u/thebattyrats

I generally redirect and praise the behavior we want to see. But my recently turned 2 yr old will get into this mode where getting down on his level, telling him "we are not doing xyz, we can do this instead. next time you do it consequence xyz" does not work; he will continue doing said behavior.

My emotions were already high strung yesterday which I am sure is what got him in this mode (they truly mirror our internal so well)... he kept throwing hard items. At one point, I just snapped and put him in our bedroom and closed the door. I know the time out rule is usually 1 minute per year but I couldn't stand hearing the way he cried for anymore than 30 seconds. I tried it two more times and I realized this is not for us... upon further reflection, I realized itis recommended to stay in the room with them during time out but I think at that moment I blanked out on that and wanted the space (in which I usually walk away to the room by myself till I cool off).

I apologized to him, and told him it was something I thought we should try out but I would not do it again. We hugged and cried together.

This morning he woke up from his nap crying, and I think it was from the time out yesterday. He has gotten to the point where he just calls out for me when he wakes (or at most whines) but this was full blown crying.

I further apologized and told him I would not do that again. He just said his "yeah" like he usually does when we have a moment like this. I explained to him that the painting of the lil bird in our bedroom is there and is a reminder ai am close by (what I originally told him when he first started getting upset with me not there)

But oh boy... did that hurt my heart. We coslept since birth, still babywear and he has never taken a bottle. I would hope to say our attachment is strong and a move like that reallt effected him.

Posting just to rant and to maybe get some reassurance. TIA

This post is slightly related to my previous post

Hello all. I hope this post finds you well.

My parish priest has recommended me to read Seraphim Rose's Survival Course as I prepare for my baptism. I am only up to the third lecture, but what I have read so far has been emphasizing this question I have had as of recently.

Although I do understand we do not live in a vacuum, I cannot help to look back at my son's (almost) two years of existence and see the mistakes I have already made; how much I have introduced the "world" to him even though I was actively avoiding it (and this was even before looking into Orthodoxy).

This has me thinking about the variety of modern day parenting techniques that seem well intentioned but may actually be wolves in sheep's clothing.

For instance, I have done gentle (hopefully not permissive) parenting style since birth, focused on healthy attachment with hints of Montessori and Doman method styled learning (for early movement and reading/math). Babywearing, cosleeping, exlusively breastfeeding, elimination communication basically since birth and using a lot of early opportunities to say yes as many times as I could to promote communication. My son's father is very much into sports, and so it has been introduced to my son and I've been supportive of this as I know sports can help with discipline and it's a good way to use our body's in this modern world. I also encourage arts and music and instead of doing much direct praise, just excitedly narrate what he accomplished or tried to accomplish.

I worry I have fueled his pride early and in turn have made his will stronger than it would've been if I took a more "traditional" approach; whatever that may be. This last month before he turns two I have seen an increase in tantrums (developmentally normal, right? But is this just a scientific explanation for poor parenting or actually so?). Lately I have been trying a more "behavioral science" approach in regards to tantrums/resilience which revolves are stating expectations, consistently giving attention to wanted behavior, providing phrases to communicate instead of using unwanted behavior (ie hitting) which seem to be helping... (edit: I mean him hitting, not me hitting him) but again, I question if this technique is aligned with the Christianity passed down by Christ, the Apostles and Holy Fathers.

On a related separate note, I am sure parenting has been an outlet for pride within myself as well and so I want to get both of us in check.

Without making this post long, would you say there are any parenting methods that have become mainstream (or not) that seem like they have their heart in a good place only to perpetuate our children's individual passions?

I have read some works of the Holy Father's on parenting but admittedly skimmed most; so I would love any suggestions. Praying to the Holy Theotokos has been my go to for these issues, but again I admit I do not do so as often as I should; I have been immensely humbled when I do so.

Thank you all in advance!

Hello all. Please forgive me if my questioning is disrespectful.

I began looking into Orthodox Christianity last December, and began attending the Divine Liturgy services in March. Upon my first visit, I introduced myself to the priest and informed him I was interested in becoming a catechumen. His response was to take it slow, to keep coming to the services to see how I like it.

