u/pippywippy

on the days where i’m not really having a lot of physical symptoms i can usually push through the anxious thoughts. but most of the time (99%) i have debilitating physical symptoms and i can’t get myself to push through.
my heart rate skyrockets- the highest it’s been from anxiety was 180 (that was the reading on the pulse ox at the doctor at least) but generally it’s anywhere between 120-140. i get dizzy/lightheaded/ just don’t feel real. my vision gets blurry/spotty. i sweat PROFUSELY and i get so hot it’s unbearable. terrible nausea- i have to clench my jaw to not throw up. shaking from the adrenaline.
it seems like nothing helps. trying to tell myself i’m okay/will be - that it’s just my anxiety. box/belly breathing. butterfly taps. etc.
this is so unbearable for me i havent left the house (except for doc apts) since september ☹️

yesterday i left my house for the first time in 70 days… and the only reason i had left before that was bc i had a doctor appointment…
anyways- i left yesterday bc my boyfriend is adopting a cat and he wanted me to go with him to meet her. my heart was going insane. it was between 120-140bpm the entire time. i was dizzy. EXTREMELY nauseous. shaking. sweating. dissociating. just adrenaline-y feeling. it’s an absolutely awful feeling- especially being someone that has emetophobia and suspected health/somatic OCD.
i avoid doing anything bc of those feelings that i get. i HATE feeling off and never want to do anything that could trigger it. i can’t even go to the store. i can barely even hang out with my boyfriend anymore. i feel bad for that too bc he’s my favorite person in the entire world and we’ve been dating for almost seven years… so wtf yk.
i’m 21 and living with my parents. never had a job. don’t have my license. i was supposed to go to college to become a vet tech but i couldnt. don’t have any friends. i literally only talk to my immediate family and my bf. i feel so lonely and like a failure bc of all of this but idk how im supposed to fix it. i can’t even get myself to go to therapy. i went in person twice but i was just focused on not passing out the entire time so nothing even stuck. after that i had two online appointments but same thing. and also idk the things my therapist would say just didn’t feel helpful. ntm it’s all stuff i already know and have tried.
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i tried zoloft, hydroxyzine, buspirone (not all at once) when i was 17 but i don’t think i stuck with any of them for long enough bc i didn’t want to be medicated. i don’t remember having any side effects but im too scared to try them now bc when i was 19 i tried pristiq and that was the worst. i only took it for two days bc i was dry heaving ALL DAY, i literally couldn’t eat or even drink water, and i was dizzy, heart was racing, and seeing spots in my vision.
the only one that seems to do anything is ativan, which ive been given in the er three times, but im scared to take it at home for some reason. and im worried ill become addicted to it.
i also just rlly don’t want to be medicated in general. i absolutely hate taking medicine, i wont even take allergy medicine or ibuprofen, i just make myself suffer 😀
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i’ve always been a very anxious person ever since i can remember. i’ve never rlly had a lot of friends and when i did i would only see them in school bc i was too nervous to hang out. but a few months ago it’s like a switch flipped and ive gotten ten times worse. a year ago today i was actually doing a lot better. going out to the stores all the time, going out swimming, going out to eat, hanging out and staying the night with my bf constantly. and now i can’t do any of that without feeling terrible and like i might die/pass out/throw up. just doom.
how am i supposed to get over this if i can’t even go to therapy or take medication. and every time i go out i feel terrible and it just reinforces the thought that i CANT go out. i genuinely hate my life rn.
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sorry this is a lot i just needed to vent ig

i’ve seen a map for botw which is amazing but does anyone know if there’s one for twilight princess? or maybe one being made?

the week and a half before my period always sucks. my resting hr goes up about 10bpm- so it rests at 90-100 and it makes me short of breath, tired, dizzy, nauseous, all the works. also my resting hr being higher makes my standing hr higher which ofc isn’t great.
my temperature also goes up by 1°F which doesn’t seem like it should be a big deal but i can rlly tell a difference and it sucks in the summer.
i get more anxious- partly bc of these physical symptoms.
is there a birth control that could help this? basically make me skip the luteal phase? bc it’s rough out here

i’m playing survival and want some kousa trees but /locate doesn’t have kousa jungle and neither does the natures compass

i’ve never had any problems with this switch besides a little stick drift. i took it off the stand at ~3:27 and by 3:34 it was at 1%
trying to post a vid with it but its not loading here…

i have heard you have to stop supplements for 3+ months before getting tested to have an accurate result..
first- is this true? second- is there another test i could do where this won’t be a problem… i have to drink boost plus shakes daily bc im very underweight but they have b12 in them

my hemoglobin (13), hematocrit (37), iron (120), binding capacity (364), and saturation (33%) are all good numbers…. hemoglobin and hematocrit are going towards the lower end and my rbc (4.2) is on the line but all still in range.
my doctor says my numbers are great for someone that hardly eats meat. but i feel awful. palpitations/tachycardia, excercise intolerance, heat intolerance, no appetite, extreme anxiety, shortness of breath, headaches, lightheadedness, i can’t remember anything or just think straight to the point where it’s scaring me. my ferritin is 10.
i’m just not sure only having low ferritin could cause this? if my body was rlly starved of iron wouldn’t my other numbers be reflecting that better? to my understanding oxygen is getting around my body just fine… so i shouldn’t be having symptoms right? this is so frustrating idk what to do 😔

i’m not sure where else to post this lol but is this normal? i usually rest around 80-85bpm but during my luteal phase i’m anywhere between 95-100 and im very aware of it and it’s exhausting and anxiety inducing. my temp also goes up by 1°F and im constantly hot and cold at the same time. i wouldn’t describe it as clammy either… but ill be sweating and have goosebumps. internally i feel hot but externally im freezing.. does that make sense?? i never used to have this problem until the last year or two.