u/more-green86

Edit: Title should say “his hygiene.”

My son is 15. He has CP. I’m his dad. Just looking for some advice from some people in this community. He needs right much help and for bath time I help him in and out and do some washing myself and let him do what he can reach and is able.

Lately every now and then there has been a certain white fluid that males produce that has been dried in his groin area and in his hair down there. At first I wasn’t even sure what it was but it’s definitely that. I didn’t want to embarrass him so I haven’t commented on it at all and he hasn’t mention it either. I feel awkward about it but I know it’s normal and I don’t want to shame him so I just act normal.

A few days ago I was about to walk in his room and I pushed the door open (it was shut but not latched all the way) and he was on the bed stomach down and fully clothed with a pillow between his legs and he was kinda rocking back and forth.

I quickly left and due to the position of his bed he was facing the other way and I don’t think he noticed me. It never crossed my mind before but due to his lack of grip strength it makes sense that he may be unable to engage in self pleasure in the normal way males do.

I feel he is just doing that and making a mess in his clothes and basically just sitting in the mess until his next bath. I feel that could be uncomfortable for him and as far as hygiene goes I feel it’s not ideal to be like that for a long time without being cleaned up.

But it’s a very sensitive topic so I’m not sure if I should bring it up at all or not. I could continue to ignore it. But I want him to know if he needs to be cleaned it’s okay to ask for help and I won’t make fun of him or think he’s weird for that. Also I wanted to try to think of ways maybe he could engage in that more independently and in a more clean manner.

If he’s struggling with that I thought maybe we could talk to his doctor about assistive devices or just better ways to manage hygiene. Maybe he does it before a bath. Or I help with removing clothes and then give him some privacy and leave him with a towel or something. I’m afraid it may be hard for him and it’s causing him some distress. I don’t want to be overly intrusive either though. Any thoughts?

My son is 15. He has cerebral palsy. I’m his dad. He needs right much help. For bath time I help him in and out and do some washing myself and let him do what he can reach and is able.

Lately every now and then there has been a certain white fluid that males produce that has been dried in his groin area and in his hair down there. At first I wasn’t even sure what it was but it’s definitely that. I didn’t want to embarrass him so I haven’t commented on it at all and he hasn’t mention it either. I feel awkward about it but I know it’s normal and I don’t want to shame him so I just act normal.

A few days ago I was about to walk in his room and I pushed the door open (it was shut but not latched all the way) and he was on the bed stomach down and fully clothed with a pillow between his legs and he was kinda rocking back and forth.

I quickly left and due to the position of his bed he was facing the other way and I don’t think he noticed me. It never crossed my mind before but due to his lack of grip strength it makes sense that he may be unable to engage in self pleasure in the normal way males do.

I feel he is just doing that and making a mess in his clothes and basically just sitting in the mess until his next bath. I feel that could be uncomfortable for him and as far as hygiene goes I feel it’s not ideal to be like that for a long time without being cleaned up.

But it’s a very sensitive topic so I’m not sure if I should bring it up at all or not. I could continue to ignore it. But I want him to know if he needs to be cleaned it’s okay to ask for help and I won’t make fun of him or think he’s weird for that. Also I wanted to try to think of ways maybe he could engage in that more independently and in a more clean manner.

If he’s struggling with that I thought maybe we could talk to his doctor about assistive devices or just better ways to manage hygiene. Maybe he does it before a bath. Or I help with removing clothes and then give him some privacy and leave him with a towel or something. I’m afraid it may be hard for him and it’s causing him some distress. I don’t want to be overly intrusive either though. Any thoughts?

My son is 16 and I’m his dad. He was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer. Everything has been moving very fast. They removed one within a few days of his diagnosis. He still has the other one.

My wife has been a concerned mother but she’s also being too involved and it’s making my son uncomfortable.

After the surgery before we went home the doctor asked if we had any questions and she took it upon herself to ask the doctor how soon after he could have a little “private time by himself” as she put it. My son was deeply embarrassed by the question and it got a loud groan and “mom!” From him.

She said it was a legitimate question and she knew guys didn’t have much self control when it came to that and she didn’t want him hurting himself and wanted him to heal. I saw her point but I said he wasn’t stupid and it’s not something we need to monitor and be involved with unless there’s an issue. (Ultimately the doctor said officially they say 2 weeks, but as long as he’s feeling up to it and is very gentle with himself he would probably be okay after 24 hours).

