u/oftheearth222

I think I’m really sensory seeking

1. In winter I walk 10-15k steps a day but in nicer weather I walk 20-30k steps a day. I have being walking 20k steps a day minimum for almost 3 months straight, aside from 2 days I was too sick to get out of bed. I feel most regulated walking 20-30k steps. When I don’t get around this many, I feel kinda easily frustrated and overwhelmed. I have routes I do in specific patterns and it makes me happy and regulated. Idk if this is normal?? I think it’s part routine but also sensory seeking because i have other sensory seeking behaviour. I stopped doing my steps for a bit when i was in super bad
   burnout/regression

2. I struggle with binge eating/ eating a lot because I like a lot of sensory input from tastes and textures and chewing. I use chew toys and I’ve always chewed stuff I also drink lots of diet drinks.

3. I rock my self, especially if I’m overwhelmed

4. I am very fidgety, I use fidget toys I have for as long as I can remember I also squeeze my hands and touch things a lot. I have one stim? Where I am at my volunteer job I like to spin this rack over and over because it’s soothing

5. I flap my hand sim im excited. Also sometimes when im alone and watching my favourite show im jumping around and crashing into stuff because im so hyper

6. I talk to myself and sometimes repeat random phrases or words. I sometimes randomly hum too, not songs just like a straight tone

I have sensory avoidance too.

1. I hate crowds, I feel so drained. I don’t know why I feel so overwhelmed, I just get really on edge and overwhelmed and it can get hard to talk and I feel really out of it and like I wanna run away

2. I don’t like loud sounds. I have had noise cancelling headphones since I was 10. I have always had strong hearing and been bothered by noise. One example I think of is when I’m walking around before work, I have one washroom in the mall I like to use at the same time, I always cover my ears before I flush because the toilet is too loud. I sometimes feel embarrassed to be bothered by sounds. I also think I learned recently I may have auditory processing issues. I can hear many sounds at once, and I can hear people talking but can’t make out what they say? Even if they are near me.

3. Certain smells really bother me, to the point I feel like crying or just really stressed. Mainly: yogurt, gum, bananas, strong smells

4. I may have had a wider range of food as a kid, but I never was big on fruits, as a baby I would eat it I think but the older I got, I get kinda freaked out or nervous to try to eat fruits aside from avocados on bread because the smell bothers me and the texture being unpredictable is scary to me

I don’t know what’s normal or if I’m overthinking, i constantly get dismissed in real life when I try to talk about my sensory issues and I’ve never had anyone else’s brain so I don’t know. Is this sensory issues? Thank you

I had an autistic meltdown today, when I melt down it’s usually me self harming because I mask and suppress my emotions so much. I was thinking about why I do that, and I remembered something I wish I didn’t.

I remember as a kid, I’d have meltdowns where I’d just be crying and struggling to breathe and talk. I never really got the help I needed. I’d just be threatened with being sent to a mental hospital. I wasn’t even violent or anything I just needed love.

I remember knowing, even as a kid around 11 I needed help, that there was something different or wrong about me. I remember knowing I needed more help at school with what they then thought was just anxiety, but i recently learned was actually autism.
I didn’t have many friends as I got older (10-11+)I remember being the weird, annoying kid. I remembered grade 8 grad, standing all alone while literally everyone else was talking to friends. I only had my daydream best friend and day dream ea.

When I went through my worst trauma alone, when I was 12-17 it broke me. I was treated so badly for it. I’d cry myself to sleep every night when I was 15, self harming and begging to die in my sleep. I attempted a few times. I hate thinking about those days but I was so alone. Nobody was there for me. When I was 14 I went through an angry phase because of my worst trauma, and being undiagnosed autistic. I feel so mad now, I wish I had someone to help me through that anger but I never did. I remember one day I was crying at like midnight. Someone walked in, I just wanted to be understood. My trauma was at its worst, I hated my body and I hated what I was going through but I got no compassion. I got blamed. I went through the most traumatic thing all alone.

I think I gave up after that. I gave up trying to make friends because I was always just weird and annoying. I struggled with social cues and fitting in, I never ever felt like I belonged. Friendships never felt like they should.