He handed me a copy of Welcome to the Orthodox Church: An Introduction to Eastern Christianity by Frederica Mathewes-Green about a month later. We exchanged some texts after I had finished the book and he gave me some advice of prayer.

In the beginning of June, he invited me to come by the church on Saturday afternoon to have a chat. Of course, I had fallen ill that weekend. Then, my son fell ill the next. Then, the priest was traveling for two weeks and said he would be more available next month. I had felt discouraged (and spiritually attacked) during this waiting period; I even missed about three Sundays worth of services with the illness and slight discouragement.

I finally went back to Liturgy yesterday and upon receiving the a ointment of blesed oil, he informed me that he had time to talk today.

A few weeks prior, I met a woman at my church who instantly wanted to become my God-mother. We exhanged numbers, but I hadn't reached out nor saw her since meeting her two months ago. She just so happened to be at a church yesterday (after a long trip away) and we both shared we had been thinking of one another. She was also at the church today when I arrived for my meeting with the priest. She took it upon herself to make sure she was there when I spoke to the priest (which I partially found odd but also rather protective and comforting).

The priest had an unexpected appointment so we only spoke briefly, but what I thought would be a conversation in which I introduced myself a bit more in depth was actually a conversation in which he asked if I think I am ready to be baptized.

Of course, this is what I want. I admittedly have grown a little impatient and almost envious of those who get to take the Eucharist, but I had accepted that it may take longer than I'd want and that I'd have to take somw catechumen classes. When I brought this up, he said I would only need them if I wanted them. I briefly explained certain life circumstances that continually tempt me to sin (especially the deeper I am getting), as it's not so much the theology that is holding me back but I suppose feelings of worthiness? He said that this is something we can go more into during the Confession before baptism.

I understand the length of this process is up to the discretion of the priest, and I am sure there is a bit of pride within me that is ecstatic that he is okay with going ahead and baptizing me next month.

But... is this abnormal?

We live in a big city, and although it seems the congregation is small (based on who I see weekly), I am sure he has a lot on his plate (especially as a priest with a family)... am I wrong to feel like I am being brushed aside?

Perhaps I was expecting more guidance from him during this time?

Fortunately, the woman I mentioned suggested we create a three way group text in which they will both recommend different literature for me to read. She also said she bought me a prayer book yesterday.

Or perhaps I am creating this narrative that I am a "special case" because the vast majority of the congregation is Romanian cradle and I have experience exploring the occult?

Would love to hear any insight into this situation. TIA. 🙏

TLDR: I used stuffed animals to roleplay what was happening during a tantrum when all else currently known failed and it instantly calmed my 23 month old son down to the point where I could put him down for a nap. How'd I do?

I'd like to preface this by saying I'm truly blessed with my son!

This is his second BIG tantrum at 23 months, so I am still cultivating tactics to help regulate myself and thus coregulating with him. He may cry here or there for something that he wants which I've denied, but can gracefully be redirected or in some cases even understand why a no is a no.

But a combination of not nearly enough nighttime sleep last night + a recent increase in a more sugary diet + a mom who was already on edge about something unrelated to him (usually the kicker) was the perfect storm for this second big tantrum.

It "started" when I told him he could not have more grapes; I put started in quotations because it was moreso a build up that was triggered by the grapes.

I was very diligent with his foods when first starting solids, but have slowly become lackadaisical and have been working on letting go of certain restrictions in a balanced way. Thus, what was once a diet primarily based on animal proteins/fats + other healthy fats + easily digestible veggies has been indoctrinated with more of the stereotypical American diet, and I have definitely seen behavioral changes.

He has been experimenting with his sleep pressure for a while now. Lately, he will be up for 6-7 hours before taking a nap, which is usually 3 hrs long. I'm planning on beginning to cap it as the days get significantly shorter, but as it is midsummer I do not mind a 8-10pm bed time. Depending how long his nap was, he will sleep around 8-10 hrs overnight.

