u/queerkaniff_official

I meant to end my book now, the main characters story was supposed to come to a close. It was supposed to end with this new character saving a main character and be done (I know that doesn’t really sound like a place you’d end it, I don’t feel like spending an hour explaining the entire reason we’re here) but now I’ve brought this character in and I needed a reason for the main character to really bond with her and I found that reason: fighting. From there it kind of just spiraled into his big lore tunnel and I don’t know how to get out. I don’t know where to go from here and I keep going back to my planning board as if some new idea will suddenly be written down there. The problem is, this wasn’t a planned part of the story. Do I just let it keep flowing and see where the hell this goes or remove the bridge and end the book?

I want to buzz my hair but I don’t know if I should. I don’t want it to make me look hyper feminine. I’m pre everything and rn I pass about 50% of the time. I’d say I have a pretty masculine face, especially if I contour and shit. I have a square jawline (genetic win) but my nose is really feminine imo. I’m alternative so ig passing isn’t my biggest concern and I’d rather people look at me and think I’m really cool than look at me and think I’m a cis man. I plan on dyeing it funky colours and adding stars to it which I think is the main reason I wanna do it. Should I do it? Will it make me look too feminine?

I want to buzz my hair but I don’t know if I should. I don’t want it to make me look hyper feminine. I’m pre everything and rn I pass about 50% of the time. I’d say I have a pretty masculine face, especially if I contour and shit. I have a square jawline (genetic win) but my nose is really feminine imo. I’m alternative so ig passing isn’t my biggest concern and I’d rather people look at me and think I’m really cool than look at me and think I’m a cis man. I plan on dyeing it funky colours and adding stars to it which I think is the main reason I wanna do it. Should I do it? Will it make me look too feminine?

For a bit of backstory, I have Tourette’s syndrome and when I was getting diagnosed, I did an EEG to rule out seizures bc I have a history of seizures in my family. For the EEG I had been awake for over 24 hours. I don’t remember ever getting the EEG back or going back to another doctor but my mom assumed if it was anything, they’d call us. At the time I did have kind of staring episodes that I secretly thought might be something but I didn’t think they were seizures. Nearly 3 years later and I think I might be having focal seizures. I get this really intense out of it feeling, like I’m disconnected from reality. Everything feels slower and nothing is processed properly in my brain. I don’t understand questions being asked or what anyone is talking about. My mom asks me what I want for dinner and I don’t understand a word she said. I feel empty, no other feelings except unexplained anxiety and panic. Then I just freeze. Sometimes Im aware, I can hear people around me though I can’t really understand what they’re saying and I can see but only the spot I’m staring at and I usually don’t understand that either. My arms twitch or I drop my phone or whatever I’m holding. I’ll come out of it but sometimes I still have that feeling and it happens again. Other times, I freeze but I’m not aware of it and when I come back, I realize I had been staring at the same spot but I don’t remember what happened. Are these focal seizures? I’ve had an EEG which makes me think they’re not but what else is happening? It doesn’t feel normal.

For a bit of backstory, I have Tourette’s syndrome and when I was getting diagnosed, I did an EEG to rule out seizures bc I have a history of seizures in my family. For the EEG I had been awake for over 24 hours. I don’t remember ever getting the EEG back or going back to another doctor but my mom assumed if it was anything, they’d call us. At the time I did have kind of staring episodes that I secretly thought might be something but I didn’t think they were seizures. Nearly 3 years later and I think I might be having absence seizures. I get this really intense out of it feeling, like I’m disconnected from reality. Everything feels slower and nothing is processed properly in my brain. I don’t understand questions being asked or what anyone is talking about. I feel empty, no other feelings except unexplained anxiety and panic. Then I just freeze. Sometimes Im aware, I can hear people around me though I can’t really understand what they’re saying and I can see but only the spot I’m staring at and I usually don’t understand that either. My arms twitch or I drop my phone or whatever I’m holding. I’ll come out of it but sometimes I still have that feeling and it happens again. Other times, I freeze but I’m not aware of it and when I come back, I realize I had been staring at the same spot but I don’t remember what happened. Are these absence seizures? I’ve had an EEG which makes me think they’re not but what else is happening? It doesn’t feel normal.

For a bit of backstory, I have Tourette’s syndrome and when I was getting diagnosed, I did an EEG to rule out seizures bc I have a history of seizures in my family. For the EEG I had been awake for over 24 hours. I don’t remember ever getting the EEG back or going back to another doctor but my mom assumed if it was anything, they’d call us. At the time I did have kind of staring episodes that I secretly thought might be something but I didn’t think they were seizures. Nearly 3 years later and I think I might be having absence seizures. I get this really intense out of it feeling, like I’m disconnected from reality. Everything feels slower and nothing is processed properly in my brain. I don’t understand questions being asked or what anyone is talking about. I feel empty, no other feelings except unexplained anxiety and panic. Then I just freeze. Sometimes Im aware, I can hear people around me though I can’t really understand what they’re saying and I can see but only the spot I’m staring at and I usually don’t understand that either. My arms twitch or I drop my phone or whatever I’m holding. I’ll come out of it but sometimes I still have that feeling and it happens again. Other times, I freeze but I’m not aware of it and when I come back, I realize I had been staring at the same spot but I don’t remember what happened. Are these absence seizures? I’ve had an EEG which makes me think they’re not but what else is happening? It doesn’t feel normal.

