u/itwasallascream23

I wonder how you're doing, what you've been up to, whether you're laughing a lot, whether life is being kind to you. I wonder what you're sewing, what books you're reading, what music you're listening to, and whether you're finding joy in all those little things that make you who you are.

More than anything, I hope you're happy. I hope you're finding your way towards the life you want, that you're feeling loved and supported, and that you're becoming more comfortable and confident in yourself. I hope you're surrounded by people who see how wonderful you are and who remind you of that when you forget.

I wish so much that I could be one of those people. I wish I could be beside you, cheering you on, celebrating your successes, holding you through the difficult days, and sharing all the ordinary, silly, beautiful moments that make a life together. I wanted to be someone who made your life a little easier, a little lighter, and a lot more joyful.

I still wish we could find our way back to each other. Not to what we had before, but to something healthier, kinder, and more secure. Something where we could both feel safe enough to love each other without so much fear. I wish we'd had the chance to discover what that could look like.

But even if that never happens, I want you to be happy. I want you to have a life full of love, laughter, friendship, adventure, and all the things that matter to you. I want you to feel safe and loved, and to know that you are enough, exactly as you are.

I just wish I could be there to see it all.

I love you. I miss you. And I hope you're having a wonderful life.

🌬💜

So I've noticed that I do this thing where if an interaction is too intense, I change the narrative. I mainly do it with my ex. We broke up a year ago but have struggled to go no contact. When we've met, things end up getting emotional and intense. I think both of us would like to reconnect but we're too scared and still have work to do. But a pattern is emerging. We will meet and talk and then the next time we meet, I have no recollection of much of what we said before. Or I will remember it in a certain way and she will say that's not what happened. She has backed this up as she has said friends have witnessed the chats or she shows the texts between us afterwards. Then, slowly the memory emerges and I'm like oh yeah. Only then does what happen reappear. My ex says she is losing trust in me because of this and I'm embarrassed that I am doung this. It has happened four times this year about big stuff that we've discussed.

What is going on and how can I stop doing this?

I’m considering calling my (45F) ex (34F) after a period of no contact to ask whether she’d be open to going for a walk and talking. She previously asked me not to email her and said she didn’t want a friendship, so I’ve been respecting that. We broke up about 14 months ago but have seen each other every two months or so as we still have mutual friends. But we've been in more or less no contact since the break up.

More recently, though, we saw each other in person two weeks ago and she approached me, we had a long and emotionally intimate conversation, she flirted with me a lot (like a lot a lot!), and she told me she was sad we broke up and that she sometimes thinks she could change how she feels and want to be with me again. She also told me she is still in love with me. She said it was over as she didnt want to go back to the pain and also asked me about what a future relationship between us could look like.

I didnt respond and just asked questions to clarify things. But when we saw each other two months ago, i told her how i felt. Im still in love with her and would love to reconnect with her once we're both a lot mote stable. I told her this two months ago but didnt repeat it two weeks ago and let her talk and control the situation.

After speaking two weeks ago and her being so open, I want to call her to ask her if ahe wants to meet up for a walk to chat. If I called her, I’d be genuinely willing to accept a no and for her to say it's over for good and I need to stop contacting her. Part of me wants to call her to just to remove all of the ambiguity that has surrounded us since the break up 4 months ago. I just want to know if she is done or if theres a way forward for us.

I’m just wondering whether one respectful call asking if she is open to talking would itself cross the line. Should I leave the next move entirely to her, or make one final low-pressure attempt by calling her?

Anyone know the song that samples the SZA outro loop "I know you told them stories about me". SZA reposted it as a story in the summer and I swear I added it on Apple muisc but not can't find it.

Anyone know the song that samples the SZA outro loop "I know you told them stories about me". SZA reposted it as a story in the summer and I swear I added it on Apple muisc but not can't find it.

This isn't about reconnecting but about how we can manage the situation. How can I make her feer safer? Is there anything I can do or say? What if I ask her what she needs? Is that too much? Should I tell her I will take her lead on how we interact?

I have no idea what is the best thing to do and I just want to make this easier for both of us.

I should add that she has an avoidant attachment style and is also quite immature emotionally (arent we all). She runs on shame and avoiding vulnerability so this will be hard for her. And I am anxious and run on avoiding rejection. I am doing EMDR therapy and have played this out with my therapist but thought some other perspectives would be helpful.

I have no responsibility towards her but the event is a wedding and I want to do everything I can for the brides and everyone else. I also want to maximise how much I enjoy the wedding and how relaxed I feel.

(Reposting this as this is so important)

1. The golden child - the favourite child. They're seen as an extension of the narcissistic parents as they see their best qualities in them. They also get away with everything and everything they do is right in their parents' eyes. However, deep down, the golden child is scared of their parents as they are constantly pressured to succeed at everything.
2. The scapegoat - the least favourite child. The one that's constantly treated like shit, disregarded, is always criticised, blamed for everything that the other people in the house do. Basically the narcissistic parents believe everything they do is wrong and will never be good enough. This child is what the parents hate about themselves and the world.
3. The slave - the slave is usually a separate child from the scapegoat. This one is basically made to do all of the cooking and all of the chores around the house, no matter how busy or tired they are.
4. The missing child - the one that leaves their narcissistic parents and go away from them as far as they possibly can.
5. The sacrificial lamb - the one that is used to deflect the narcissistic parents' behaviour so that the family can be seen as loving when it's in fact a toxic environment.

