u/takhana

I triple then combo fed (pumping and formula) my first so have a Momcozy S12 pro, a hand pump (a cheap one from Amazon which tbf worked amazingly for the price) and a Medela swing pump that I kept in case I wanted to do the same for our second who arrived just over a month ago. I’ve also got a load of breastmilk bags and other pumping “stuff” like the bottles that come with the pumps (not ones we use) which I won’t use as we’re doing full formula feeding this time round.

I was going to put it all on Vinted but I wondered if anyone is actually wants to buy a second hand pump? There’s a few on there already but all seem to have been on for weeks/months.

Back with another beginner question :)

I had some great advice on my last thread here about starting face painting. I got the Fusion Perfect Face starter kit and have done a few paints on my toddlers face but am struggling with getting the consistency of the paint right. It’s not too bad with the rainbow cake blocks but I find the white is very gummy when water is added and it’s hard to get good coverage/opacity whilst having it wet enough to use. I find the black is similar but tends towards being too dry rather than too wet even with the same amount of water applied to the pan.

I am likely to need a new white soon and I’m wondering if I should try a different brand?

Is there a rule of thumb for how much water to add?

Unsurprisingly to anyone who’s ever dealt with NHS payroll and maternity pay, my maternity leave pay has been royally messed up by my trust.

I am top of band 6 on the pay scale but for the first 6 months of employment at my new trust, I was paid at the bottom of band 6 due to them “forgetting” to put me at the top as agreed in interview and writing when I got the job. This resulted in arrears of about £4K being paid back to me in January which was one of my qualifying months - therefore my qualifying month pay was significantly higher than my normal pay. I asked for my pay to be spread across the 12 months to have some consistency and when they sent me the breakdown of what it would’ve, I queried the higher amount that was stated as it seemed incorrect - they are honouring this so my monthly pay, if spread across the whole 12 months of maternity leave, is not an unreasonable amount however not more than my monthly pay normally is.

I started my maternity leave at the start of July. I have been paid my first maternity pay and it is £800 more than my monthly pay normally is. The trust is refusing to send me a payslip and I cannot access this as you need your SMART card to log in to a trust computer and access ESR, which I cannot do from home.

After a bit of back and forth, they’ve sent me a maternity pay break down and admitted that they’ve forgotten to spread the payments across 12 months and so have put me on a schedule where I’d be paid two months at this higher rate (£4.4K) 4 months at “reduced rate” (£2.2k) and then 6 months at £0.

Or I can have it properly spread out for the remaining 11 months and receive £1.2k each month.

These numbers are pre tax. According to what they’ve sent me, I was paid £4.4K, however as I said this was actually only £3k post tax - meaning I have been taxed at a significant amount due to their error. I am normally paid monthly just under £3k gross, £2.2k roughly net.

My total maternity pay amount is stated as £17.5k + £6k gross, so £23k before tax.

After tax I expect the smaller £1.2k amount would be around £800 in my bank account, which isn’t ideal but I can manage on.

If I opt for the two larger amounts initially then nothing later on, we could potentially afford to manage this and put a fair bit into a higher interest account until we need it, and earn a bit of interest on the pay. However if I am going to be taxed more then it would be better to go for the smaller split payment. I am not sure which option is better and would have minimise the impact on my tax code.

Hopefully that makes sense!

ETA - in this post I’m talking only about the OMP, I will be receiving SMP as well, but according to what they’ve sent through this months payment had no SMP, and if I take the second option of smaller amounts, my SMP will finish in May not July.

I know, I know, it’s not even the end of July yet but we used to live in an area where Christmas events for kids got booked up by the end of August and I wanted to be ready if that’s the case here!

We’ve not lived in the north Bucks area for long so I’m not sure what’s good around here for kids at Christmas. We have a 3.5 year old (will be nearly 4) and a newborn (will be 6 months) so need something that will cater to both. In our old area we did a Santa themed steam train ride which toddler loved and normally meet Father Christmas at a garden centre. We’ve done the lights at Waddesdon before with family. I’d love something a bit different or unusual but not sure where’s best to look?

I also don’t really want to be paying £100 for the four of us and only getting a short experience and a cheap gift for the kids, which is what a lot of the experiences in our old area were.

