u/potttennn

(dont know if this is the right place to post this, and i really hope it isn’t, but I don’t know where else to ask)

ever since i moved into my university hostel, ive been seeing what look like spiders running out of the corner of my eye.

at first i assumed there were just couple of spiders around the room, then i started waking up and seeing spiders crawling on the ceiling. it started happening often enough that i began sleeping completely covered in my blanket because i was scared of seeing one.

today i woke up after sleeping late and being completely exhausted. i had apparently kicked the blanket off during the night. the moment I woke up, i saw what looked like a spider crawling across my chest. i immediately jumped up and searched everywhere, but obviously couldn’t find anything..

and just now, i saw another one in my peripheral vision. this time i decided i was actually going to kill it, so i slowly approached it with a stick. i was literally watching it, and then as i got closer, it just disappeared in a blink.

could this be some kind of sleep related hallucination? I have been sleeping pretty badly since last couple of months , and most of these experiences seem to happen either when im waking up or when i see something in my peripheral vision.
has anyone experienced something similar? Should I be concerned or get checked out?

honestly, im freaking myself out rn.. i keep catching myself looking around the room and checking the walls and ceiling because im scared ill see another one. I genuinely don’t know whether im losing my mind or if there’s some normal explanation for this.

haas anyone experienced something similar? Should I be concerned or get checked out?

i fucking hate this shit man. i hate how much my mood depends on what she does. i fkn hate feeling like i don’t have control over myself anymore.

i used to feel more emotionally independent than this. now it feels like she has way too much control over how I feel, even when she hasn’t necessarily done anything wrong.

im starting to regret getting into relationship because of this.
i fucking hate that i’ve given another person this much control over my emotions.
i genuinely miss being able to just exist without my mood being tied to someone else while she seems perfectly fine.

she goes about her day while im sitting here letting one interaction ruin my entire mood and week
maybe we actually aren’t compatible.
maybe im just not built for a relationship where i feel like this.

i dont even know anymore. i just want my fucking emotional independence back.

how do you actually stop this? not “just communicate” or “distract yourself” shit.
how do you genuinely stop letting your partner’s behaviour dictate how you feel?

none of my ppl i met are into marvel🥀
If anyone’s planning to watch it and doesn’t mind one more person joining, let me know!

just want to stop letting my emotions depend so much on her actions.

my gf and i have been really distant for the past few months because of a series of arguments that got way bigger than they ever should have. they started over small things, but our egos kept making them worse until we slowly lost the closeness we used to have.
we recently talked everything through and agreed we wanted to break the cycle and do better, but afterward she suggested as we both got to focus in study. we keep talking less so our emotions don’t interfere with our studies.
I understand why she’d say that, but it just feels like she’s already accepted the distance… maybe even emotionally detached.

im not.

we have already been losing our bond for months, and I honestly feel like doing what she suggested is only going to make it worse.

so me being the only one left.. i think maybe its healthy to do the same. i hate that my emotional state depends so much on another person’s behavior. its exhausting. i feel like ive lost control over my own emotions.

how do we detach? has anyone able to do that?

hey, so... lately i've been mentally exhausted. i genuinely feel like my logical side has been switched off for a while, so i don't really trust my own judgment anymore. thats why I need a third-person perspective.

Me (20M) and my girlfriend (20F) have been really distant lately. we had a fight that honestly started over something silly, but because of both our egos it escalated way more than it ever should've.

eventually we both calmed down. we both admitted we miss how things used to be, realized we’d been stuck in the same unhealthy cycle, and agreed we didn't want to fall into that same loop anymore. and willing to be better couple.

i genuinely thought this was finally the beginning of rebuilding our bond. even made a mental note to myself to stop repeating the same mistakes and actually become a better boyfriend.

then today she texted me this:
“Hey, so I was thinking... since you're starting college soon and I really need to lock in for CMA, maybe we don't have to go back to texting all day the way we used to. We've already gotten used to talking less, so I guess it won't be that hard. We can just check in with each other, just lets give ourselves focus on our work more. I feel like it'd be healthier for both of us. I just want us to focus more on our goals for now and not let all the emotional stuff distract either of us."

on paper, I know this sounds healthy and mature. and logically i agree with almost everything she said.

