u/cocospeon

Personally I’m a big Pokemon fan so I would definitely choose that! I think the world would be much more fun and exciting if Pokemon actually existed.

They say the first love is never easy..

I miss all the things we used to do,
I miss how you felt so much like home

I miss waking up with you still sleeping on the other side of the phone

I miss the letters you wrote me,
Your love for art was the key to my lock

I miss your spontaneous cute laughs when you and I still used to talk

I miss hearing the sound of your voice when we call,
I miss your presence the most of all

I miss all of you and everything I never got to see

You really have a power over me

They say the first love is never easy..

I miss all the things we used to do,
I miss how you felt so much like home

I miss waking up with you still sleeping on the other side of the phone

I miss the letters you wrote me,
Your love for art was the key to my lock

I miss your spontaneous cute laughs when you and I still used to talk

I miss hearing the sound of your voice when we call,
I miss your presence the most of all

I miss all of you and everything I never got to see

You really have a power over me

They say the first love is never easy..

I miss all the things we used to do,
I miss how you felt so much like home

I miss waking up with you still sleeping on the other side of the phone

I miss the letters you wrote me,
Your love for art was the key to my lock

I miss your spontaneous cute laughs when you and I still used to talk

I miss hearing the sound of your voice when we call,
I miss your presence the most of all

I miss all of you and everything I never got to see

You really have a power over me

I’ve had sleep paralysis a few times throughout my life. Because of all the horror I’ve felt the first time I had experienced it I had promised myself to just keep my eyes closed when I knew it happened again.

I wrote this right as I woke up, because it was one of the worst experienced I’ve had with sleep paralysis and thought it would be interesting to journal it.

The story

I woke up just now and writing it down hoping I won’t forget anything. It started in a place that looked similar to the inside of a train, filled with warm colors such as red carpet flooring, orange wood, yellow lights and purple cushions. Looking outside the window I saw my mom and dad were outside, together, waiting for me. It didn’t ring a bell yet, but my parents are divorced. They would’ve never been together waiting for me like that.

I went home with them, but ended up only being with my mom in the house of my dad. I had seen my sibling too, but they were gone now. I went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and my mom drove me somewhere, with a lot of speed. It was obvious she was in a hurry. Even though it was nighttime there were a surprising amount of people outside. The weird thing was that they were mostly young girls, biking together on the street in groups with one accompanying mother. The groups were all cycling next to each other and therefore blocking the road, so my mom couldn’t get past. Something very out of character (for any sane person, probably) but she tried to drive right through them, pushing them aside with her car.

We ended up at her house and I was in my room. The bedroom I had at her house, before she turned it into a study. I fell asleep again. I woke up and I couldn’t move, I knew I was having sleep paralysis at this point. The entire room was dark. I closed my eyes out of fear, I didn’t want to see anything that would scare me. I tried to scream to my mom, so she could come wake me up, but it was so hard. I either couldn’t or I had used all my power thinking I was finally screaming and it still came out as a whisper. I screamed for mom about 7 times, when I heard her stumble in the room next to me where she sleeps. Everything was still dark. I heard her footsteps, then she grabbed the handle on my door. I heard the rattling of the doorknob, but the door didn’t open. Then I heard nothing. The door doesn’t have a lock.

I didn’t know what to do at this point. I tried to stay calm, I tried moving my fingers a bit, then I was up. Finally. The room was still dark and an inner thought told me to let the light from outside in. Making sure no entity can hide in my room and scare me. I walked to my window and opened the curtain, but behind it was.. another curtain. And another, and another. I was still dreaming, but I had woken up from the sleeping paralysis. I was still scared, I was alone in the dark in a house that didn’t exist with a woman who couldn’t have been my mom. I had to wake up, for real this time. Whatever situation I was in, it was not real.

I was awake now. I was drenched in sweat and confused. I was also so immensely tired but scared to fall back asleep and end up in the same dream again.

I’m writing this, exhausted and miserable, because I have to go to work tomorrow and I realised I have lost the privilege of owning my own life.

I’ve been wondering why my life is as it is, and why it was given to me when I have no control over it anyway.

I’d like to believe that this is all done for me to see the end of the world. To see the sun explode, or the world collapse. I hope to see the universe fall over me and put and end to it all.

You don’t have to think about anything. You can just let it happen. Fall into the soft comfort of the lone possibilty. To have nothing and to lose nothing, that’s what I want to feel.

I once had a long-distance relationship with a man, and he used to send me photos of random objects arranged to spell out the words "I love you."

Today I thought about you again, but the memory of you was more cloudy than normal. Still, I was able to make out your face in the blur.

The signs of me forgetting about you are here, and once I finally forget the last memories of our love, I’ll become nothing.

I loved you more than anyone else ever could, but it hurts too much thinking about you now. So maybe.. maybe forgetting you won’t be so bad after all..