I enjoy listening to Melanie and I have been for years. I know about all the allegations, I’ve spent many hours reading everything I can about them. It makes me feel like such a shitty person every time I listen to her. She’s not my favourite artist, I tend to lean more toward punk rock and hip hop but I do enjoy her music. I want to unfollow her on everything and delete her music from all my playlists but I have a friend that is OBSESSED with her. I suddenly don’t want to be around him because he supports her massively but he’s one of my best friends. I know none of it was proven but people seem to think it’s true. He thinks Melanie is completely innocent. Why can’t I just not think so much?

I get this overwhelming feeling like I’m severed from Earth and my surroundings. It’s almost like there’s a wall between me and everyone else. Sound feels muffled and I can’t easily understand words like I suddenly don’t speak English. My thoughts don’t feel like my own and everything around me feels wrong somehow. My family feels weird like in a creepy movie or video game. I get quite anxious and I don’t want to speak. One word answers feel exhausting. All my brain wants to do is stare at things. I feel empty inside and I can’t feel anything other than anxiety.
It’s kinda freaky but I don’t know if it’s actually DR/DP or something else.

My mom’s boyfriend has seen one of my tic attacks and he told me about how his daughter used to have tics but they went away. It was so invalidating. I was in a pretty awful tic attack and he decided to tell me about his daughter’s mild tics that went away. Thanks buddy. I was too exhausted to tell him that his daughter’s mild tics like blinking and sniffling didn’t compare to my screaming and punching myself. I hate how little my family understands. I need an official diagnosis to shove in their face to prove I’m not faking, I’m not doing it on purpose. Why can’t they just understand that I would never choose this?? I’ve had bruises all over my knuckles and chest from tics. I’ve been yelled at for saying shit I didn’t mean. I would never want this, why would I be faking? God, I can’t wait until I have a diagnosis to bring up every time they tell me to be quiet or stop doing that.

I have swearing and pretty offensive tics. My parents know I have tics (still undiagnosed but it no longer fits any other tic disorder except Tourette’s syndrome) but they don’t know about the swearing. I usually try to suppress the vocal tics as much as I can around them and go to my room or the bathroom to let them out. I’m going away with my mom this weekend and the last time we were away, she got quite frustrated with my tics and yelled at me about them. Rn I have a tic that causes me to say “fuck you you fucking chicken” (no idea where it came from) and it’s probably my most common tic atm. I hate suppressing, it makes me nauseous to do it for too long but Ik she’s going to get upset about them. I think the reason she gets upset about them is bc she doesn’t 100% believe I have Tourette’s even though I’ve been dealing with them for nearly 3 years now. Should I mention them before we go or just explain if it happens? I don’t want her to get mad about something that’s involuntary that I can’t control. And ik it’s not a problem of her not knowing about Tourette’s, she’s a nurse who’s worked with patients with Tourette’s before.

I’ve seen some people with like a disability card with all of their tics on it. I’ve had people suggest I do that for teachers in school. My problem is one, I’ve got a huge list of tics, both motor and vocal and two, my tics are forever evolving. I’ve had tics that last a week or two and completely go away or tics that have been here since I started ticcing. Plus, I usually have words that I say and just combine them with some filler words. Do people just update them every time they have a new tic? That seems exhausting and not worth it imo.

For context, one of the love interests has died pretty brutally and the other has been kind of stony and angry so far but he’s just broken. He’s in a horse stable far from any people so he’s just screaming it out. He’s crying but yk that point you reach of screaming sobbing. I can hear it perfectly in my head but writing ‘he scream cried’ sounds off. I love writing but I hate when I can’t describe a sound and I just wish this were a movie. Pls send help 💔

I’ve been dealing with my tics for 2 and a bit years now but recently they have gotten a lot more disruptive and I’m worried about going back to school. I don’t know how people are going to react or what my school will help me with. Did you have permission to leave class for a tic attack or when your tics are really bad? How did they impact your ability to focus? Did you feel bad about being a distraction or disturbance? What did other people say about it? Were you ever bothered by other people about them? Did your classmates laugh? Were your teachers ever frustrated with them? How often did you get fake claimed? Anyone that can share their experience would be great.

I’ve figured out how to bind with it but only my right side of my chest. The right side looks like a pec and the left side looks like a small boob. I don’t know why. I feel like I’m doing it the exact same way. When I’m not binding, my chest is the same size so that’s not my problem. I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing wrong 🥀

I’m still pretty young but I’ve wanted to be a police officer or work in law enforcement half my life. I want it more than anything. What can I start doing now to give me leverage to get into policing? What looks good on a resume? Sports? Anyone in policing or law enforcement already, what’s something you did that you think helped and what’s something you wish you had done? How young were you when you decided you wanted to be in law enforcement and when did you start taking things seriously?

I’ve tried 3 times and ended up feeling like absolute dog shit and sobbing on the floor for an hour. I’m not flat at all. I’ve watched so many different tutorials and I tried to find people with a similar chest to mine. I dont have that big of a chest, I’d say it’s medium at most. They look like either giant pecs or weirdly shaped boobs. I’ve seen people get flat as fuck or at least so you can’t tell. I don’t want to use all my tape and I’m going to a thing that I will be at for nearly 15 hours and I have no chance to change out of my binder and dysphoria will eat me alive without binding. Any tips as soon as possible are greatly appreciated.