u/forthe_99and2000

I am taking a standup comedy class; its something I've always wanted to try. I am an actor, and I also do improv, but despite that onstage experience, standup comedy has always seemed intimidating. So I thought it'd be 'safer' to learn it in a classroom setting instead of going up blindly at an open mic. 1st class, I felt like I was in over my head, and that maybe this style of comedy was definitely a different type of beast to master. 2nd class, we were told to begin building a set based off a general idea that we had alot of thoughts on. 3rd class came and it was time for some of us to go up with what we'd worked out so far to do a loose 5 minutes. I knew that what I jotted down was more than 5 minutes of material, and it also just felt like a stream of thoughts for the most part, I couldn't see why anyone would laugh at it. But I went up anyway and even though I ran out of time before I was done, I was pleasantly surprised that people were smiling and laughing throughout my whole set and gave me positive feedback! I wish I had recorded it with my voice memo app to remember the moment, but I didn't. Obviously there are many things to work on and I had no idea about transitions and formatting, but for my first try at it, I'm proud of myself, and it felt good to be received well.

I am 36 and have been living alone in a new city for all of my 30s. For anyone who knows what it's like to move away from home to a place where you don't know anyone, that comes with its own set of growing pains. I go through periods of frustration and loneliness here and there, and while I have learned to process my emotions on my own, sometimes its still really helpful to just vent and hear supportive words from a friend who understands who you are.

My closest friends are either still living in my hometown, now married with kids, have also moved to a different state or a combination of these. So none of the people I have a deep connection with are nearby. And as we live and grow on our own paths, we have the same love for each other but less and less in common (and for the friends with kids and husbands, less time to catch up and connect). I am a creative, so other than my WFH job, I spend my time doing shows or taking classes related to acting and comedy. Artist types are typically really kind people with an awareness for others - which is why I love being around them - and I assumed that since these environments are where I spend most of my free time, that this would likely be where I build community. But it hasn't really turned out that way. I realize that most people here are from here and/or have already found their chosen community, or maybe they have a partner. They aren't really intentional or going out of their way to meet and connect with others on a serious level the way that I might be. I also don't know that I have anyone here I could call on in an emergency for help, or even talk about personal life details with.

I know this probably sounds bad, but sometimes I don't want to vent about loneliness or single woes to people who are in a happy marriage or have a solid community of their own. And I can't talk about frustrations with trying to find a better paying job or feeling stuck, to someone who jus got a job offer that pays 6 figures, and can cavalierly take international trips or purchase anything that would require me to wipe out a chunk of my savings. I have always been a person who has had friends from all walks of life, and socially people tend to want to be around me because I'm funny, but its surface level. So every once and a while, on a bad day, I feel like the lack of 'milestones' I've been able to reach makes me feel somewhat inferior to my peers, or I might feel defeated in trying to find a solid group of friends, so its hard to talk about it with people who already have that. And its all the more isolating when it seems like nobody arounds me understands because that just isn't their life. Not faulting them of course, but the lack of support gets to me. (I understand therapy is an option and I do utilize it, but the support of a familiar person you can call up or hang with because they see and understand you, is what I'm referring to.)

Anybody else living solo and have ever felt this way? If so what helps you through those moments and feeling like you'll never find your people?

I guess I am a bit old fashioned but to me, chatting for 30 minutes isn't enough for me to spark enough interest to where I wanna meet up with you 2-3 days later. Like ok. I guess I'll go get coffee if you really want to but why so fast? Shouldn't we look forward to a first date or meetup? Nowadays I don't ever really feel any excitement, I feel like I'm just going because I don't wanna be called a 'pen pal'.

(By the way, I hate that saying. A pen pal is someone who lives miles away and snail mail is the only available form of communication. You don't call your friends pen pals when yall text about something instead of talking on the phone about it. Cut it out, please.)

I usually leave meetups disappointed if they happened within less than a week of chatting. Because the interest wasn't really there for me and the meetup didn't help.

Is it me or do guys just move extremely too fast and try to force chemistry?!

Edit: thanks for chiming in with your thoughts! Obviously I have many different feelings about dating apps that branch off this general idea but I didn’t wanna make the body of the post too long. But there are definitely layers or different reasons to why a meetup feels too fast or not worth it yet. It sounds like I’m not alone on some of this. But I admire the ladies here who are like “nah let’s meet right now to cut down on wasted time” 😂

I always get my annual eye exam for glasses and contacts. Last January when I went, I went to a new eye doc and he suggested a prescription that was a bit higher than last time:

Right -4.75 Cyl -0.50 Axis 84

Left -3.75 Cyl -0.50 Axis 71

Before this, both eyes were lower by .25, and axis for each was about the same.

Last week I got an exam and the eye doc (another new one, because I've moved to a different state) said that my eyes were working too hard with the new prescription, and I could go back down to what it was before, Right -4.50, Left -3.50. I was cool with this because it did seem like it took the better half of a year to adjust to my prescription being stronger.

As I'm getting ready to input my prescription online to order some frames, I notice my axis in the left eye is alot lower this time around. It is 40, which is 31 points lower than last time. Right eye is 70 so not much of a change there. Is this jump normal?

I'm not really educated on what axis is and how it may or may not fluctuate. I know it has no effect on the strength of my glasses, but I also want to know if it would cause issues if the number is somehow incorrect.

I say this in lighthearted camaraderie. I’m doing it too.

I’m sure a lot of us have our sad playlists on repeat. Thought it might be nice to post something that maybe helps to connect and share with each other since we’re going through the same feelings.

What have you been listening to this week? And is it helping you feel better, worse, or just helping with releasing the feels?

