u/heyitstism

I’m passionate for animals, to a whole different level. Been foster rehabbing aggressive dog adoption rejects for 15 years. Volunteered training 3 service dogs for the VA. And took a break from my career to work for minimum wage at an African safari, working with aggressive wildlife, for six months. I’m this level of passionate.

When one of my pets is sick or dies, I get beyond emotional. 42m, I’ve survived war and 20 years in uniforms… but will fall completely apart over an animal.

Last week, my eleven year old Great Pyrenees died. I don’t want to talk about it, but since he went everywhere with me, going anywhere will trigger the questions. I recognize it’s unavoidable, and accept that.

My problem comes in that people won’t listen. They ask, and I say “He died a few days ago, it was just old age. I don’t want to talk about it at all.” Then either they ask questions, try to talk about it, or give me the old “well if you want to talk, I’m here”.

I’m getting flat out angry at this point. My saying I don’t want to talk about it, shouldn’t trigger people to offer to talk about it. Or ask questions. Or blow right through my boundary and talk anyway. I don’t want the comments, and flat out say it. I don’t appreciate them. I’m not grateful. I know the intent is there, I just don’t want to talk about it… and I want my saying that to be respected.

AITAH here? Is there really such a problem with wanting to grieve the way that -I- need?

Buying a $35k vehicle, and this is the first time I have enough cash to just buy it outright. But my understanding is keeping a loan on it has its advantages.

What are the pros of going with a loan instead of just paying for it?

Thanks.

42m, and I live a pretty “outside the box” lifestyle.
I have ASD, but can blend in with society with the help of meds and therapy. Some of the traits of autism still leak through, and always will. Other people’s emotions overwhelm me considerably, and it’s a problem I haven’t been able to trump. I’m also retired early, and really try to make life about experiences, and less about having to fulfill responsibilities. I recognize that I’m on the winning side of what everybody wants, I’m grateful, and I don’t want to waste it. I’ve come to get to know myself, and have learned well that it’s okay to just be me.

A social struggle I’m experiencing is how people define friendship, and I just can’t get on board with societal expectations. I want my friendships to be about fun and enjoyment. I want them to add positivity to my life, and not weigh me down. I’m a generous friend, am always the one hosting parties or paying for outings… It’s not one sided, but I can’t handle (and have zero interest in) being someone’s emotional support. I don’t want to be the guy with his phone on overnight in case friends need me. I don’t want to be the guy you call to cry to after a hard day. I don’t want to be the guy counted on for favors, rides, places to stay, money. I want to be the friend you call for fun, and not for support. I’m not saying it’s a zero tolerance, but I just don’t want, and can’t handle that in my life. My emotions don’t allow for it; I react well in person, but struggle internally. This is something I do openly discuss and explain when I run into this.

I know I don’t match the societal standard of what a friend is… And I don’t desire to change my stance. but does this make me the AH?

Buying used, and can save $10k buying privately.
My credit score is 700s+ and I have a good 50% down. I don't have proof of income.

Credit unions and physical banks want proof of income, and direct deposits. So those are out.

What's my best option for getting a loan to fund a private deal? Top online sites? Thank you!

Buying used, and can save $10k buying privately.
My credit score is 700s+ and I have a good 50% down. I don't have proof of income.

Credit unions and physical banks want proof of income, and direct deposits. So those are out.

What's my best option for getting a loan to fund a private deal? Thank you!

Buying used, and can save $10k buying privately.
My credit score is 700s+ and I have a good 50% down. I don't have proof of income.

Credit unions and physical banks want proof of income, and direct deposits. So those are out.

What's my best option for getting a loan to fund a private deal? Thank you!

I host a group of us that go to an amusement park together weekly. We met in a group therapy program, and stayed in touch after graduating. It’s two of us consistently, and others join and fade away over time. We just added a third who’s excited to join, and have plans to go Thursday.

An ex that I had a strong connection with recently caught up with me. She’s someone who was awful to me… and with my friends being from therapy, they know all the details. This ex and I have been spending time together lately, and there seem to be some changes. My expectations are low, but I am having fun with whatever we’re doing in the here and now.

