u/photodialogic

Whenever we talk about why living in NY is amazing, I feel like the 3 main reasons cited are food, culture & convenience. When you’re outside the city & say you live here, people will tell you about a meal they had 10 years ago or what museum they can’t wait to get back to or how they love that the corner store never closes.

But mannnn.

The medical institutions are incredible & just by being here, we have access to some amazing stuff. I went onto the government’s clinical trial website last night to see if there was anything interesting for breast cancer & one of the studies I saw was for women who haven’t been diagnosed with BC but have been told they have dense breasts (which I feel like the majority of women have! So why are we still relying on imaging that’s not good for it 😒 but I digress) - the researchers want to do the traditional mammogram on your next visit but also add in an extra type of imaging that may help detection rates. Got me to thinking about how many BWT might be high risk & benefit from enrolling but don’t even know it exists.

Also, the breast cancer study looking at people who don’t have it is a reminder that even if there’s nothing “wrong” with you, you should still pop on there & poke around bc there are such a ridiculous amount of world class hospitals & universities doing work in the area (in every conceivable specialty) that there could still be something that’s applicable to you. Every time you read something like “pairing coloring books with counseling sessions reduced grief twice as quickly in people who lost parents or siblings”, it means some scientists gave some sad people free therapy & colored pencils lol why not you?!

I have a pretty clear case of malpractice & spent the past year & change since my diagnosis trying not to think about it. There’s something about pursuing it that would make me have to admit to myself that a lot of what I’m going through could have been avoided. While I’m not a fan of toxic positivity, I also just didn’t have room in my brain during the most aggressive parts of treatment to entertain that thought emotionally, so I ignored it.

The statute of limitations is approaching tho, so I recently contacted a lawyer & he thinks I have a case, so I’m now looking at the reality of reliving how I was failed & its consequences as I compile everything the firm needs, which is going to be pretty draining.

Add onto that the fact that I really liked my doctor before this! Most of us are women, so I think a lot of you can relate to the “socialized to be nice” thing - it’s scary to tell an educated, respected person that they were negligent, further complicated by the fact that other than my breast care, he was always an above & beyond, amazing doctor.

I have friends who have offered to support me thru getting all the documents together, which I’m grateful for, but I think in terms of emotionally steeling myself up for actually going through with the lawsuit & navigating the complexities (e.g. how do I not see this as wrecking his life? & how do I change that framing without having to yell at myself about what’s wrecked for me? Like…I don’t want to view my life like that. How do I balance these thoughts?), it’s tricky enough that I think it’s above the pay grade of my friends.

Normally, this is the point where one would engage a therapist, but here’s where I’m overthinking: is it awkward to talk to a medical professional about suing another medical professional? They aren’t affiliated with the same place, there’s no professional overlap…I just don’t want my therapist to be like woahhh nelly, you sue doctors?

Is this an unfounded worry? Is there a support group for people navigating this? Not the medical malpractice part itself (as I said in the beginning, not thinking about it works for me bc I can’t change it & for me, dwelling there would be unhealthy) but for people who are overwhelmed with having to deal with the legal system at the same time as cancer? Should I just get over it & talk to my therapist?

You’re in luck, bbbgirl! (Me, not so much.)

I ordered the perfect iced latte to the Dunkin there as a mobile order….too bad I’m not that far uptown today.

There’s a real irony to the fact that WHEN you are so shot that you do things like this is when you need the caffeine the most. Like looking for your glasses, the task is made more difficult by virtue of its own need 😩🥲🫩

Iced latte, 2 pumps of vanilla - & obviously an extra shot of espresso. If this sounds like your idea of a good time, DM me & I’ll give you the name on it. I’ll mark this once someone takes it.

Edit: there is now a caffeinated BWT lol claimed. Have a great day, ladies!

I’m currently doing chemo & it’s kicking my ass. I’ve heard Traditional Chinese Medicine can help a lot with the side effects & was looking for recs for a practitioner in the area.

Ideally from a place that delivers, but not a dealbreaker if they don’t.

I’ve been on Lupron for 8 months & have my annual gyn (no more ‘ob’ for me 🥲) appointment tomorrow.

Would it make sense to have her take out my Mirena? On the one hand, I’m already off the hook on my period bc of the Lupron so it’s not necessary to keep it in there, plus I feel like it’s shifted & it occasionally pokes me, which skeeves me out to no end

On the other hand…my vagina is pretty dry & delicate rn, so part of me says ‘leave well enough alone & let them deal with it during your oophorectomy next year’…but part of me (the part with the expanders, I think) is rebelling at the thought of storing any medical equipment inside my body that doesn’t absolutely need to be there….

You see the vacillating?

Especially since idk if it’s the fact that it’s been years since I’ve had an IUD removed or if all my cancer treatments filled up the RAM in my memory bank & wrote over where I stored how that felt, but either way I have no recollection of how bad it is, so it’s hard making an educated decision on if it’s worth it or not to go through that now just to get one more thing out of the way as early as possible.

So if any ladies out there can give me any guidance or things they considered when in this position, I would be grateful!

