u/hedgehogsandcats

i’m really exhausted and just need to put this out there, because it makes me feel conflicted

my bf (23) and i (21f) have been together 2 years. he was a virgin when we met and very christian. he waited for me and im the first person he’s slept / been with. before him, i was with a situationship where it was just sex really. anyways my bf gets really bad retro and in the beginning of our relationship he would interrogate me with question’s and use that as fuel to make him believe he’s not good enough. he said i gave him his retroactive jealousy because i hyped it up when we first got together ( it was my first relationship from a long line of toxic trauma thinking of having sex = good, plus i hyped it up to discard how truly bad it was) but it made him interrogate me and use it as reasons for why he isn’t enough. he still says now he’s not the “ only one” and that i cheated.

he would say it’s weird for me to still have underwear from that time, and ask me repeatedly what positions we did/ what i did with a used condom after we finished.

he says he waited his whole life for me and was loyal before we even got together

i’ve apologised to him in tears for sleeping with someone before we got together I’ve apologised.

it’s gotten to the point tho where i feel as tho i had to lie about my past now, to protect myself from the outbursts of his insecurity and the interrogations, and for him ti believe he’s really the only one for me

i agreed with him because i feel so guilty for having a past. i wanted him to feel better. i don’t believe i cheated but i really love him, and i just want him to feel safe

just wanted to vent

please excuse if my post is messy im crying and having a panic attack and i feel so alone

i (21f) am feeling completely sad and scared in my relationship with my boyfriend (23m). he has been dealing with severe retroactive jealousy for a long time, often subjecting me to hours of graphic, daily interrogations about my past, including my ex who used to drive me home. because of this, i’ve felt pressured to lie about my history just to make the interrogations stop and to try to keep the peace.

anyways, recently, he took a lift home from a female coworker because of the heatwave. when i calmly asked him how he would feel if i were to let a male coworker of a similar age take me home ( i said it was fine and im glad he got home sooner in the heat, just hope he’d be fine if the same situation happened to me) the situation exploded. he reacted with immediate, extreme hostility, telling me that it is "different" for him because he "knows how men are" and his coworker gave him "mum vibes."
he told me i have "issues," called me "annoying," and declared that we weren't talking for the rest of the day.

he then blew up my phone, demanding an apology and insisting that i "need to understand men and women are different." he flat-out stated that there are different rules for men and women in our relationship—he explicitly said he never expects me to get into a man’s car regardless of the situation, and that he would have to meet any man before that could happen, purely because he "knows how men are." and what business do i have getting in a coworkers/ any man’s car. and at minimum the man has to be at least 40

he has now admitted it was "wrong" and said he’s "sorry," but he is still maintaining these rigid, controlling rules for me that he doesn't apply to himself. i feel like i’m drowning in his double standards and his need to control my autonomy. i feel physically sick and i’m constantly having to defend myself against accusations based on his insecurities.

we were on the phone and he then told me he agrees with me and he felt uncomfortable being in that car, but his coworker is 5 years older and is living with her partner so thought id understand. he called me manipulative and said he doesn’t like me

im crying and having a panic attack right now, we argue so much im feeling so sick. i don’t understand what i did wrong. i feel like im in the wrong tho for bringing it up because it made him feel as though i wanted to be in a car with a coworker / random man and he borderline told me to do it and he doesn’t care

h told me himself he admits it was “ unwise “ and wrong and he won’t do it again,

i know im pathetic but i don’t want to break up although j know i should i just feel so hurt and based on his reaction like im in the wrong for asking and i feel so lost and panicked im really upset

aitah for pointing out this hypocrisy? is it reasonable to expect the same boundaries for both partners, or am i the one with "issues" for refusing to accept that "men and women have different rules"? how do i handle this? please

we have been together nearly 2 years

also i know it’s an silly context to ask about a simple lift home and i was truly ok with it but i wasn’t ok with how i knew he’d react with me not being allowed to be in another man’s car , it was a little thing that meant a lot

( had to repost again after verifying my account)

to start with, i feel really guilty everyday about this. if you say anything please be gentle

so, me (21F) and my bf (23M) met in late 2024. he was christian and i was exploring it. before we were dating he asked me what my body count was/ experiences i’ve had. at the time, he seemed really non chalant about it and laughed it off and asked more questions and i answered the best i could.

