Both the regular and heart smart are now dairy :( found some of the old mix but unfortunately running out. Anyone have recommendations for parve mixes that don't involve DIYing?
I live in NW Portland and recently there's been a new loud community fitness class and it's disrupted both my meetings at work and school on the weekends. It can be heard several several blocks down. I use ear plugs and noise-cancelling headphones. regretting re-signing my lease and recommending the complex to others.
is it worth submitting a noise complaint? am I being a total Karen? is this just part of living in the city? I've dealt with urban noise but never so loud I can clearly understand the instructions of the class.
I've been low contact for almost a decade now shortly after I turned 18 and my parents kicked me out/I left due to abuse/being LGBT. And no contact for large spats during that time. Attempted and failed reconciliation x2 with a very experienced therapist who said I should probably stay no contact because "what the fuck (redacted my name)" because my parents are that bad :/ and she's usually pro low contact/recon. Also my parents don't really reply most of the time anyway sooooo... Cant really do it.
But it's made dating really hard. I notice I'm still attracted to emotionally unavailable people (for a long time mostly people with enmeshed relationships with their parents) and they're attracted to my independence . I'm also a lesbian so my dating pool is very small.
I've worked very hard on my disorganized attachment tendencies but I suppose I'm realizing I need to figure out how to navigate other people having family around. What's actually healthy. What's that supposed to look like. But it also feels lame because its hard to date and know someone can like call a family member and I'm screwing off by myself to do everything. And they often don't get it when I'm busy or stressed out. Or they expect to manage them and basically move from being attached to their parents/whoever to attached to me instead of being like me and being independent to being two independent people together, or alternatively that their emmesshed relationship is above ours (basically a mommys boy but a butch lesbian 💀)
I have a lot of complicated thoughts. How do you even navigate this? Keep up hope?
I bought a new Subaru in late fall 2023 @ 28k @ 7.49% for 72 months (which I regret, I wish I went with a shorter term, ugh) and paid off about 6k -7k extra off the loan in that time. Ive since stopped having roommates & am looking at a job change that would be a slight paycut (but also cut my commute to zero). I could still afford the car payment but I want more wiggle room, and might be able to finance a lower rate, and then continue to throw extra money or as available.
Is this worth it it? I have about 12k left on the loan and My credit union may be able to offer an interest rate close to 5.7% at my credit score, but is it worth it? Has anyone done this and not screwed their finances? I feel fairly confident because I've paid off almost a whole year extra off the loan.
I'm at a point now where I can form stable close friendships/familial like relationships but I still find it's really easy for me to feel suffocated even by like... Frequent texting. I feel like I still end up snapping and I don't like it. With friends I find they tend to take early redirection well or don't need me to text because they know I'm consistent irl and will show up when I say I will :') and understand.
Especially with apps where everyone wants to text everyday between date(esp when you're a lesbian) s and it's like... You're a stranger I've met maybe once or twice. How do you even communicate that? Ive tried and a lot of people seem to just double down and try to get me to trust them with no like... Real life consistency and stuff. And that's not even why I just feel like it takes up so much mental space to monitor messages and keep up with them.... And it's just a lot. I usually end up saying hey I don't think this is a good fit if you need frequent texting but it's still so awkward.
Is it better to just stick to real life dating? I've been terminally single outside of a few relationships here and there. Would love some recommended reading/journalling prompts.
I want to start this post with the info that i am a mostly cis lesbian.
I have a weird thing where I like to imagine things from the dom's pov, or from the top's pov A LOT, but I don't like doing it in practice for any extended period of time. But I sometimes wonder if with a healthy partner if I would enjoy it (in the past, my limited experience w/ topping & domming sometimes both sometimes separately was with emotionally unhealthy partners). I also used topping as a way to distance from my partners, but I did ENJOY it and was good at it, but I also think I prefer bottoming?
I feel like I'm also weird because despite all that, I have fantasies about having a penis, sometimes, too (I do not want to be a man, I like my body, it's all fantasy).
That brings me to the bigger question. I know being a switch is an option, but I think I prefer subbing a lot, but it constantly gives me the anxiety I'll never find a partner who can dom me. I've been told my friends that I give dom energy but I just have mad anxiety and autism and run my life like a military operation because I need the structure. I feel like all the other subs I've met in the bdsm scene are soft compared to me. And I know I can perform dominance, and it feels good because I like feeling competent but I don't feel like myself?
When I do fantasize about domming, it's basically only from the perspective of what I would want from a dom, too?
I also haven't been in a relationship for three years now and sex about the same amount, and now I'm having all these second thoughts, and have done a lot of therapy... especially with Carl Jung and anima/animus and I feel like now my sexuality is more complicated than ever before?
Anyone else experience things like this? Thoughts + prayers.
It's so delicious and I'm so sad it's not more popular :( we r living in the SeiYaten Renaissance fr at least
This is spread over about ~250 works in relatively small fanbases most of which was posted between 2019-2024. I'm so happy ;-;
I've really struggled this last year with a brief crashout because my fandoms are small, and the characters I care about in the one big fandom I'm part of are EXTREMELY unpopular (ie, most fics get 1-2 kudos, they're rarely recognized when I cosplay them, most people who do comment casually mention not being that familiar with them and only liking them from art... ugh). It's really hard to navigate, as it's been my first BIG fandom that's slightly mainstream and yet my interest in it... is not. And there's a lack of 'fanfiction community' that I've had in the past. So I'm extremely proud to have made it this far!!!
Writing fanfiction has drastically changed the course of my life :) and I can't believe how far it's come.