She also keeps asking how he’s feeling, and he just keeps asking her to stop asking him about it and just to treat him normally. She’ll ask if he wants her to get him some different underwear to support his “private parts” and while all legitimate he just wants to be left alone and not hear his mother asking about his privates.

They also said he would need chemo soon and recommended he store some sp-rm just in case since it could affect his fertility. My son is undecided and she has really been pressuring him to do it, saying she wants grandchildren one day and he’s just a kid and shouldn’t be deciding such a long term decision right now so he needs to do it.

I feel it’s inappropriate how she’s been pressuring him with talk of grandchildren and I said we can’t exactly force him to “make a deposit” if you know what I mean. I do agree he should but I just told him do it, we will pay for it of course, and that way he has more time to decide if he wants kids and he can still decide no later and throw it out. But pressuring him doesn’t help.

She keeps bringing it up and saying she will drive him to the sp-rm bank whenever he wants and offered to leave the house if he needs “privacy to get a sample.” My son finally came to me and asked me to please get her to stop talking to him about it cause it made him uncomfortable. He also said he’d rather her not be in the room at doctors appointments cause it’s awkward and he’d rather it just be me and him cause it’s a “guy thing”.

So I tell her and we get in an argument about it cause she says she’s just trying to be a concerned and caring mother. I told her to not mention his condition in any way moving forward, said I would handle any doctor’s appointments just me and him from now on. But she’s demanding to be in the room and says it’s her job to make sure he’s okay and healing.

My wife says he’s her kid too and she’s trying to make sure he’s safe and medically sound and doesn’t make any stupid decisions that affect his entire future. AIO?

I used to shop at JCPenney but the one near me closed. I don’t like buying online. Returns are a hassle, I order and never know what I will get and if it will fit.

Any tips for stores? Trying to stay on the cheaper side. Khakis and a button down collared shirt (no tie) are typical where I work.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m excited for my first child and I will love him endlessly.

But I just found out he is a boy and I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed. I don’t know why, for some reason I was thinking it was going to be a girl and we were going to be really close and all that.

I grew up with only a sister. Dad not in the picture. Before I met my husband I had a string of not so good boyfriends, which included some questionable behavior and unwanted touching. I swore off men for a while and it really left a bad taste in my mouth about men in general. Finally met my husband. He is a good man so I know good men exist.

I’m still a little scared to have a boy though. I don’t mean to perpetuate gender stereotypes. All I can picture is this baby who will grow up into a grumpy old teen boy who will hate me and could probably throw me around if he wanted to.

This world scares me and I see stories of boys getting sucked into dark places on the internet and becoming insufferable people. I hear jokes all the time about how rough puberty is and how I should be careful what I even touch in their room.

Please just tell me it will be okay. Tell me your stories of how sweet and cuddly your boys are and how much they love their mama. Tell me how your teens grew into kind and caring young men who you are proud of and still give you hugs. Thanks.

For context I’m a 28 year old male and my nephew is 14 (male also). Every year my parents rent a large house by the beach and we all go as a family, even though me and my brother are older now. I’m single but my brother has a wife, son and two younger daughters.

The place had 4 bedrooms so my parents got one, my brother and his wife got one, and my two nieces shared a room. Then I got the last bedroom cause my nephew said he didn’t mind sleeping on the couch.

He did the first night but the second night my nephew came to my room and said the couch was uncomfortable and yesterday he got woken up early by his grandparents moving around in the morning so he asked if he could share the bed with me. We get a long good so I said okay.

I wear only boxers to bed but as I was already in bed and didn’t feel like it was a big deal I didn’t bother getting up to put more clothes on just cause he was nearby. He slept shirtless but had pants on and we slept uneventfully.

However the next morning I was awoken by my sister in law (my nephews mom) in my room. She was upset we were “sleeping together” and asked why I thought it was appropriate to be in bed with a 14 year old in my underwear since I’m an adult and that it was weird and I should know better than that.

I asked why she was in my room at all and she said she couldn’t find her son anywhere so she was looking for him. I explained everything and my nephew backed me up but she still felt it was weird and I as the adult should’ve put up better boundaries. I told her it wasn’t like it was a random kid but she said it would be different if it was his dad or a sibling.

I told her to get out and give me some privacy as I was still only in my boxers but she said if I didn’t mind a 14 year old seeing me like this why did I care if she saw it. I explained we were both guys it was different but she said I was an adult he was a kid it was still weird. She also said we were really close to each other and my arm was touching his and it was just weird and I told her she was the one making a big deal of it and making things more awkward than it had to be.

