Those are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
PS: This is pirated from my 7 year old daughter - she told this to a friend of hers and I overheard it! I am now ashamed of this missed opportunity as a Dad
As the waiter stepped up filling his wine glass and to take his order, he smiled politely and asked, “What brings you in tonight? Special occasion?”
The man raised his wine glass toward the empty chair across from him and said, “It’s my beloved wife’s birthday.”
The waiter’s eyes softened with sympathy. “I am so terribly sorry for your loss, sir. The appetizers are on us tonight. May your memories of her be as warm as these appetizers.”
The man smiled warmly. “Thank you so much. I'll be sure to tell her when I get back home.”
The waiter confused “Wait... isn't she...?”
The man took a sip of his wine. “No, she's fine. We just couldn’t find a babysitter for tonight and I will take a Pan-Seared Foie Gras for that appetizer”
Especially when they claim the oldness of it in advertising
Everything is fine until she brings it home. It begins to swear uncontrollably. Fuck this, Fuck that, Fuck you and finally the lady can stand it no more.
She grabs the bird, shoves it in the freezer, and slams the door shut. Squawking, shrieking, pounding, and cursing comes out of the freezer for a few moments and then it goes quiet.
The woman is scared that she has hurt the bird and opens the freezer. The parrot walks calmly out and steps gently onto the woman's outstretched hand.
He looks into the lady's eyes and says "Ma'am, I am truly sorry if my language offended you and it will not recur. If I may ask, what did the chicken do?"
Mickey Mouse is standing in court, trying to finalize his divorce from Minnie.
The judge looks down from the bench, shakes his head, and says, "Mr. Mouse, I've reviewed these documents. I'm sorry, but I simply cannot grant you a divorce on the grounds that your wife is 'crazy.'"
Mickey throws his hands up in frustration and shouts, "Your Honor, I never said she was crazy! I said she was fucking Goofy!"
PS: Mickey mouse will be 98. And the joke is 100 year old though!!
Just in case you get a hole in one!
Because she just kept running away from the ball and losing her shoe!
Doctor: "You seriously have to stop masturbating."
Man: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Except fire. Because Fire-Works on every 4th of July!
PS: Salute to all professionals working on holidays!! Happy Independence day to USA!
I realized she was a lesbian when she slapped me hard as soon as I said “go straight”.
When I finally opened the attic, the pale shape rushed past me like wind, pausing to whisper in my ears “Thanks for letting me have your kid”.
I am starting a s corp llc in California and I am looking at making $250k to $400k in contract roles (contracting with more than 1 org) on an annual basis. Now many may say this is good enough to hire a CPA, but I am stingy as F!! Especially since I have not yet started to work or get paid yet. What I am here for is help from you good people to save me $200-300 per month by picking the right next things to do.
Steps completed are as below
- Setup LLC - registered name and company etc paid the $70ish fee to do so in CA.
- Obtained FEIN
- Filed form 2553 ( posted 2 weeks back)
- enabled an IRS business account (which I believe I cannot fully add biz into its wallet until S - Corp election is approved and can take 45 days?)
Now comes my actual pending steps to execute which I request more help
- I am looking at some self serve setup for anything and everything for payroll, invoice, tax filings (which I believe is needed anytime I run payroll for myself) - I looked at collective but it is $300 a month, I looked at combination of quickbooks payroll and simple llc accounting which seemed the cheapest - $25+$30+$6.50 (per employee). I also looked at Gusto ($50+$8 for payroll) which I believe is good for payroll but not for accounting. - So anything to help here on what setup works for any of you good folks?
- I also am looking at cyber and general liability insurance providers because I work with people who dabble with personal data - so any assistance here to pick the best - I see multiple options from $30-$50. I just want real people feedback on what has worked
- Am I missing something here? Because I feel I may read through 400 different self help pages and go through dozens of video tutorials - I feel real people feedback will be the most helpful here for me.
The fake child writers guild is back again!
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman holding his drink tight, looked at the attendant and said , "Can I have one of that too."