I asked the two ladies if I can invite the ex, they know her as well. One excitedly said yes, knowing how fun she is… The other is refusing, with a revolving list of reasons, one sillier than the next.. She’s dressing it up as concern for me, but I think the truth is she’s worried she’ll receive less attention. (This is an issue she has regularly, feeling left out, and plays the victim even when there’s no problems). I made a mistake and already mentioned to the ex that I want her to go. And now, it seems I made one too many promises, and don’t know how to resolve this.

I’m frustrated. My options are either don’t invite the ex (who’s loads of fun)… Or invite them all, and say everyone can decide if they want to go out not. I don’t want the history with her to be the focus of topic… I’m living in today.

What’s the advice? What’s the right thing to do here? AITAH?

Buying a used model y privately. I haven’t selected one yet. Typically, I take a care for a used car inspection at a shop - but that’s not helpful with Tesla.

Tesla service refuses to touch it until it’s in my name, which defeats the purpose.

Tesla certified shops all refuse to do it, entirely.

Regular mechanics won’t be able to check battery and such.

And yes, the owner can run a 24hr check… but let’s be real, no one’s going to disable their car for a full day to run a report for me.

… I think I’m seeing the conclusion is there’s no way to “used car inspection” a Tesla, beyond the typically steering suspension.

Does anyone know a way I can pull this off before buying one? Thanks!

I’m buying a used model Y, likely 2023/2024 with around 30/40k miles. Haven’t picked a specific one yet, and I’m going private sale.

Historically, I bring a car to a shop for an inspection before I buy. Which yes, I can for the basics… but the important stuff (battery, etc), the average mechanic can’t do that. I’ve spoken with service, they won’t do an inspection until after I put it in my name, which defeats the purpose. Yes, an owner can do the 24hr battery health test, but likely won’t. Private owners aren’t jumping hoops.

If there any way to check the battery system before buying without relying on service or the individual to run tests for you?

Thanks.

Repair vs all on 4

42m. I didn’t take care of my teeth as a child and have bad dental genetics going back generations. Around age 20 I went through half dozen major surgeries to repair and correct everything. Ten years later, it all started falling apart, so I did it again. And now, ten years later, it’s reoccurring. I had a great smile, but it’s again all falling apart. $100k and a dozen major surgeries, still failing. My mouth is hygienically healthy, but I’m still dealing with poor care from childhood.

I have two options:

1. I can repair it all again, combining bridges and individual implants, several of them. However, my remaining teeth will all fail over the next handful of years. Then it requires an 8 month heal time before the implant goes in. Every once in awhile, I’ll have a hole in my smile for 8mos. The end result will be a mouth of individual implants, which is the best option. But it also means this teeth falling out and holes in my smile will continue for years longer. Medically, it’s the best route. But the experience sucks and could last for a decade longer. Financially… this guy offered to let me pay monthly payments and if it’s never paid off he doesn’t care. So his approach isn’t financially driven.

2. The other option is called all on 4. They remove all the teeth and place 4-6 implants top and bottom (implants in the gums, it’s not the visible tooth). Then, the teeth are made all as one unit, and gets screwed into the implants. Nothing covers the pallet like dentures would, and the teeth don’t come out. The process is 8hr major surgery with iv sedation. You leave with temporary (but screwed in) teeth. I’m told the first 3-5 days is awful, and it gets progressively better from there. Temporaries aren’t the greatest, but it allows one to leave with teeth that day. I’d have a lisp and have to overcome that. Soft food for 4mos, at which time the permanents get put in. They are more comfortable, and feel close to natural, but not exactly. Requires learning to eat properly again, because there’s no nerve ending it’s, you can’t feel your teeth like natural can. I’m told around 6mos is when you feel “complete” and closest to natural. The biggest risk is by pulling everything, there’s no option but this. If this can’t work for me, or I can’t work with it, there aren’t any further options.

Option 1 requires this awful experience to drag on for years longer, leaving me insecure that my teeth will or have fallen out. I’m not a missing tooth type person. It gives me the best end result after years of more torture. Option 2 takes all that away in a day. Recovery is rough, and worst case scenario is I’m fucked with nowhere to go. I want what’s best for me, and am not shopping based on price.

I’ve been sitting on this for 8mos now, and can’t make a choice. I’ve gotten seven opinions which all vary. Spent two months with a psychologist talking about it - and I still can’t decide. I went the safe route, then 4mos into it, lost a front tooth. I have to make this decision already.. I can’t sleep, think about it obsessively, and I’m missing teeth now.