At university I only lasted half a semester. I hated every moment. I felt like an alien more than ever. I felt like a scared child the whole time. I had nobody. If I tried to talk about how it was so horrible, I was just dismissed. Nobody was there for me. I went into such bad burnout and still had nobody there

I go to a therapist every other week now, I get help with my job through a disability program, but I still feel so alone. I feel so bad but I don’t have that family or friend bond with anyone. I tried to make friends but I just get ignored or they act so dry, one moment they act so nice and interested then randomly just don’t care and ignore me.

I know people say stuff like “nobody will save you you need to do it yourself” but being alone throughout so much pain is all I’ve ever known I just wish I could have a hug or something at least

Even going through happy stuff alone like playing a game or cutting my own hair for the first time leaves me feeling so empty

I feel so happy with my daydream friends. In my daydream world I had my best friend Nathan and my EA Mrs Jackie through my late elementary school years. I had my uncle and aunt too. Now, I have my uncle, my best friends, my little brother, my boyfriend, my boyfriend’s whole family. I genuinely love them. I talk to them all the time. It’s just an ordinary life there, but I love it.

I love playing board games and family feud with my boyfriend and his family.
I love going to the arcade and the park with my best friends. I love being there for each other.
I love my best friend/boyfriend, I love how kind and understanding and patient and pretty he is. I love how he’s so funny and we are both so so weird and stupid and share 1 braincell and he understands me like nobody else does. I love every memory we make, I love how he makes me feel so safe, I love helping him and cheering him up, I love everything about him.
I love going to my uncles appartment with my little brother, we go swimming at the pool and how we keep my uncle company since my aunt passed.
I love being able to protect and guide my little brother and my boyfriend’s nephew and sister, we look out for them and it’s such a rewarding feeling.
I love how we have barbecues and go camping.

I love how we are always there for each other. We have so many fun memories. Even stuff as simple as my best friends/boyfriend teasing me about having weird random dreams 😭 I smile so much thinking of them. Maybe it’s dumb or weird, but I love them so much they have helped me in ways nobody here has they have been there for me always in every universe. I love helping them and being there for them too. It makes life worth living .

I am never gonna give up on them. I have sacrificed stuff in my physical world for them, I have 0 regrets. I’d gladly risk my sanity any day for them, I look so weird smiling to myself or talking to myself randomly but I don’t care. I’d do whatever it takes to get there physically, to be able to actually hug them and see them. I’m never ever gonna give up.

I think I was emotionally neglected quite a lot in life. There are so many ways in which I didn’t get the help I needed.

I’m not sure if these or meltdowns or what:

- as a kid, maybe around 10? I don’t know what would trigger them, but I’d sometimes have fits where for a hour, maybe more, I’d just be crying so much, struggling to breathe, and struggling to talk. I was really overwhelmed and I don’t know why. I don’t remember much because i didn’t get much compassion, I barely remember anything except sometimes I’d just get threatened with “if you don’t calm down I’m gonna take you to the mental hospital”. I learned to mask and supress them

Other times, mainly at my dad’s I’d get really angry. Sometimes if my cousin didn’t wanna play with me? I don’t remember what caused them in this situation either but they happened at least around 10-13? I had a few at school I think, once when I was 11 I threw a chair at a wall. I’d yell and throw stuff and get really mad. I wasn’t treated well for these either, I barely remember anything. It’s weird but I remember feeling more relived or something when I’d get mad?? Idk

I learned to mask and hide my meltdowns. I’d supress everything until I was alone. Now I cope mainly with self harm. Sometimes when I’m alone I get super mad, but it’s mainly the self harm.
For example today, I was walking around before work like I always do as part of my routine. I had some plans earlier and there was a miscommunication so I didn’t know what was happening and my plans changed and I was really overwhelmed I was just walking around, really stressed. I kept scraping my arm on purpose and punching and scratching my face. I also cut myself when I have a meltdown and feel super drained after. It’s kinda dumb but I can only cope by daydreaming my friends in my daydream world are helping me, stimming, and hurting myself until the stress goes away. I just wish I could have help or support

