u/idlsidgo2

I’m 28M and virgin.

I’ve got heavy insecurity about my penis. From my POV it looks small and skinny and it’s been in my head for years. It’s stopped me dating properly because I’m scared a girl will judge it, laugh, or talk about it, especially if she’s been with other guys.

My numbers, for context
Bone pressed length using a tape along the curve is about 5.0 to 5.1.
Erect girth is about 3.9 to 4.2.
Soft varies a lot because I retract.

I’m also embarrassed about condoms. I feel like I might need “snug” condoms and it makes me feel like I’m admitting I’m small before anything even happens.

People always say hands and mouth matter, but I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing. I’m worried I couldn’t handle a casual, fast vibe because I’d be nervous, slow, and overthinking.

Extra context
A coworker has shown interest and I feel like she might want to hook up. That adds pressure because if it goes awkward, I still have to see her at work.

Questions
Are those sizes normal enough that I’m spiralling over nothing.
Do women care as much as men think about girth and thickness, especially for casual stuff.
If you were me and a coworker wanted to hook up, would you do it or would you slow it down because of the work situation.
How do you stop the shame and comparison loop.
Any basic tips for being inexperienced so I don’t look clueless.

I’m 28M and inexperienced. I’ve been talking to a coworker for ages and it’s been flirty. She’s experienced and I feel like she’s expecting me to escalate soon, especially after a close.
I like her, but I’m anxious. Two things are messing with my head.
I’m scared she’ll clock I’m inexperienced and it’ll make things awkward because we work together.
My size insecurity is a huge part of this. It’s probably the biggest thing in my head. I genuinely feel like my penis is small and skinny and I’m scared she’ll view me differently because she’s had experience. I feel like she might expect me to lead and know what I’m doing, but I don’t.
My measurements, for context
Erect BP straight measure is around 4.8.
Tailor tape along my curve is around 5.0 to 5.1.
Girth is around 4.3.
Soft I can retract a lot in certain situations, which makes me feel even more embarrassed.
Condom worry
With 4.3 girth, will a normal condom fit or will it bunch or roll if I soften.
The practical problem
I’m giving her a lift after a late shift. If she asks me to come in, I don’t want to say yes and then panic. I also don’t want to say no in a way that feels like rejection.
What I want help with
What’s a calm line to use if she invites me in, so it keeps the vibe but sets a boundary.
How do I pace things with someone I work with when we’ve already flirted for a while.
If I decide to slow it down, how do I do it without going cold or making it weird at work.
Any tips from men who were late bloomers on handling the insecurity without blurting everything out.

I’m 28M. Virgin. Never kissed.

I’ve been talking to a woman for a long time and it has been flirty. I think she might want things to become physical soon. I’m scared because I feel intense shame about my size and I have performance anxiety.

My main worries:
I don’t know how to kiss or what to do with my hands and mouth.
I’m scared I won’t satisfy her.
I’m scared I’ll lose my erection under pressure.

Erections:
I can get harder lying down and sometimes in the morning.
When I stand up it drops fast.
When I start testing or thinking about it, it gets worse.

Size and condoms:
My length varies by measurement method because of a curve.
Tape along the curve gives about 5.1. Bone pressed
Straight measurement gives about 4.8 to 5.0 bone pressed but non bone pressed it’s like 4
Girth about 4.3.
I’m worried condoms will roll or bunch if I soften.

What I’m asking:
What should I do if things start escalating and I’m anxious.
What is the simplest way to start slow, kissing, touching, and foreplay, without it being awkward.
How do I use my hands and mouth in a way that feels natural.
What condom width is safest for 4.3 girth to reduce slipping and bunching.
How do I pace things in the moment if I’m not ready to go further.

I feel awful about my penis size. It’s been a problem my whole life.

I can’t hook up or feel comfortable with someone experienced because I feel ashamed of my size. I look around at guys at work or in the street and catch myself thinking what this guy is packing. It gives me a constant frustration and sadness.

There’s a girl at my retail job who is into me. We’ve been flirting for ages on Instagram and in person. I think she’s hinted at wanting me to escalate and she may have invited me up before. Now I feel sick because I feel like I flirted too much and she expects something. I don’t want to lead her on but I don’t know how to handle it.

She’s tall and she’s been around. I’m a virgin at 28 with zero experience. I don’t even know how to kiss or have sex. I’m terrified of her seeing me naked, judging my size, and then having to see her at work after.

I also have erection issues in pressure situations. I can get harder lying down and sometimes in the morning, but standing erections drop fast. When I try to test myself I panic and it gets worse.

My size and condom worry:
I’m around 5 inches bone pressed or 4.8 sometimes, and girth about 4.3. I’m scared even a normal condom won’t fit me or it’ll bunch and roll if I lose hardness. I’m scared I won’t be able to satisfy a woman and I feel like less of a man. My identical twin is bigger, has had sex loads and has a girlfriend, and it makes me feel inadequate.

I’m on a late shift with her soon and last time she wanted to hang out I felt bad so I offered to drop her home after close. Now I’m spiralling because she’s genuinely a sweet girl and I don’t want to mess her about, but I’m ashamed and scared.