we got together and everything was good, until he got very insecure and upset at me and would ask me about 50 questions about my past daily ( no exaggeration). i said my answers ( i admit now that i made it sound a bit better than what it was, because my ex SA’d me and cheated and i didn’t want anyone to know that about me). it started with him asking really graphic, uncomfortable questions. like what positions we did / where.also, would ask what i would do with a used condom after me and my ex had sex. he wanted me to get rid of all my underwear i possibly could of worn with him, and it’s weird that i still own it.

we would sit and he would ask for hours until it was about 2-3am in the morning and we had work the next day. then he started saying stuff like i had “ cheated on him” and if i “regret cheating on him”. i told him so much about my life that i regret it all now and wish i was firmer in my boundaries.

he was waiting for marriage when we met, and i am his only partner he’s dated/ kissed/ slept with.

he said i caused him to have retroactive jealousy and his insecurities would get so bad he would completely crash out and get angry, and there would be more interrogations and questions.

when he would interrogate me i would start crying and have panic attacks

he said he’s not “ special” anymore and i cheated and devalued his life.

i’ve started to change my story to him when he would interrogate me for hours. it’s not because i wanted to lie, i just wanted him to feel better and to prove that he is special to me.

i told my bf that i didn’t even like my ex, wasn’t attracted to him ect.

i really didn’t mean to harm him i just wanted it to stop i really felt like i had no choice. if i told him the truth be would he insanely insecure and sad and upset at me and annoyed and hurt, but lying just makes him interrogate me more because i’ve gone back a little on some of what i’ve said.

he gets retroactively jealous daily, always in his mind and he asks me close to every single day. he’ll start to be off out of nowhere because he’s thinking of how he’s not “ the only one”.

like we had sex on a sofa yesterday, and all he did was compare himself to my ex. he wanted to stop doing a certain position because i “ put my legs on his shoulders too effortlessly”, meaning he’s not special because i “must of done that with my ex”.

i feel really stuck, i wish i never started to lie to him about my past, but i really felt like i had no choice. he would talk/ ask about my past for about 3-4 hours daily and we have been together for almost 2 years.

i feel so exhausted in this relationship, i just wanted to vent.

I’m feeling so lost and hurt right now and just need a real, honest reality check on whether I’m overreacting, and how to even begin coping with this.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (21F) have been together for a while. He’s Christian, and we actually broke up before because he wanted to wait until marriage. We started speaking again and he was still dead set on no sex ( which I thought was okay), but the first time we saw each other after that, he initiated everything, we ended up having sex, and we got back together and kept having regular sex.

Since then (10 months later) we’ve had this routine of deep physical closeness like showering together, spending time in my room, and having regular sleepovers. He spends at lot of time at my house.

The thing is, I want to say i’m Christian too. I pray a lot, I speak to God, and my faith is always in my mind. But I just don't feel the crushing shame or how he does about this, but maybe that’s on me?

He grew up in a religious household where he said he was taught all of those rules.

Now, he’s hit with a massive wave of religious guilt over "folding" on his convictions. Overnight, he completely flipped the script. He says sex has to wait for marriage, but he’s gone to an absolute extreme to enforce it.
He refuses to stay over, won't even come into my room, and has banned all of our normal routines of simple, non-sexual closeness.

I’ve tried explaining that I’m not just upset about the sex, I’m mourning the baseline comfort of sleeping next to him and waking up together. He says he gets it too and of course he wants it, but I’m feeling really stuck and confused.

I don’t want to seem like a sex addict or weirdo about it, but I feel like i’m not normal to want that in a relationship. My boyfriend told me that boyfriends and girlfriends shouldn’t have sleepovers and we were living like we are already married.

When I try to talk about how lonely I will be, he completely shuts down. He tells me he "doesn't know," lectures me on holy marriage, and says things about how I probably resent his faith or shouldn't "waste my youth" on him. It feels like all of our beautiful memories together have been completely ruined and rewritten as a mistake.

He also has suffered with bad retroactive jealousy, I was his first everything. he said to me recently when he was saying about boundaries “What's the difference between you sleeping next to one of your exes and me". And that marriage would make it different

I need to stay with him. I really don't want to break up. The first breakup was so hard for me, genuinely rock bottom. But physical closeness and sharing that routine with him is a genuine need for me. Right now, I don't know the first thing about how to cope with this massive change. It feels like the relationship has done a total 180-degree turn with zero warning, and I am so deeply struggling to accept it.

But if we broke up, I’m terrified of how i’ll be perceived to his family / friends when he tells them why. Like I feel like I’m going to be this freak

Am I overreacting for being heartbroken and blindsided by this? And if I'm staying, how on earth do I survive this empty space when closeness is something I truly need?