Are these meltdowns or anxiety?? Idk what’s going on

I really don’t know if things will ever get better.
I remember being in grade 8, feeling so excited for high school. I was bullied, I was the weird, annoying kid with special needs. I get it, I tried too hard to be liked but I had no social filter, didn’t recognize social cues, and had way too much energy. I had no friends, I’d look after some younger kids. I loved helping them. I remember one day at graduation the entire grade was standing outside the local high school before we went in. Everyone else had someone to talk to, not me. I was standing there all alone, like an alien. At least I had my imaginary best friend.
When I got to high school, things were pretty good for a while. I had a melt down in the first few weeks because I was so overwhelmed by all the change but other than that life was good. I made friends even, and we would call and play video games but I still had this constant, weird feeling that no matter what I didn’t belong. I didn’t know how to explain it or what it was, there was just something off about me.
I was still hyper, talked to everyone, talked way too much, and didn’t understand social cues. I liked this boy in my class, before I even really knew I was gay. It’s kinda funny and embarrassing to look back on but I’d try to impress him by telling jokes or trying to be funny, but I didn’t really understand social cues and stuff so I was still just strange and annoying. I remember this one day that kinda broke me, I was in my one class and my one friend said that they had friends who were in my other class and they thought I was annoying. I didn’t know I was autistic at the time, I just knew there was something wrong with me.
I was dealing with a lot at the same time, I was closeted and my home life wasn’t good, plus just being a teenager. I wanted to prove I was tough, or at least pretend. I wanted to be normal and got so mad at the world and everyone.
I didn’t make a lot of friends after that. When I did, it wouldn’t last, maybe a year? I don’t know why I just couldn’t do it. I felt like an outsider, I have really bad RSD, I don’t feel like I relate to or belong around anyone and social interaction just got so much more overwhelming I got to a point I couldn’t even text it was just so much. I’d just walk around daydreaming or thinking of my special interest. Things didn’t get better. I thought maybe at university things would get better. In so many shows and movies or online even people say it’s better, so I guess I’ll finally make friends! I got really good grades in high school since I had 0 social life so maybe it will pay off. I was hopeful, but had already started burning out.
University went so horrible. I got decent grades, I still lived at home, but I couldn’t even do a year. I felt more alone than I ever had. I felt like a scared little kid the whole time. I felt like an alien and I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to go home the whole time. I hated it, I hated talking to anyone there because it was so confusing and overwhelming and I didn’t get why I wasn’t normal. I got really unhealthy into my special interest, wasn’t sleeping right or eating right, and regressed so much. I was gonna do part time but couldn’t even do that because I felt so sick and shaky and overwhelmed even signing up. I don’t wanna go back it was so horrible I felt so alone.

I’ve been getting better. I found out I’m autistic, I did a disability job program for a few months and the program leader said I did really well and was one of the best in the class. I’ve been doing volunteer work and going to the therapist and I even have a part time job now, the boss knows I’m special needs too and is really nice.
But I still feel like an alien. I still don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I still feel awkward all the time, I still get overwhelmed and depend on routine, my special interest, and an unhealthy extent of daydreaming. I tried to make friends with other fans of my special interest but no matter what I do or what I try I just don’t fit in. I’ve given up hope of ever getting married because I am so mentally behind and I don’t even understand romantic feelings or anything like that. I still constantly feel like I annoy everyone, I still struggle with having a filter and I’m really sensitive and I feel like an alien. I want to go to a college to learn to help kids with special needs in a year, but I’m also worried this is gonna be like every other time where I feel like it will get better but I never fit in.

I wish I would have gotten support earlier. I wish people wouldn’t have just dismissed me as quirky and sensitive. I wish I wasn’t so alone. I still get dismissed so much and it makes me so mad. I’ll try to say how I feel alone all the time and I’ve struggled for so long and I’ll just get “oh its because of covid” when I’ve struggled long before that and it’s been 5 years since covid and i still struggle so much. I hate how nobody really understands me. Maybe I’ll go to my home planet one day , that’s my only hope

I remember this one day at high school. I would spend all my free time pacing around, daydreaming and observing others. I found myself both fascinated and confused by them, it’s hard to explain why. This one particular day I realized, I feel like I’m an alien from space sent to observe life on earth while pretending to be human.

I don’t mean I literally think I’m from space, just in a metaphorical way.

At elementary school I was the weird annoying one. I didnt understand how to communicate with others, regulate my emotions, and didn’t recognize social boundaries well. I talked a lot and was really hyper, I’d always try to make jokes but I was always the weird one.