Some days he will push it even longer, and some days he will skip his nap completely and sleep 11-13hrs overnight.

Yesterday, his father thought it be wise to wake him up prematurely because he had taken such a late nap. I disagreed but it already occured. His was the sleepiest I ever saw him, struggled to really wake up but we eventually had a great night. He ended up falling asleep around the same time he usually does with his long nap and woke up extremely early (something he has been doing lately as I believe he is trying fo recalibrate from July 4th). So, he only had 7 hrs of overnight sleep.

So by the time the grapes triggered him, he was already pushing 6 hrs.

Stressed about other things, I needed a few moments to myself to make a cold affogato (hypocritical, I know, but we were out of milk and I wanted an enjoyable caffeine boost) and I did not want him to see the ice cream. He began to cry as I left him in the living room with his dad, and this was the point where he begun to be inconsolable.

Prior to asking for grapes, we had already attempted a nursing to sleep nap session, in which he was not settling and I began to be touched out. I unfortunately started experiencing feeding aversion at 16 months, but by implementing boundaries and a recent stomach bug that rejuvenated our nursing relationship, things have been rather smooth lately. But, as I was struggling to regulate myself, I could not offer a nursing session at the moment which furthered the tantrum. It was extremely difficult to hold that boundary, but I especially do not want to cave when he gets to that point because I worry that will encourage the idea that tantrums get what he wants.

It was extremely hard to see him like that. He was locked into that state. I attempted to back carry him, which usually calms him down (even if he initially protests) but he was deep into the tantrum. Did not want to be held. Just kept repeating through tears and deep breaths "more milk, more milk, more milk". Dad attempts to distract him (which I generally disapprove of) with animal noises but it only lasts for a few seconds. I attempt to redirect his attention to his body by doing a familiar routine of me touching and naming his body parts. Works for a bit longer than Dad's attempt, but by the second round he is crying again.

I put my head in my hands in attempts to keep myself calm. I will not pretend like I didn't make a distasteful comment here and there, and my son is no fool when it comes to me pretending to be calm.

Then, without a conscious thought, I grab a pair of stuffed animals; a baby and mama dragon and begin role playing what was going on. The baby is crying for milk, the mama calmly and lovingly says she cannot do milk right now, that her boobies need to rest to make more milk and she hugs and cuddles her baby while he cries.

THIS is what calmed him down for another 30 mins.

He was the most exhausted I had ever seen him, and by the time he was starting to tantrum again I quickly hoisted him up on my back, wrapped him up and began to clean-up the play area (something I normally do on days he is fighting his nap but I know he is tired). He falls asleep in less than five minutes as my heart breaks a little as he sniffles to sleep (something I have only heard maybe two other times before).

And so, here I am, right after I transferred him onto the bed to take a more than deserved and needed nap, writing out what just happened to not only help myself process it all but to also potentially help others.

I also humbly post to see if anyone would like to share other techniques that might help (other than the obvious of preventing this combination from happening again/often) and look for some solidarity, as I know this is only the beginning.

I'm especially curious to hear what you think about the role play method?

I cannot imagine it will work every time, as I have heard this is moreso suggested after the tantrum but perhaps he was still "there" enough for it to register for him. I think it helped him process what was happening in the moment rather than just "being in it".

(Not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this 🤞)

10 minutes after my 24 hr labor with my son, I said "let's have another!" with a beaming glow. The hormone crash three days later was my first introduction to the cross of motherhood; this teeter-totter of emotions that circle back around as time continues to tick on.

The desire to have another child (and maybe more!) has always been in the background, but as I have seen many women online and in person who have already had a second baby while we were pregnant together with our first and with my son's second birthday approaching, this desire has been all consuming and the feelings confusing.

I initially wanted to space out at least two years to give my body to heal (no specific birth trauma just general suggestion), but now I am feeling regret like their ages would be too spaced out. I am yearning for a baby again (even though I know neurologically he still is a baby) as his independence continues to grow.

