u/peteb169

I am new to the game, and definitely not being stoic.

My girlfriend broke up with me due to life circumstances, I accepted her decision and didn’t beg or get angry or anything like that. I’ve told her I’m here if she wants ect but she has no intentions of a relationship again.
I saw her last week to exchange some stuff, the last time I will be in contact and she looked so sad. How do I change my mindset to accepting a crap situation and letting it go, when my heart says hold on.

I 34 M, she 30 F, we’re in a really happy and supportive relationship.

For a bout a year or so. She started to drift away and get overwhelmed with life. Our relationship suffered. I had a couple of back surgeries before meeting her and had a bad flare up which stopped me doing as much as I would have liked. I definitely realise I kept her away as I felt a burden to her.
She began to say I was only a friend to her but never said what she needed. We would have good moments again and times when she would say things were better. Things came to an end in April. She had previously stated she wanted kids, then her sister had a baby and she just withdrew totally and changed her behaviour to me. No morning texts. Distant… with occasional bursts of similar energy.

We broke up with her saying she wasn’t in the right headspace which changed to she doesn’t want a relationship and wants to be alone. I’ve respected that. I miss her. We exchanged possessions and she looked so very sad but didn’t reach out to me. I don’t think I should invade her life and requests to be alone, but a part of me thinks I should at least say I’m sorry for what I have realised.

A lot of advice just says stay no contact and move on. Which I can do, I’m just after I put at this stage and a rant I think.

TLDR - stay away or say sorry.

She wanted to be alone. I knew I couldn’t be friends.

Only just realising the only way I hear from her again is if I come to terms with being friends. Which I won’t. That’s not my way of life. So I’ll never hear from her again.
I know I’ll survive but that glimmer of hope that she might reconsider has been eliminated by my own rational brain. Damn.

Hey, I hope you are doing well. Been a while since we spoke. I’ve done a lot of self reflection over the last few months. I’ve come to realise that although I never intended to put stress on you, I subconsciously did. I felt that I was a burden to you and by encouraging you to do what you wanted I was being supportive and kind. I see now that it could have been interpreted as pushing you away. At times I leant on you too much. My own anxiety and attachment manifested in ways I couldn’t see and I take ownership of that. I’m not looking for forgiveness or to dig up the past. I’ve worked hard on myself and it’s important to me, that, regardless of the outcome of this you know I admit my mistakes without expecting anything back. If you ever wanted to meet up as 2 people that have worked on themselves for a casual coffee I would welcome it, but I accept if you don’t want that. Please don’t feel obliged to reply.

Like the question says, I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable in the past and always end up more guarded as a result. Granted I have a personality disorder so things aren’t straightforward. Just wondering the collective mindset around it.

Edit- this blew up. Sad to see so many people have been hurt and had their vulnerability weaponised against them. Seems to be a running theme here.

Been 3 months since the blindside breakup.
I’ve posted here before about suspected avoidant but I’ve come to terms with the fact it doesn’t matter and i deserved better.
Doing okay mainly. Blocked and deleted everything, had the funeral…

Monday will be the day I collect my possessions from her storage unit. She was holding some furniture for me and I was paying towards her fees.

I know I’m going to walk in to the ice queen that’s shown no emotion or regard so I’m trying to prepare for the ‘ no small talk, get the job done and leave’ but my brain is struggling with the finality of never seeing or speaking to someone that not long ago was telling me they loved me and wanted a family, would always be mine ect. Just need a bit of strength to bolster me through the weekend.

This may have been asked before, but I’ve never been the dumper, how does it feel to stop loving someone and knowing you don’t want to continue, I’ve had a handful of relationships and even been married, each time it’s played out the same, still got told they love me but become cold and distant and eventually leads to the end, I’m curious what it feels like to be that person, I know it’s natural and not everything works out the way we thought.

Hi all,

My partner just broke up with me, I may be overthinking this all and I’m prepared to let her go and have told her that I respect her decision.

A few months ago she started telling me she didn’t feel like it was a relationship anymore and that she was just a friend to me.

Around the same time her sister had a first baby, her dog died and he work life balance went to shit, heavy workload with long hours.

She told me how exhausted she felt all the time.

She started getting migraines and issues with her eyes, became snappy and irritable and changed her mind about future goals we had like it was nothing.

I’m not trying to paint her in a bad light at all here, she is undiagnosed but believes herself to be autistic and has several traits, overstimulation and hyperfixation being a few:

I’m wondering if those were signs of autistic burnout? If they were I obviously didn’t help the situation so I’m fine to walk away and leave her be happy and I’m not trying to validate my own experience just better understand someone I care about.
It’s just she was so intensely in love and obsessed with me to seeming to not care about loosing me.

Very little contact or replies from the ex (she left me) decided to finally let go, delete the number and socials, removed her from my Spotify and Netflix.

Get a message ‘thanks for the heads up about Spotify’

Like, you think you can ghost me over my feelings but that shit is important. Made me laugh.

Any tips on healthy detachment when spiralling with bpd after loosing a FP in a breakup?

New to the diagnosis so wil be sorting some therapy, I’ve noticed unhealthy habits and attachments and struggling to navigate the no contact and desire to win them back.

I don’t mind not getting matches, I don’t mind if a conversation is dead, what I do find weird that keeps happening is, conversation goes well, ask them if they want to meet, they say yes, I offer my number, they message me, then when trying to arrange a time/day they ghost me. I understand I’m just one of many options and that’s fine, I just don’t get why you’d agree to something then ghost.