At high school, I was pretty quiet after I was called annoying. I didn’t fit in around anyone, I didn’t know why. I wanted to be invisible or disappear, I did t want to be seen or perceived. I just felt so different from everyone else and I didn’t know why. I would only really talk to the teachers. It got way harder to maintain friends because I just had this unexplainable feeling I didn’t belong anywhere, I couldn’t do things right, and what I now know is rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

At university, it was so horrible. I felt more like an alien than ever. I didn’t talk to anyone, I felt more alone than I had in so long, I was so overwhelmed constantly and hated everything. I couldn’t even do a year. It felt like I was from an entirely different planet and I was trapped.

I got help from a disability organization and learned I’m autistic after that. The disability organization helped me get a part time job. I made friends online who are fans of my special interest, but even after all this, I feel like an alien. The co workers are nice to me, but I still feel like an alien. This deep knowledge I’m not like them in so many ways. I’m not making it up and it’s not in my head, it’s what I see and feel. I feel like an alien all the time and I hate it. No matter how hard I try or what I do I always feel like I’m an alien, like no matter how hard I try I’ll never fit in with anyone like they do with each other

I daydream all the time to cope. I daydream to a really unhealthy extent. I’m so scared I’ll just feel like an alien forever

Something happened lately and it made me realize that my daydream world is way way more than just imagination and day dreaming. I call it my daydream world still because I don’t know what to even make of this.

My friends there aren’t tulpas. They’re more, they aren’t imaginary and they are real. I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes and I totally sound insane but I KNOW so deep in my soul they’re real.

I’ve realized these past few days, I don’t see myself with anyone other than my daydream best friend. I don’t understand my feelings well but I’m so connected to him especially. He is a real person to me.

My physical world is getting way harder as I realize this, it’s not a coincidence. Maybe it’s my RSD but it’s so stressful when people act like we’re friends then just ignore me. I know that I’m never going to ever be close with others in the way they are with each other because time after time after time no matter how much or how little I try that’s exactly what I see. I’m so tired of just being the backup of a backup I’m tired of feeling like an alien trapped in the wrong planet I just want my friends so bad.

I know I’m gonna get there, I have been talking to my best friend in a new way about it. I feel and I know things that I don’t fully understand but I know they’re real and I know as crazy as I sound I’m gonna get there and I’m not gonna be alone anymore.

I don’t fully know what’s even happening but I’m mourning them more than I ever have, I need them and I miss them and I know they’re more than my imagination

My best friend ever is my daydream world best friend.
I struggled a lot making friends in my life. I have autism and bad rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
My daydream best friend has been with me for almost 6 years. As I’ve gotten really into my daydreams and as I get closer to my daydream world, I’ve realized that even though he isn’t in my physical reality he’s still a real friend. I have a few friends, all online. At my job the other co workers are nice to me, but I’m pretty noticeably disabled and I feel like I fit in nowhere. This is nobody’s fault, I’ve just learned living my whole life that I always feel like an outsider here. I like to talk to others be nice to others but I am not like them. I don’t realistically think I will ever be able to fit in with others here in the way they do with each other. I’ve learned that over years of trying and failing. I know it’s not all in my mind, I’ve tried so much. I struggle a lot with understanding and maintaining friendships too and I am mentally younger than my peers

He’s his own person, I don’t create or make things up. It’s just kinda revealed to me? Like just knowing things about them like you would for any other friend. I can picture in my mind exactly what he looks like, I know all his interests and we have so many memories together.

As dumb as it may sound, I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend I’ve felt as close with as I feel with him, I’ve never fit in in my physical world.

He’s my favourite person ever. And he’s his own person, I don’t fully understand but I channel/communicate with him in my mind? It’s hard to explain.

I consider him to be my real true best friend in this reality and every reality. Does anyone have a similar experience

I have been trying to shift for probably a year now. I’m shifting to my daydream reality. Pretty much better CR

A few months ago, I learned that manifesting is reality shifting in a way. I was at this event. I wanted to do this one very specific task but was assigned another I didn’t really wanna do. So I was sad at the start, then just did law of assumption I guess? Saying I was gonna do the task I wanted and I did !! And it went so well.

