u/k1ll0ll

I'm 21, still living with my family. I have chronic anxiety paired with ocd along with bipolar 1. I am fully medicated but it doesn't do much because my family makes my mental health worse. I can't work more than 15 hours a week and I've tried applying for disability but got denied. I know I have to get an attorney for an appeal but I'm too scared to even reach out. So I've been sitting with this denial for ages. I'm scared of rejection of some sort from the attorney because my conditions are stupid, I don't even have a physical disability. I'm scared of having to explain everything and seeming too dramatic. I'm especially scared of having to call them. I just can't do it. So I just keep living with my family because I can't even get a room for rent with what I'm making from work. My family is making my mental health even worse. It's 12am now and I just find myself crying because I dont want to live here so bad but I'm stuck. My boyfriend lives across the country and just got a really good full-time job and I just feel like I'm holding him back because I can't do anything. I cant move out to live with him. I can't work full time. I feel like he'd be so much better off without me. I'm so tired, I just hate my life. I know the simple answer is to call an attorney but that just seems like way too much to me, it's terrifying and I'm just the cause of my shitty situation.

I might get flamed for this post but I gotta say it. I've been a member of this subreddit for awhile and I keep getting dmed by people that say they're ace. They always turn out to not be ace, not even demi, they just say they have a low libido. When I explain having a low libido is a very common and not a ace thing they're shocked. There's asexuals that have a very high libido, you libido doesn't dictate if you're ace or not. I don't even know why they dm me when I say in my posts I'm sex repulsed. If you still want sex why the hell would you message me for romantic purposes.

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My biggest cause of anxiety is my job. It's not the job itself, it's just being there and interacting with people all day long. I don't work many hours cause of this. I love my job and the people I work with, just sometimes my anxiety gets really bad like this. I'm on lithium for BP1 and Seroquel. I wanna ask my psychiatrist for anxiety meds and also adjusting my meds but I don't see him till the end of July and he's booked up full.

I'm just so anxious lately over everything and feel on edge. I just find myself crying over the idea of going to work. I really don't want to...but I have to. I've already called out once this week cause of it but lied and said I had food poisoning. I just don't want to go to work, I wanna lay in my bed and not go anywhere. I know if I go tomorrow imma have another anxiety attack at work and it'll be so embarrassing.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so trapped and like this anxiety will never go away. Is there anything that could help me get through this week, I'm gonna ask my manager for less hours and to not be put on register next week but ive got to get through 4 shifts I have left this week

They're always so hostile, always yelling at me or eachother, and I'm constantly anxious anytime I'm home cause idk if my sister or mom will blow up at me over nothing. I keep breaking down crying in my room lately because I can't see a way out of this. I do have a job and work part time...cause anytime I work full time I have breakdowns at work after like 2 weeks and am forced to go back to part time. I just asked my manager for more hours so I'm gonna try it again. I'd rather be miserable at work than be at home. I hope it goes well this time but its hard to be optimistic because it never does. Im autistic so I always get overwhelmed.

And I can't even afford a room for rent on part time pay because that's my entire monthly wage (600 dollars, that's the lowest price of one I can find around here). I'm just so tired. I want to move out so bad, I want to just be able to sit on a couch and watch TV but I can't because I'll get yelled at and berated.

Even if I do work full-time and make enough to move out I need 2 roommates for it. 🫤 Everything is so expensive where I live.

I just can't stop crying because I see no way out other than dying. I don't want to die. I don't want to hurt myself, but everything is so grim. I just hate living here.

I'm an atiny and have been since they debuted. In the last few years these guys have been pumping out album after album, going on tour after tour and literally no one seems concerned? All the fans say is "well they love their jobs and love making music! They're gonna release as much as they can before they do their military service cause they love atiny!" You can love your job and love your fanbase without getting exploited and overworked. Enhypens fans responded normally to when they were getting overworked over and over again and boycotted them. Why is the atiny fanbase just so ignorant? Everyone knows that kpop companies love to overwork its idols.

I swear just every 2-3 months now it's a new album or track announced from them and more tour dates. I'm getting worried cause it's just getting worse and worse.

Maybe it's because I'm also diagnosed with GAD but I just overthink so fucking much, especially with talking to my supervisors. I asked my manager for clarification on something when I got home from work and turns out I had the whole idea of the project wrong. After that I started crying and thinking "oh my god, they're definitely talking about how stupid I am, I'm so stupid" all because I embarrassed myself a bit. Anytime I do this I like to drag blankets and pillows into my closet and curl up and watch a movie. Now I can't stop thinking about how freaking dumb I am, I'm so dumb dude. I hate embarrassing myself, I hate it so much.

Anytime I attempt to start dating again, I do meet a lot of people. Mainly through dating apps and stuff. I match with a lot of people because I am generally rather attractive. The issue always arises when it comes to making the relationship more official I get scared. Things suddenly seem too serious and I call it off.

I think it's because last year I actually wanted to get serious with a guy, we went on a lot of dates, talked everyday, and then he got cold feet...like I do now. I liked him a lot. And it hurt a lot.

I'm so tired of this cycle I keep putting myself and other people through. I want to be loved romantically. I want to have a partner. But I don't know how to get past this lingering fear of trusting someone and even being able to communicate. I don't want to be scared of being hurt anymore. I just can't trust anyone anymore.

In July 2025 I (21) attempted twice and they put me on court mandated therapy and psychiatry (I'm also bipolar). Meaning if I miss an appointment I go back to the hospital. I'm pretty good now and have held down stable employment for 6 months now!! (Longest I ever have).

But my therapist the courts gave me (I can't change...) literally doesn't believe BPD exists. I've talked to her about it and told her I have bpd (I've been diagnosed by SEVERAL medical professionals) and she always says it doesn't exist. That it's just made up by misogynistic men. I actually hear this a lot from people on the topic of BPD and they think it's just made up and tell me I'm normal. What do you mean? How am I normal dude? I've tried to kill myself several times and have self harmed since I was 14. I'm incapable of saving money, so much so I'm in massive debt because I can't stop spending my own money no matter what. I regularly get into relationships only to ghost them after a week because suddenly I don't want a relationship. My behavior is always unstable and impulsive in everything I do. There's nothing normal about me and my behavior isn't okay or should be normalized. Smh.