I’m pretty ok with a paint brush on paper (mainly watercolour or gouache) but have never really painted in 3D before. My only aim is to paint my little boys face - like many toddlers he loves a face paint! I’ve ordered the Fusion Perfect Face kit and an extra flat edge, petal and angle brush to give me a bit of variety. Are there any recommendations for YouTube channels to watch or step by step guides of designs? I understand that the pros will all have their own personal designs and I don’t want to copy anything but just want to know where to start!

Someone tell me it gets better 😭

Gave birth Wednesday morning (second pregnancy) and due to the speed of labour/shit luck/failed pain relief (had an epidural that did nothing) I came away with a nice theatre trip and a 3C perineal OASI.

Perhaps it was the shock and adrenaline/good hormones from labour but I kinda shrugged it off after birth.

Now day 3 hormones are about to start kicking in and I’ve just spent the most horrific 30 minutes on the loo doing my first BM I am now feeling very down in the dumps about the whole situation. Is every BM going to be like that? I can’t do that again 😭

I was a keen runner before and I know I need to give it a good amount of time before trying to run again (I’m planning at least 3 months off) I worry I’ll never be able to run again.

Ibuprofen is helping with the pain but it’s still so sore and painful (I know, it’s not even 3 full days later so it will be sore and swollen still)… along with taking antibiotics 3 x a daily, Fragmin injections and all the other life stuff of a newborn and a toddler I feel like just sitting and crying in a dark room.

ETA - thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I can’t reply to every one but I greatly appreciate your words, advice and experience. BM number 2 done this morning and although still painful ++ 😐 much easier and more “acceptable” than yesterdays.

Currently 40+3.

Since about 34 weeks, I have had a UTI pretty much every 10 days. They are largely symptom free so it’s going in a pattern of midwife appointment - trace leukocytes, nothing sent off - increased pain - triage visit - no labour, just +2 leukocytes - wait a few days for results of MSU - get antibiotics - midwife appointment - trace leukocytes…

I’ve been on cephalexin twice, just finished my second course of amoxicillin (on Wednesday this past week) and at my midwife appointment on Friday I had… +2 leukocytes again. They said they’ll call me Tuesday if I need another round (highly likely as I’m currently in a lot of pain from false contractions which is what happened the first time I ended up at triage). I am at my wits end with it.

I have tested positive for Group B strep so I know when I’m in labour I’ll need IV abx, but that’s going to make potentially 6 doses of antibiotics within 7 weeks. Of course I’ll do whatever needed to make sure my baby is safe but this feels ridiculous.

I’m drinking as much as I can, I wee after sex, wipe front to back, shower once or sometimes twice a day, change my underwear twice a day, I don’t know what else I can do. Does anyone have anything else they can share that might help? I know I’m close to the finish line but Jesus I am miserable.

For our non-UK readers, Stan Can is an adorable BBC series about a hamster who completes odd jobs and handyman services of all types (including and not limited to fixing an old Ferris wheel, providing catering services, museum installation maintenance, farming services and other endeavours with minimal HSE input). It’s a sweet show that I would recommend as long as you don’t mind your child learning how to emotionally manipulate those around you to do what you want… his neighbours are exploiting his good nature.

• They hide his phone and limit his contact with the outside world
• Anything that goes wrong is his fault and he’s immediately called to fix it
• No money ever exchanges hands for his extensive workload
• He also seems to have a very wide range of skills that should be at least recognised in some way but there’s very little acknowledgement of how much he’s doing to prop up this town
• Arguably most worryingly, whilst he seems to have a lot of skills in “trades” there’s very little understanding of appropriate health and safety procedures, probably due to the fact that he’s asked to do anything and everything under the sun.

(39+3 today) I haven’t slept more than 3 hours a night in the last fortnight - the heat wave didn’t help but having our air con unit running at least gave me some white noise so it wasn’t as much of an issue as it could’ve been. I am absolutely exhausted. I get to 10pm, basically pass out because I’ve been up for 21 hours, have to go for a wee at 1am and then I cannot get back to sleep.

I’ve tried to stop napping though yesterday I literally could not keep my eyes open after 4pm - I ended up going up to my bedroom and leaving our toddler with my OH for 45 minutes and only “slept” for 20 minutes (with a timer) as I know that makes it worse.

