u/idontwannausername9

I have talked online on Reddit about being stressed out cause my sister passed away In a car accident This past month. I have been so tired and exhausted and I just want to keep thinking about her but my room is quite bad I’ve posted photos before and it’s about the same now. I’m feeling so stressed out and sad and anxious cause my mom and everyone is really on me about cleaning cause they want to help me and it’s been bad even before this but I just feel so overwhelmed.

I don’t want help I don’t want to explain it to anyone I just want to be alone for a bit but everyone wants to be around me and I don’t know how to explain this to others. It’s like I’m not allowed to be alone but I don’t think I can process stuff around others.

She asked if I told my pnp about my room (she prescribes my anxiety and adhd meds. I said yes I have and she insists she needs to go with me to my appointment to talk with them even if she just is in the waiting room, but I keep telling her no and that I need my alone time. She says I might not bring it up right or explain how bad it is and that it’s unsafe and a fire hazard. I am literally 24

I feel like I can’t breathe from the sadness and stress and she wants me to go back to work she said it feels like I’m just stuck and I am but I just want to be left alone a bit. I’m still like eating and showering, why can’t I be left alone? Now I get anxiety thinking of taking the trash out even tho it really needs done cause she will ask me questions or say something to me. I don’t even want her to hear me cleaning I don’t even understand why, but I feel so anxious and trapped

I feel like a bad person she said do you want to go get ice cream or go do something and I try to tell her I just want to be alone but she wants to know when I’m seeing my therapist next or my pnp or just all of it. She asked if I’m taking my medication she said they probably need to increase my meds and it’s not my fault. I said I want to move out so I don’t feel so much pressure and she said if I was a hoarder in an apartment they would kick me out and send me to a mental institution and that my room is a fire hazard.

I just can’t even breathe and I miss my sister so much

It was a month ago I’m on meds I’m seeing a therapist I have family all around me, I even have a brother and my mother but the bond with my sister was something else.

It’s hard to breathe and it has been for like three days I breathe in and can feel the air but it feels like I took in no air at all and suffocating to death

I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be okay without her, we’ve always been the girls together. I’m really upset cause my mom was using generative ai for the headstone and cause of political differences which fit me is way more tense now because of this. I’m just so sick of Injustice and how we were all treated. But it doesn’t matter cause I can’t tell anyone I really want to. She has been my best friend since I was like five and she was born how can she be gone so young. My mom is wants me to go back to work cause it’s been a month but I’m still broken I feel. I love my brother but girls are different and I lost her.. she was only 19 she wanted to be a mother and get married and we’d have girls nights at each others houses. Idk what the point of any of it id now

I’m going through a really hard time because my sister passed away in a car accident but I’m posting here cause I have ocd and all like diagnosed on meds and they can be focused at my body lately. I Removed some tonsil stones earlier and there was a lot od never done it before but I choked one and figured I should check there wasn’t more and there was. Sorry this is gonna be so gross but I removed a ton and was disgusted and shocked, I’m like so this is why I did feel like my breath felt gross and I’m going through grief and a lot of stress and all and kept trying to get more stones up but I have a strong gag reflex and kinda threw up a little. I had to go to other things all day but we when we got home I went trying to get them out again cause I couldn’t stop feeling like there is more and I NEED them out I can feel it in my throat. So I did end up getting one more out actually and stuff but then me and my mom where in my sisters room I cried and then we talked about work leave and I felt anxious. Then when I went in my room I went back to the tonsil thing and accidentally made myself throw up again but just a little and then I was like but I still have to get the stones out and I made myself throw up again on accident but this time kinda a lot more. I’m such a disgusting mess and my room is still a complete disaster, I’m gonna have to go back to work June 10th but it’s hard to see the point in anything now and my tonsils hurt now and they where red and swollen. I didn’t know what to do had to tell someone so I’m not alone

