u/throwRA124452

Every fucking movie I watch has a main character who's so fucking perfect. Perfect nose, lips, body, everything. It just makes me think there's something wrong with me, like it's weird that I don't look as beautiful as they do.
When I open tiktok most of my fyp is just gorgeous women. I can't help comparing myself to them and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me? Why don't I look like that? It's literally destroying my confidence to the point where I self sabotage good things because I don't think I can keep them for long.
I don't know if I'm actually ugly or if constantly seeing the most beautiful women on the internet and compering myself to them is just making me feel ugly.

Growing up, I cared about my mother and whenever she got sick, I was terrified of losing her. I also used to do things for her because I wanted her to like me.

But when I was 13, things started to change. She forced me to go to a religious school where one of the teachers constantly bullied me in front of the class. When I told my mother about it, she didn't believe me. She actually liked the teacher, which made me even more upset because I was being forced to go somewhere that felt unsafe.

After that, a lot of other things happened. She would randomly get angry and yell at everyone around the house. She even kicked me out of my room and made me sleep on the couch for months. She did a lot of things that I think I'm still holding onto, and I just can't be nice to her anymore.

I love my sisters and my younger brother so much, and I genuinely care about them. But when it comes to my mother, I just can't feel the same way anymore. I wonder if it's because I still haven't forgiven her, and maybe if I could, things would change.

The problem is that her behavior hasn't changed. She's still angry all the time, and everyone in the family knows she has mental health issues. To be fair, I think all of us struggle with our mental health to some extent, but not to the point where we constantly hurt the people around us.
She doesn't seem interested in getting help or trying to change.

I don't want to be this kind of person. I don't like that I'm only nice to everyone except my own mother, but I don't know how to move past everything that happened.

Like i know you’re evil manipulative bitch. It’s literally give me the ick. It’s so weird when they do that while you have already experienced their evil real side so many times.

TW: suicidal thoughts

Literally anything getting yelled at, ignored, etc

I just know if it’s not now it will be soon. No one gives a fuck about me. Even if someone cares about me they'll eventually leave and that will make things even worse because I'll lose them. Idk wtf i will be doing in life. I just turned 20 and I’m just so lost and tired of every little thing. Fuck everything. I've lost hope in myself, in people, and in life in general.

The world is so fucked.

TW: suicidal thoughts

I don't know if I'm the only one who feels like this, but it literally feels like every time I think, "Wow, am I really going to feel worse than that?" It's torture. You just wish you could disappear, and you have horrible suicidal thoughts that you can't seem to escape. You feel like everyone hates you, like you have no one, and you feel so alone that you desperately need someone but at the same time, you feel like nothing will help. I'm so fucking tired. I feel like my mental health is going to be the end of me.

I really liked this person we talked for 2 days the day before ghosting this person I was talking to him for 7 hours! It’s been a month now. I don’t know why i just didn’t say I’m not doing well and i cant talk to you rn. Like it’s not that fucking hard right?? But at that time I felt like everything is too much for me and I pretty much gave up on everything i have depression maybe that’s why. He reached out multiple times the last time was more than two weeks. If i do it it’s might just be apologizing for ghosting this person like that but idk if i should do it or it’s not even worth it cause we don’t know each other’s for a long time? I just feel guilty because he reached out.

The most things that helped me is just exposing myself as much as possible talking to new people everyday. Being myself and not trying to be what I think the other person expects me to be. Being just myself more even if it felt embarrassing sometimes. Actually getting more embarrassed is a good thing cause it’s mean you’re doing things out of your comfort zone. Until you get used to it and don’t feel like it’s embarrassing it’s feels more natural and you will feel more free cause you’re finally starting to feel comfortable to just be yourself.