I am currently going through a breakup as of Sunday.. At 36, I feel weak and out of sorts to be so affected by it. For the most part it was mutual. A long standing issue that we just couldn’t work through. A couple times in the past I’ve suggested friends may be best for us, but we stubbornly kept trying. While I thought we were going in a good direction this time, the inevitable came up, and this time he called it.

I know no contact is best but I’m having trouble feeling like he’s ignoring me and has easily discarded me. The sudden end to texting or calling is getting to me. To make matters worse I’m spending the weekend with family and I have to put on a face and pretend I’m fine (I’m not ready to talk about it, and my family doesn’t have the right sensitivity/empathy for this kind of thing. If I told them what happened, their response would only make me feel worse.)

Anyway, I searched books about breakups and found “Good Material” by Dolly Alderton. I finished yesterday (great read btw) In the end a character says this to the protagonist who is currently struggling with a breakup:

“Getting dumped is never really about getting dumped...
It's about every rejection you've ever experienced in your entire life. It's about the kids at school who called you names. And the parent who never came back. And the girls who wouldn't dance with you at the disco. And the school girlfriend who wanted to be single when she went to uni. And any criticism at work. When someone says they don't want to be with you, you feel the pain of every single one of those times in life where you felt like you weren't good enough. You live through all of it again.”

It kinda stopped me in my tracks because I do feel there is truth to it. At this place in my life I’m seeing all my friends get married and have kids or at least successful partnerships and rounds of dating. It has always been tough for me. And for finding someone to connect with to be sooo rare, when you find it and it fails, it does begin to feel like yeah, I’m the common denominator. I always have been.

I’m sure it’s just emotions but wow. Didn’t expect that to hit so hard.

What do you think about this quote?

I’m so green to hookah that I didn’t know there were single use ones. My sister had one and I was like oh bet!

So I got one. Just wondering about the nicotine warning. Does this really have the amount of nicotine that causes an addiction or is it just a CYA warning they have to put on a label? I’ve only ever done hookah casually at bars and lounges. I know there is tobacco involved but didn’t consider nicotine.

I’ve never smoked cigarettes or anything containing nicotine so wondering how it is for anyone who has used these.

I had a dating situation end recently but it was mostly mutual. It was the painful realization that we just aren’t going to be able to work through a longstanding issue. Even though we hadn’t made it to the relationship step, we were deeply attached and it hurts just as any breakup.

This weekend I’ll be traveling to visit my sister with my mom, and I know they will ask about him. They don’t know we broke up because it just happened, and I’m not yet at a point where I can tell them because it’s still fresh. It will be good to spend time with my mom and sis, but if I’m emotional, they are not good with showing the kind of support I need.

I’m 36, and idk why I feel too old to be so affected by this. I know I have tv books exercise and other solo activities that help somewhat, but it’d be nice if I had someone to chat with for a few days, to counter those sad moments until I’m back home and in a better place to process my emotions. I wondered if anyone here would be up to that?

(I know there are subs meant for this but I’d prefer to chat with another black person. Not in a romantic sense. And not to vent about how sad I am. Just to… idk mane. Just to talk really. I’m having a hard time and my friends aren’t as available as often as I feel I need for company right now. Sorry mods if this is not allowed)

Over the weekend I found a beginner class for skating.
We were learning how to stop with our stoppers when a young woman ended up losing her balance and she fell. It was a fall that might’ve messed something up for her, her leg bent in a weird way behind her as she went down, and when she sat up, she complained that her ankle was hurting, and one of her fingers did not bend. The teacher called an ambulance and some of us timidly continued skating back across the floor back-and-forth, while the rest felt bad/scared to continue.

The lady who fell was in her 30s and I’m sure she felt embarrassed and ashamed. But my heart went out to her because I am mid 30s and while I know, falling is part of learning to skate, falling “the wrong way” is what I am specifically afraid of. I don’t know her but I hope that she is ok, and doesn’t feel bad about randomly picking up a new hobby that her body isn’t as conditioned for. Because that’s my exact thought picking this back up.

A sore tailbone and minor scratches is something I can probably still deal with at this age, but I definitely don’t want to fall in a way that severely limits my mobility for weeks to come. I know you can lose your balance, different types of ways and in different positions, but does anyone have any pointers on safe ways to fall or things to do when you stumble?

I got my starter locs in Jan 2025 so they are about a year and a half old, but not all the way loc'd yet. I started my journey with a loctitian who swore by two things 1)do not use oil and 2) only use clarifying shampoo - no conditioner.

2 months after i got the starters installed i moved to a new state and had to find a new person to go to. the first lady i tried was fine, she was good about keeping my grid pattern neat. she used a clarifying shampoo and tbh couldn't tell if she used a conditioner after but i never had problems with unraveling or locs not budding. i had to stop going to her after 3 or 4 appointments because of scheduling issues. the loc shop i've been going to since then (for almost a year now) uses 3 shampoos each time - detox shampoo, clarifying shampoo, then a moisturizing shampoo (so no conditioner). they keep 3 big containers by the wash bowl and refill them when they are low, so the same is used for every client, starters or not.

i haven't seen a difference in how my hair behaves between the two loctitians i've gone to. all i know is my hair seems to be growing & locs are maturing slowly but surely. but to save money i think i am ready to begin washing it on my own and practicing retwisting them, but im not sure if i should do clarifying shampoo only or also use conditioner.

i have a softer grade of hair so when i first got them, no conditioner was what i was told to keep them from unraveling or being softer. i shouldn't be so unaware about this but i've honestly seen conflicting things about using rinse out conditioner so i can't tell whose advice to take. people make it seem like its VERY important while others say its not that serious. i just don't wanna stunt my loc journey making bad choices.

[i would have added a photo but i don't know any of the image hosting sites/tools to do so]