u/noiraseac

I found out my partner of 3 years cheated on me a few weeks ago. He was my everything. He chose to pursue the other girl and completely treated me like I was nothing. No closure message. Only one “I’m sorry” and never acknowledging what he did. It’s like I never existed to him.

I avoided listening to Staying Still because I know that song is sad as hell. I try to avoid sad songs in general because I kind of don’t want to feel my feelings.

But then it came on shuffle and I was too busy to change it. When the bridge came, “I’ll be good, I’ll be fine, I can laugh about it, I try to keep on starting over” I lost it. Not because it’s sad, but quite frankly the opposite.

I realized that, he’s right, I actually can keep starting over.

My ex was merely a chapter in my life and my life will not stop here. I can start over my life, I’m moving to a different country soon for work, I can meet new people, I can change myself as if I was reborn.

Now I listen to Staying Still all the time that it became the no. 1 song on my Spotify On Repeat playlist in no time. I don’t feel sad listening to it. I feel hopeful.

I know Noah doesn’t and will never see this, but I hope he knows that his music quite literally saves people’s lives, or at least mine.

I have been going through a lot lately, and I just feel like I’m purging my old self and making room for an entirely new one, but the main feeling I have inside of me is resentment and indignation.

De Selby (Part 1) and In The Woods Somewhere perfectly describes how I feel inside. The bass, the song’s pace, the lyrics, and just the overall vibe of it, I can’t really explain; I feel like these songs were made exactly for me at this current moment.

I want to make a playlist that contains these songs, and other songs similar to them. It can be from other artists of the same genre, it doesn’t have to only be from Hozier. Thanks!

hi, i got a new phone and i’m currently overseas for work. i cant login to my commbank app as it will send a netcode to my australian number which is now inactive. i can technically call the overseas hotline, but international call is quite expensive and i’m wondering if there’s a way to email or send a message to commbank instead of calling them?

the help page tells me to use ceba chat, but that’s not an option since i have to login to use ceba from the app.

is there a way i can send a message to them? thanks!

i will be doing a phd about hci next year and i will be using Figma heavily, as well as R and probably SPSS. which laptop do you guys suggest?

i am currently working as a UI/UX designer, heavily using Figma and Claude Code. my work gives me a Macbook Pro 16 inch M4. i cannot afford to buy this exact laptop for my phd work and am looking for cheaper suggestions.

thanks!

i really want to learn tennis! i want to join a class or a learning club in jakarta, preferrably south jakarta area. i’ll be coming alone so would love to find a community that’s friendly to individuals and beginners.

ex partner who cheated on me for 1.5 years (we were in a relationship for 3) ended up chasing after the other girl and didn’t even say a single word to me after everything unfolded. the last thing i ever said to him was good riddance and i immediately blocked him and his family everywhere.

me and the other girl still keep in touch to support each other as she also didn’t know my ex was in a relationship with me while he was with her. she shared all the fake accounts and new numbers he has created to reach out to her. i asked her to show me all the messages he has sent her. they were all apologetic and trying to win her back.

but radio silence for me. i have not heard anything from him at all. no email, no fake accounts, nothing.

am i silly for still expecting to hear from him? maybe, but i deserve to be upset. i gave him literally everything for 3 whole years. i left my family and planned my future around him, while he’s planning his future with another girl behind my back, and not a single apology from him.

i know that apology will never come. so how do i cope and move on knowing those 3 years meant nothing at all to him? how do i cope with knowing i don’t mean shit at all to him? i feel worthless, like if a horrible man couldn’t even muster a simple apology for hurting me then i might not be worth any apology or anything at all for that matter.

I’m interested to apply for a PhD to UTS and UNSW. Both universities have the experts I’d love to work with, so now it comes down to:
- Grants and stipend
- Lab technology and equipment
- Possibility and how easy it is to get a top-up scholarship / extra grants

For context, my topic will be AI and design, and I took my Masters in UNSW. I’d really love to hear it from you if you’ve done or is currently doing a PhD in UTS about the above topics. Thanks!

I’m interested to apply for a PhD to UNSW and UTS. Both universities have the experts I’d love to work with, so now it comes down to:
- Grants and stipend
- Lab technology and equipment
- Possibility and how easy it is to get a top-up scholarship / extra grants

For context, my topic will be AI and design, and I took my Masters in UNSW. Yes, I know we’re the no. 1 university in Australia, but I’d really love some actual useful insight on those doing PhD here in UNSW and if you know someone who’s doing it in UTS. Thanks.

My partner cheated on me in 2023, only 6 months into the relationship. He then cheated on me again in 2025 to early 2026. I decided to stay because I genuinely believed he was going to change. I saw a lot of people having successful relationships after infidelity, so I put my faith in him and hoped for the best, for no other reason than how much I loved him, even though my gut instincts kept screaming that something was wrong.

Today I found out from the other woman that he was still talking and contacting her as recently as last week. He’s still trying to maintain a relationship with her just in case he and I broke up. He was keeping someone in the backburner, while promising marriage to me.