My nephew said he wasn’t uncomfortable and kept telling his mom to drop it. AIO?

My son is 12, I’m his dad. He’s on the spectrum. He’s high functioning. The average person probably wouldn’t even notice anything, but he can be a little “awkward” and direct in social situations.

We had somewhere to be yesterday and I hadn’t seen him awake yet and we were going to be late so I went to his room intending to wake him up. When I walked in he was awake and in bed and he acted very guilty and was moving the covers around a lot as I walked in.

I asked what he was doing. Honestly for some reason I thought he was hiding a bunch of junk food in his bed or had something he wasn’t supposed to. He didn’t want to say but I pushed a little harder and he finally told me.

He said when he woke up his p-nis was “sticking up” and he started touching it and it felt really good when he did that so he kept doing it. I was really caught off guard.

Then he asked if that was bad. I didn’t know what to say and kind of stumbled over my words. I do believe the only God honoring way of s-xual expression is one man, one woman forever. And so I do feel m-sturbation is a sin.

But he just seemed so innocent you know? He just noticed his body, noticed a feeling and explored it. I don’t hardly feel there was s-xual intent there. 

At the same time puberty has definitely started for him. And I think he is noticing new feelings and sensations that his body is making.

Should I be discouraging him from engaging in m-sturbation? Or it’s a private thing and as long as I talk to him about God’s design leave him be just let him determine what he feels in his heart is okay?

Part of me feels I shouldn’t exacerbate him and make it a big deal. Just leave it be. The other part of me thinks if it is a sin I shouldn’t pretend it’s less of a sin than other sins and it’s not a big deal if he does it. Thoughts? I’m really struggling how to balance God’s Word with not shaming him for being curious. And it seems so innocent I’m struggling with whether it’s even actually wrong.

My step son is 15. I recently married his dad.

He’s generally polite and respectful to me. But I feel he doesn’t care for me much and just does the bare minimum to keep the peace. Which is okay I guess, I’m not going to force the relationship.

I do wish we were a little more friendly with each other though. Since we are living together I feel it would make things go smoother. As it is currently I just feel like we are roommates who avoid each other as much as we can and put on a fake smile when we are forced to interact.

Anyways, him and his dad are close I guess. He’s somewhat of a homebody and spends a lot of time at home. I thought teens would want to be with their friends? Guess not. My husband and him like to play tennis together and will do that on the weekends a lot.

My stepson says hardly anything at the dinner table but then my husband will go by his room from time to time and they’ll sit in his room for a long time talking. I feel like my stepson doesn’t want me hearing anything about his life.

The worst thing is the cuddling. He will cuddle up with his dad on the couch while watching TV or something. Just like sit real close to him, lean his head on him, his dad will put his arm around him and they will kinda snuggle up. Sometimes he doesn’t even have a shirt on when they do this. I get everyone’s comfort level with affection is different but I find it a little strange.

I’m not against being affectionate with your kids. But there I am on one end of the couch, while my husband is on the other end cuddled up with someone else. I feel like my stepson does it just cause he can and he’s showing me he’s more important and his dad is “his.”

I get if he’s having a rough day or something but this happens multiple times a week for long periods of time and I feel like my stepson comes in there and does it when he knows we are together.

My husband of course thinks I’m crazy for thinking that and says it’s his son, stop making it weird and he’s glad they are close and all that. Am I crazy?

My son is 12, I’m his father. We’ve had some small conversations but I feel like it’s definitely time to talk to him a little more about his changing body and s-x in general. 

I see there are a lot of books and resources out there that can help me have this conversation with him and even give him stuff he can read in private if he’s uncomfortable talking to me about it and then he can always ask me questions later.

However they are all secular resources and I’m worried there are messages in there about s-xuality that I wouldn’t agree with and are against God’s design. Do you know of any good one’s that are Christian based? I do want them to be positive-based as I feel s-x is ultimately good when done within God’s design and I don’t want to shame my son. 

Second question, should I specifically bring up m-sturbation?

My parents were godly people and they talked to me about s-x and stuff but m-sturbation is something they never mentioned at all. I did engage in some self exploration and while I’d like to think I was good at hiding it, looking back on it I’m sure they probably knew and just said nothing. 

I didn’t become obsessed, I didn’t watch p-rn, I just used it to get a little relief every now and then. It’s only recently that I even realized the act was morally dubious at best, sinful at worst. And I feel if they had told me it was wrong it would have caused a lot of shame and struggle in me but ultimately I don’t think I would’ve stopped.