But emotionally... I don't know how to feel about it
Here's why.

im moving to punjab next week for university, so yes, once college starts i'll naturally be busy most weekdays. she's also busy preparing for CMA. and of course I already expected we'd talk less because life gets busy.

In fact, before she even sent this, i was already thinking about how we'd keep the relationship alive despite being busy. things like checking in, sending each other random snaps during the day, talking whenever we could, making each other feel included even when we're occupied.

the confusing part is... that's already how our relationship worked!

we never texted like those couples who message each other 24/7. most of our closeness came from sending snaps throughout the day and then having quality conversations whenever we felt to talk to.

but because of our recent fight and the distance that followed, that bond kind of disappeared. we've been REALLY dry with each other for months.

so when she says, "maybe we don't have to go back to texting all day the way we used to," I'm confused because... we weren't even doing that before. I genuinely can't remember the last time we texted "all day."

which is why the timing of this message confused me. i don't understand what exactly she's referring to.

right after we had that heartfelt conversation about breaking our toxic cycle and becoming a healthier couple, i thought we'd slowly start rebuilding the closeness we'd lost.

instead, this message almost felt like she was preparing me for even less.

and what hurts me the most is the "We've already gotten used to talking less so I guess it won't be that hard."

yeah...
that's true.
we have gotten used to it. But i hate it I FKN HATE IT
I miss how close we used to feel.

and after our conversation yesterday where we both admitted we wanted to break this cycle and become a healthier couple, i thought we'd slowly start rebuilding that connection.
Instead, this message almost felt like she was accepting the distance rather than trying to rebuild what we'd lost. It almost came across as, "lets just stay how we are."

collage naturally means we'll talk less anyway, so that's exactly why I don't understand why she felt the need to say all this. What did she mean by it? We were already like that even during our good phase. we never texted 24/7. We just checked in, sent each other random snaps throughout the day, and talked whenever we genuinely felt like it. So is she saying she wants to limit even that now? Just a quick 30-minute check-in every day? If that's the case... where does our bond fit into all this?

if her point is simply "Let's not let our relationship consume our studies," or "our emotions getting in way" then I completely agree.
our fights were mentally exhausting.
i struggled to focus because of them too.

but I thought the whole point of our last conversation was that we'd work on not becoming like that again, not that we'd intentionally stay more emotionally distant.

a since im the one who’s moving to the other side of India for university, if anyone was going to bring up finding that balance between studies and the relationship, i honestly thought it’d be me. ill be the one with classes almost every weekday and a completely new routine. shes studying CMA from home. so hearing her be the one to bring it up, especially right after we’d talked about rebuilding our relationship, just caught me off guard. thats part of why it made me wonder if there was something more behind it than just wanting a healthy balance.

can't tell if she's just trying to create healthier boundaries... or if she's emotionally detaching.(I mean... yeah, there's no need to detach, we're already detached as hell. I think I've had more chemistry with my amazon delivery guy than I've had with my own girlfriend these past few weeks anyway)

so now it feels like she's trying to detach the little part that's still attached.

could that be it? idk
Is this it?
isnt our bond dying?

Is our relationship slowly drying up?

Please... my mental health has been really bad lately, so I genuinely need some clarity from people who aren't emotionally involved.

Please be brutally honest. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear just because I sound emotional. If you think I'm overanalyzing this, tell me. If you think I'm actually picking up on something real, tell me that too. I just want an unbiased perspective because right now I genuinely don't trust my own judgment

Also, I know this is only my side of the story, and I probably left out details that could change how you’d see the situation. So if there’s any context you think is missing or if you have questions before giving your opinion, ask me. I’ll answer honestly. I genuinely want the most accurate third-person perspective possible.

looking for **roommates** who are opted for 3 seater studio apartment . **mallus (malayalies) are preferred** since it’d be easier with language and similar food habits,

*but anyone chill and respectful is welcome!*

drop a comment or DM me.

looking for roommates who are opted for 3 seater studio apartment . mallus (malayalies) are preferred since it’d be easier with language and similar food habits,

but anyone chill and respectful is welcome!

drop a comment or DM me.