And what weighs on my heart even more... is how much of our lives would change with another little one. Perhaps it's my own "first born" trauma, but it is so hard for me to imagine sharing myself with another baby. I've heard our hearts grow once the second is born but these feelings are so very conflicting.

So my question is, for those who planned for their second... how did you know when it was the time? Do you wish you did it sooner or stretched it out more?

For those who originally wanted more kids and decided to be a "one and done" (not for medical or financial reasons), how did you decide? Is it something you regret or a decision you are happy you made?

(Some details left out for length/forgetfulness)

We started EC the first day Dad went back to work at 11 days old.

Full time EC, including nighttime EC

Used disposable diapers (Dyper brand). Eventually learned that we could air dry pee misses to reuse to save on waste/cost; would dispose once the texture stopped feeling like an unused diaper.

Switched from top hat potty to tiny potty around 8-10 months. Still used top hat potty at night until 11-12 months?

EDIT: forgot to mention that around the time we switched to the tiny potty, we switched to disposable pull ups during the day and diapers only at night

EDIT 2: Also forgot to mention that around this time we also got our first and only potty book. It just happened to be the one I liked from our public library selection called "Flush Flush Flush". We still read it to this day and his cue is from this book!

Started using trainers consistently for about one month after first birthday, then switched to underwear at 13 months.

Night time dry around 11 months, but I didn't comfortable switching to underwear at night until around 13 months as well. (He stopped wanting to be pottied in the middle of the night and had one one very small miss within those two months).

By 18 months, we were consistently dry throughout the day using personal timing and transitions.

By 21 months, he started telling me more and more when he had to pee, rather than me initiating.

He just turn 23 months today, and the last week or so he has started doing the whole pottying process on his own; going to/bringing the potty, taking off pants/underwear, going potty and then pulling his clothes back on. He is attempting to wipe more and more.

Yes, the occasional miss still happens (like two days ago when he was really interested in something else after waking from a nap)... but depending on how much liquids he has, he can hold many hours. I still offer during transitions of course, but more often than not it is when he wants to go now.

I changed less than 20-30 poop diapers total (and two poop underwear). Never used a changing table; maybe had to change his diaper a handful of times when we have gone out? (most misses were at home)

The only part I did not enjoy about this was how it brought out the perfectionism in me.

Once I deleted the tracking app and discovered air drying the used pee diapers once he became mobile, things became smooth again.

I also think it was a good outlet to use that bit of postpartum anxiety some of us may experience.

As his second birthday approaches, I look back and think if we would be where we are not if I did part time EC or perhaps started later? Maybe it would have been quicker if I didn't have those moments of perfectionist pressure?

Either way, what an experience and what a way to deepen your bond with your baby. As the yearning for a second baby becomes stronger, I wonder how this would look the second time around?

Just posting for encouragement for those in the thick of it and to hear others experiences with EC with a second, third etc. baby!

I started experiencing feeding aversion at 16 months, just after a winter cold.

Since then, I have (un)intentionally began the weaning process; starting with just ending feeds that felt uncomfortable to intentionally beginning night weaning. However, the amount of feeds I am actually okay with/enjoy are really trickling down.

Currently we are at falling to sleep feeds and wake up feeds, and sometimes some feeds during the day. Some days he is so preoccupied, he won't ask for milk at all throughout the day (which have become my favorite now, honestly.

He has been drinking kefir since before he was one, but it has definitely increased in the last two months or so. Last week or two, drinking cow's milk has been a thing (and he was so excited, he did a little twirl the first time drinking it lol). These two drinks have helped reduce a lot of feeds.

My goal was at least 2 yrs. I genuinely would like to keep some milk supply for the health/immunity benefits but I do feel my time is coming to an end, as the relief is now starting to outweigh the grief. My son is only 21 months but is fairly independent and tall, so it doesn't quite feel like I am feeding a baby anymore (even though he is obviously my baby and neurologically still in infancy)

When did you decide to stop?

If you breastfed past two years, was there anything specific you did to help prolong this time?

Those who have done this slow weaning process, how did you officially stop?

TIA 💗