u/simplyaless

Hey all,

I am in a situation that I need help navigating and would love some support or thoughts:

I am a Canadian citizen with a DACA BF originally from Mexico. He was brought to the US at 4 or 5 years old, has never left the country and has renewed DACA ever since. He was unfortunately out of DACA for a few weeks due to the delays, but other than that, continuous DACA. Please search what DACA is if you're familiar since it's relevant.

We have been together for almost 2 years and we see each other 2-3 times a year as I go travel to see him.

We are both currently students, him in trade, me in psych, and we are set to graduate around the same time - in 2 years.

My original plan was get married maybe next year or the year after when we graduate.

However, upon research, due to the PR process possibly taking over a year, I was reading to start the process BEFORE he graduates, so by the time he graduates, he can move here hopefully.

What do you guys think is the best course of action? Express entry is not as feasible it seems. I am also nervous every time that they'll deny me entry, although everything has been smooth so far so ideally I don't want to wait too too long.

I also have some savings but not sure if it's adequate to support us both, and might have to have my parents help/be involved for it.

So I am on my 2nd pair of glasses that I have been consistently wearing for half a year now, but I noticed about half way through my Florida trip (where there is a lot of heat and humidity), the glasses started feeling off, like things were less clear and my eyes felt weird.

They may have been sat on by someone but they do not look visibly damaged. I am set to go to an appointment next week where I have my eye exam.

I am worried they will try to give me another pair of glasses costing me another 1,000 or more dollars.

And how long is this pattern going to repeat for?

What do you guys suggest I do? It worries me but perhaps it was some minor frame misalignment and not necessarily a new prescription, I don't know.

I am in Canada.

hi, I previously posted here about a few weeks and was deciding whether or not to leave him on departure day. I had a lot of people saying to and some of them saying not to do it on that day.

I've been an absolute mess lately. It's been hard to sleep or eat as our trip is coming to an end. The beginning of this trip was really nice, but I've always had the future of this at the back of my mind and the safety of it. I'd see couples and assume they are in person couples and wish I was in their shoes.

The possibility of this relationship actually ending has me in an absolute mess. I have a relationship with his mother, and I always tell her how much I want him to change. he's self aware enough but not enough meaningful change has been made.

It's a long story that you can find on here, but basically he has deep insecurities and self sabotaging tendencies which has made the foundation of our relationship be very rocky. I've carried a lot of emotional weight.

I find it hard to be near him because all I do is just cry and cry. my emotions fluctuate.. now it really feels like the end might be near. it was always hard to leave but I wasn't this much of an emotional disaster weeks before leaving.

im a deeper feeler and lover and I can't help but see my partners soul despite what has happened.. I have to take a plane soon and it always makes me anxious. I know I'll be back with my family again where they can comfort me but it's never felt this hard. all I do is pray for God to take this pain away.. I even struggle at home.

We even have a future date lined up at the end of the year to see his family again in his state, which I'm sure will fly by IF things improve.

to complicate matters, I can only go visit him because of his immigration status. he cannot visit me in Canada without losing it. he's in the USA.

i'm going to have a back-to-back virtual therapy session with my therapist tomorrow and the next day with my boyfriend joining me.

I'm very desperate at this point and words can describe the anguish I'm going through...

I feel as though im just in an absolute mess of a situation.

there's way too much I could say but I need prayers for my peace of mind and nervous system.

ive been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I love him so much but his insecurities and worries have been so loud here to the point it's caused many problems. I'm leaving this trip soon and the goodbyes are always so difficult, but especially now with the uncertainty of if the same patterns and problems will continue when I'm back, or if it will get better.

i really don't want to break up; I just want a miracle to happen where he heals and I feel calmer. I'm super anxious, scared and sick. I'm desperate.

Thank you for your prayers, I'm Aless and he is "E"

I'm very scared and I feel alone so I wanted to come to this subreddit...

this is a long story, but long story short.. I might (and I really really don't want to have to do this, and just writing this is crushing me) have to end my 2 year relationship with my long distance partner who I'm currently visiting.

on the day of departure, I may just have to end things with him with me going on the plane and leaving his country being the symbolic ending.

I have tried everything.. I have gone to therapy, sent him self help videos, relationship videos, cut off guy friends, included him on my YouTube channel, have a relationship with his mother, met his family, waited on him despite him not having his career yet, and so much more..

this relationship is not sustainable like this, even though we are starting to discuss our next trip that may take place at the end of this year..

this trip is the longest break I have because next summer I don't have one since I'm doing an internship and there's been many arguments and conflicts during it.

