How do you handle MIL that doesnt look toxic for others?
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This is going to be a long post. Got married & Settled abroad post marriage. He never attended our engagement and i was all alone standing and finishing the ceremony. Later i got to know from him that his mom told him not to spend on tickets. Things seemed fine initially. Since it was a covid wedding we never got a chance for a honeymoon immediately. We had to stay with in laws for couple of months. But the sad part is we never had a chance to go on a single date as a couple. His cousins and brother accompanied wherever we went. They were in our room watching movies till 12 AM. First time I went to my parents place post wedding his brother accompanied to celebrate his birthday with us. Finally when we moved abroad we had to call them once in 2 days and show every little purchase we made. I slowly started waking up and set boundaries but now I realised I should have done it day 1. Continuing the story now. We had multiple fights and everything was due to his family topic. As soon as we moved they started a topic of getting his brother stay with us and search for a job here. I said if there is a timeline of one month, two months etc its fine. They dint agree to commit and finally it dint work out. And couple of years later his dad passed away unfortunately. And 13 days ceremony we had to wash our hair thrice a day, clean the house by ourselves etc arc and i fell so sick on day 7. I dint expect my husband to take care of me but he dint even acknowledge my presence or me being sick. And worst part all his relatives blamed me for not giving a grand child. And after a point it gave me anxiety to even go there. So we were asked to travel again for 70th day or something..I stayed for couple of days and went back to my parents place scared to face those relatives. Later my husband made me apologise to his mom. But I also got to know from him that the relatives were saying that I should have done enough punya (holy things) to attend the 70th day. Looks like i dont have that enough. And finally i became pregnant. Throughout my pregnancy his mom kept torturing him mentally with some news or the other. She was telling his brother and sister in law will likely separate (while looked like it was just arguments and they were fine)..or she is having fever, his brother fell down and injured his shoulder (while he was out and about) this that so he was always stressed and guilty about his mom facing all this. And my SIL wanted to move to a separate house, 5 min away from my MIL and that became an issue. My husband dint make my pregnancy memorable. And now my child is 1.5 years and I have thyroid cancer. I recently went through a surgery and dint want to tell his side of family because its like a FM. So we just told his mom that its a removal i will let everyone know post surgery. She has now told his brother and his brother is asking why is he hiding such stuff and i told I am the one who is suffering and I get to decide when to tell folks. Now my husband is not talking to me. While he is a good man he keeps asking why can't I like his family. But I don't know what else I should go through mentally or I dont even know if I am overacting. Just let me know your thoughts.