So I struggle with whether I should specifically mention m-sturbation at all, or whether I should just present God’s design to him and let his heart guide him on this very personal and private topic. Or is that doing a disservice to him? Certainly if he seems distressed or has questions we can talk about it and I will let him know he can come to me about anything. 

Just wondering how common it is for Christians to even mention m-sturbation to their children? I’ve been in my Bible believing church for many years and it’s not something that has ever been hinted at (except references to p-rn being wrong, which we all agree on). 

My son is 14 and has CP. Would rather not get into too many details online for privacy reasons.

One day he asked me if I could buy him something and was just acting really weird and secretive about it and wouldn’t tell me what it was but told me he would send me a link to it and to please not get mad at him. I said okay.

He sends it to me and it’s to an adult “toy”. I went and talked to him about it. He was really embarrassed. He basically said he found it really hard to pleasure himself and it was really frustrating and he thought this would make it easier for him.

I almost thought he was going to start crying. He said he was sorry for being weird. I told him it was okay and I wasn’t mad at him or anything. But it was something I’d have to think about. He asked me not to tell mom, which I agreed to. Not sure if that was the right decision, this just felt like a “guy” thing that I don’t think she’d want to be involved in anyways.

I mentioned we could talk to his doctor about it but he’s just really embarrassed and doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it and says it’s not that big a deal and doesn’t need to be mentioned.

As far as the toy, it’s relatively small and simple and I don’t feel like there’s a safety issue with him using it. I just feel a little awkward like I’m facilitating or getting involved in his s-xual development in a way I shouldn’t as a parent. But honestly I’m thinking about getting it. I remember that age. I can imagine how frustrating it would be to have difficulty being able to get that kind of relief.

He doesn’t have a credit card or anything which is why he’s asking. I could get him a gift card so he could do it himself but at this point the cat is out of the bag already. And not to be weird but I don’t want him to go too crazy and I’d rather make sure what he’s buying is safe and appropriate for him. Thoughts?

We’ve had a 15 year old boy in our care for about 6 months now. He’s always been pretty a pretty negative person and he will frequently make disparaging comments about himself. We just try to be positive and encourage him.

Yesterday he made a remark about hurting himself. It really scared and upset me and I pushed back pretty hard on it. He backtracked some and said it was just a joke and I was overreacting and it wasn’t a big deal and told me to stop being dramatic.

I’m not really sure where to go from here. My husband understands my concern but he says we shouldn’t freak out too much or that will cause him to shut down and push us away even more. He’s worried if we bring up therapy and make a big fuss about it, it will only make things worse.

However I don’t want to make too little of a deal about this and do nothing and then something bad happens. How should I approach this?

My son is 15. His best friend took his own life recently. He’s taken it super hard. Locked himself in his room crying and didn’t eat anything for the rest of the day the day he found out. I have been trying to check in on him but he never wants to talk about it.

We were coming home from the funeral yesterday and he finally opened up to me and told me that he never told his friend he loved him. Cause he didn’t want to be “weird” he said. Said they never really even had a proper hug in years. And that they always talked about “stupid sh-it” and never anything important. I told him I’m sure his friend knew he cared for him in his own way.

That’s when he said “well obviously I didn’t care enough did I?” I told him that wasn’t fair and he shouldn’t blame himself. He said “yeah well life’s not f-cking fair is it?” I didn’t know what to say. I just said yeah he was right and life sucks. He was crying again at this point.

I tried to hug him when we got home but he told me not to touch him and went to his room and slammed the door. Didn’t eat dinner or come out his room the rest of the day.

Today seems a little better. He said he was sorry for cussing at me (we don’t really cuss in our family). I of course told him it was okay. He let me hug him. I’m just really worried about him. I mentioned therapy but he’s not interested. Not sure how much to force it. I’m not really an emotional guy so I feel like I’m not doing the best job here. Any tips?

My son is 14. He’s overall a good kid, it could be a lot worse. But we are definitely in the thick of the teen phase. They eye rolls, the thinking I’m stupid and not cool anymore. He’s a fairly private person and I know there’s probably a lot going on in his life that I don’t know about. 

It feels like just yesterday he still needed me to wipe his butt and thought I was the coolest person in the world. I just wish he could understand nothing surprises me anymore and he could tell me anything and I would still love him so much. 

I wish I could give him a big ole bear hug and squeeze him tightly and give him a kiss on the forehead. I’m lucky to be allowed a quick shoulder squeeze these days.

