u/sensitive_pirate85

I’m having a “down day,” so maybe take this with a grain of salt, but the fact that my life is a tragedy is become more and more difficult to ignore.

I was born with a severe, or I guess more “complicated” version of Tetralogy of Fallot, a congenital heart-condition. My early life, ages 0-12 were pretty normal, I had several heart-operations and health scares but was relatively healthy and I did normal activities. My mom has a different recollection of events since she was deeply traumatized and impacted by my early health-scares, but I was strong in spite of what I went through. I was in ballet, horse riding lessons, karate and in a lot of ways lived a normal life. I know I should be grateful to have those types of opportunities, because I’m sure they’re not opportunities that everyone has. I’m a childhood domestic violence victim, and so from the ages of 12-18 I became increasingly introverted and agoraphobic, but when I was in my late and teens and early twenties, I still had a lot of hope that I would get married, have kids, and live a normal life. I played basketball in highschool and junior high, I was tall, athletic, had an hourglass figure and a standing “military posture,” and not to toot my own horn or anything… but maybe looked even a little more “healthy” or “vibrant” than your average individual because of those things. 

I’m skipping over quite a lot here, since it would be beyond impossible to tell my entire life-story in a single post, but in my mid-twenties I started to experience some probably stress-related health issues, and when I was about thirty I was diagnosed with heart-failure. After my last heart-surgery, I really hoped that things would get better, but instead of getting better a lot of my symptoms started to get increasingly worse. At the age of forty, I feel like I’m at the end of life… But I feel like I never got to live my life to begin with. I’m a sexual assault victim, but I’m a virgin, and I’ve never even had consensual sex. I used to get a lot of attention, and it was intimidating and anxiety-inducing… But I’ve never had anyone in my life who understood what I’m going through, only people who either feared or pitied me. I worked in a nursing home as young adult, when I was studying nursing, and so I understand that there are many much more tragic stories than my own. I generally try to distract myself with my hobbies and with things like listening to music. I know I have a lot of things to feel grateful for, so I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself, but just live in the reality of what I’m experiencing. I feel like I’m always expected to conform my perspective and point to view to suit other people’s realities or perceptions, but I’m just so tired of doing that. It’s exhausting not being allowed to be myself because other people either have an overly romantic, or overly negative, view of what I’m going through. Either that, or they’re overly optimistic or delusional and I’m also expected to share or conform to that point of view because it’s convenient. 

There’s not really any point to this post, this is just me stepping back and trying to drink it all in so that I can face another day. I’m not saddened or bitter or anything, but feeling like I’m not allowed to be myself, or speak my own truth, does make me feel that way. I know I’m both vulnerable and guarded in a way that’s unhealthy, but I don’t really know how to be any other way because this is the way I am. I feel that there’s no psychologist or therapist that can help me, because that would just feel like another set of expectations that I would feel pressured to conform to, so I’m hoping you gentle people will understand, since you’re probably experiencing something quite similar. ✌️❤️

I drafted this in my notes app, lol! :) I wanted to give it the thought and attention it deserves. I think Julian is an underrated “voice of his generation” type of songwriter, and I think he deserves a lyrical review. These are some my personal favorites, but feel free to share your favorites in the comments! 

• “We all disagree, I think we should disagree.”

(Band: The Strokes, Song: “Is This It.” Album by the same name.)

Maybe it’s because I was a teenager when I heard it, but this was the first line from a modern rock band where I was like, “Woah!” I don’t even think I took it the way he meant it, it just resonated with me for some reason. Like we can disagree, and still get along, or find common ground.

• “Forgive them, even if they are not sorry.”

(Band: Solo / The Sick Six, Song: 11th Dimension, Phrazes for The Young)

Always good advice! Easier said than done, and kind of cliché but an important reminder. I like the passion in which the line is delivered, it sounds like letting go of a grudge, or a toxic relationship dynamic.

• “When roles are reversed / Opinions are too”

(Band: Solo / The Sick Six, Song: “Out of The Blue,” Phrazes)

I love the whole message of this song! I always forget that it’s essentially a love song, lol, but I think that’s testament to the depth of his songwriting capabilities.

• “All they sacrificed their lives / And they lied about those odds”

(Band: The Strokes, Song: “Under Cover of Darkness,” Angles)

• “He said, ‘The soldier is a necessity in the light of all the failures of Man’ / But you’re never gonna get their love, we can only fight in the sand”

(Band: The Strokes, Song: “Gratisfaction,” Angles)

Edited: Man, both of these songs hit me like a tidal wave! More love songs with deeper anti-war or political messages, delivered subtly, but powerfully. Apparently these were more of a collaboration, so bravo to the Strokes on this one! Love Angles, even if Jules hates it, haha! Brilliant songwriting.

• “And in the name of our lord and savior / We fight each other like two brothers / Father forgive me, intifada / Too many babies dead like their mothers”

(Band: The Voidz, Song: “Blue Demon,” Album: Megz of Ram)

Probably some of Julian’s most hard hitting or straightforward political lyrics, and considering the tense political climate they were written in, I think it’s a great anti-war song, or topical song.