What should I do?

Repair vs all on 4

42m. I didn’t take care of my teeth as a child and have bad dental genetics going back generations. Around age 20 I went through half dozen major surgeries to repair and correct everything. Ten years later, it all started falling apart, so I did it again. And now, ten years later, it’s reoccurring. I had a great smile, but it’s again all falling apart. $100k and a dozen major surgeries, still failing. My mouth is hygienically healthy, but I’m still dealing with poor care from childhood.

I have two options:

1. I can repair it all again, combining bridges and individual implants, several of them. However, my remaining teeth will all fail over the next handful of years. Then it requires an 8 month heal time before the implant goes in. Every once in awhile, I’ll have a hole in my smile for 8mos. The end result will be a mouth of individual implants, which is the best option. But it also means this teeth falling out and holes in my smile will continue for years longer. Medically, it’s the best route. But the experience sucks and could last for a decade longer. Financially… this guy offered to let me pay monthly payments and if it’s never paid off he doesn’t care. So his approach isn’t financially driven.

2. The other option is called all on 4. They remove all the teeth and place 4-6 implants top and bottom (implants in the gums, it’s not the visible tooth). Then, the teeth are made all as one unit, and gets screwed into the implants. Nothing covers the pallet like dentures would, and the teeth don’t come out. The process is 8hr major surgery with iv sedation. You leave with temporary (but screwed in) teeth. I’m told the first 3-5 days is awful, and it gets progressively better from there. Temporaries aren’t the greatest, but it allows one to leave with teeth that day. I’d have a lisp and have to overcome that. Soft food for 4mos, at which time the permanents get put in. They are more comfortable, and feel close to natural, but not exactly. Requires learning to eat properly again, because there’s no nerve ending it’s, you can’t feel your teeth like natural can. I’m told around 6mos is when you feel “complete” and closest to natural. The biggest risk is by pulling everything, there’s no option but this. If this can’t work for me, or I can’t work with it, there aren’t any further options.

Option 1 requires this awful experience to drag on for years longer, leaving me insecure that my teeth will or have fallen out. I’m not a missing tooth type person. It gives me the best end result after years of more torture. Option 2 takes all that away in a day. Recovery is rough, and worst case scenario is I’m fucked with nowhere to go. I want what’s best for me, and am not shopping based on price.

I’ve been sitting on this for 8mos now, and can’t make a choice. I’ve gotten seven opinions which all vary. Spent two months with a psychologist talking about it - and I still can’t decide. I went the safe route, then 4mos into it, lost a front tooth. I have to make this decision already.. I can’t sleep, think about it obsessively, and I’m missing teeth now.

What should I do?

Repair vs all on 4

42m. I didn’t take care of my teeth as a child and have bad dental genetics going back generations. Around age 20 I went through half dozen major surgeries to repair and correct everything. Ten years later, it all started falling apart, so I did it again. And now, ten years later, it’s reoccurring. I had a great smile, but it’s again all falling apart. $100k and a dozen major surgeries, still failing. My mouth is hygienically healthy, but I’m still dealing with poor care from childhood.

I have two options:

1. I can repair it all again, combining bridges and individual implants, several of them. However, my remaining teeth will all fail over the next handful of years. Then it requires an 8 month heal time before the implant goes in. Every once in awhile, I’ll have a hole in my smile for 8mos. The end result will be a mouth of individual implants, which is the best option. But it also means this teeth falling out and holes in my smile will continue for years longer. Medically, it’s the best route. But the experience sucks and could last for a decade longer. Financially… this guy offered to let me pay monthly payments and if it’s never paid off he doesn’t care. So his approach isn’t financially driven.

2. The other option is called all on 4. They remove all the teeth and place 4-6 implants top and bottom (implants in the gums, it’s not the visible tooth). Then, the teeth are made all as one unit, and gets screwed into the implants. Nothing covers the pallet like dentures would, and the teeth don’t come out. The process is 8hr major surgery with iv sedation. You leave with temporary (but screwed in) teeth. I’m told the first 3-5 days is awful, and it gets progressively better from there. Temporaries aren’t the greatest, but it allows one to leave with teeth that day. I’d have a lisp and have to overcome that. Soft food for 4mos, at which time the permanents get put in. They are more comfortable, and feel close to natural, but not exactly. Requires learning to eat properly again, because there’s no nerve ending it’s, you can’t feel your teeth like natural can. I’m told around 6mos is when you feel “complete” and closest to natural. The biggest risk is by pulling everything, there’s no option but this. If this can’t work for me, or I can’t work with it, there aren’t any further options.