Any ounce of love left in my heart just vanished. I am devoid of emotion now, and I am finally ready to move on. The rose-tinted glasses are completely off. I said my riddance and blocked him on every channel. I have nothing left to say and there is nothing he can say to me that has an ounce of value.

I am finally free.

I took a fully-funded scholarship in country X with the condition that I have to leave country X for at least 2 years before I could come back and permanently live there (i.e work, studies, apply for residency or citizenship). If I decide to stay in country X, I have to pay back not just the tuition but also the monthly stipend I was given.

A girl in my scholarship cohort finished her studies last year, but she paid off the tuition and stipend so she could stay in country X and live with her (local) boyfriend.

I and a few cohort friends were judging her because if she could afford to pay back the scholarship, she could have just paid for the whole thing herself instead of taking the spot that could have gone to someone who actually couldn’t afford to study.

Even though the anger was valid, deep down, I am jealous.

I am jealous that she’s rich enough to pay the scholarship back. I am jealous that she’s now building a life for herself and her career, while I’m stuck in the 3rd world country I came from earning minimum wage, barely saving anything for at least 2 years (and trust 2 years is a long time, it’ll be hard to move back to country X if there’s a gap in visa). I am jealous that the scholarship fund boasts about her on their social media and website because she achieved so much: attended fellowships abroad, attended conferences, won competitions and got valedictorian, meanwhile when I was studying in country X I had to wait tables and washed windows bc the stipend was not enough to sustain myself and save money. There was a time I had to skip class to cover a shift bc the money was good and I could save some to send back home.

It’s so unfair.

I want to move away from my country too.

I want to move to country X and build my life too.

It’s unfair she gets to pay for a solid future and I (and a bunch of us) can’t.

Halo, apologies if this is a stupid question as I rarely navigate BPJS & tenaga kesehatan mental.

I need to find a psychologist/psychiatrist yg bisa dicover BPJS. Kebetulan asuransi kantor gw ga cover psikolog atau konseling jd mau gamau hrs BPJS.

Gw direkomendasiin Yayasan Pulih, apakah mereka menyediakan konseling aja atau bisa diagnosa juga? Dan yg pernah ke Yayasan Pulih, how was your experience?

Kalau mau lewat jalur BPJS, where should I start? Apakah harus ke dokter umum dulu lalu dirujuk ke psikolog/psikiater?

If you know any online sources (prosesnya, cara daftar, dll) please let me know as well. I also prefer offline meetings instead of online. Lokasi di Jakarta Selatan.

Thank you so much in advance.

Hi, I’m applying for a PhD to 3 different universities this year. All 3 universities have different application deadlines and result dates.

I got accepted to University A. They asked me to accept or decline the offer by 5 June. I needed to change the commencement date so I asked for a deferral, which they granted, and now they require my response by 15 July.

Thing is, I’m waiting for results from University B & C. University B’s results will come out 26 July. University C’s will probably be around early August.

University A was actually my last choice if I didn’t get B & C. I know I should’ve applied to that last, but when I was applying I really didn’t think I’d get accepted. I was just shooting my shot to several universities of my choice.

Would it be ethical to ask University A for an extension after I asked for the deferral? Should I be honest about waiting for other universities’ results?

Thanks in advance.

If you’re not aware of what a ‘bird’ is, basically it’s a slang for women who stubbornly stay in disrespectful and toxic relationships, and who would defend their man no matter what. The term got popular on Tiktok, and the people who mostly call other women ‘birds’ are, well, fellow women who believe they aren’t birds.

There’s 2 reasons why I don’t like the term:

First: We already have enough derogatory labels created and used by men (bitches, sluts, gold diggers, dumb blondes, PMSers, etc.) we don’t need another one made by fellow women.

Yes, we have ‘Pick Me’s’ and this was also I believe made by women for other women, but the context is different. ‘Pick Me’s’ tend to hurt feminism by stepping over other women to please men. But ‘birds’ imply that certain women are either too dumb or naive that they’d stay in a toxic relationship with men. Not only does the ‘bird’ not have support from their own male partner, but now they’re being made fun of by other women too.

Most of us have been a ‘bird’ at some point in our lives, and truly, all we needed was support. Calling these girls ‘birds’ will make them feel even more isolated and dependent on their toxic male partners. It doesn’t fix the problem. It doesn’t benefit anyone except to make non-‘bird’ women feel more superior.

Second: I actually like birds, they’re my favorite animal :( I like birds because they’re free to fly wherever they want. Birds are intelligent, motherly beings, and are the symbol of freedom. It’s probably supposed to be ironic to call these women ‘birds’ for not being able to flee a toxic relationship, but I believe that exact irony is what makes it derogatory.

Why do we need to label women’s behaviors? I think ‘male-centred women’ is a good enough term because it’s straightforward, descriptive and reflective. It makes you think: “have I been centering men this whole time?”

Like can we please stop belittling fellow women in the big year of 2026 when really all they need is help?

Edit: apparently based on Tiktok, ‘bird’ tuh maksudnya ‘bird brain’ alias bego… so it’s an even worse term.