• “Beyond all ideas of right and wrong there is a field / I will be meeting you there”

(Band: The Voidz, Song: Human Sadness, Album: Tyranny)

I like that this line brings to mind, the valley of Fólkvangr before Valhalla, in Asgard, in Norse mythology and in Nordic visions of Heaven or the Afterlife. It feels very Heavy Metal or Led Zepplin-esque, even if it’s not a heavy metal song. Julian has a Nordic, Danish background, and I wonder if this is what he thinks of the Afterlife?

• “Sailed the seven seas / hunted wild rhinoceroses”

(Band: The Strokes, Song: “Falling Out of Love,” Album: Reality Awaits)

I love the silliness of this line in an otherwise sad song that deals with heavy subject matter. It adds a certain levity or reassurance. When I was kid, my taste in music was very visual, like the Circles’ “Red Rubber Ball,” or The Beatles’ “Octopuses’ Garden,” so I could see Julian writing a line like this maybe for his own kids. For some reason it reminds me of the folk song “The Unicorn Song” by the Irish Rovers. I also like that it sort of mirrors the lyrics in Going Shopping about “building castles out of dead trees / from the scattered ashes of the Dead Sea.” 

Honorable mention: I also really like when Julian ad-libs the “Left, Right, Left” in Heart in a Cage, from *First Impressions of Earth,* it’s a great song, but that subtle detail makes the song so much better. 

Poetic! :D

There’s probably a lot more that I’m forgetting! What are some of your favorite lyrics, and why? They can be from the Strokes, from Julian, or from the other band members’ side projects because they also deserve their props. 

Since the 25th of April, at least, the Tracfone website has been unresponsive. I’m not sure if this is a problem with my internet gateway, but I tried logging in from my phone, and my computer, but no go. I’m kind of computer illiterate, so if this is just a problem with my router or modem or whatever, could you please tell me how to fix it?

Hey folks, this is my first post, and I recently realized that a lot of the time when I’m struggling with my health, I try to forget about my own problems by focusing on other people’s needs and being there for them.

While being kind and self-sacrificing isn’t a problem, in and of itself, because ideally everyone should be that way to some extent; it always leads to codependency and feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction, and feelings of being taken advantage of or taken for granted. I feel like I’m giving to others the things I need from them, and they always end up resenting me when I, unconsciously and unintentionally, perhaps, come to “collect.“ This is never my intention, because I always feel like I’m giving from a true and honest, selfless, place. This has become a sort of survival mechanism that I always revert to, because I’m always afraid of being accused by others of “complaining“ about my health. I feel like I’m stuck in some sort of negative feedback loop, where I don’t know how to get my needs met, or how to advocate for myself and my multiple chronic illnesses.

I feel like, once upon a time, I had a really good balance of being able to talk about what I’m going through, of self-advocating, and being there for other people… But over time, specifically after I was diagnosed with heart-failure, and had to have another valve replacement surgery; I became, for whatever reason, less and less successful at advocating for myself, and putting my health first. This has obviously greatly impacted my self-esteem, and my relationships. I went from feeling like a beautiful dying girl in a Victorian novel, to a monster who won’t die… Kind of like Frankenstein’s monster. I think I feel that way because I’ve had to be so strong, just to survive, that I sometimes feel like I’m carrying the weight of the entire world on my shoulders.

I suffer from multiple chronic illnesses including anemia, achalasia, heart-failure, and PTSD… And I don’t really know how to talk about what I’m going through without being accused of “complaining” about my health, though I recognize that talking about it, and putting my health, and my needs first, is necessary. How do you strike this balance, and learn to advocate for yourself, especially after your health has taken yet another hit?

I’m an American AntiWar Activist, and I keep wondering why a bipartisan or nonpartisan AntiWar Movement hasn’t united the Left and Right in the U.S.A? It seems like being against Endless War is the one thing most Republicans, Democrats, and third parties agree with, so why isn’t there a massive AntiWar Movement uniting the ideological Left and Right?

This keeps coming up again and again on social media, and for context I’m an Anti-War Activist who believes that activism really can change people’s minds and change the world… However, how do people who promote class warfare expect to go toe to toe against the 1% if the 1% own all the chemical, biological and nuclear weapons in the world? I believe Anti-War Activism can be effective in not electing warmongering politicians and limiting donations from foreign interests and American weapons manufacturers… And, if nothing else, turning average American voters against endless foreign wars. Obviously, just like anything it’s about strategy. However “class war” seems more like an ideological slogan, or philosophy, than an actual actionable strategy to unseat the elite.

I have to be clear, I’m not interested in ideological or philosophical arguments on why or why not class warfare does exist, or should or should not exist, I’m saying what actionable strategies do proponents of class warfare propose to win a “class war” against the 1%? Is it just about taxing the rich, or something else?