u/lanette-

A last minute goodwill find when I wanted to get an all black fit for a themed line dance night. Passed up misfitting boots from a different (expensive) store and was gonna settle on some black booties before…. Hitting the gold mine with this pair. My first crocs 🥹 they’re an abomination but they’re my abomination

Zoloft is doing its thing. Still adjusting to it as sometimes ts makes me feel like some of the negative affects of coming down from molly or something. The jaw clenching, tired but can’t sleep, pressure behind eyes etc… but can already feel it working. I ruminate less - the thing my brain would pull back to is barely a thought I have every few days now… and it’s through a more gentle lens which I appreciate.

And rawdog 😭 so I wear glasses and I don’t have them on most times and someone in a group said my prescription must be weak/ or I have contacts and I said I just rawdog it 😭😭 everyone paused. And a guy (a friendly cutie) said “I haven’t heard that word used like that before” and I said “oh how have you?” (Whyyyyy would I say that) and he says he hasn’t heard it in the context of eyes. I said this in front of like a group of 3 guys.

Being social is gonna have some Ls 😅😮‍💨 convo danced right along as convos tend to do (which I’m also more tolerant too now bc sometimes I’d get stuck on a point) but yeahhh. Hopefully everyone just forgets.

I spend too much time on the internet bc the first association of that word to me is not unprotected sex anymore 🤣 oh geez

My first pair of crocs!!!

Found at goodwill. It’s funny because 1 was in the shoe section and the other was across the store. We were looking for 5 minutes when a lady tapped on my friend’s shoulder and showed him where the second shoe was (I guess she could tell he was looking 🤣)

Stars aligned and the croc hater who didn’t want these to find a good home lost this battle

I was sad I didn’t get the crocs at magic con but this is so much better. Reactions from some members of my line dance community was everything I wanted and more

Doing washday at the gym for the second time was a win… apart from my results from the products I tried this time 😮‍💨

So last wash day, I accidentally found an incredible product in my “collection” so decided to try and get lucky with some other stuff I have lying around

The kerastase line is lovely. I used their hair mask last time as well and I think it did make a difference vs using just their normal conditioner. The leave in is a good base as well … the other products I used afterwards ruined this particular wash and go for me

I started adding the shea butter after and it took a while to work into the hair. It seemed to frizz things up nearly immediately which was surprising. Adding more of the leave in from kerastase brought curls back out so I was doing a combo. I did like that it was thicker than the leave in alone.

The curl cream was not moisturizing or defining in a way expected. It would bone straight hair I applied it to, and sometimes would curl it inexplicably into a gorgeous S curl I rarely see my hair hold. Definitely has gotta be some user error here… but also the texture of it was sticky and I had to go back in often to help it run down my hair. It didn’t spread well and after my hair dried (took forever for it to dry with this product on) it had a stickiness when touched. Later on, I learned that it does apply better on my hair when it’s more dry though the instructions say it could go either way.

My hair had whiteness that wasn’t crazy noticeable but just gave the whole thing a bit of a waxy dullness. Unfortunate as applying and drying this product took about 2x as long as last time with the results not being nearly as good.

It’s good to know these other products are best for a different style… open to any suggestions for how else to use them if anyone here is a fan.

I put my hair in little puffs at night to sleep, and waking up with only some curls really holding at the end + some of that stickiness turning into tangles, I had to rinse my hair out. Product left on it reclumped and I’ll do a proper wash or cowash soon

Can’t win em all!

What i learned - if it’s seeming like the products aren’t working for what i want - im not gonna force or try and finesse it. Ill just focus on moisture and figure out the definition or style later to save myself the trouble

1. gym motivation
2. more space to spread out
3. easier and less to clean
4. their drains are stronger than mine
5. better lighting
6. makes me more likely to be gentle to my hair 😆

don’t gate keep 👀

I’ve had good luck with Mizani Miracle cream - haven’t used it much since learning how to properly detangle and moisturize the fro, so I’m looking forward to trying it out

They have a Coco Crème Coil Enhancing Moisture Butter …. But different line & different ingredients. I guess I’ll be trying that to see if it works similarly

Boy is this truly a journey, gonna be rationing it in the meantime … Wondering how I even got this 😂

A good cream is it and gel tangles my fine strands so bad. The cast and all that stuff sounds cool in theory but that has never worked for me and would just make gnarly knots.

I got home from swimming at the gym, then used a detangle brush with the cream and coasted (almost) every curl. Separated more up front bc that’s where the density is lower. Then blow dried enough for the white of the product to “melt”. Happy with the results - not oily, not hard, but moisturized and just feels like there’s a light layer of lotion that protects it from the elements

My biggest curl fro to date 🥹 I wonder what 2 years from now will look like

——-

EDIT: product is Carol’s daughter curl defining butter!!