I was reading an article about how to donate specific things & came across this -

“Your old bras are welcomed with open arms at the Bra Recyclers, a Phoenix-based enterprise that has sent more than four million bras to homeless shelters, schools, foster programs, and other nonprofits all over the world. As Elaine Birks-Mitch-ell, the founder of the Bra Recyclers, explained to me over Zoom, bras are not just about fashion. For girls in developing countries, they make it possible to play sports and attend school without embarrassment.”

& thought of how many of us have bras that we can no longer use bc we have different (or no!) breasts than before treatment. If you needed an excuse to clean out your bra drawer, here it is.

A stack of old New Yorkers fell into my lap & I’m currently reading an article about Taco Bell.

“There are Taco Bell Cantinas, with liquor licenses” (including one in California that’s oceanfront & has fireplaces lolllll stop it)

I go to the galleries in Chelsea at least once a month & always pass the Taco Bell Cantina when I’m over there. Even though I loved running for the border after a long night at a bar or club in my hot mess years, I am now a BWmoreT; it never crossed my mind to go there as a sober adult after a midday art walk…but now my curiosity is piqued, so I went onto their yelp to see if they serve alcohol. No info. Pivoted to the Taco Bell site, where they also don’t advise on that fact but they do refer to it as a “restaurant” so repeatedly & with such earnestness that I feel like they might?

Can my BWTs who have indulged there tell me if I can really get a margarita to wash down my Crunchwrap supreme? Does it meet or exceed expectations? Does it rise from Mall Food Court to BWT approved? Should I head there after the next opening i go to?

A dear friend of mine, an iconic NYCBWT, recently had a destination wedding that I wasn’t able to attend due to some health stuff. Now that the couple is back home & I’m relatively more on my feet, I was looking to send them something to celebrate their marriage.

They’re a very NY couple - both from other countries but met & fell in love here & went on to have the most perfect Manhattan baby - so I wanted something that leaned into that about them, either overtly or by virtue of being crafted here/unique to here. I’m open to gifts that are NY-centric & ideally artisanal (she works in GLAM, so the arts are a big part of our friendship/her life; beautifully crafted stuff would be great) or outside the box (e.g. an envelope with gift certificates to restaurants near them in Harlem so they have an instant cache of date nights).

I’m basically starting from scratch idea-wise I always give cash, but for them, I would like to be a little more personal, especially in light of the fact that I wasn’t able to be there in person.

Please, BWTs, give me your best recommendations!

What the title says. Basically looking to see how many people just worked on their set themselves vs took a class vs any other things (no classes but reading books & watching YouTube videos on craft, etc)

I’m a fair, fair woman. In the depths of winter in my youth, I would have to buy ‘porcelain’ foundation. We’re talking white, here. & while after a couple decades’ worth of summers in the sun, I’m a bit darker, I will still never have a tolerance to the sun.

When I finished radiation, my burnt skin skin was especially dark toward the center of my chest. I figured it would peel off in a month or two & my normal skin would be underneath.

It’s been 6 months since I finished radiation & it was still there. I’ve been pretty good about putting on this THC/CBD balm on lately & tonight, as I was rubbing it in, my skin started pilling up under my finger in little rolls. It was all the burnt skin, just sliding off my body.

My “cleavage” has had what I can only describe as a dirty-with-sand look all year, rough, super uneven & didn’t match me at all & now it’s just…gone. It has left THE softest glowing baby skin in its place.

Like the most aggressive chemical peel in the world 😩😂

A friend recently reached out bc she has someone in her life who’s about to get expanders & has anxiety/questions & wanted to speak to someone who had gone through it vs just hearing their doctor’s version of events. (the siren call of this subreddit for many of us, I think)

As much as I’m generally private - no IG or FB or TikTok, most people I haven’t seen since my diagnosis don’t know - I’m actually really open to this & told her to pass along my info. Partially bc I feel like all the trash I’ve endured needs to be mined for any way to make other people’s experiences easier. We need to alchemize our individual suffering into communal care, right? & partially to pay forward all the advice & care other patients (here & in my real life) gave me when I was in her position

But the only thing is, I’m currently still going through it so I feel like, as much as I have my firsthand knowledge & did tons of research, I’m not going to know it all or even probably remember everything I went through with them.

All this to say - if there’s anything you wish you knew before you got expanders, anything that you felt helped you with pain/scarring/sleeping/healing/complications throughout your time with them, anything I might be forgetting that she should talk to her doctor about? I plan on listening & answering questions but I wanted to be a little proactive in putting something together for her.

I’m craving an old school southern breakfast. Please help.

But right now I am so fucking mad about cancer.

I want to sign up for an art class with my daughter & it’s once a week but it’s the day after my chemo so id miss at least every third, probably more. It’s too expensive to do if we aren’t going to all of them (especially since I lost my stupid job for being sick) & even if I had the money to throw away, I’d still be mad about how many we would have to miss.

I’m just so sick of my life being impossible to plan & lead. Just laying in bed crying tears of frustration that it’s taken so much from everyone & I can’t even give my baby girl this one things.

UGHHHHHGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

She & Juelz announced her pregnancy at the season 9 reunion & I’m halfway thru season 10 & she still has a flat stomach. Am I bugging? How did she do this? Did the hiatus go on so long in between those seasons that she had the baby & bounced back?