u/kristin137

Does anyone else have this question off and on in your brain? Sometimes I really think I might be borderline. I have most of the symptoms: Fear of Rejection, Low Self Esteem, Emotional Instability, Anger, Unstable Relationships, Chronic Feelings of Emptiness. But then a lot of that stuff overlaps with just being traumatized and autistic plus RSD. I mean I know people can have both but it's just hard to untangle. I do feel like I know myself and who I really am. It's mostly the emotional dysregulation and intense reaction to feeling unwanted.

I just know I've always felt a deep kinship with BPD people and characters. I innately understand them. And I take it very personally when others come after anyone who has those traits.

Does anyone else have this question off and on in your brain? Sometimes I really think I might be borderline. I have most of the symptoms: Fear of Rejection, Low Self Esteem, Emotional Instability, Anger, Unstable Relationships, Chronic Feelings of Emptiness. But then a lot of that stuff overlaps with just being traumatized and autistic plus RSD. I mean I know people can have both but it's just hard to untangle. I do feel like I know myself and who I really am. It's mostly the emotional dysregulation and intense reaction to feeling unwanted.

I just know I've always felt a deep kinship with BPD people and characters. I innately understand them. And I take it very personally when others come after anyone who has those traits.

I like dark stories sometimes, but I am becoming tired of spending a whole book with someone, gaining empathy for them, and then in the end it's like oh okay apparently she's a murderer and/or racist or something and has learned absolutely nothing. It's nice for the person to actually evolve and get a happy or at least decent ending.

For example:

- Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead

- Margo's Got Money Troubles

- I Hope This Finds You Well

- Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

- The Wedding People

For some reason I had honestly never thought of this as a negative and actually consider it a really good thing if I have a current hyperfocus theme. It gives me purpose and brings a lot of excitement and joy. Typically mine will last for a few weeks or months, occasionally years.

I just assumed that everyone thinks of this as a nice little neurodivergent quirk, but yesterday I was in kind of a reddit comment debate with someone — I talked about something that enables my hyperfocus (as a good thing), and they said "Hyperfocus is dysregulated focus, and a symptom of executive dysfunction." They "have a suspicion that chronic hyperfocus is not great for our brains in the long-term" and that it is "really not good for you on many immediate levels."

I always thought of hyperfocus as a benefit of neurodivergence. So many amazing things have been accomplished because of people's hyperfocuses or special interests that bring them joy and contribute to the world whether through art, writing, research, etc. It's not exactly healthy compared to a more balanced level of focus on various things rather than an extreme focus on one, although that extreme focus can bring a lot of depth to whatever topic it may be, and leads to autistic joy!

In general something about this mindset that it's actually dangerous and wrong struck me as kind of ableist, I don't know if that's me thinking about it wrong.

When I was younger, I never thought it was cool to use slurs or offensive words that I felt were harmful. It very much annoyed people when I would say that even to internet strangers or friends. I did not think bullying was okay or any of that. As an adult now I am often the only one who views things as problematic while everyone else ignores it. For example someone in my friend group kept saying the "r word" and I asked her very politely to stop because it has a negative history for disabled people. Weeks later today she was complaining about not being allowed to use it anymore and that the internet was better before when people weren't always offended or whatever. Inside I am like... sorry you can't say your favorite slur anymore.

I think this part of myself is important and values oriented and unique, but I also dislike being seen as some kind of drama starter or virtue signaler. I admit I do get that little excitement that I think everyone does when they can be like "oooh this is wrong and here is why" but it's also because I really do care.

One of my favorite subgenres. I love women who are just selfish and weird and needy or whatever. I think it makes me feel better as someone who isn't particularly good at work, socializing, being a normal person, sometimes gets needy and unhinged (inside).

It's cathartic to see stories of other freaky women who act out the thoughts I get. It normalizes it in a weird way even though what they're doing is bad? Like okay she got completely obsessed with her neighbor, made a super embarrassing faux pas, has unapologetically rude thoughts, can be entitled. If I have a lesser version of those traits and I can have empathy for them, I can definitely accept myself more too. And it's freeing because good pure people are already represented as the gold standard of humanity, I like seeing something more real. Represent the irritable autistic bitches and the depressed loners!

Girl don't volunteer to go home and then not do it. That's so embarrassing to me like if you don't mean it don't say it. And it's also weird that both times all the other islanders basically ignored her volunteering and kept her anyway.

First of all she reminds me of a lot of blunt Europeans I've met. I respect how she doesn't tend to rudely walk away in the middle of conversations as often as the other women. She seems a little neurodivergent to me and reminds me of myself in some ways. People seem put off by her sarcasm and cool-headedness but they are actually just different from the villa norm.

Priya is being kind of nasty too and it makes me think of those people who take everything personally and become antagonistic. I really disliked how Priya was completely coming for Julia just based on facial expressions/words chosen when English also isn’t even her first language.

This was one of those movies that I didn't pay much attention to when it was released and then casually read the spoilers and reviews. So I knew that the twist was >!her planning a school schooting.!< Finally watching it tonight it was totally different than I expected. To me it was almost like the idea of a shooting was so secondary to the trauma itself. All those shots (pun not intended) of her as a kid again, or her partner acting as her therapist. Phew! I was gonna say someone check on Kristoffer Borgli because he gets it, then did a search and realized yeah he definitely gets something 😬

I was (sorry) a cinema major so once I caught onto what the cinematography was doing I locked in, in a way that doesn't usually happen anymore. Just seeing all of the intentions in the filmmaking. I love anything with an unlikable female protagonist. I think it's important to talk about the parts of humanity that we want to hide. And I think the movie itself was actually doing something brave that sadly many people aren't ready to think about.