What I need advice on:
What do I do if she invites me up or tries something with me and I’m not ready.
How do I slow the pace without suddenly acting cold or weird.
Do my sizes sound normal and will regular condoms fit with 4.3 girth.
How do I stop the constant comparison and shame loop.

I want blunt advice and practical steps.

I feel awful about my penis size. It’s been a problem my whole life.

I can’t hook up or feel comfortable with someone experienced because I feel ashamed of my size. I look around at guys at work or in the street and catch myself thinking what this guy is packing. It gives me a constant frustration and sadness.

There’s a girl at my retail job who is into me. We’ve been flirting for ages on Instagram and in person. I think she’s hinted at wanting me to escalate and she may have invited me up before. Now I feel sick because I feel like I flirted too much and she expects something. I don’t want to lead her on but I don’t know how to handle it.

She’s tall and she’s been around. I’m a virgin at 28 with zero experience. I don’t even know how to kiss or have sex. I’m terrified of her seeing me naked, judging my size, and then having to see her at work after.

I also have erection issues in pressure situations. I can get harder lying down and sometimes in the morning, but standing erections drop fast. When I try to test myself I panic and it gets worse.

My size and condom worry:
I’m around 5 inches bone pressed or 4.8 sometimes, and girth about 4.3. I’m scared even a normal condom won’t fit me or it’ll bunch and roll if I lose hardness. I’m scared I won’t be able to satisfy a woman and I feel like less of a man. My identical twin is bigger, has had sex loads and has a girlfriend, and it makes me feel inadequate.

I’m on a late shift with her soon and last time she wanted to hang out I felt bad so I offered to drop her home after close. Now I’m spiralling because she’s genuinely a sweet girl and I don’t want to mess her about, but I’m ashamed and scared.

What I need advice on:
What do I do if she invites me up or tries something with me and I’m not ready.
How do I slow the pace without suddenly acting cold or weird.
Do my sizes sound normal and will regular condoms fit with 4.3 girth.
How do I stop the constant comparison and shame loop.

I want blunt advice and practical steps.

My aim with this post is simple. I want one number to go by for my size and I want to know the correct way to measure it. I feel small and I’m anxious about my size all the time. It has got to the point where I feel like I’m not a man and I worry I won’t be able to please a woman.

Sizes.
Erect BP with a rigid ruler, about 4.6.
Erect length with a tape along the curve, about 5.1.
Stretched bone pressed with a tape, about 5.0.
Erect NBP, about 4.0 when I manage to get near hard, but standing erections drop fast so I do not know my true full NBP.
Soft NBP, about 2.8.
Soft BP, about 3.5.
Girth, about 4.3.

I’m also confused because NBP feels like the only thing that matters visually, since that’s what a partner sees. So why do people focus on BP if it’s not the visible number. Which one should I actually care about.

Bone press confusion.
When I’m semi or flaccid, I can bone press properly. I press the ruler into the pubic area above the penis, where the hair is, until I feel the pubic bone, then measure to the tip.

But when I’m fully erect it points straight up and feels locked. I cannot point it down or forward. If I try to move it, it gets sore and goes soft. Because it’s straight up, it feels like I cannot press into the pubic bone properly with the ruler in place, like my penis is in the way. So I do not know if my BP number is accurate.

Sex worry.
Does a straight up rigid erection affect sex or positions. Will it limit what I can do or make penetration harder. Can a guy with my sizes still please a woman, even if it looks small to me in the mirror.

Crush situation.
My crush invited me up to hers before and that’s what’s scaring me. I work with her, she’s experienced, tall, big hands. I’m a virgin. I’m terrified of things escalating fast, being judged on size and losing my erection, then having to see her at work after.

Erection issue.
I can get hard lying down and sometimes get morning erections, but when I stand up it drops fast. It has been like this for years. When I try to test or measure standing, it gets worse because I panic. I smoke and I’ve been off porn for about 7 weeks.

Condom question.
With girth around 4.3, will regular condoms fit or should I look for a specific width to avoid rolling if I soften.

Questions.
What single number should I use as my real size.
If NBP is what matters visually, why do people use BP so much.
How do you bone press measure with a straight up erection without forcing it down.
Does the erection angle affect sex positions.
Will regular condoms fit my girth.
Can I still satisfy a woman with these numbers or am I overthinking.

I’m 28M and I’m in my head badly about sex. I’ve never had sex and I haven’t even kissed anyone. I’m ashamed of being inexperienced at my age and I’m terrified anyone at work would find out.

I’m extremely insecure about size. I’m about 5.1 inches bone pressed (pressing down to the pubic bone). Soft I look really small and I’m embarrassed about someone seeing me like that. I also struggle to stay hard when standing up, I get in my head and it drops. I worry I’ll finish fast, lose my erection, and look clueless. I’ve never even put a condom on before.

There’s a girl I work with. We’ve been texting for months and it’s flirty. In person we get on really well and spend a lot of time together on shift. She’s started hinting about hanging out after late shifts and she’s specifically said we should hang out after a close next week. She’s also hinted before about me seeing her place if we got out early.