Option 1 requires this awful experience to drag on for years longer, leaving me insecure that my teeth will or have fallen out. I’m not a missing tooth type person. It gives me the best end result after years of more torture. Option 2 takes all that away in a day. Recovery is rough, and worst case scenario is I’m fucked with nowhere to go.

I’ve been sitting on this for 8mos now, and can’t make a choice. I’ve gotten seven opinions which all vary. Spent two months with a psychologist talking about it - and I still can’t decide. I went the safe route, then 4mos into it, lost a front tooth. I have to make this decision already.. I can’t sleep, think about it obsessively, and I’m missing teeth now.

What should I do?

42m. I didn’t take care of my teeth as a child and have bad dental genetics going back generations. Around age 20 I went through half dozen major surgeries to repair and correct everything. Ten years later, it all started falling apart, so I did it again. And now, ten years later, it’s reoccurring. I had a great smile, but it’s again all falling apart. $100k and a dozen major surgeries, still failing. My mouth is hygienically healthy, but I’m still dealing with poor care from childhood.

I have two options:

1. I can repair it all again, combining bridges and individual implants, several of them. However, my remaining teeth will all fail over the next handful of years. Then it requires an 8 month heal time before the implant goes in. Every once in awhile, I’ll have a hole in my smile for 8mos. The end result will be a mouth of individual implants, which is the best option. But it also means this teeth falling out and holes in my smile will continue for years longer. Medically, it’s the best route. But the experience sucks and could last for a decade longer. Financially… this guy offered to let me pay monthly payments and if it’s never paid off he doesn’t care. So his approach isn’t financially driven.

2. The other option is called all on 4. They remove all the teeth and place 4-6 implants top and bottom (implants in the gums, it’s not the visible tooth). Then, the teeth are made all as one unit, and gets screwed into the implants. Nothing covers the pallet like dentures would, and the teeth don’t come out. The process is 8hr major surgery with iv sedation. You leave with temporary (but screwed in) teeth. I’m told the first 3-5 days is awful, and it gets progressively better from there. Temporaries aren’t the greatest, but it allows one to leave with teeth that day. I’d have a lisp and have to overcome that. Soft food for 4mos, at which time the permanents get put in. They are more comfortable, and feel close to natural, but not exactly. Requires learning to eat properly again, because there’s no nerve ending it’s, you can’t feel your teeth like natural can. I’m told around 6mos is when you feel “complete” and closest to natural. The biggest risk is by pulling everything, there’s no option but this. If this can’t work for me, or I can’t work with it, there aren’t any further options.

Option 1 requires this awful experience to drag on for years longer, leaving me insecure that my teeth will or have fallen out. I’m not a missing tooth type person. It gives me the best end result after years of more torture. Option 2 takes all that away in a day. Recovery is rough, and worst case scenario is I’m fucked with nowhere to go.

I’ve been sitting on this for 8mos now, and can’t make a choice. I’ve gotten seven opinions which all vary. Spent two months with a psychologist talking about it - and I still can’t decide. I went the safe route, then 4mos into it, lost a front tooth. I have to make this decision already.. I can’t sleep, think about it obsessively, and I’m missing teeth now.

What should I do?

42m. I didn’t take care of my teeth as a child and have bad dental genetics going back generations. Around age 20 I went through half dozen major surgeries to repair and correct everything. Ten years later, it all started falling apart, so I did it again. And now, ten years later, it’s reoccurring. I had a great smile, but it’s again all falling apart. $100k and a dozen major surgeries, still failing. My mouth is hygienically healthy, but I’m still dealing with poor care from childhood.

I have two options:

1. I can repair it all again, combining bridges and individual implants, several of them. However, my remaining teeth will all fail over the next handful of years. Then it requires an 8 month heal time before the implant goes in. Every once in awhile, I’ll have a hole in my smile for 8mos. The end result will be a mouth of individual implants, which is the best option. But it also means this teeth falling out and holes in my smile will continue for years longer. Medically, it’s the best route. But the experience sucks and could last for a decade longer. Financially… this guy offered to let me pay monthly payments and if it’s never paid off he doesn’t care. So his approach isn’t financially driven.