TDLR at bottom

I know this probably sounds like a silly stupid thing to be upset about, and I'm aware

The thing is, I used to have a bad habit of deleting messages. Not with everyone- mostly only with my girlfriend. I'm very emotionally attached to her, so sometimes I'd type things before thinking or send something emotional, then immediately regret it and delete it

She hated that, which is fair. And to mak that worse WhatsApp literally shouts "This message was deleted," on a loud speaker so I get why it's annoying. It became a habit, and sometimes she'd even go dry on me or give me the silent treatment because of it because every texts is a memory and she hates losing memory she wants to keep them. I don't blame her for being upset, but it genuinely wasn't somethibg i does intentionally it was just an impulsive habit.

But The ironic part is that she'd been doing something similar (or worse) on Snapchat even before I started deleting WhatsApp messages. We're long-distance, so her snaps or snapping each other was one of the few things that made me feel close to her. .so yeah basically her snaps are kinda speciall to m but she'd randomly wake up one day and bulk delete snaps she'd sent 3–5 weeks earlier. so when I brought it up she'd always say, "It's not the same." and never admits

So eventually i suggested an agreement " \\\*I stop deleting WhatsApp messages., \\\*She stops deleting Snapchat snaps., \\\*If I delete one message, she's allowed to delete one snap"
She agreed.

Everything went good

But then we had a huge serious argument that almost ended the relationship(mostly because of her actions) During it she blocked me everywhere,

Eventually we patched things up. She unblocked me everywhereexcept Snapchat. It's been over two months now.. She still hasn't added me there yet. Which honestly sucks because yk. I only even have that app still in my phonw only because i recives her snap. I never really kept that app for anyone else it was mostly because of her.

Even without Snapchat, I genuinely tried to move on from everything that happened. During these last two months I've made a conscious effort to stop deleting messages like I used to. I've slipped up maybe 2–3 times, but compared to before it's a HUGE difference because I actually wanted to respect what she asked of me.

Meanwhile, she's deleted way more than I ever have recently, but I letted.. it go.

A few days ago we had this silly debate conversation on Instagram entirely through voice notes. which was kinda cute- i mean she was kinda cute- since yk we dont snap eachother, this convo kinda made me feel like closer as i kinda repeated rpelayed to her voicenotes duing night. but yesterday I opened the chat and literally every single voice note and most of her messages were gone—over 100 messages. The chat now looks like I'm talking to myself

When I brought it up, instead of apologizing she basically rage-baited me. I got really pissed of and blocked her

And then she came on WhatsApp, her excuse was because i left her last message on delivered (which was two hour) and instead of even saying "Sorry," she just brought up my old habit of deleting messages months ago.

I'm not mad because messages disappeared. I'm mad because when I used to do something similar, it was treated as a huge issue. I got silent treatments over it. I changed because she asked me to. Now she's doing it even more than I ever did, and when I point it out I'm just told, "Well, you used to do it too." And I genuinely can't stand people like that who preach one thing, expect others to follow it, then do the exact opposite themselves and refuse to own it.

And when I pointed that out, what i got from her is "So sad your girl turned out to be a hypo 😍"

I know she prolly just meant that as sarcasm but it honestly just boiled my blood and it pissed me more than them messeges being deleted.
It's not just that she wiped an entire chat. (That pissed me off too) but its coming from the same person who made it into like big fkn deal that I genuinely worked on changing that habit. I stopped doing it because I knew it upset her.