Then today, a woman was stopping by to go somewhere with my mom. I was walking home from work and said “she’s gonna be here at 2:14”. Very specific time, so I go in and change and hear the woman’s car. I think “I wonder if it’s 2:14” AND NO JOKE IT IS EXACT TIME!!

Now, I want to know how I can use these things I learned to shift. I just keep waking up in my physical reality. I know I’m there, but I can only embody that world to a certain extent because all my friends are there and there are some big differences. Also I’m not sure exactly how maybe.

Does anyone know what I’m doing wrong? Thank you

I have been trying to shift for probably a year now. I’m shifting to my daydream reality. Pretty much better CR

A few months ago, I learned that manifesting is reality shifting in a way. I was at this event. I wanted to do this one very specific task but was assigned another I didn’t really wanna do. So I was sad at the start, then just did law of assumption I guess? Saying I was gonna do the task I wanted and I did !! And it went so well.

Then today, a woman was stopping by to go somewhere with my mom. I was walking home from work and said “she’s gonna be here at 2:14”. Very specific time, so I go in and change and hear the woman’s car. I think “I wonder if it’s 2:14” AND NO JOKE IT IS EXACT TIME!!

Now, I want to know how I can use these things I learned to shift. I just keep waking up in my physical reality. I know I’m there, but I can only embody that world to a certain extent because all my friends are there and there are some big differences. Also I’m not sure exactly how maybe.

Does anyone know what I’m doing wrong? Thank you

I got a job recently, and the owner/boss is really nice so far and I think hires a lot of people with disabilities. He knows I’m on the spectrum I think, and I’ve had some help from a support worker but I always have this feeling like I’m in trouble or did something wrong.

I’m level 1, I can work independently and I do my best but I am quite noticeably different socially. I have a weird feeling of paranoia almost constantly that I’m in trouble or I’m messing up. I almost had a melt down when I was with my support worker because she was showing me how to do stuff and is nice to me but I was feeling like I was doing everything wrong or wasn’t understanding or doing it right. I need to change one of my shifts to another day but I feel scared they will be mad at me.

I feel this way in so many situations

I remember since I was a kid, especially as a kid, I’ve struggled to have a filter and understand social rules I guess. As a kid, I was the weird one because I struggled with boundaries and understanding what was and wasn’t appropriate to say. I always feel left out, like I’m an alien. I struggle socially and feel confused. I think maybe I should tell my support worker this but I feel really dumb for it and I don’t know what to do to accommodate it. Maybe I should tell the therapist about it when I go but I don’t know what is happening

I talk here so much, I’m sorry if that’s annoying I just don’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff.

I’m in the autism spectrum, if I’m being totally realistic I dont think I’m ever gonna be able to have a full time job, get married, have friends. If I stay in my physical world I’m probably gonna end up in the mental hospital or living out in a cabin in the woods with some dogs to keep me company. I have tried really hard, I got my first ever job and I have been getting some of my support needs met. For so long I have had this vision in my head of what my life is gonna look like. But again, if I’m being so honest and realistic I don’t think I would ever be able to achieve it. I’m just being real. It never works out for me how I want it to. I am not normal, I don’t function in a way where I can fit in without needing extra help and accommodation.

I think that even if things don’t work out how you wish they would, it’s just leading to something better. I think that something better is my daydream world.
Maybe I am crazy. Maybe Im just desperate and delusional but I have to try.
People say it’s not possible to get there, but I have to try.

My social struggles here are more than just not having friends. Even when I do make friends, it’s almost harder. It’s a feeling of overwhelm I don’t understand. And no matter what, for years and years I can never communicate or fit in without needing extra others like they do with each other. It’s hard to even explain I just struggle a lot. I don’t want to try sometimes because I can never do it right and I don’t fit in.

I understand it like this metaphor: I feel like I’m an alien from space trapped on earth. I’m just so desperate to be on my home planet where I belong because nothing here makes sense and I can’t function right.