I wish he knew I love him so much it hurts and I’d die for him in an instant. That even though it’s kinda sad watching him grow up and not need me as much that I’m still proud of him.

Deep down I know he knows I love him and I know he loves me. It’s just not cool I guess and it’s natural to want space and independence as he grows up. I tell him I love him some, but he hates it when I get all mushy on him.

I just wish he could understand why. I had a relatively good father. And while I wasn’t a total jerk to him, I look back on it and now I can see how much he did for me and cared for me and loved me and I didn’t appreciate it.

I’m not sure where I’m going with all this. I guess I’m just too emotional of a guy. It’s just hard watching my kids grow up.

This is for personal use. I noticed when I go to my County GIS site, their “basemap” of aerials is very recent and of high quality. Better than Google maps.

Can I ask my County GIS group for a copy of this? I guess you say it doesn’t hurt to ask. I would want some kind of format where it comes in the correct geographic location. Not just a photo. I have used SID/SDW files before for my work (not strictly GIS, but we use aerial imagery from time to time).

I’m not really even sure what to ask for exactly, or what common formats are out there. I’ve gotten shape files before from them for roads and parcel outlines, but not for imagery.

First off, I have no problem with boys being emotional or having feelings or crying or anything like that. And I don’t want him to feel shamed or self conscious about having feelings. I want our home to be a safe space where he can have big feelings.

But I do also want to encourage resilience and self confidence in my son as well. I want him to be successful in this world and not have this crazy world beat him down. Is that okay? How do I do that?

He’s 14 and he’s just always been a very quiet, private guy. Keeps to himself. Old soul, high emotional intelligence. Sweet boy.

Does very well in school academically. Also really hard on himself. Gets upset and will cry sometimes over a “bad” grade, even if the grade isn’t that bad.

Recently he did something not so nice to his brother and I had a little talk to him about it. I didn’t raise my voice or punish him in any traditional way. I just explained why it was wrong and I expect better from him and I was a little disappointed he’d act that way.

It seemed to really hurt his feelings and he ended up going to his room and crying. So I went and talked to him later. He said “I just don’t like it when you are mad at me.” I explained I wasn’t mad and I still loved him it’s just my job to guide and discipline him sometimes. He seemed better after that. But I just find myself being really careful about what I say to him and almost not correcting him sometimes when I should cause I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

He’s very much a homebody. He talks to a few people at school, I guess he’d consider them friends but he doesn’t seem really close to them and doesn’t hang out with anyone much outside of school. I can’t say for sure if it bothers him, he seems fine just chilling at home. He even asks me to hang out with him some and I feel like we are really close and I’m grateful for that and I don’t want to push him away, but socially I know it’s good to have people his age to talk to also.

His birthday was recently and all he wanted was a birthday cake and mom to cook his favorite meal at home. We kept asking what he wanted as a gift but he kept saying he didn’t know and he wasn’t a kid anymore and he was growing up and it didn’t really matter that much like it did when he was younger. We did get him something of course and he seemed grateful, I just felt his birthday seemed really simple and I wish we could’ve done more for him.

My wife says she understands I care for him and want to help him but she says I also need to be careful about what I say to him or else I might make him self conscious or feel like I think there’s something wrong with him and I don’t want to do that. She says he’s a great kid and it could be much worse and I shouldn’t worry so much. And that most people probably wish their kid was as well behaved as ours.

Yet I see in the news all the time stories of teens doing stuff to themselves and the parents who seem good often had no clue how their teen was feeling on the inside and it scares me sometimes. I do ask him how he’s doing from time to time and of course the answer is always “I’m fine.”

How do I as a parent encourage resilience while allowing for feelings and letting him be who he is? Feels like a fine line.

He’s 12. Just celebrated his birthday in our home. He didn’t want much. We cooked his favorite meal and ate at home.

We got him a gift. It was nice but not over the top. I thought it was fairly simple. We give it to him and he opens it and starts crying. We wonder what was wrong and how we messed up.

But he says “I just don’t understand why you are being so nice to me.”

Broke our heart. He even told us it was okay if we wanted to take it back. He is a handful some days and I sometimes forget I don’t know what he’s been through.

My son just turned 15. About 9 months ago his best (male) friend took his own life. Very sad of course and my son took it really hard as he was really close to this friend. The family even asked him to be a pallbearer at his funeral.

Since then my son has stayed close with them. A few weeks after the funeral he asked his friend’s parents if he could see his friend’s room. They agreed and he ended up staying all afternoon and stayed for dinner and they sent him home with a lot of their son’s stuff like clothes which my son will wear often. 