I was/am a combo of the scapegoat/missing child.

And I can't wait for my biological father to die.

Is it possible to recover from emotional child abuse while my biological father ia still alive? The abuse continues. I wish I could go no contact but I need to see my mum. Is it possible for me to recover when I'm still in contact with him?

Anyone know this artist?

It cost around $300 and I bought it in Mexico City in 2023 in Roma at a small arts shop.

I can't make out the artist's name.

https://preview.redd.it/2zq0i83k12gh1.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=91b22e8aabebd4d7d51545cc1769fd6736242bac

https://preview.redd.it/m108s83k12gh1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b41f6f344070e7b642f6cd7a4ed4a26f2b70a13e

I thought that it was you.

I said you were too emotional. That you needed more than I could give you.

The more people I meet, the more I see it's me.

And i know I've got work to do.

I see this now.

I'm so sorry that I didnt see this.

I'll be ready soon.

Are you still there?

I know I said that I find you irritating and that I don't love you anymore. I didn't mean this. I needed you to let go.

I need some time to figure out who I am and I need to do this alone.

I need to meet other people and have fun and just be me.

Can you give me some time to do this?

I need to be ready for you. And I will be. Soon.

Will you be ready?

I need more time. I need to figure some things out before I'm ready. I can't ask you to wait but I hope you're there when I'm ready. I hope you're ready too. I love you.

I am not sure if this is ADHD or menopause or lonliness or childhood trauma or the combination of all of this but i cannot stop thinking about my ex. The break up was messy and back and forth and took 5 months and then a few months more of messiness and we're now in no contact and it's done. But i think of her when i wake up. When i gonto sleep. And then 100 times a day. I'm still so in love with her. And i know we were not ready. I'm doinh EMDR therapy and rebuildinh my life. And I think about her all day every day. I've got some amazing trips planned this summer and I'm looking forward to them all and i think about her all day every day. Is this common wity ADHD?

I am not sure if this is ADHD or menopause or lonliness or childhood trauma or the combination of all of this but i cannot stop thinking about my ex. The break up was messy and back and forth and took 5 months and then a few months more of messiness and we're now in no contact and it's done. But i think of her when i wake up. When i gonto sleep. And then 100 times a day. I'm still so in love with her. And i know we were not ready. I'm doinh EMDR therapy and rebuildinh my life. And I think about her all day every day. I've got some amazing trips planned this summer and I'm looking forward to them all and i think about her all day every day. Is this common wity ADHD?

I want to reach out but im scared it’ll keep us stuck in a loop. I do miss you a lot though and I hope you reach out. I unblocked you in case you do.

This is so obviously an FA-A loop.

I'm in therapy. And it's clear that I have to make so many changes.

I have some work to do!

And so do you!

Get in therapy and work your shit out. This could be really good.

FFS. Just fucking grow up.

Work on yourself. Grow. Become stable. And then cycle up the hill.

Has anyone else had negative experiences with romantic relationships while on Mounjaro? I feel it has exacerbated my anxiety so much and makes me pine for people in such an unhealthy way. I am not sure if it is related as I have always been anxious with relationships. This just seems to much much worse. I feel as if because my body can't have food or doesn't want it, it switched the craving to a person and now that is all I obsess about.

It doesn't help that the person treated me badly and then broke up with me and then asked to reconnect and changed their mind and then asked for more time and that it took about 8 months for it to all end. But I pinned for them so much that I went along with this game and accepted the poor behaviour.

And even though it's over, I still crave them so much.

So, instead of food noise, I have love noise.

Anyone else relate to this?

Anyone what this sample is

It's a shame to pretend with each other So I've been tryna tell you If you don't want my love Let me know, eh I want you, I want you 'Cause you got a funny way A funny way of showing me, showing me

Cheers

Anyone what this sample is

It's a shame to pretend with each other So I've been tryna tell you If you don't want my love Let me know, eh I want you, I want you 'Cause you got a funny way A funny way of showing me, showing me

Cheers

I find it so frustrating. It just clouds the conversations. We could be really progressing with understanding relationships and people and instead people are just focused on who is good and who is bad. It is so silly.

Attachment is not moral. It is determined before we all learn how to speak. It is preverbal. Which is why it is so deep. It is not a moral judgement on someone just as how fast you remove your hand from a fire is not a moral judgement.

Why is everyone so focused on making avoidants bad and anxious people good? These are not moral values in anyway. Neither can be good or bad.

And I say this as a person with anxious behaviours. I see that avoidant behaviours are just shaped by caregivers just as anxious behaviours are. You can't say that one is better than the other. If you do, you are avoiding responsibility for your own behaviours or you are trying to find the easy way of approaching this so you don't have to do any work. Either way, your approach is not helpful.