I like her a lot, but I’m panicking because hang out after a close feels like it could lead to going back to her place and sex, and I don’t feel ready for that pressure.

I’m worried I’ve led her on because we’ve been flirting on and off for months. Am I an asshole if I don’t want to have sex even if she does, after flirting for so long? I don’t want to mess her around, but I also don’t want to rush into sex out of fear and end up humiliating myself.

The hardest part is I can’t tell her I’m a virgin. I can’t bring myself to have a you’d be my first conversation. I feel like she would look at me totally differently or get freaked out. So I feel trapped, because I don’t even know how to kiss or have sex properly and I don’t want it to be obvious.

I’d actually prefer to take her out for food first and build things up slowly, but I don’t know how to steer it that way without sounding like I’m dodging her. At the same time I don’t want to say yes to a late night hangout, get invited in, and then panic.

Have I led her on by flirting for months? Am I an asshole if I don’t want sex yet? And what would you do in my position next week, like what’s a normal way to respond if she says hang out after the close or invites me in without making it weird or killing the vibe? Also, if anyone has practical advice for someone with basically no experience on kissing, condoms, and performance anxiety, I’d appreciate it. I’m spiralling and I need an outside perspective.

I’m 28M. I think this is pelvic floor related and I want to sanity check it.

My main symptom is strong retraction. When I’m relaxed it can hang a bit, but it pulls in fast and looks tiny in certain situations.

It retracts when:
I need a poo.
I sit in certain positions.
I stand up after being relaxed.
I take a poo and then wipe, especially if I clench.
Afterwards it can feel like it fully retracts and stays “turtled” for a while.

When it retracts, it feels uncomfortable at the base, like it is pulled inward. I sometimes feel like I need to physically pull it back out again and press on the pubic bone area to relieve the discomfort.

I also notice erection issues that seem linked to tension and pressure. I can get harder lying down and sometimes get morning erections, but standing erections drop fast and it feels like my body switches into a tight, anxious mode.

Background:
I used to do prone masturbation for years.
I smoke.
I’ve used porn a lot and I’m trying to stop.
I’ve had gooch or perineum tightness at times.

Questions:
Does this pattern sound like pelvic floor overactivity or tightness in men.
Is retraction when needing a bowel movement or after clenching a common pelvic floor thing.
What typically helps, breathing, down training, stretching, bowel habits, posture, or specific exercises.
Should I see a pelvic health physio, and what exactly should I ask them to assess.

I’m 28M. Virgin. Never kissed anyone.

I can get hard lying down and sometimes I wake up hard, but when I stand up it drops fast. This has been going on for years. Standing feels like a “test,” and as soon as I start thinking about it, it goes.

Because of that, I don’t know my true standing size. The best I can usually measure standing is a semi. When semi standing I’m around 4 inches non bone pressed and around 4.7 bone pressed. Two years ago, after a long porn and masturbation break, I managed one proper full erection measurement around 5.2 bone pressed, but I can’t get to that level now.

My flaccid also retracts hard. It can hang a bit when relaxed, then when I take boxers off it shrinks right in. It retracts more when I sit in certain positions and after clenching after the toilet. That triggers my size anxiety badly.

Size context
Stretched bone pressed around 5 inches.
Flaccid non bone pressed around 2.8, flaccid bone pressed around 3.5.
Girth around 4.0 to 4.2.
I smoke.
I used porn a lot and I’m trying to stop.

This is affecting my confidence and dating. I have a work crush and I’m scared of anything escalating because I don’t trust my erections and I obsess over how it looks.

Questions
What are the most common causes of losing erections when standing, and how do you treat it.
Does this pattern sound more like anxiety and situational ED than something physical like venous leak.
What steps helped you rebuild standing erections without turning it into a test.
What should I ask my GP to check.
How do you stop the spiral, mirror checking, and measuring that makes it worse.

I work retail. I’ve been flirting with a colleague on Instagram and at work. I asked her for food and she seemed keen.

She’s tall, has big hands, and has more experience than me. I’m 28, a virgin, never kissed. I’m not judging her. The gap is stressing me out.

This has been a problem my whole life. Whenever things might turn physical, I panic about my size and how I look. I end up avoiding it.

I also struggle with erections in pressure situations, especially standing. I can get hard lying down and sometimes get morning erections. But standing erections drop fast, and if I start testing or measuring it gets worse. I’m not asking for medical diagnosis here. I’m asking for relationship and workplace advice.

Size context, because it’s part of the anxiety:
Flaccid NBP around 2.8, flaccid BP around 3.5.
Semi standing about 4.0 NBP and about 4.7 BP.
In the past when more stable I measured about 5.1 to 5.2 BP.
Girth around 4.0 to 4.2.

I feel like I flirted too much and now she expects something. I don’t want to lead her on, and I don’t want to pull back in a way that makes work awkward.

Questions:
How do I pace this so it stays low pressure.
What boundaries help when dating someone from work.
What’s a good way to respond if she tries to escalate faster than I’m ready.
If I decide to step back, what’s a clean way to do it without making things awkward at work.