Now she's doing the exact same thing -arguably even worse by wiping entire conversations and instead of acknowledging it or apologizing, she just throws my old behavior back at me.

my biggest concern now is wondering whether this is how she'll handle conflicts in general holding me accountable for things while refusing to hold herself to the same standard. That's the kind of behavior I really struggle to respect in anyone

One of the biggest reasons I fell for this girl wasn't her looks or our chemistry but it was the kind of morals and values i believed she had. she always came across as someone who stood by what she believed, called out things she thought were wrong, and expected honesty and accountability. I genuinely admired that about her.

But lately, this whole situation has made me question whether that's actually who she is, or if those standards only apply when I'm the one making the mistake.

And this isn't even the first time ive felt that way. there have been a few other situations where I've felt like one standard applied to me and a different one applied to her. I brushed them off because I didn't want to nitpick every little thing.and putting everything together has started to make me question whether I'm seeing a pattern or just overthinking it.

I know everyone can be hypocritical sometimes. I'm not claiming I've never been. But I also believe that when someone points it out, the right response is to reflect on it—not immediately deflect it, justify it, or turn it back on the other person.

Maybe that's just ego in the heat of the moment. Maybe she'll look back differently later. Or maybe this is simply how conflict gets handled, where my feelings only matter if I've never made a similar mistake before

ik this sounds very silly but would this kind of lack of accountability and hypocrist genuinely make you question the relationship too?

\*\*TL;DR:\*\* I used to impulsively delete WhatsApp messages, and my girlfriend hated it enough to give me silent treatments over it. I understood why, so I genuinely worked on changing that habit. Now she’s the one deleting entire chats and over 100 voice notes/messages, but instead of acknowledging it or apologizing, she deflects by bringing up my past mistakes and responds with sarcasm. I’m less upset about the deleted messages themselves and more concerned about the apparent double standard and lack of accountability.

TDLR at bottom

I know this probably sounds like a silly stupid thing to be upset about, and I'm aware

The thing is, I used to have a bad habit of deleting messages. Not with everyone- mostly only with my girlfriend. I'm very emotionally attached to her, so sometimes I'd type things before thinking or send something emotional, then immediately regret it and delete it

She hated that, which is fair. And to mak that worse WhatsApp literally shouts "This message was deleted," on a loud speaker so I get why it's annoying. It became a habit, and sometimes she'd even go dry on me or give me the silent treatment because of it because every texts is a memory and she hates losing memory she wants to keep them. I don't blame her for being upset, but it genuinely wasn't somethibg i does intentionally it was just an impulsive habit.

But The ironic part is that she'd been doing something similar (or worse) on Snapchat even before I started deleting WhatsApp messages. We're long-distance, so her snaps or snapping each other was one of the few things that made me feel close to her. .so yeah basically her snaps are kinda speciall to m but she'd randomly wake up one day and bulk delete snaps she'd sent 3–5 weeks earlier. so when I brought it up she'd always say, "It's not the same." and never admits

So eventually i suggested an agreement " \*I stop deleting WhatsApp messages., \*She stops deleting Snapchat snaps., \*If I delete one message, she's allowed to delete one snap"
She agreed.

Everything went good

But then we had a huge serious argument that almost ended the relationship(mostly because of her actions) During it she blocked me everywhere,

Eventually we patched things up. She unblocked me everywhereexcept Snapchat. It's been over two months now.. She still hasn't added me there yet. Which honestly sucks because yk. I only even have that app still in my phonw only because i recives her snap. I never really kept that app for anyone else it was mostly because of her.

Even without Snapchat, I genuinely tried to move on from everything that happened. During these last two months I've made a conscious effort to stop deleting messages like I used to. I've slipped up maybe 2–3 times, but compared to before it's a HUGE difference because I actually wanted to respect what she asked of me.

Meanwhile, she's deleted way more than I ever have recently, but I letted.. it go.

A few days ago we had this silly debate conversation on Instagram entirely through voice notes. which was kinda cute- i mean she was kinda cute- since yk we dont snap eachother, this convo kinda made me feel like closer as i kinda repeated rpelayed to her voicenotes duing night. but yesterday I opened the chat and literally every single voice note and most of her messages were gone—over 100 messages. The chat now looks like I'm talking to myself

When I brought it up, instead of apologizing she basically rage-baited me. I got really pissed of and blocked her

And then she came on WhatsApp, her excuse was because i left her last message on delivered (which was two hour) and instead of even saying "Sorry," she just brought up my old habit of deleting messages months ago.

