u/cringe-expert98

I've applied to over 30 jobs and have only gotten 2 interviews and both were in rural eastern Utah. I've applied to 7 jobs in Alpine and have been rejected from all of them with no interview.

I graduated May 1st from the U with my bachelor’s in English Teaching and a Master's in Educational Psychology. I've been working a job I hate while I went to school and don't know if I could keep the job while subbing for a whole year to network. I'm 28 and feel like om behind in life.

I've been in college 8 years. I never changed majors or took a year off or anything like that. I just went to community college part time for almost 5 years because it was all I could afford.

By the time I transfered to university I took on a full time schedule which means I had to work part time and make less money. Looking back on it, I was happiest when I was going to community college. I was making decent money, was able to do my hobbies, able to date, and go out. Once I transfered to university though I feel like I lost big parts of myself.

I essentially had to put a hold on my life for 3 more years to complete my degree and I don't think it was worth it. It was my time at university that made me have to get on mental health medication and see a therapist just to cope with it all. I started self harming, got fat, and saw my friends less. I couldn't even use the idea of getting a higher education to motivate me since my dad had already gotten his degree and so it wasn't even some "pride of the family" shit. I contemplated dropping out so many times but didn't because I knew that doing so would be I wasted so much time for nothing.

Even with all my accomplishments like low debt, a masters, and a job, I don't feel satisfied or happy.

School took so much away from me. I missed weddings, births, birthdays, weed, and really special moments that won't happen again because I either didn't have time or didn't have the money. Both can be traced backed to school. I had to work I job that hated for over 2 years, worked weekends and holidays, just to still make shit money because it was the only job that could accommodate my school schedule. Summer of last year too, I openly told my therapist that i regretted coming to school and don't like it there anymore and even they said it may be too late to drop out.

The thing I truly want, a relationship, seems farther away than ever and when I see what my high school dropout and 9-5 friends doing, I can't help but feel jealous because I wish all I had to do was just work, smoke, and date. I'm now 70lbs over weight and will have to start back at the bottom of martial arts like jiu jitsu because I took off so much time for either work or studying. I either worked nights or had night classes. I recently read that it can take 8-10 years (if you're dedicated) to get a BJJ black belt and I stated BJJ at 19 and am now 27 😭. I could've been a great athlete and in shape and happy but instead I have these degrees that don't bring me confidence or make it easier to date. Instead I stress ate for the last 2 years of college because it was the only way I was happy.

All in all, I'm just really conflicted about today. I'm graduating but am unfulfilled and feel like I would've been happier if I had never come.