In my daydream world I have my uncle and my friends. I have my best friends family, who’s practically my family at this point. Lately, I feel like I’m a scared little kid but I’m in a grown body. I want my uncle, I want my friends. I don’t want to feel alone.
It’s so hard being away from them. I day dream about them constantly but I need to be with them physically and I’m never gonna give up. I don’t think I’m supposed to be here in the physical world I want to go home. Day dreaming about hanging out with them isn’t the same as actually being there it’s so frustrating

I got a part time job recently, for some reason I have been feeling alot of imposter syndrome.
I always got good grades at school, but I struggled a lot emotionally and socially. I went to university and I got decent grades but burnt out worse than I ever have. I was struggling to function well. I was in a very bad place and regressed a lot. Nobody cared because I got good grades. I’d just go and want to go home and feel horrible the whole time. I did like half a semester and couldn’t do it. My special interest is the only thing that helped me.

I started going to a therapist and she told me about a local disability support organization. I started going in November.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I am getting support I need. I feel understood in my support needs and going there helped so much.
I did a job skill program for a few months for people with disabilities, I have been doing some volunteer work as well. I have accommodations like headphones and fidget toys and my workers who help me know I can’t really sit still sometimes (or i function best moving a lot) and I got a job. It is 3 hours a day, almost every day. It’s pretty quiet, but I still feel like what if I’m faking it or I’m not actually autistic. Even though I got my first ever job at 20.

I also learned recently I tend to repress/supress my emotions a lot because I haven’t ever been able to express them. Sometimes I feel so scared I’ll never have any support one day and nobody will ever believe I need help. Idk it’s kinda silly. But can anyone relate? You get support since you have support needs, and now that you can do it you feel like you feel imposter syndrome??

I don’t really know what’s happening but I’ll explain it to the best of my abilities.

I guess the best way to explain it would be a paracosm/ immersive daydream world.

In the physical world, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I fit in anywhere. I struggle a lot. I struggle a lot with making friends, maintaining friends, understanding what it even means or is supposed to feel like. I always try to be nice and help everyone, but I’m always just confused and I struggle to belong anywhere. I’m autistic

I have this world in my mind. I don’t fully understand it but I have been learning a lot. It’s an alternative reality. I look a bit different, some things in my city are in different places, and most importantly I have all my friends and family there. I have people who I actually fit in around. They all mean so much to me. My best friend is my favourite person in the entire multiverse. He is in my daydream world, and he’s been with me in that way since October 10, 2020. He’s so nice. I can describe exactly what he looks like, his interests and life. I’m really close with his family too. They are all so sweet and they are a family to me. I love them, they are in my daydream world and not in my physical reality but I genuinely love them so much.

My friends are amazing too. I have so many memories with my friends and family there. These memories feel more real to me than anything here. I can’t emphasize enough how real these memories feel. I know they are real, maybe not in the way people here think. I also know my friends are real. My connections and bonds with them are real.

I want to get to that world so so bad. I’m really alone here, things have gotten a lot better for me in physical life but I know I’m never going to be complete or even be able to live without them, without being able to physically hug them and go have fun. I need them, no matter what happens here I don’t feel like I can actually be my self or actually live without them. I just want to go home, I don’t know how and I don’t fully understand whats happening but I just know and I believe that something big is happening/something people will just dismiss as crazy but it’s so so real

Does anyone know how I can get to this alternate timeline? I have been trying for a year

I have autism and possibly adhd as well. I’m very sensory seeking, meaning I need a lot of input sensory wise.

I had a really horrible burnout in late 2024 which is when my binging got so bad. It is a very unhealthy way of stimming for me.

I struggle with recognizing when I’m hungry, and I eat the same range of foods at the exact same time, if that routine changes I get disregulated and need a lot of sensory input so I binge a lot

Has anyone dealt with this? Nothing really seems to work :(

I’m autistic and possibly adhd, I suspect adhd in part due to the fact I am very sensory seeking. Part of my sensory seeking/stimming that is very unhealthy is I struggle a lot with binge eating. I think I identified the reasons.
I typically will eat the exact same foods at the same time every day. I am also very sensory seeking as mentioned, I stim alot, get like 15-20k+ steps a day, and eat a lot for sensory input. If I go off my routine and seat something off plan because I’m stimming, I get disregulated because my routine was changed and so I need to stim more and it creates a cycle.

I don’t really know what to do. It’s kinda embarrassing I haven’t ever told anyone but I’ve been struggling for a long time :( it’s hard for me to tell when I’m hungry or full which doesn’t help. I got a vibrating chew toy, and just today I got a massager so I’m helping getting in the routine of using those and going on my trampoline more may help.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

I’m level 1 autistic and only found out recently. A reason I found out so late is because I was hyper verbal as a kid. I learned to talk kinda early, I talked a lot, and learned/used big words quickly.