Idk what else to say, almost all of the men are like... I would be nervous to be around them. They have some real redpill vibes overall and people don't talk about it enough. Very creepy.

The way some of the men seem to have such resentment and disdain for the women is super icky. I see this a little with the USA season too but on UK it's become a weird group dynamic where none of the men seem to be calling each other out at all.

Watching this show makes me realize how hard it is to trust men in general because whenever bombshells come in and are surrounded by this big group of men while they all meet I can't help but feel like aaaahhhh someone make sure she's okay! Even though it's obviously recorded and fine.

I usually consider myself a very empathetic and kind person, but when I'm overwhelmed or having burnout or something, my thoughts get vindictive and rude. I don't have the energy to be forgiving toward people so become angry inside. I guess irritability. It takes a lot of effort to stay positive when you have a disability that you get shamed for your whole life and is so stigmatized I think. I don't know if it's different being early vs late diagnosed.

It's not okay the way people talk about it and a lot of the discourse is ableist. It needs to become an official assistive technology and until then everyone will still feel the need to guilt others about how they receive support from it in very real ways. There are many studies about how it helps and no one talks about that.

All the time online I see people say things like they have dyslexia and AI helps them a lot, or autism or anxiety or whatever and AI serves as a specific, cheap, patient accessibility tool. But then they will clarify that they know it's bad and need to move on but dont know how, and everyone gives them the most lackluster advice that is expensive, complicated, hard to get. Like no! You don't need to feel bad! Just use what helps you. I get so tired of the misconceptions and how people spread all kinds of narratives to dissuade others from using it, not even knowing what they're talking about. There are real issues too that have more to do with the behavior and power of actual companies, but shaming others is not the way to solve things.

It's not okay the way people talk about it and a lot of the discourse is ableist. It needs to become an official assistive technology and until then everyone will still feel the need to guilt others about how they receive support from it in very real ways. There are many studies about how it helps and no one talks about that.

All the time online I see people say things like they have dyslexia and AI helps them a lot, or autism or anxiety or whatever and AI serves as a specific, cheap, patient accessibility tool. But then they will clarify that they know it's bad and need to move on but dont know how, and everyone gives them the most lackluster advice that is expensive, complicated, hard to get. Like no! You don't need to feel bad! Just use what helps you. I get so tired of the misconceptions and how people spread all kinds of narratives to dissuade others from using it, not even knowing what they're talking about. There are real issues too that have more to do with the behavior and power of actual companies, but shaming others is not the way to solve things.

I think this is what the social model of disability is about too. When I'm alone and in a good place then I can sleep well, I'm safe, eating normally, thinking reasonable thoughts. But to do that there's like 100 little invisible accommodations I make for myself. When my routine gets disrupted at all then I might start getting insomnia, anxiety, depression, ARFID, dangerous/negative thoughts or meltdowns.

But I don't "need" those 100 little accommodations. If I don't get any support I'm still living and from the outside probably look okay. It's just that I'm suffering internally. So I always feel and seem dramatic when I do ask for support, or when I break down after silently dying inside. Idk how to explain.

I think I function well enough in daily life that my disability seems fake. I get a lot of irritation from people around me for my autism. My therapist even asked me if I think maybe others feel like I use my disability as an excuse. Most of my life I have been the only one taking care of me and understanding my needs. I was raised to believe that my needs weren't important and that if I had meltdowns it was me being bad. I apologize for myself constantly and sometimes hate myself now.

And whenever I do try to tell others that I'm struggling it doesnt feel like they care which makes me more despondent because it brings up that trauma. I know it's just hard to even know how to help someone when they need it but it would be nice to have that. I feel like I'm missing something or doing something wrong but don't know what and... yeah I think I'm in autistic burnout or something. Again.

I live at my grandpa's apartment because he mostly lives in a different state but uses it as kind of a storage space and a place to stay when he visits with his girlfriend. So obviously it's generous of him to let me live here. I can't really afford my own apartment and needed somewhere to live after my 5 year relationship ended.

But he is a very unpredictable, stubborn, strange guy who I'm convinced is undiagnosed autistic. He has quite a temper and traumatized my mom. He got pretty upset that I moved a few small things in the living room. His girlfriend is very conservative. She makes weird racist comments I have to smile through because I can't upset them or seem rude. They argue all the time. They also drink often starting early in the day, for her all the way to bed.

One of my dogs gets anxious with new people and they are not great with him, it worries me when they go at him for being reactive because I had told them it's best to ignore him. All their yelling and moving around stresses him out. I have to leave them alone with the dogs sometimes so I can go to work and idk how it will go. I also hope they dont leave toxic food and medicine or something around for the dogs to eat.

They watch TV loudly all day, leave the shades fully open, wake up really early and make no effort to let me sleep which all disrupts and overstimulates me. I have to hide in my room which also makes me feel weird because it hate spending too much time in my room.

They're not here constantly but maybe 6 weeks of the year total spread throughout. I can be here up to next June. I think this July might actually be the worst because they're here half of it. I am someone who needs a lot of alone time and quiet or I freak out. So they've only been here 2 days and I'm already getting some SI.

This is kind of the irony of being level 1 for being able to live alone. If I don't live alone I literally want to kms immediately

I finally found my people. Now I'm mad I didn't know about this the whole time. I haven't been reading many discussions at all just kind of watching in tbe background. Now I gotta lock in!