Edit: For context too, our relationship has always been sexual. Before we were even dating we were still doing “ stuff”. Our whole relationship would change and i’m scared of how that’ll feel.

Edit 2: Also, he has brought up his guilt before, every couple months or so. However, he ends up initiating sex so I assume it’s all okay?
last time he said it, he said that nothing would change, and he couldn’t deal with giving up all intimacy ect, saying showers together will be still okay and he doesn’t think he will change that.

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend and I are both Christian. He caved on his beliefs and initiated a deeply intimate relationship with me, including sleepovers and sharing my room. Now, hit by sudden religious guilt, he has overnight banned sleepovers and all physical closeness. I love God too, but I don't feel his crushing shame. I am staying with him because I love him, but closeness is a need for me and I don't know the first thing about how to cope. Am I overreacting?

i’m looking into christianity and this thought just came up in my head

please pray we find repair, healing, and our love again.

thank you

I’m dealing with a very hard time with my partner and the conflicts we have been having.

i’ve been praying so much, but im struggling to trust God. I feel lonely when i don’t feel like anyone’s there listening to me and giving me answers.

I really don’t know what to do, im struggling to find comfort in the fact God is there with me but i can’t feel it.

For context i’ve started a new job that I have to take the night buses for, however i’m a bit worried due to how dangerous ive heard it can be.

My boyfriend and I have been dealing with a lot of tension over our financial dynamic. While I was finishing up university and looking for a job, he stepped up and paid my monthly rent (£500) so I could focus on my studies. I never demanded or forced him to do this; I explicitly told him multiple times that he didn’t have to help me, and if he wanted to, to pay half maximum. My relationship with my parents is very strained and I couldn't just turn to them for money, and he knows I have asked for their help multiple times. His response was if he didn’t, who would. He insisted on paying it because he says he views us as a team, we are in this together, and he views me as his wife. Now that I finally secured a job, this setup was meant to be over, but everything blew up anyway.

During an argument, he blindsided me by bringing up external comments. He told me that people have been heavily criticizing him for paying my rent, claiming that I am just using him for money and keeping my options open. When I asked who was saying these awful things about my character, he completely shut down and refused to tell me, getting angry at me for even wanting to know.
Because we were running in circles and it was getting late, I tried to end the conversation peacefully by saying goodnight so we could both cool off. He immediately blew up at me, claiming I didn't care. He sent a barrage of messages stating he couldn't handle this between us much longer, that his nervous system was failing, and that the stress of the fight was entirely debilitating to the point where he couldn't function. For more context to, he has said to me before personally that me not wanting to get married is because I am keeping my options open. I’m 20. He also threw the number he’s paid for me back in my face and said I don’t realise the sacrifices he’s making for me.

He still hasn't told me who made the original comments about me using him and keeping my options open. He is treating the entire situation as my fault because my defensive reaction apparently broke his nervous system. I feel like I completely swallowed my pride and my right to be hurt just to stop the fighting, but now I'm second-guessing myself

I also feel it is within my rights to know who has been saying I am keeping my options open, as that’s quite a heavy thing to say.

edit: after our fight and during it, I told him to not pay my rent anymore since I have a job now and can take care of it myself. He overruled that and said he is still going to.

i’ve not played this game in years but still go on this sub because of nostalgia lol

my question is why are the tasks so long? like saying goodbye takes 18 hours…

what is actually the point of it? what did the developers think when they decided to make everything take hours if not days to do?

i remember it annoying me when i used to play and im shocked to see it hasn’t changed

hi, me and my friend are trying to move into a flat together soon, but offers keep falling through

please pray for me and that i will find a flat soon, it’s really stressful and i am very disappointed and worried.

thank you so much

i worked at sainsbury’s for almost a year a while ago, and since then i’ve been applying back to stores in my area.

i’ve gotten an interview everytime, but never actually get the job.

when i was at sainsburys, i got scammed lol and a month later i was let go ( they said it was because of my 2 illnesses i had in working for almost a year) and i still was allowed to work an extra 2 weeks for the store.

i am wondering though if there is a do not rehire list that i could be on??? because my interviews go quite well, its just disappointing to see that i haven’t been rehired.

sorry if wrong flair,

i’m curious if anyone has gotten any results from quadible integrity? their channel seems a little different from other subliminal channels and all their comments seem pretty positive

i’ve been aware of their channel for ages and currently on day 2 of listening to a subliminal they’ve posted.

i think i’d get really motivated by any results you guys have got from them? if any? and if i can ask, what video did you listen to and what results did you get

thank you!!!!