I feel like I'll never have real friends. I've always struggled with making friends. I am on the spectrum and was pretty severely abused growing up (bullied at home and at school 🤪). I've made tons of progress in therapy. I have a fairly good life on paper. I escaped being a homeless teen and have a deeply fulfilling job. I'm connected within my religious community. I was able to achieve some major milestones and relocated to a bigger city. I've made some networks of friends but it's very limited and out of necessity because I am #estranged by my parents for LGBT/lesbian reasons.
But I keep finding myself alone. On birthdays especially---I had birthdays as a teenager and now as an adult where no one (literally no one at all) showed up. I remember crying in my parents basement because I was so embarrassed because I did so much planning and set up and then it was just me by myself. One time a roommate even ate my birthday treat. My family who I am in contact with often forgets about it until a week or two later and my parents when they do bother, send me random items on Amazon a week or two after it. No message no card just a random package of like... Chip clips.
Ive had a few successes but I feel like it always requires cutting off parts of my personality and interests. It's like oh I can get people if it's a nice dinner at a sit down restaurant and I ask my older (I'm late 20s, so friends in their 40s/50s) friends to go with me who I know are exceedingly reliable or hosting a post wedding dinner for friends. So I can get people it's not impossible.
I have a lot of niche hobbies bc hello autism (anime/cosplay/j fashion/etc which I know have become mainstream but I am not interested in the mainstream ones). I end up at cons wandering by myself the whole time which is mostly fine but then I see people doing group cosplays or part of friend groups wandering around and I just feel stupid. Or because I'm cosplaying something niche no one knows wtf it is (it's never like... Problematic content it's just much less popular shows/characters).
I've tried hosting meet ups for my niche hobbies and cosplay with extremely limited success :( and it's so awkward because it's just sitting alone in cosplay with me myself and I or me having dinner by myself or me at the park by myself etc etc..... And I do enjoy doing these things it's just like wtf if wrong with me. I recently started preparing for hosting another thing and I can literally see it already starting to crash down with people cancelling. Its such ass.
I've also started to seriously think about going back into the closet because being out has only made my life worse. And I'm still single so it's not exactly hard to do. And it just feels like no one gets how hard it is to have effectively had your life flipped upside down for being LGBT and then like no benefit to being out except more suffering.
I sometimes feel like I'm just drifting off in the ocean and I'll never be found. And that I'll always be a bit of a sideshow freak some people enjoy but can never really be close to idk. How do I find land again?
I came out as LGBT in my early teens in an (abusive besides the lgbt stuff) conservative trad-cath family, and waffled in and out of the closet and identities. Around the time I turned 18, my parents kicked me out for a mix of 'you are an adult now' and 'we can't have your siblings seeing you be trans.' I ended up medically transitioning pretty quickly after being kicked out, and ended up detransitioning around 22/23. I'm twenty seven now and have built a "life worth living." (I have a good job, I have my own place, I have hobbies I enjoy, I'm fairly financially stable).
I've also ended up having to spend a lot of money to detransition (and spent so much money transitioning and in lost time :/ I wouldn't have survived safely if I hadn't but it doesn't make it any easier to accept).
I've lost friends since coming out a lesbian. My parents are still estranged (they attempt to email me a few times a year, but like to remind me "we choose if and when to reply when time and energy allows." And like to ignore me for periods of time... and after almost nine years of that I don't really care to interact anymore).
I've been out for five years now as a lesbian, and have been chronically single for most of that time. I wonder if it was worth it to come out at all. I feel like it's impossible to go back into the closet, and basically erase my lesbian identity from my life, as I've been out for so long. And people tend to assume I'm a transwoman because of my voice (which doesn't bother me as much as it makes people "clock" me as queer even if they "can't tell what time it is", lol). I've never been in a serious relationship with another woman and sometimes it feels like it would be easier to just give up entirely on the possibility. And easier if I just pretending to be straight.
I've been to years of therapy (it ended up leading to my detransition) and have healed a lot from my trauma. For a long time, my greatest fear was a woman would never love me, and I feel like I've overcome that for several years, and my therapist has really pushed dating for the last few years because I'm emotionally ready now. But it's just not worked out for me, and I often can't even make it to a second date (with increasingly bizarre reasons, I once had a woman tell me I "was too predictable and easy to please unlike [her] mom." and "you're really pretty and have your life together and are kind of scary" and then ghosting me forever).
I've started to think about buying a ring so people can just assume I'm married in my job (which statistically has benefits for women) and making up a fake boyfriend, too, so I can just feel normal in everyday life. In my daily life people tend to assume I must be locked down already sometimes LOL. I'm so tired of being like "oh I'm gay." Almost all of my friends are married or in long-term committed relationships.
It's also really difficult when I have friends who came out in their 30s and are divorced talking down to me about how 'I don't get how hard it's been for them' when I've known I've been attracted to women for so long and ended up homeless at 18. Having a stable relationship for 10 years and then falling in love with another married woman and getting divorced to be together.... and encouraging me to being open to polyamory because 'maybe they'll leave their husband for me.' (Hello, delusion) Or be okay with being a side piece. Or how they 'totally get in' when their partner transitioned who they married at 18 and their relationship is now lesbian, which is not the same as me being twenty seven and knowing I'm a lesbian. I don't want to marry some guy and hope they're actually a woman. I want to marry another woman who knows she's a woman too!
Has anyone else had these sorts of thoughts/experiences? Has anyone 'found love' later in life that was healthy? Has anyone gone back into the closet for a 'break'?
Hi! I recently had a DIEP flap breast reconstruction.
Measurements 30/29/28. 34/35/32.
The issue is they're very shallow and round so a lot of small bands are the cups are too narrow. I bought a natori 32d (wire free) and that seems to fit quite well but I feel like it could fit better.
I do have nipples so I need something that will also not let my nipples show through for most of my clothes . Please do not recommend ANAONO or busted tank I own lots of them but my nipples show in t shirts.
TIA