I’m not overly uncomfortable, I’m not hot, I’m not anxious or in pain, I’m not hungry, I’m just AWAKE. It’s like a switch in my head that won’t turn off no matter what I do.

I get up and have a wander about, I wake up more. I eat something, it makes me more awake. I drink something and I know I’ll need a wee soon so I can’t sleep for thinking of that.

How is my body meant to go through labour and feel prepared and safe to go into labour when I can’t even function during the day because I’ve had about 25 hours sleep total over the last 10 days 😭 lack of sleep is a huge impact for me on my mental health and the best answers I’ve got are “try some mindfulness” 😭

Would appreciate some hive mind opinions on this.

Son will be going to primary school next September. I’m due our second baby imminently (relevant for various reasons, see below). My OH works from home and does morning drop off however is likely to have to increase his international travel dates next year due to his role changing, which means I’ll have to be doing drop off for both kids when I go back to work.

There are very limited options for nursery childcare provision in our area - two childminders (one is always full and the other wasn’t a good fit for our family when we were looking for son) and three nurseries including the primary school one son is currently at. The other nurseries are either too expensive for us to afford or the completely wrong side of town and we wouldn’t be able to get baby there before son was due at school.

We live in a small quite rural town that has very limited childcare provision. As such son is currently at a lovely nursery attached to a primary school (school A) and can stay here for pre-school if we desire. However it is across the other side of town and is not walkable - it’s about 1.5 miles, with no direct paths and uphill so would take about an hour to walk and probably 40 to walk back (we also live at the top of a hill as our town is built in the basin of a valley). Walking would mean I would have to change my hours at work significantly enough that I don’t think my flexible working request would be reasonably accepted. Driving is very practical and once a week we pick him up just after school closes and it’s no problem at all really, just a bit of a pain to have to do every day. Takes about 15 minutes to drive there and back.

Baby would be able to go to their nursery from 9 months - 1 year old when I return to work and we’ve loved the staff there, they’re incredibly kind and knowledgeable and have really brought out the best in our son.

To my knowledge school A has never been oversubscribed and so if we wanted him to he would likely to be able to stay for his primary schooling. This would tie in with baby going to nursery there and we’d probably put him in breakfast club, as they can both be there before school starts (which is what we do currently) then pick them both up at normal school time. I could shift my hours to make this work whether OH is around or not.

The primary school we are actually in catchment for (B) is a much bigger academy school but is only a 10 minute walk through a very safe park, with only one minor road to cross from our cul de sac so by year 5 or 6 we would probably be able to let him walk home on his own. They do not have any childcare options for under 3s though, so if he moves to there for primary school then we will have to either drop him off (by car) at breakfast club and then drive baby up to the other school or he’ll have to stay at home until just before school starts and be walked over quickly. If it’s just me doing drop off, then I’ll have to take the morning off work which isn’t sustainable at all especially if it’s going to be every 6-8 weeks which is possible at the moment.

I’ve been contacting B to try and get son into their pre school and their correspondence has been atrocious tbh, which isn’t a great first impression.

Baby would have to go up to A’s nursery for the whole day and we’d have to walk over to pick up son, take him home, then drive up to nursery to pick up baby every night.

The majority of children on our estate go to B and he would have lots of local friends to play with from this school, whereas A is more local to the other side of town if that makes sense.

Both schools have great and recent OFSTED reports. Both do a lot in the local community (though A does a lot more) and both have great reviews from local parents.

Academically there’s not a huge amount in it but class sizes at B are bigger and there’s 2 more classes so year size is significantly bigger. A seems to do a lot of pastoral work and outdoor/OPAL sessions with all age groups but we only know this because we get the newsletter.

A has quite a strong social media presence which I don’t love, B rarely posts anything other than job adverts on their page.

Frankly if A was where B is or walkable we’d keep them both there. If B had a nursery section and not just a preschool we’d also not be worrying too much about it, but it feels like a logistical nightmare!

Hoping someone can help me give me head a wobble.

