u/floral-joudi

I have ocd about saying racist or upsetting things. But im also extremely impulsive and have poor impulse control. I often act without thinking. I have been getting ocd every time i have a conversation, even if my mom is simply asking me how my day at college went. I try to tell myself "there is no way ill say something racist about a topic as mundane as this" but then i get scenarios where the topic IS sensitive and i dont know what to do or say or how to navigate that. I try to tell myself "well, just give small responses" but i still freak out and end up saying something i didnt mean

I know deep down i dont want to be racist. If i wasnt such an impulsive person, i wouldnt even care about those thoughts.

For example when i was at a hotel my mom pointed to an black lady whos a nanny and said "this is the first time i see a nanny whos pretty" refering to the fact that she is black. and i didnt like what she said but my ocd kicked in . I wanted to say something like "mom, there are pretty girls everywhere" but then i just said something that kinda agreed with her when i was trying to do the opposite

Maybe this is just a normal response out of panic... but i really do have poor impulse control as well

I slip up so much in conversation. Its something a bit lowkey, and since racism is normally in my country no one bats an eye. But im scared ill meet someone who will indeed bat an eye.

He is 7 and i am 18. I live in the middle east so it's common to hit your children. Is it a lost cause? If yes, how can I at least reduce it?

It was a narration in my language, and it was also a narration in the British version I believe. Not sure about others. Is there no version online where what the contestants are saying is translated? Even just one episode is good for me.

I have pocd and everytime I see my brother is get scared of touching him. I freeze up or and I cant stop my legs from walking towards him. I didnt touch him but I did bump into him once and its scaring me how do I avoid this

I used to be a shotacon in 2023 and I realized how disgusting it is so I quit. I got into a fandom which had a lot of characters who are middle schooler but during that sometimes id stare at an image of them drawn in a weird way for too long before scrolling away. And then another month passed and I finally had my first "you are a shotacon" thought and I started freaking out and having ocd. Id dismiss those times I looked at the image for too long if I had ocd back then but no.. those before I had shota ocd. I definitely liked them too.

I had pocd but I was convinced i was a pedophile. In the first few months I accepted it but I didnt exactly do much I have no idea why. I dont remember what happened but I did decide to start avoiding children. I have two younger brothers and I didnt tell anyone I was a pedophile. So I would look down whenever he is in the room when my mom would call me and id avoid letting him touch me and id close my eyes everytime I see a kid on my phone and I would avoid content that may have children but I would still see them. I couldn't stop having thoughts 24/7 I felt awful when id fail to not look at the ground for a second and this went on for 2 days and I broke. I decided I wouldnt bother anymore because it was "too hard" but I also believed i would never prey on him but I still believed I was a pedo I know that makes no sense. I told my friend so she would finally stop being friends with me and she said its no excuse. I knew she was right. But then she said she'd call the police on me if I lived in her country and thwt snapped me out of it. So I went back to avoiding my brother. But then she came back and said "wait, couldn't this be your ocd?" And then i thought about it and shes right. But I felt disgusted thwt I thougjt I was a pedophile and I wanted to give up

The next day I decided to keep focusing on other things. Im a very flawed person and I have racist and ableist and narcasistic tendencies and every time I slipped id start spiraling and I couldn't go 5 minutes without doing so. And then the same thing happened. It was too hard for me and then I decided to give up then 20 minutes later I find a solution and then I regret it. While i think my solutions will work if i wasnt so mentally broken, i was just looking for the easiest way. This later happened 3 times over similar things in the day. I dont understand why im like this. Im suspecting my memory issues and dissociation are one of the reasons. Its the next day and the same thing happened. There is something evil inside me. I want to be a good person but I dont see a point. Sometimes im apathetic too. I did make some progress on some things but its slow

I have realized how flawed i am and I've been trying to fix it but I think im so stressed that its not working out and my ocd also isnt helping