Last night I read some paperwork from my clinician a PA-C for a short term disability form after experiencing sorta a traumatic grief experience. It said primary diagnosis MDD and secondary GAD, before this all I knew was OCD and ADHD cause I went and got tested for it. I’m sad I keep collecting diagnosis’s like Pokémon, my brain is just overwhelming. I guess it makes sense from my symptoms it was just surprising to see and I’ve been compulsively going over it I’m not gonna lie asking
The Bot if it’s ok and if everything I’m experiencing with grief is ok. It’s bad it’s something I end up doing when I’m anxious I get stuck in a loop

I’ve said it a lot on here so feel guilty but my younger sister 19 yrs old was in a car accident at the beginning of month and didn’t make it. All the details of life support and knowing I won’t see her again, I’m absolutely stuck on reply thinking about it all, and missing her considering we were so close.

That day I cried from 3pm to 4am, couldn’t walk when we went to go to room to take her off life support, and almost vomited or in the hallway. I absolutely lost it sobbing and kinda gave up on everything when I was there, saying that I don’t want to live anymore which makes me feel guilty cause it upset my family. That was traumatic but I guess I’d also been quite low and unmotivated even for months to years on and off for so long. Anyways long story short, this is so challenging I’m so exhausted can only focus on living. I miss her, I need her, and I love her. I want it to be a long stupid dream.

We lost my 19 yr old younger sister in a car accident on the 3rd and I’ve kinda coped by like shopping and stuff sorta. I’m tired all the time but my room is an absolute disaster and my mom keeps telling me I need to clean and she will help but I can’t do it right now I just can’t. I hate myself a lot and I just don’t know what to do I’m a selfish disgusting brat I think.

I haven’t been back to work since then despite my mom saying I need to go back at some point and I also need to pay rent but kinda haven’t but to be fair my brother didn’t for several months before this even. I just don’t even want to do anything ever again I miss her I hate myself a lot and I just feel hopeless absolutely hopeless

I don’t see grief counselor till the 26th my sister was my best friend I need her so bad . I can’t stop thinking about the car accident and details that where traumatic the sounds of life support machine and feeling of when I couldn’t stand and the nurse wheeled me in a wheelchair there to take her off the life support. It feels unbelievable like a dream all of it a horrible dream the doctor coming in in scrubs saying there isn’t anything they can do and I pleaded with them to consider doing anything. I’m not sure if I’m befitting anyone by being here but leaving would hurt everyone so I’m stuck

Huge trigger warning for car stuff and death. I have ocd diagnosed and stuff too before all this happened.

Lost my young sister in car accident I’m confused think thinking about like how we live in bodies and just I don’t understand why it’s even important for me to stay safe in the first place. Why do I have grief counseling stuff when it’s like? My brain is just some organ in my head that can be to be like declared dead and then all of a sudden does any of this even matter?

I just feel confused because it hurts so bad I feel like I need to make sense of everything but the more I think about it the more confused I am. I feel like they just took over her body and just did whatever they wanted with their stupid autopsy and investigation and she just wasn’t even ours anymore. I don’t know what to do when I feel so confused and stressed out.

I just can’t stop thinking about all the medical procedures even before death but also after I just keep thinking about every medical procedure that I even never know and I think did they do that to her and like it’s just like when I went in I could see that her eyes were a little bit red because they were kind of open and it’s just I don’t understand how she could be considered brain dead. I don’t get it. How is that possible like she’s my sister. She can’t be brain dead. I don’t get it. I don’t even get home. How is it possible because she was right there I don’t even know what to do cause it just is so impossible. I don’t even know what to do and I feel like I’m just being annoying and I’m looking everything but like I don’t know what to

My 19 sister was in a fatal car crash on the 3rd which it still doesn’t even feel right to say she died or she’s deceased or anything. I scheduled with a grief counselor but it’s not till the 26th.

She was my best friend in the whole world. I couldn’t walk to take her off life support after the accident, they had to get me a wheelchair at the hospital I was inconsolably crying and sobbing and saying stuff over and over. I keep reliving that day my family wants to not talk about that day but it’s like my brain wants to make sense of it but I cant. Everyone wants to talk about other things cause it hurts them too but I can’t talk about or think of anything else. I remember when I learned what happened there’s some things I don’t think I fully remember. I keep replaying the accident and what could’ve happened over and over and over in my head to try to understand.