He goes and has dinner with them probably twice a month. When my son’s birthday came around they asked to see him and gave him a nice gift for his birthday. They seem like sweet people but that was their only son and I started to feel like they were trying to fill that void with my son and it made me a little uncomfortable.

They will text my son from time to time to invite him over for dinner or just ask how he’s doing. I find it a little weird they text back and forth. My son did let me see the messages though and there was nothing overtly inappropriate.

Most recently they asked him if he wanted to go on a 4 day vacation to the beach 3 hours away with them. Now my son did go with their family to the beach last year with his friend when they were alive. But I just found it awkward he would be alone with them and no one else for 4 days. I mean what teenager wants to hang out with two 40 something year olds anyways with no other people his age?

I asked my son what the sleeping arrangements were last year and he said they all shared a hotel room, my son and his friend in one bed, and his friend’s parents in the other. I said he should at least ask for his own room this year, so he could have some privacy and not be sleeping next to them alone. 

He said he didn’t know the sleeping arrangements for this year and it wasn’t that big a deal cause he has the bathroom to change and obviously he will have clothes on and it’s not weird. 

I talked to my husband about it and explained how I just found it weird how close they were getting to my son and I didn’t want things to get weird and them to have an unhealthy attachment to our son. And our son was young and not thinking about the complex emotional situation going on here. 

My husband said it was fine and he’s 15 not 5. And that they both lost someone and they are just supporting each other and bonding over that and he didn’t feel it was unhealthy. AIO for wanting to say no to this?

My son is 12 and I’m his dad. He’s really gotten into play wrestling with me lately. He thinks since he’s getting bigger he might can take me now. He’s still got a little ways to go though lol.

We were wrestling yesterday and it’s warm where we live, so he was shirtless. Not uncommon.

We were wrestling and I pinned him down and it was right there so I gave his nipple a quick pinch. Not hard, I obviously didn’t want to cause actual pain. And I didn’t linger, it was just for a second.

He laughs and says “hey watch it!” And then manages to push me off of him and we keep wrestling. He didn’t seem to be bothered by it. I think no more about it.

Later my wife lays into me about how that was extremely inappropriate to touch him there and I needed to go apologize to him and I probably made him so uncomfortable and he just didn’t want to admit it. She also said he’s starting puberty so it’s an awkward time for him and I shouldn’t make things weird.

I told her it wasn’t that big of a deal, “purple nurples” are just a funny thing guys do sometimes, it’s not that deep. And he’s my son don’t turn it into something it’s not. And I know my son and there wasn’t a hint of discomfort in him. I feel messing around with him makes us close and is just the way we bond.

She said I should at least ask if it’s okay with him. I said that would be kinda weird to ask if he’s okay with me pinching him. I told her he is normally the one to initiate the wrestling matches and if he’s uncomfortable with it he can choose not to do it anymore and I’ll stop. I agreed I wouldn’t make a habit of doing it. AIO?

Everyone may not agree with me, but I believe the only God designed way for sexual release is through consummation within the marriage of one woman forever (for men at least), and that includes not m-sturbating as well.

My son is 16 and I was doing laundry yesterday and noticed some clothes on the floor in his room so I went to grab them. They were by his nightstand and he had left his drawer open and I saw his “stash” inside.

He had a bottle of lube, some tissues, and an adult “toy”. It was a simple toy, nothing crazy. It was small and compact, no buttons or vibrating parts or anything and it appeared to be for personal self pleasure rather than to be used with someone else.

He doesn’t know I know. We have a good relationship (I’m dad). I struggle with whether to say anything at all. I feel it will just be embarrassing and awkward, could strain our relationship and my one conversation with him probably won’t cause him to quit cold turkey.

But does that mean I say nothing? Or I just dance around the issue and have a vague conversation on “self control” or whatever? If it was any other sin I wouldn’t hesitate to say something. I don’t want to treat this sin as if it’s okay or not that big a deal and it’s going to happen anyways so who cares. That’s the wrong attitude.

My wife says let it go. Give him his privacy and be glad he’s not getting someone pregnant. We really don’t believe he’s “active” in that sense. We are fairly close and he doesn’t have a girlfriend or anything and is somewhat of a homebody.

As far as the toy, I don’t really feel comfortable him having that in our house. Especially as a minor. Do I throw it out? Ask him to throw it out? If he complained he used his own money for it, I’d be willing to give him money for it since I know he doesn’t have much. It’s not about the money for me.