u/bitofagrump

I've had way too many people, mostly women, hear me tell them I don't want kids and suggest that I can always "just have one" if I don't want kidS plural or my partner wants kids. If I don't want to be a parent, becoming a parent to "just" one kid IS NOT A COMPROMISE, it's giving up my wishes completely to satisfy someone else. Weird that they don't see that. There is no compromise when it comes to childfree vs having kids- either you want to be a parent or you don't; you can't do it by halves. If my partner wanted kids, multiple or "can settle for just one," we aren't compatible, end of discussion. It's especially bad with the current anti-abortion rhetoric; WAY too many people are way too comfortable telling women that having at least one kid is just something they have to accept as an inevitable part of being an adult woman. Disrespectfully, fuuuuuuck that. I'm 41 and counting down the minutes until menopause frees me from the entire issue.

I really can't blame parents who are upset about childfree people. They were told their whole lives that all respectable, good people have kids. Only losers prioritize free time and hobbies. Only selfish people want less work, fewer chores. Only deadbeat weirdos would rather play video games and sleep in on their days off than raise kids. Only woke crybabies put their own mental health first. You're only a good person if you devote your free time to more labor for your kids and family.

And then here we are, a whole set of adults who apparently got handed a different set of rules, where we chose to just have fun and relax with our adulthood and we're not seeing any penalties for it. No screaming kids or dirty diapers. Full freedom to spend all our free time doing whatever the hell we want, playing video games, watching TV, going out, sleeping in, spending money on fun stuff. No putting yourself last. And absolutely none of the shame, misery, loneliness and regret that was foretold as the certain fate of those who failed to do their duty.

They're seeing for the first time that the option to opt out and just have fun with their lives was actually there the whole time, but they weren't told they could do that. They were told they were terrible to even want that, so why is it okay for us? I understand how it's easier to keep telling yourself that we must be wrong than to admit they would have jumped at the same chance in a heartbeat if they could have and they wish they'd felt able to do what we did. Easier to blame people you don't know than the whole system that pushed the hard life you have on you. I really feel bad for them. I don't doubt that the kids are worth it a million times over for those who actually wanted them; i just feel for those who would have chosen our path if they had felt they had the choice.

I'm 41. If I'd had kids in my 20s, know what I'd have now? Teenagers. Know what I'm MOST grateful for? A quiet house with a dog and NO TEENAGERS. I go to my fridge and all the food I bought is still in it. I do one small load of laundry a week. There is no constant noise, mess and chaos. I'm not fighting with anyone to do their chores or homework or having to listen to the latest boyfriend/girlfriend drama. I don't have to worry about having enough money put aside for college. I don't have to worry about buying them a car or hoping they don't do anything stupid in it. I sleep at night with nobody keeping me up making noise at all hours. I don't have to drive anyone to school or sports or friends' houses. I just have quiet weekends of peace, minimal chores, zero drama, leisure time and not having to share my snacks or my paycheck with anyone. So a big, beautiful THANK YOU to younger me who did NOT give in to that life pressure, and here's to many more years of blissful peace and quiet!

We know nothing about them, but we can imagine a lot from Holmes' character as well as Mycroft's. They were clearly fairly well to do and educated, that much is indicated. As people, I imagine they were neither very loving or nurturing people, given Holmes' complete indifference to family life and domestic comforts.

His father I picture as a highly intellectual but cold and aloof person, likely well connected for one son to have obtained a government position (even though he largely built that position on his own strengths, he had to get in the door) and for Sherlock to have been able to study pretty much whatever it took his fancy to learn. He certainly wasn't a loving family man.

His mother, however, I don't see as a particularly impressive person- Holmes has a lack of respect and disdain for women I don't see coming from a good, loving or gifted mother. I feel like she was probably a rather weak and unintelligent woman, not much interested in her sons or able to understand their gifted minds. She may have come from good family (artistic stock, I think the French painter who gave Holmes his 'art in the blood' came from her side) without having any brilliance herself and only very basic, nondescript respectability, the kind that comes of simply existing without doing anything particularly wrong. I imagine Holmes and Mycroft were largely left to their own devices growing up with little interest or encouragement from her.

I'm sure this topic gets asked a lot, but I'd be interested in hearing others' takes.

The name Nevaeh is specifically meant to be Heaven spelled backward. Spell it Neveah or any other variation and you've just fucked up the whole point of the name, which was already corny even before you got it wrong.

I don't know why kids' whispering in particular gets me so bad, but it's all those super breathy, kinda wet, clicky mouth sounds that drive me straight up a fucking wall. Kids in general seem to have extra nasty mouth sounds- coughing, chewing, wet throat noises- as they're still learning body control and polite vs gross noises. I know they can't help it, but it's a big reason I don't want kids. I'd lose my mind.

It was a sham poo.

One is very heavy and the other's a little lighter.