For context - second baby, first was a lengthy labour following a rather unpleasant induction ending with a theatres visit after my hind waters went at 36+4, baby boy born at 37+1. I got an epidural very early because my contractions came on thick and fast after they broken my main waters (?) and subsequently labour slowed right down and I ended up overusing the epidural to the point where I felt basically nothing until after he was delivered. Recovery time for both of us was very long, we were in hospital for 11 days from start to finish and it was a bit of a nightmare all round tbh. Very keen this time for a natural start to labour and to see how much I can tolerate before I get an epidural - not against having another but hopeful I might be able to progress further without using water, gas and air etc.

Last week on Tuesday I was absolutely - could barely stay awake the whole day - shattered. On Wednesday I had a midwife appointment at 36+5, on the way in I noticed my bump was hard and I was having a lot of lower back pain, which was starting to radiate into my pelvis, the midwife suspected I might be in early labour and suggested if it continued or got worse to go to triage (I wasn’t keen on going too early because of our toddler). Started to have contractions around dinner time that evening which were manageable with paracetamol but by 2am it was getting very intense so I went over to triage who confirmed contractions, baby engaged but only 1cm dilated. Advised as I was nearly 37 weeks and the pain came under control with dihydrocodeine to go home, see if anything progressed in the comfort of my own home, especially as I was worrying about previously mentioned toddler and both me and my OH wanted to make sure he was settled (my parents came over to him).

Pretty much two or three hours after we got home Thursday morning the contractions stopped and aside from both of us feeling shattered, nothing much else happened Thursday/Friday. Couple of hours of braxton hicks Saturday morning but nothing else. Toddler stayed with his grandparents so we had some lovely time as a couple again, went out for dinner and tried to make a nice cosy oxytocin environment.

Yesterday OH and I had a nice relaxed morning in bed (if you catch my drift! 😅) and afterwards for about 5 hours I had a similar crampy, contraction feeling but it went off again. Now it’s Monday late afternoon and aside from being absolutely shattered again. Pelvis is starting to feel a bit crampy but nothing overly concerning. I’ve been trying to use my ball, been pretty successful getting colostrum and walking as much as my pelvis and lower back will allow.

I’ve noticed online (yes, that great source of info) that a lot of American women talk about prodromal labour and this lasting for weeks - but the NHS doesn’t really talk about it and only refers to early labour. My question is should I be preparing for baby to arrive in the next few days or am I likely to end up going full term? Just for clarity, I am currently 37+3. None of the midwives I’ve spoken can give a concrete answer (although the triage midwife, an older lady who has been doing the job for a long time, said she’d expect me back fairly soon) which I understand but I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure out whether a twinge is a cramp or if I’ve walked a little too far, if you know what I mean. It’s driving me crazy!

I am also, terminally impatient, and I had myself so geared up for babies arrival last week that I think now I’ve got into my head about things, worrying that this isn’t going to happen any time soon (I know I’m only just full term but had psyched myself up if you get what I mean) and I’ll end up with another awful induction. I was also really pleased with how I was handling the pain of the contractions and there’s now a nagging voice at the back of my head going “well that wasn’t proper labour and you were only 1cm so you’ll never get further than that” 😬 I

Can dilation go backwards? Is there any real point trying all these different induction of labour old wives tales? Should I ship my toddler off to his grandparents right now to save them coming over at 2am again?!

First off, if it carries on I’ll call triage and ask them advice, but just wanted to see if anyone else had experienced this? I’m 32+2 today. Second baby, first was an induction at 36+4 after two episodes of bleeding (first episode at 34 something weeks).

Yesterday I had awful tightness across my bump and period like cramps, coming and going in waves which lasted from about 3pm until 11:30pm when the paracetamol finally took effect and I could fall asleep. Went to triage about 8pm and they did a CTG which showed normal movements but definite regular peaks in the contractions bit. They did a swab for early labour and said my cervix is definitely closed and the swab was negative, which is very reassuring. Nothing much else to do so I came home.

I’ve been up since 7 and since then the cramps have returned and I’ve been to the loo a few times now and had a lot of mucusy discharge, which is rosy pink. Very similar to the first few hours/morning of my period. I am pretty sensitive when I have my smears and when they did the swabs with my first I had some bleeding but it was definitely fresh blood rather than dischargey period like bleeding. If it doesn’t stop by say, 11:30 I’ll call triage but I was wondering if this was anything anyone else had experienced?