Thinking about a recent incident with a friend… they have some financial insecurity and I often just pay for things as I can and like to. For a hangout we had coming up, they oddly mentioned food and kinda were tryna plan it before the hang (has never happened before) and I said I think I had plans before, whatever nbd. She asked me again about food in a different way, saying after the hang out maybe there’s a place to get food… and the dynamic to me is feeling like food is a central point of the hangout. We didn’t discuss outfits, the activity, just food.

I didn’t wanna feel the way I did, but it seemed that was the focus and I just didn’t have time to process it in a way that’d make me feel otherwise… or simply just be okay with that.

I sent her money for food and let her know I think I’d wanna go solo this time and have a small explanation. I considered cancelling entirely but it was my plan I invited her to…

Not the best way to handle it. And I definitely upset her. Spoke to her more later and let her know there’s some stuff I need to work on with meds etc and I can show up better at a future time

Because whether it was about the food or not - I should’ve been able to hold in my head our good memories, the way she’s shown up for me, my positive feelings towards her etc. But it feels so hard to ground myself in that when there’s this unsettled situation.

I try and fail so much. People don’t like being flaked on or left (even in situations where they’re kinda wrong bc they brought extra people without sharing they would).

I’m figuring it out, but all too slowly and with a bunch of friction. A level of chill that would let me sit through stuff that feels intolerable is what I want. I need that ability to sweep things under the rug and not have it be such a pressing thought.

I think my old friend who brought the third person and then didn’t want to try and repair after I sat through as much as I could, gave my explanation, and left - she showed her true colors. She didn’t engage or try to understand the situation or me. The other girl I flaked on, she is probably more in the right. I think the food thing was a factor, but I also thing I should’ve just handled that and still been able to hang out without it on my mind.

It’s good I learned a “close” friend isn’t all that close and a new friend is actually down to try and work with me - but I think avoiding these situations entirely has wayyy more upside than downside.

To be able to brush things off without it being mental gymnastics it takes me 10x longer to sort through…. Is so goddamn needed 😮‍💨

Day 1 yesterday I jumped right into 100mg and forgot about tapering. I was soooo wrecked. Plus the air quality being awful didn’t help. Thankfully I was still able to go to a first date, but I did slightly feel like I was on molly or something 😭 not doing a dose so large again untapered bc I was shaking, sick, and needed to do a lot of other things to balance it out. Chatting with my psychiatrist today and not playing self doctor anymore

I’m gonna document in my journal all of this so I know what changes. I wanna try and be objective some parts to the best of my ability as a reason I’ve started and stopped is forgetting what it’s doing for me and what the difference really is. Especially in times I still struggle while on the drug it’s hard to see that it’s still making that struggle less.

This was a word salad vomit and if you got here, would love to hear your medication cocktails.

I’m also bipolar so mine is lamotrigine + newly Zoloft & some other stuff to address hair loss (spirolactone & minoxidil)

(Pic is me at Dreamcon getting an airbrushed tattoo)

It was a little rough initially bc the air quality had me a bit off all day… but happy I got to go. It was fun and I met someone 8 inches taller than me (this is so rare) who also seems pretty cool

Late last month I flew out to LA after a rapper DM’d me and now here we are…. It’s really so wild. The sidequest, the video, my role!

I was kinda worried a minute because my hair wasn’t “done” but that so quickly left my mind. Everyone on set was unbelievably kind and I go to work with some incredibly talented people. I learned after the shoot that Travis Payne, one of the choreographers on set, actually worked with MJ during this final chapters.

Every piece of feedback he gave me was beyond next level and I was blown away. It was cool getting to see the process and more understanding on how these things go under the hood.

I’m beyond grateful and I’m so appreciative of the internet for the worlds it can open up.

I wore so much repellent as I always do when around mosquitoes… and literally no one else around me was bit, per usual lol

LPT: stay with me, I’ll protect you from all those mosquitoes (bc they’ll be eating me alive with no interest in you 😆🥲)

I see a knot like this and think - that’s probably like 5 months of growth just needing to be cut off from a day of slipping fr 😭

I want long hair and to feel my actual hair have hang time. It felt like things with my hair were in a good direction but half a week of not doing things right and I’m needing to pick out so many knots… and whenever they’re knotted like that, it feels impossible to just wait until I have nice scissors around…. I just want it out. So now I prob have some split ends in addition to uneven breakage 😪

It sure is a journey forreal 🥲