I was very talkative my whole life, but struggled with having a filter and knowing when I’m talking too much.

When I was younger, I’d talk and make jokes alot, but since I struggle with social cues I didn’t recognize others thought I was weird and annoying.

I went through a bad avoidance phase for a few years, I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I struggled so much.

Now, I am more comfortable with my support needs and knowing my brain is different. I talk to a lot of people, for instance the repair guy was there today and I talked to him the whole time, he was nice and okay with it. I also went to a volunteer thing with one of my support workers a few days ago and I was talking a lot to her about ideas I had.

I tend to talk a lot, however I don’t know how to explain it but I don’t really talk to people in the way others do. I am mentally a bit younger, and I’ll talk a lot about my interests and ideas I have and random stuff I saw on walks, and I struggle to tell when I’m talking too much and I struggle to recognize when to give someone else a turn and I struggle with having a filter sometimes.

Also funny enough, the reason I was inspired to talk to others more in the first place is because I wanted to be more like my favourite tv character on my special interest tv show 😭😭

Is anyone else like this? My uncle asked if it could be Audhd since I am also really sensory seeking

A lot of what I personally see online about shifting is people who shift to tv shows/movies/fame. My experience is a bit different. I am not trying to say their experience is any less by the way, I just haven’t seen many people with my experience and was wondering who relates :)

My DR is an alternative universe. It’s a bit hard to explain, but I guess it’s a better CR. It’s a world I have been connected to for a while, I thought it was a daydream world at first, and I still sometimes call it my daydream world but I know it’s very very real.

My best friend/boyfriend Michael has been with me since October 2020. I have been daydreaming before that though. He’s not in my physical reality, but ever since 2020 (before I knew shifting) I’ve been looking for him. It’s weird to explain, but I remember on every first day of school, in every class I’d enter I’d look for him. It’s like I feel the presence of someone not in my physical reality.

He also isn’t from any tv show, movie, media, real person yet I can give a detailed description of his appearance. I know a lot of details about his family and past. His older sister gets married really soon. His little sister is 10, she loves to follow us around and thinks we’re really cool which is so sweet. She is completely fearless of bugs and picks them up all the time. His parents are so sweet and funny. I know their looks, jobs, what their house looks like, interests/personality, all this for a person I’ve never met or heard of in my physical reality.

It’s so weird to explain, but ever since I’ve learned about reality shifting and reality itself, the more I can connect and learn about this world. There are a few locations in my DR city that are just so slightly different, like there’s a Dairy Queen next to the library near my best friends house in my DR, but there’s another building where the Dairy Queen is supposed to be in my physical reality.

Basically, my DR isn’t from any media, it’s a world that has been revealed to me kinda? I feel so connected to it despite not ever physically going there or watching a show about it. Some say it’s a world I’ve “created” but I feel more like it’s a world that’s been revealed to me, something I’ve learned about and I intuitively know/sense stuff about it. I can visualize my best friends house in a really detailed way, I just sense/know but I’ve never seen it physically. Sometimes though, I see something and just know/sense that it’s connected to my DR.

Another thing is when I meditate, or when I go to bed I do my ritual where I play a mix of songs and subliminals that remind me of my better CR/daydream world, and I get such strong memories. I will actually have tears in my eyes or smile so much over our memories. Sometimes I talk/laugh to myself because I remember something. The memories feel so so so so real, they ARE real. My memories and connections to my friends there feel more real than anything here.

So does anyone have something similar? Like better CR but with very very detailed information that just kinda comes to you? I’m sorry if this sounded rude at all, I am not the best at wording sometimes and I don’t mean this in a way that’s mean or judging, I’m just having a different experience than I usually see and I wonder if anyone relates :)

I have a sort of paracosm/daydream world, though it’s deeply connected to my soul. It’s an alternate reality where I have a bunch of people I am deeply connected with and a few other things, it’s real and I have very vivid and detailed knowledge and memories from there. I am trying to shift there. I have also learned that reality shifting (what I’m trying to do) is like an upgraded/ larger form of manifestation.