I believe God works things out for the greater good and we've seen many synchronicities, signs, and dates opening up (including my dad meeting him and staying for almost a week on this trip) but I am suffering more than i need to be.

he is very insecure, anxious, but also distant at the same time, he is quick to say I deserve better and tries to leave when he feels threatened by guy viewers, the past, or something else. I don't feel like he's fully here.. it's hard to explain.

i love him so much so idk how the heck im even going to do this..

im so freaking hurt and i wish he'd just wake up. this is the most devastating thing ive ever gone through and i don't know what decision im going to make.

im kind of nervous to post this because it's a bit heavy and personal to myself and my LDR bf. I'm hoping most people will come here with good faith arguments or discussions since it is a sensitive topic. I've always wanted to post about this so I'm very curious as to what's going to unfold in this comment section..

if you're someone out there who is very strong on "biology" and "men's nature" believe that a possible explanation for the "outliers": who do not watch corn, dont find many people attractive, just have eyes for their partner, are off put or uncomfortable by sexual jokes and talks (except from their partner) have been sexually traumatized in some way as kids or teens?

I know that sexual trauma can cause people to become hyper or hyposexual, and I've noticed a pattern where traumatized people show those signs or traits above and therefore feel like they don't have a voice in the pill talks, and that they are not believed because of "biology"

sexual trauma whether it's online grooming, coming across graphic corn at a young age, or being assaulted IRL can have detrimental effects that a lot of people who haven't been, truly don't understand.

obviously not every person with these traits has trauma, but I'm curious whether you think trauma might account for some of the exceptions.

hi, I got my second pair of glasses around february I believe or around the spring and everything was fine, I was wearing them regularly, but now that I've gone to Florida for a vacation after around halfway through the Trip I'm noticing that my vision feels a little bit worse it almost feels like the glasses are not as clear as they were from the beginning.

really don't go back and spend another one grand on glasses & being afraid they're going to keep putting me in this cycle of new glasses. I'm not sure what I should do. I don't know if this is just in my head..

I look at the TV from about 6 or 7 metres away and the words on the screen look a little bit haloed (I can see what it says) but I'm not sure if that's normal. Or I might be about 2 mmeters away from a soap bottle and I can't really read the ingredients.

I'm also anxious Because my parents were already apprehensive about the whole thing, I'm in an early 20s and I'm also in the process of getting more comfortable driving..

idk what to do and I'm scared and upset. I was going to call them, but I bet they're going to tell me to come back for another appointment and possibly new glasses for another $1000. I'm in Canada

I know that I might get extremely downvoted due to the nature of this post, but this is my first time posting here so please bear with me...

why is it so hard for some people to believe that there are women out there that genuinely value morals, beliefs, ethics, character and don't truly want the "exciting, hot, rich" person or men who only have eyes for their partner and don't watch "corn" , to name one example?

i see many people in comments here and even on YT invalidating, insulting, and dismissing people who don't fit into their belief system, always claiming they're lying.

if you've been traumatized or constantly rejected I can see why but let's say you haven't.

I know we live in a shallow world but is it truly that that hard for people to believe those kinds of people and their preferences? why?

let me know your thoughts.

update: thank you for the award!!! the comments are a bit overwhelming heh, but I am trying to reply to some people.

I am feeling an emotional hangover from this.

I F22 have been with my long distance BF M26 for 2 years now. We are on a one month trip, with my dad M54, who joined me for almost a week for his birthday.

When my dad got here, he opened up to my BF right away, even explaining his current situation, how upset he is that we are going through things, giving him advice, and although I feel it was a little too much, it's fine. However, I do believe he downplayed the impact he had on us, despite even telling my BF that he feels bad for me because I have a lot of weight on my shoulders and to be more 'selfish' but he also made it seem like I was the problem too a bit.

Important context: my younger sister and I were good kids but grew up with my dad yelling, screaming, threatening, swearing us especially my mom. He would get super super angry if I even went a few minutes over my shower 'deadline' for example .. it got too much that my mom, sis, and I moved out and have been at my grandmas for 5 yrs. My sister rarely visits him and I spent time with him once or twice a week.

This all cumulated last night when we were all cooking, and I got an email from a subscriber who's emailed me sometimes, and I went to show my BF.. my BF also gets a bit insecure and worried sometimes when subscribers email me/form a parasocial bond with me but that's a whole other situation.. my dad started getting nosey & pushy so I lied and said when I was younger people were weird on YouTube. I was planning on ignoring the email.

