shy and that we would meet properly. A week later, we booked movie tickets. My friend and her close friend came along because we were too shy to go alone. I paid for all the movie tickets, and when she ordered popcorn and drinks at the interval, I paid the entire bill for everyone, which was around 1600. After that, we started going out regularly to parks and restaurants.

Eventually, she suggested that we go to a private room. I wanted to go too, but I was very shy, so even though it was completely mutual, she was the one who initiated it. Since she had always told me she would only have sex after marriage, I hadn't brought any condoms because I had no intention of forcing her into anything. I told her that if she wanted to do it, I would order some right now so we wouldn't take a risk, but in the heat of the moment, she put it inside. I was shocked and told her it wasn't okay without protection, but she said it was fine and that she wanted it. It lasted for about two minutes, and it was mutual, but I know I should have been more responsible. Afterward, I realized she was very close to her ovulation date and I completely freaked out. After researching online, I told her she needed to take an i-pill. At first, she refused and blamed me, saying I should have brought condoms if I cared enough. I apologized and reminded her I never planned for this to happen, and she finally took it. Eleven days later, we went to a room again, and this time I brought condoms. She actually told me not to get anything because we would just talk, but knowing what happened before, I didn't take any risks. During sex, the condom unfortunately slipped off inside her. Because the i-pill had delayed her period, her ovulation might have shifted right to that day. About 14 days later, she texted me in a panic saying she was bleeding heavily and it didn't look like her normal period. I panicked, borrowed money from my friends for a doctor, and told her I would come to her house right away since her mom was at work, but she refused and said she would go with her mom the next day. It turned out to be an early period caused by the i-pill, and a pregnancy test later came back negative.

Shortly after this, we took a cab together with her friend, and I paid the fare. A few days later, I mentioned that the total cab money was 2500 and asked them to split it, and she lashed out at me, calling me cheap for asking for money after three days. Around this time, she casually confessed that her whole story about being pure was a lie, and that she actually had a two-year relationship before me where they had kissed. She also demanded back a ring she had given me. To make matters worse, her close friend is constantly telling her to break up with me, calling me toxic, a red flag, and saying I will always blame her. Now, my ex argues and stops talking over the smallest things, giving me cold replies that just make me want to cry. Once, she bought some bread and when I asked for a piece, she told me she only got it for her dog and wouldn't give me any. Another time, she made bread at home, and when I asked for a second piece, she walked over and threw it straight into the dustbin instead of giving it to me. Recently, we were talking about our college results, and I casually said our marks were very close with just minute differences. She got deeply offended, insulting me and asking how anyone could date me, and swore she would end the relationship. When I finally asked her who she would choose between me and her best friend, she didn't even hesitate and said she would obviously choose her friend. I am completely stuck in this loop, walking on eggshells and constantly apologizing just to keep her from leaving, while she treats me with total disrespect. She today slapped me for a so minute argument

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