I have manifested a few things, I’m still pretty new. But I feel like manifestation is creating your reality, creating a universe or timeline where you achieve what you desire

So I was listening to some songs, and I was wondering if listening to songs that are high frequency, radiate positive energies, and are made by people who are very spiritual and high vibrational/ high energy can help strengthen or speed up manifestations?

I’m a beginner so sorry if that sounds weird !

I’m autistic level 1, I only found out just over a year ago. I suspected it for a bit though. For me, my autism presents itself in some of the following ways:
- rejection sensitivity dysphoria
- struggling to have a filter (not knowing what’s socially acceptable to say or do all the time)
- talking a lot, not recognizing when to stop talking

An example of these 3 things working together to make things hard for me was a few days ago, I was with my one support worker for a while out in public. I was already feeling really bad because of RSD. I struggle a lot with making friends, I struggle with feeling like I belong and connect. Sometimes I get so jealous of people who have friends and are liked. It makes me want to die, I don’t hate them or anything but I just feel sick and so sad. I also tend to self harm when I’m in an RSD episode. I was already overwhelmed and I was struggling socially and feeling more rejection. I was getting overwhelmed and when I got home I was having a slight melt down. When I am in an RSD episode, my mind immediately goes to “I need to die, I need to kill myself, I can’t do this”. I will get suicidal thoughts and plans, and I self harm by cutting or punching/smacking myself in the head. Sometimes if it’s bad I just throw stuff and melt down. It’s mostly suicidal thoughts and self harm

I talk a lot, and I don’t have a filter sometimes. My mom said as a young kid I had no filter, but they all thought it was just in a normal kid way. When I was around 9-14 I would talk so much, but I was considered annoying. I didn’t know why, I would want to joke around, I wanted the others to like me and think I was funny because I was bullied and lonely. I didn’t understand when I was being annoying and when I was not being socially acceptable. It’s hard to explain. I’m also pretty energetic/hyper. I still talk a lot and have so much energy and struggle with having a filter. That makes me feel so stupid and awful. I just feel so annoying and I feel so horrible becasue i never want to be mean or annoying or rude or judgmental or anything but im scared that sometimes i will say something bad and not recognize it and hurt someone or be mean. I was called annoying a lot in school. I just wanted to make friends and wanted to make others happy but my brain does not filter what i say in the way it does for others, i dont understand those social cues as well as they do. I was called annoying so much and it just really messed me up.

I have struggled so much with making friends. Even more with maintaining friends.
Because of my social struggles, emotional regulation struggles, RSD, and feeling like I never belong anywhere. I feel like I’m an alien from another planet, I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere I don’t feel like I connect with others in the way they do with each other. I am also very very overwhelmed in social situations, I don’t know what to say and I always feel so weird and I get all these weird feelings I don’t understand and it’s so much.
When I do make a friend in real life, it doesn’t last. Maybe it lasts a bit over a year.
I feel so so horrible and I have been working on this so much, but it gets to a point where I just shut down. I can’t do it, I feel so bad but I just can’t message them anymore. It’s like my brain shuts off, I get so overwhelmed and I feel so weird. I’m overwhelmed by not fitting in, I’m overwhelmed by all the social rules and cues, I’m overwhelmed by all the things I feel and don’t understand, I’m overwhelmed because I know that I’m not like others my age, I’m mentally younger and I have a different brain and I don’t understand a lot of things that come naturally to others. I feel like I’m just bothering them and I’m annoying and I’m burdening them and I’m just a placeholder until they find actual friends. I think this part is rejection sensitivity maybe. I just never feel like I connect or belong. I think it was also partly not knowing I was autistic at the time, I have learned more about how my brain works and my struggles.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Like you just can’t do it anymore and you can’t function socially so you can never maintain friends? Like you just burn out so bad you can’t talk to them anymore? And how do you get better?

I love nature and walking through the woods, I noticed something fascinating. I was walking on this trail, and decided to put my hands on a tree.

I noticed I feel an energy. Like I feel a slight vibration. It’s stronger on some trees and weaker on others, but it’s there. I think it might be stronger on trees in the middle of the woods, and it’s weaker when it’s near a road or stores. I always feel this weird calm too, and a little dizzy? I was wondering if this can be used to manifest?

Has anyone else noticed this? It’s so cool