My dad kept making comments on this trip 'as a joke' about me eating a lot and calling me 'chunky' (although I am not overweight at all), I just have a bloated stomach, and then threw a ball of tp at my glasses. I then jokingly 'hit' him back with a pack of sausages.

Then I started feeling this sinking/weird feeling inside because everything started piling up, and I stepped outside momentarily. Then I overhear my BF explaining to my dad what happened and my dad saying something implying how social medias bad or something like that.

I went inside and something took over me and I said "I feel like you guys are kind of overstepping boundaries and I am a bit uncomfortable"..

My dad loses it. Starts playing the victim, gets defensive, yells at me in front of my BF, says passive aggressive things, and acts like I was the aggressor.

I start crying and I went outside, and started hyperventilating, I called my mom to explain the situation because I felt so alone. My mom told me to just put a brave face on, which is what I was going to do and then jump in the pool.

My dad then comes outside and starts berating me again when I told him something along the lines of:

your jokes seemed real, you were overstepping a bit, you're playing the victim, and that when I go back to my country the same crap is going to keep happening. I feel like you guys don't think I am capable of standing up for myself/ignoring people.

He storms inside.

My bf tries to calm my dad down telling him that subconsciously I still have the pain inside from when I was growing up in the house with him, and some other things implying they need to have more compassion for me and be gentler.

I go inside and I told them that when I try to think of myself, or put boundaries down, all hell breaks loose, like people benefit from me not having boundaries or standing up for myself.

The rest of the night felt weird, I went into the pool, but honestly, I felt terrible.. words can't explain it, like wanting to disappear.

I woke up today, trouble getting out of bed and I am having trouble facing my dad. Despite this, I am going to try to put on a brave face and an act since he is leaving in a few days, but I am afraid the pain and bad feeling is going to linger on, as it's even making me not want to eat or be around my BF either.

My dad's thing is he feels helpless with my sister and I, but it seems like when problems arise, he doesn't take them well.

I am feeling an emotional hangover from this.

I F22 have been with my long distance BF M26 for 2 years now. We are on a one month trip, with my dad M54, who joined me for almost a week for his birthday.

When my dad got here, he opened up to my BF right away, even explaining his current situation, how upset he is that we are going through things, giving him advice, and although I feel it was a little too much, it's fine. However, I do believe he downplayed the impact he had on us, despite even telling my BF that he feels bad for me because I have a lot of weight on my shoulders and to be more 'selfish' but he also made it seem like I was the problem too a bit.

Important context: my younger sister and I were good kids but grew up with my dad yelling, screaming, threatening, swearing us especially my mom. He would get super super angry if I even went a few minutes over my shower 'deadline' for example .. it got too much that my mom, sis, and I moved out and have been at my grandmas for 5 yrs. My sister rarely visits him and I spent time with him once or twice a week.

This all cumulated last night when we were all cooking, and I got an email from a subscriber who's emailed me sometimes, and I went to show my BF.. my BF also gets a bit insecure and worried sometimes when subscribers email me/form a parasocial bond with me but that's a whole other situation.. my dad started getting nosey & pushy so I lied and said when I was younger people were weird on YouTube. I was planning on ignoring the email.

My dad kept making comments on this trip 'as a joke' about me eating a lot and calling me 'chunky' (although I am not overweight at all), I just have a bloated stomach, and then threw a ball of tp at my glasses. I then jokingly 'hit' him back with a pack of sausages.

Then I started feeling this sinking/weird feeling inside because everything started piling up, and I stepped outside momentarily. Then I overhear my BF explaining to my dad what happened and my dad saying something implying how social medias bad or something like that.

I went inside and something took over me and I said "I feel like you guys are kind of overstepping boundaries and I am a bit uncomfortable"..

My dad loses it. Starts playing the victim, gets defensive, yells at me in front of my BF, says passive aggressive things, and acts like I was the aggressor.

I start crying and I went outside, and started hyperventilating, I called my mom to explain the situation because I felt so alone. My mom told me to just put a brave face on, which is what I was going to do and then jump in the pool.

My dad then comes outside and starts berating me again when I told him something along the lines of:

your jokes seemed real, you were overstepping a bit, you're playing the victim, and that when I go back to my country the same crap is going to keep happening. I feel like you guys don't think I am capable of standing up for myself/ignoring people.

He storms inside.

My bf tries to calm my dad down telling him that subconsciously I still have the pain inside from when I was growing up in the house with him, and some other things implying they need to have more compassion for me and be gentler.

I go inside and I told them that when I try to think of myself, or put boundaries down, all hell breaks loose, like people benefit from me not having boundaries or standing up for myself.