They did an autopsy on her and that just I can’t stop thinking about it and about how she had an incision on her chin from it and how they where cutting into my little sister that’s just awful and I can’t stop thinking about it all I hate this I don’t want to be a part of this reality. They gave us some of her stuff she was wearing back in biohazard plastic bags. Her shoes, her jewelry, but we left her there at the hospital cause she wasn’t there anymore cause she’d passed but I cannot understand it.

It’s a gut wrenching panic deep in my gut, I hate this so much. I don’t even feel the energy to do anything but lay around and stuff, last night I didn’t take my meds for anxiety and all cause I just came home and crashed and I needed to refill my pill case. I have so much to do but I can’t bring myself to hardly even move it hurts so bad. I don’t even want to accept that I’m “grieving” cause she can’t be gone.

I feel guilty I’m even breathing or eating or talking about anything but her. I’ve printed like $100 worth of photos and frantically scrapbooking. My room looks like hoarders for real but I have no energy to tackle it. She had wanted me to clean it before everything it was already bad. I’m trying to just scrap it all together and hold onto every memory I have before I forget anything about her. I can’t believe she’s gone she’s my best friend but I’m so blank and numb idk what to do.

The only thing that feels better is shopping and scrapbooking her but my room looks so bad and I’m so lost the accident was so violent her neck was broken and I can’t stop thinking about how it’s a horrible gross stupid dream. I want to download every video get tattoos and jewelry to remind me of her but mostly I want my best friend back. I know I’m hurting inside but idk what to do.

My mom is asking me if I can go back to work next week but I cannot imagine it even a little bit I can’t at all I feel like my heart is shattered how can I even want to be alive cause I kinda don’t but I also don’t want to die. I’m just here for some reason. I miss her so much my heart is aching but I cannot even die because of my loved ones so I’m just gonna keep hurting forever.

It has to be a bad dream still it can’t be real how can I still not believe it when it’s been like a week and a half? How have I even breathed a week and a half without her? I feel like I’m betraying her.

Posted about this right after it happened but here’s updates it’s not any better

I feel guilty I’m even breathing or eating or talking about anything but her. I’ve printed like $100 worth of photos and frantically scrapbooking. My room looks like hoarders for real but I have no energy to tackle it. She had wanted me to clean it before everything it was already bad. I’m trying to just scrap it all together and hold onto every memory I have before I forget anything about her. I can’t believe she’s gone she’s my best friend but I’m so blank and numb idk what to do.

The only thing that feels better is shopping and scrapbooking her but my room looks so bad and I’m so lost the accident was so violent her neck was broken and I can’t stop thinking about how it’s a horrible gross stupid dream. I want to download every video get tattoos and jewelry to remind me of her but mostly I want my best friend back. I know I’m hurting inside but idk what to do.

My mom is asking me if I can go back to work next week but I cannot imagine it even a little bit I can’t at all I feel like my heart is shattered how can I even want to be alive cause I kinda don’t but I also don’t want to die. I’m just here for some reason. I miss her so much my heart is aching but I cannot even die because of my loved ones so I’m just gonna keep hurting forever.

It has to be a bad dream still it can’t be real how can I still not believe it when it’s been like a week and a half? How have I even breathed a week and a half without her? I feel like I’m betraying her.

I don’t really have any explanation this is kinda it. I just don’t want to do anything anymore she was special beautiful and I love her. I was already so sad when I posted on Reddit feeling hopeless and everything but I didn’t even realize back then that I had everything.

I am older than her I was supposed to die first. So much eerie foreshadowing like her and her friend making a video parked in the car the day of the accident before they went saying that it will be a bit of a drive but it will be a good day, or me and her talking about highways the day before all of this talking about exactly what ended up happening.

I feel really confused and upset and I feel like it can’t be real.

I’m broken without her I look over to tell her something or go to send something to her then I remember. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to keep living without my best friend. My family needs me and they’d feel how I feel without her but I don’t even want to live without her. None of this makes any sense