I'm not mad because messages disappeared. I'm mad because when I used to do something similar, it was treated as a huge issue. I got silent treatments over it. I changed because she asked me to. Now she's doing it even more than I ever did, and when I point it out I'm just told, "Well, you used to do it too." And I genuinely can't stand people like that who preach one thing, expect others to follow it, then do the exact opposite themselves and refuse to own it.

And when I pointed that out, what i got from her is "So sad your girl turned out to be a hypo 😍"

I know she prolly just meant that as sarcasm but it honestly just boiled my blood and it pissed me more than them messeges being deleted.
It's not just that she wiped an entire chat. (That pissed me off too) but its coming from the same person who made it into like big fkn deal that I genuinely worked on changing that habit. I stopped doing it because I knew it upset her.

Now she's doing the exact same thing -arguably even worse by wiping entire conversations and instead of acknowledging it or apologizing, she just throws my old behavior back at me.

my biggest concern now is wondering whether this is how she'll handle conflicts in general holding me accountable for things while refusing to hold herself to the same standard. That's the kind of behavior I really struggle to respect in anyone

One of the biggest reasons I fell for this girl wasn't her looks or our chemistry but it was the kind of morals and values i believed she had. she always came across as someone who stood by what she believed, called out things she thought were wrong, and expected honesty and accountability. I genuinely admired that about her.

But lately, this whole situation has made me question whether that's actually who she is, or if those standards only apply when I'm the one making the mistake.

And this isn't even the first time ive felt that way. there have been a few other situations where I've felt like one standard applied to me and a different one applied to her. I brushed them off because I didn't want to nitpick every little thing.and putting everything together has started to make me question whether I'm seeing a pattern or just overthinking it.

I know everyone can be hypocritical sometimes. I'm not claiming I've never been. But I also believe that when someone points it out, the right response is to reflect on it—not immediately deflect it, justify it, or turn it back on the other person.

Maybe that's just ego in the heat of the moment. Maybe she'll look back differently later. Or maybe this is simply how conflict gets handled, where my feelings only matter if I've never made a similar mistake before

ik this sounds very silly but would this kind of lack of accountability and hypocrist genuinely make you question the relationship too?

**TL;DR:** I used to impulsively delete WhatsApp messages, and my girlfriend hated it enough to give me silent treatments over it. I understood why, so I genuinely worked on changing that habit. Now she’s the one deleting entire chats and over 100 voice notes/messages, but instead of acknowledging it or apologizing, she deflects by bringing up my past mistakes and responds with sarcasm. I’m less upset about the deleted messages themselves and more concerned about the apparent double standard and lack of accountability.

been trying to delete my account since i dont really have any reason to be in the app anymore.
and every time I try, it says “security restrictions. Try again after this hour” blabla

even after waiting that hours (or longer), i get the exact same message. its just stuck in this loop

had anyone else experienced this? why this happening? is tnis some bug? and is there a way to get past this?

i’ve always had social anxiety, but over the years I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made a decent amount of progress.

lately tho, lifes been rough. ive been dealing with anhedonia, severe sleep deprivation, and a complete loss of appetite. gotten so skinny that I believe a strong gust of wind could blow me away. for the past 2+ months, ive mostly been alone at home while my parents were away. i barely went outside or even saw sunlight, and I’ve basically been rotting in my room.

now that im forcing myself to get back to my routine, i feel like my social anxiety has come back stronger than ever. my heart feel like its gonna burst out just being around people, and I keep doing clumsy, awkward things because im so anxious. It embarrasses me to the point where i don’t even want to interact with people anymore and just stay home, which only ends up reinforcing the same cycle.

im guessing staying isolated for so long is the reason for this sudden spike in anxiety, but I’m really worried because in about a month I’ll be moving 2,000 km away for college, to a place where I don’t even know the local language.

to make things worse, I even had to postpone meeting my girlfriend (we’re in LDR) because of this. she wanted to meet, but i turned it down because I don’t want her to see me like this. i don’t want her to see this anxious, withdrawn version of me that ive become. it hurts because i was looking forward to meeting her, but right now i cant even imagine putting myself in that situation.

i know I can’t completely get rid of my social anxiety in a month, but I just want to make some progress before college starts. If anyone has gone through something similar or has any tips, exercises, or habits that genuinely helped reduce the anxiety even a little, please let me know.