For example, I've noticed its wrong for me to let my mom punch my little brothers. I didnt do anything at first because I thought it was normal. Now, this isnt hard to do right? But combining this witu other things I have to change, and my bad memory and dissociation and lethargy doesnt help

Another thing is that I used to be kind of racist and now im scared of doing it again. Like I thougjt maybe its racist to use aave. Even if I know how to use it some black people are still not okay with it. But it has caused me to be scared of texting and talking witu people and it makes me anxious. I dont know what to do. I think my aave is more subtle or maybe im overthinking it a little but it feels so wrong

Whenever I do something wrong that I promised myself not to do, I get anxious and I lose my thoughts easily even if its only been seconds. And the thing is while maybe im overthinking some things, other things are genuinely things I shouldn't have a problem with like ive been saying the r slur in my native language and im trying to not do that. I dont do it often which maybe makes it harder to stop myself because I dont have much "chances" to stop myself. And sometimes id do something and in my mind im saying "wait stop" but I didnt stop. I try to look at the list of things ive written down to stop doing and im saying "hey, this should be simple" so I dont know what wrong with me. It also doesnt help that I have low empathy because of my dissociation so sometimes I want to give up and not care anymore.

I also have maladaptive day dreaming which is basically excessive day dreaming and living in fantasies too much and I feel like ive become too narcasstic because of it and some of my thoughts and day dreams are genuinely immoral. I dont always catch myself doing it and it feels awful. But I cant just go "ohhh im so horrible" everytime. So why?

I keep not being able to catch myself and stop like a 100 times a day (this applies to everything i mentioned)

There are also some ocd related things like pedophilic ocd. Basically its intrusive thoughts that make me think ill do something pedophilic. I dont think im a pedophile . Ocd makes me unsure sometimes but most likely not but for example I'll get anxious when trying to change my brother's clothes

There is probably something else I cant remember unless im in the situation where I do it

These things have caused me to be too nauseous to eat and not be able to talk to my family properly because my mind is too occupied

What do I do

I really wanted to get into this hobby but im not sure whats wrong. I followed the instructions but my loops keeps untangling . I tried switching yarn size and tightening the fabric but it didnt work. It only kind of worked with the yarn that came in 5he kit but I have no idea what size of yarn it is. Further more I have a needle that you can adjust the numbers with but it didnt stay put if that makes sense. I wanna try switching to a "regular" needle but how do I know what yarn size go with it?

The exercise:

Directions: In each of the following sentences, there is a poorly positioned word or phrase. Rewrite each sentence to position the word or phrase more precisely

I. That private weather service for farmers provides forecasts specially focused on weather conditions in the Midwest.

2 If you prepare the ingredients I specified carefully,. you'l have no touble baking great cookies.

Directions: Rewrite each of the following sentences twice

a. Change the dangling modifier to a complete clause with a subject and verb.

b. Retain the phrase but begin the main clause with a word that it can logically modify.

The sentence:

While slamming the car door, my little finger got caught and was almost broken.

I cant figure out the meaning. Here are two sentences

A clown who was wearing a painted mask grabbed the microphone

A clown wearing a painted mask grabbed the microphone

I got an mri last year, but i feel that something is still off. I have only gotten worse. I know this disorder tends to mess with our heads but im still thinking... should I do a different type of scan incase? What are the signs i should be aware of?

Im sure alot of us want our f/os to be real. I get so bored daydreaming and drawing us. It never feels enough. It doesn't satisfy me. I want to feel him in real life. How do I cope with this

I swear to god, I am an embarrassment. I make mistakes all the time. My reaction time is bad, I need things repeated, and when I am assigned a task, even the most basic step needs to be demonstrated infront of me (tho this is more of a fear of messing up). I always do something, then im like oh wait I forgot this thing! Then I get it and walk, but then im like oh wait I forgot this other thing! Like wtf. Why am I so dumb. Also i constantly knock over things. What js wrong with me... wish I could be aware and focus, but Im dissociated basically look the time.