u/pajamasinpublic444

i swear i love him so much.

he is in jail right now for domestic violence. i genuinely miss what we once had, before he became a monster.

i keep thinking he will come bacm if he takes his meds. but he refuses to take them. he never even tried.

how do i stop missing him & get on with my life?

i have bpd & he is my favorite person.

ive been talking to a girl (in a romantic way) & thats going great, but i still miss him.

hey so uhm... i used to use a menstrual cup because its the ONLY thing that stopped leaks when i was younger, but that was before i got the mirena IUD. i cant use a menstrual cup with an IUD. i already have a silicone menstrual disc, i just have NO idea how to use it? ive seen the youtube tutorial on the box. still confused.

ive never had to be the one to walk away from any relationship ive really cared about.

but my fp/bf is without a doubt, physically & emotionally abusive.

i love him so much it feels like i cant breathe without him.

just because he has schizophrenia doesnt erase my need for safety & relative stability.

he used to provide safety & stability. but now i am thinking that maybe my life would be better if we werent together.

my rage issues have ruined my life. i have bpd & adhd. i feel like there is no buffer, no time to think about consequences before i put holes in walls, break things, tear down doors, etc.

im not violent towards people, though they do sometimes get caught in the crossfire.

im tired of being angry.

my rage issues have ruined my life. i have bpd & adhd. i feel like there is no buffer, no time to think about consequences before i put holes in walls, break things, tear down doors, etc.

im not violent towards people, though they do sometimes get caught in the crossfire.

im tired of being angry.

ok so my boyfriend is schizophrenic with hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, fighting the air & muttering to himself all night, the whole 9 yards., & my family isnt handling it well.

i keep excusing his actions because im not entirely sure how much of it is within his control, but all the fucking rejection all the time, the untrue accusations, the distance & the coldness & the heartlessness are wearing me down.

im tired.

every night as soon as the sun goes down, i suddenly become the enemy.

& every morning when it comes up, im supposed to act like he didnt make me wanna d because he said im a lying stealing cheating whore (all untrue) & he doesnt love me anymore.

im sick of his mind games.

my family doesnt want anything to do with me because me & him argue all night. i have nowhere to escape to when his paranoia makes him believe i am stealing from him (everything he has, he has because of me but whatever)

they said i chose him so i gotta deal with it. im not allowed to express frustration at constantly being accused of shit i didnt do, thencold distance feels like abandonment, & i have my own issues but my grandma doesnt care she just keeps telling me "dont take it personal, he isnt in his right mind, he has nonidea what he is saying" but... when i have mental illness symptoms suddenly im evil. im just tired of guessing when i will be working with THEM (his imaginary friends that are trying to kill him & apparently sabotage gis penis? & im assisting them in stealing from him even though nothing is missing because nothing was stolen)

its always worse at night.

he used to function in society. then he got fired from his job due to using meth all night instead of going to work. he was of sound mind before we started using meth again.

& as for that, i want to stop. i do. but getting clean is the hard part. staying clean is easier. i had a year clean before my relapse.

but as for his mental health, i refuse to give up on him. he is a sweet teddy bear. i love him. he is my best friend. i am holding on to the hope that my best friend is still in there somewhere. but he refuses to believe he has any problems, he says everybody else sees & hears the mind-invading terrorists too, & they tell us what to do too, we just pretend we dont. ive tried telling him.henis the only one who sees that shit. he is 100% convinced that i was injecting his butt with drugs all night like??? nobody is injecting u with anything, fucking sit down, shut up, & chill out.

all night long pacing & talking to himself, kicking imaginary rats on the floor, opening & closing doors, turning lights on & off. rummaging through my shit even though i have repeatedly told him not to touch my belongings without asking. but like i said, i dont know how much of his behavior is within his control.

things that are not options:

1. leaving him - he is my fp & i wont give up on him

2. calling 911 when he gets aggressive - i have my own legal trouble from a missed court date

3. convincing him to get help - stubbornly fucking adamant that he doesnt have any problems, & MY grandparents coddle him & tell him that IM the problem

fuck i have no idea how to cope anymore.

his fucking bullshit triggers me.

since my boyfriend refuses to get help for his schizophrenia or stop using meth, me & my friend P have decided its best for me to go to a shelter because even if he is sick & its not his fault, it not being his fault doesnt make me any safer.

i just feel empty. i was building a life with this man. we almost had a daughter together (rip lauren 12.27.24). we have been through so much trauma together & he was my best friend. im confused & scared & sad & angry. i used to be able to tell him anything. i used to be able to depend on him.

i have bpd, & he was my whole world. i cant breathe even thinking about living without him. this is the most painful thing ive ever endured, & ive had so much pain.

but he is making my mental health decline, i started cutting myself again, triggering me to use drugs, manipulating, gaslighting, burning me with cigarettes & trying to break my arm. im done. im tired. i feel dead inside & i dont recognize myself anymore.

i know the decision to leave him isnt just my bpd impulsive self sabotage bullshit, because i keep trying to talk myself out of it.

uhm... i have no idea what a shelter is like. will they let me stay there even though i have type 1 diabetes & HIV+? will they let my family visit me? if i need them to bring me something? doctors appointments? anything else i should know?

hi so i 28f have had rage issues with splitting since i can remember. this has resulted in breaking things, holes in walls, accidental injuries to myself & others (i hairline fractured my toe when i kicked the fireplace)

how can i slow down & think about consequences before becoming enraged?

hi so my endocrinologist prescribed me ozempic because i have type 1 diabetes & have struggled with binge eating disorder my whole life.

i also smoke weed & take edible gummies to help my anxiety & chronic pain.

ive noticed im still able to have those episodes of binge eating even while taking ozempic.

do i have to just quit smoking weed?

he wasnt always like this. when he was sober he was the most loving & supportive man ive ever met.

but he started doing meth again & he flipped.

he has schizophrenia & is conbinced im a terrorist who is cheating on him & all kinds of crazy shit.

ive begged him to get help. i have.

i have a warrant for a missed court date so i cant even call anyone to protect myself.

im scared & sad & confused & i want my best friend back. i want my teddy bear back.

hi so my endocrinologist prescribed me ozempic because i have type 1 diabetes & have struggled with binge eating disorder my whole life.

i also smoke weed & take edible gummies to help my anxiety & chronic pain.

ive noticed im still able to have those episodes of binge eating even while taking ozempic.

do i have to just quit smoking weed?

does tylenol REALLY affect dexcom readinga?

i have heard that only over 1000 mg of tylenol will skew them, ive heard not to take it at all, ive also heard that tylenol is harmless, all from different sources.

im confuzzled.