I’m willing to try anything at this point ijust don’t want to carry this level of fear into a completely new environment.

i’ve always had social anxiety, but over the years I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made a decent amount of progress.

lately tho, lifes been rough. ive been dealing with anhedonia, severe sleep deprivation, and a complete loss of appetite. gotten so skinny that I believe a strong gust of wind could blow me away. for the past 2+ months, ive mostly been alone at home while my parents were away. i barely went outside or even saw sunlight, and I’ve basically been rotting in my room.

now that im forcing myself to get back to my routine, i feel like my social anxiety has come back stronger than ever. my heart feel like its gonna burst out just being around people, and I keep doing clumsy, awkward things because im so anxious. It embarrasses me to the point where i don’t even want to interact with people anymore and just stay home, which only ends up reinforcing the same cycle.

im guessing staying isolated for so long is the reason for this sudden spike in anxiety, but I’m really worried because in about a month I’ll be moving 2,000 km away for college, to a place where I don’t even know the local language.

to make things worse, I even had to postpone meeting my girlfriend (we’re in LDR) because of this. she wanted to meet, but i turned it down because I don’t want her to see me like this. i don’t want her to see this anxious, withdrawn version of me that ive become. it hurts because i was looking forward to meeting her, but right now i cant even imagine putting myself in that situation.

i know I can’t completely get rid of my social anxiety in a month, but I just want to make some progress before college starts. If anyone has gone through something similar or has any tips, exercises, or habits that genuinely helped reduce the anxiety even a little, please let me know.

I’m willing to try anything at this point ijust don’t want to carry this level of fear into a completely new environment.

i’ve always had social anxiety, but over the years I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made a decent amount of progress.

lately tho, lifes been rough. ive been dealing with anhedonia, severe sleep deprivation, and a complete loss of appetite. gotten so skinny that I believe a strong gust of wind could blow me away. for the past 2+ months, ive mostly been alone at home while my parents were away. i barely went outside or even saw sunlight, and I’ve basically been rotting in my room.

now that im forcing myself to get back to my routine, i feel like my social anxiety has come back stronger than ever. my heart feel like its gonna burst out just being around people, and I keep doing clumsy, awkward things because im so anxious. It embarrasses me to the point where i don’t even want to interact with people anymore and just stay home, which only ends up reinforcing the same cycle.

im guessing staying isolated for so long is the reason for this sudden spike in anxiety, but I’m really worried because in about a month I’ll be moving 2,000 km away for college, to a place where I don’t even know the local language.

to make things worse, I even had to postpone meeting my girlfriend (we’re in LDR) because of this. she wanted to meet, but i turned it down because I don’t want her to see me like this. i don’t want her to see this anxious, withdrawn version of me that ive become. it hurts because i was looking forward to meeting her, but right now i cant even imagine putting myself in that situation.

i know I can’t completely get rid of my social anxiety in a month, but I just want to make some progress before college starts. If anyone has gone through something similar or has any tips, exercises, or habits that genuinely helped reduce the anxiety even a little, please let me know.

I’m willing to try anything at this point ijust don’t want to carry this level of fear into a completely new environment.

im joining LPU this year and have chosen a 3-seater studio apartment. im looking for roommates, preferably fellow mallus, since it’d be nice to have atleast someone who speaks my native language. 😅

ofc, im open to anyone who’s looking for a roommate too. If you’ve chosen the same or are interested, feel free to DM me!

njan kand netti, iny ingel poyi nett🎀