The rest of the night felt weird, I went into the pool, but honestly, I felt terrible.. words can't explain it, like wanting to disappear.

I woke up today, trouble getting out of bed and I am having trouble facing my dad. Despite this, I am going to try to put on a brave face and an act since he is leaving in a few days, but I am afraid the pain and bad feeling is going to linger on, as it's even making me not want to eat or be around my BF either.

My dad's thing is he feels helpless with my sister and I, but it seems like when problems arise, he doesn't take them well.

AIO about all this?

1. My mom told me that a lady picked up an item 1.5 YEARS after paying by e transfer. To me that takes the cake.

2. Another time years ago, a guy was wondering if someone else was coming with me.. I believe asking if another lady was.. I found that odd, and decided not to sell to him. I don't have my face on FBM.

3. I've received weird/inappropriate messages when I posted clothes, so I put them as stock images rather than how they looked on me.

On a positive note: a lady found a usb cable in a couch we sold to her and was kind enough to let us know months later. That was a wholesome moment and not exactly weird though but still wanted to share.

What are yours?

Not sure if I am allowed to post this here, so apologies in advance if I can't but I will still give it a try as I am having trouble finding the right subreddit:

Hi, I browse the subreddit because I get very curious on how some people think nowadays on certain topics & I even make yt videos about it. I try to give nuance and share some perspectives, I get half support and half backlash. 

 I don't really resonate with the modern women stereotypes. I'm long distance with a significant other who I have to travel to see because he's not able to come to my country as of now due to his immigration status. 

He's not the 6×2 or 6×3 thing that they say and that's totally OK. I love him and think he's attractive and deep and so many things I could mention. When I first met him (which was weird because we met through a friend, but that friend stalked me) I automatically fell asleep on video call right away and within the second video call, we were already talking about our morals and values and deep topics. We connected on a scary level where we have many synchronicities in the way we see the world. 

However, he got afraid because of insecurities and self sabotage occurred, I also got very frustrated and felt like the RP got to his head a bit, so we had an issue there. I have my own issues such as worrying that I would be taken advantage of or that intimate things would be selfish, but I'm specifically mentioning RP because of this subreddit. I do appreciate how loyal and exclusive he is, and how he sticks to his morals. 

And to be fair, I also have my own trauma involving men. I could’ve easily gone down the route of becoming bitter or hateful toward men entirely. I don’t openly show it much, but there’s still a slight discomfort and guardedness I carry because of certain experiences, and I hate that but I don't treat them any differently than women.

So in a weird way, both of us had reasons to become cynical toward the opposite sex.

I do love him, and we're constantly told we're very lucky, we're in a difficult situation, we're rare, etc. but we have trouble believing that and I know it may sound like "survivorship bias" but to us it doesn't seem like a complicated thing.. because we're real

We don't believe in superficiality, transactional relationships, and using people. 

Are we truly in a "rare" situation like people tell us, or is this massively overblown? Also, how can we be more sympathetic to those struggling? We tend to give "tough love" on the channel and maybe it comes across like we're out of touch a bit. 

Hi,

I want to come here to rant a little bit & share whats on my mind. I'm in a little bit of an uncommon circumstance.. 

 I'm A Canadian citizen with a foreign boyfriend living in the US, but he has a special kind of status which lets him stay as long as he renews his status, but unfortunately, he cannot travel to Canada just for leisure. 

What sucks about this is I always have to be the one travelling to the USA & as much as I do enjoy travelling to the country, there's always a risk at the border and that's why I make sure that I have all my documents in order and I seem paranoid and I over prepare. 

 I've been having trips of about a month long every 3 to 4 months and my next trip will have a gap of 4.5 months since I left the USA, but it'll be for a 1 month and a week/39 days. I have not gone over 180 days & from the May rolling period (which is my trip) I would've been there approx. 60 days/2 months already. I'm going to bring all my proof of ties, reservation, deposit tuition paid for the fall or possibly leave of absence letter. But I still feel like it's not enough somehow. 

I thought to me what was normal travel to the US was once a year once every few years, because it's what I was used to. Before my boyfriend, my family and I didn't go to the USA often at all. 

I will be flying out of a pre-clearance airport again and and I always download the MPC app because it's faster and apparently gives me a little bit more credibility. 

Has anyone else been in the situation or has gone as long as I've been going?

I never have issues, they never have asked me for proof of ties so I probably built a good record with them, but honestly, I can't help but to overthink it.  I also want to add this is my last big trip because next year I won't have a summer break.