2. The other option is called all on 4. They remove all the teeth and place 4-6 implants top and bottom (implants in the gums, it’s not the visible tooth). Then, the teeth are made all as one unit, and gets screwed into the implants. Nothing covers the pallet like dentures would, and the teeth don’t come out. The process is 8hr major surgery with iv sedation. You leave with temporary (but screwed in) teeth. I’m told the first 3-5 days is awful, and it gets progressively better from there. Temporaries aren’t the greatest, but it allows one to leave with teeth that day. I’d have a lisp and have to overcome that. Soft food for 4mos, at which time the permanents get put in. They are more comfortable, and feel close to natural, but not exactly. Requires learning to eat properly again, because there’s no nerve ending it’s, you can’t feel your teeth like natural can. I’m told around 6mos is when you feel “complete” and closest to natural. The biggest risk is by pulling everything, there’s no option but this. If this can’t work for me, or I can’t work with it, there aren’t any further options.

Option 1 requires this awful experience to drag on for years longer, leaving me insecure that my teeth will or have fallen out. I’m not a missing tooth type person. It gives me the best end result after years of more torture. Option 2 takes all that away in a day. Recovery is rough, and worst case scenario is I’m fucked with nowhere to go.

I’ve been sitting on this for 8mos now, and can’t make a choice. I’ve gotten seven opinions which all vary. Spent two months with a psychologist talking about it - and I still can’t decide. I went the safe route, then 4mos into it, lost a front tooth. I have to make this decision already.. I can’t sleep, think about it obsessively, and I’m missing teeth now.

What should I do?

42m. I didn’t take care of my teeth as a child and have bad dental genetics going back generations. Around age 20 I went through half dozen major surgeries to repair and correct everything. Ten years later, it all started falling apart, so I did it again. And now, ten years later, it’s reoccurring. I had a great smile, but it’s again all falling apart. $100k and a dozen major surgeries, still failing. My mouth is hygienically healthy, but I’m still dealing with poor care from childhood.

I have two options:

1. I can repair it all again, combining bridges and individual implants, several of them. However, my remaining teeth will all fail over the next handful of years. Then it requires an 8 month heal time before the implant goes in. Every once in awhile, I’ll have a hole in my smile for 8mos. The end result will be a mouth of individual implants, which is the best option. But it also means this teeth falling out and holes in my smile will continue for years longer. Medically, it’s the best route. But the experience sucks and could last for a decade longer. Financially… this guy offered to let me pay monthly payments and if it’s never paid off he doesn’t care. So his approach isn’t financially driven.

2. The other option is called all on 4. They remove all the teeth and place 4-6 implants top and bottom (implants in the gums, it’s not the visible tooth). Then, the teeth are made all as one unit, and gets screwed into the implants. Nothing covers the pallet like dentures would, and the teeth don’t come out. The process is 8hr major surgery with iv sedation. You leave with temporary (but screwed in) teeth. I’m told the first 3-5 days is awful, and it gets progressively better from there. Temporaries aren’t the greatest, but it allows one to leave with teeth that day. I’d have a lisp and have to overcome that. Soft food for 4mos, at which time the permanents get put in. They are more comfortable, and feel close to natural, but not exactly. Requires learning to eat properly again, because there’s no nerve ending it’s, you can’t feel your teeth like natural can. I’m told around 6mos is when you feel “complete” and closest to natural. The biggest risk is by pulling everything, there’s no option but this. If this can’t work for me, or I can’t work with it, there aren’t any further options.

Option 1 requires this awful experience to drag on for years longer, leaving me insecure that my teeth will or have fallen out. I’m not a missing tooth type person. It gives me the best end result after years of more torture. Option 2 takes all that away in a day. Recovery is rough, and worst case scenario is I’m fucked with nowhere to go.

I’ve been sitting on this for 8mos now, and can’t make a choice. I’ve gotten seven opinions which all vary. Spent two months with a psychologist talking about it - and I still can’t decide. I went the safe route, then 4mos into it, lost a front tooth. I have to make this decision already.. I can’t sleep, think about it obsessively, and I’m missing teeth now.

What should I do?