She literally just comes to me to ask me questions about my personal life. I know you just wanna know but you don’t give a fuck. She then said oh sorry for getting into your business I swear I won’t tell anyone I’m just concerned and I see you like my daughter and I want what’s best for you and all that bullshit no you don’t. You’re a fucking lair that can’t just mind her own business. I see her literally just 4-5 times a year why tf would you ask me these questions? It’s literally makes me uncomfortable every time. When I have to see her I try to avoid her as much as possible but she still comes to me and ask me. Mind you I’m 19 and she’s like 60 years old. I’m so done with her every time i see her i just know something bad is coming. And I can’t do anything about it cause she’s an old lady and so close to my family and they like her. So if I said anything I’m being disrespectful and rude! Fake ass people.

At that time you realized how much nobody really cares about you. That’s why I don’t even talk about anything I’ve been through, because no one wants to fucking hear it. People like you only when you make them happy that’s it

I’m not that ugly why tf did i thought i was ugly? I’m beautiful and everyone is beautiful in thier own way i will never hurt myself because of stupid beauty standards

I literally feel like i will end up dead before my 20th birthday i’m so fucking tired of all of this.

TW: SA

When I was a kid, I used to think everyone was kind and caring. I never really thought much about how horrible people could be until I saw who my father truly was. One day, while my mother was sitting in the car, I saw him SA my younger brother. Me and my sister were screaming at him in disgust and disbelief, and what made it even worse was that my mother said absolutely nothing. And that’s just one thing he did out of so many others.

And one time when I was 17, getting ready for school, he came and said to me " If you weren't my daughter, I would marry you " while my mother was there didn’t say anything. I literally just froze and got out immediately from that room. Also, he made sexual comments about my older sister's body once from what she told me.

I hate them both. Eventually, I moved to my grandma’s house when I was 18 because I couldn’t stand what was happening in that home anymore. My father tried several times to force me to come back. he actually did take me back and punched me for going to my grandma’s house, until I started threatening to call the cops.

Another time, around 6 in the morning, my brother woke me up and told me to pack my things because I was leaving with them. I grabbed all my stuff, locked myself in the bathroom, and stayed completely silent. After a while, they noticed I had been in there for too long, so my brother called my father. He came and stayed outside the bathroom for almost two hours. For the first 40 minutes, I didn’t say a word or make any noise.

Eventually, they opened the bathroom window to check on me. I was sitting with my head on my knees, and they thought I was dead. They started trying to break the door down, punching it over and over until I genuinely thought it might break. At the time, my grandma was in the hospital, so I felt completely alone and terrified.

Finally, I spoke and threatened to call the cops. My phone was dead, so I faked the call while secretly recording everything on my iPad. I was already overwhelmed with so many horrible emotions that I started crying while pretending to talk to the police. Eventually, he left.

Every time I remember this and all the horrible things he did, I feel so disgusted by him. I have never felt comfortable around him. He’s a disgusting human being.

I feel like I might end it and I’m not even trying to overreact like why tf would you be mean I’m already so fucking depressed can’t you see that??? Like I literally just wanna to make an end to all of this. No body give a shit about you when you don’t be what they want you to be they will be mean to you fuck fuck. I wanna just disappear.

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I wish that I was emotionless sometimes.

I literally feel like there’s so much pain in my chest that I can feel physically I’m so tired and sickkkk all the time

Like do you even realize how cute you are?? I love seeing people in love even if it reminds me that I’m single and sometimes makes me feel a little sad. They’re just so adorable 😭😭😭

I actually don’t want to wake up. When I wake up, I always want to sleep more because I literally wake up knowing no one is with me, no one cares about me, and I always feel alone. I just keep reminding myself of what a failure I am. So how are you supposed to convince me that life is worth living when this is what I feel every single day?

I’m 19, and when I think about my future, I don’t want to get married or be in a committed relationship because my parents have the most fucked-up relationship ever. I saw how bad it was growing up, and now I’m just so scared and uncomfortable to even think about it. At the same time, I want to love and be loved like everyone else. I see it, and I just feel like it wasn’t meant for someone like me. I just don’t think I was meant to be happy in this life.

Every year on my birthday, I wish to be happy.

I can’t think too far about my future because I feel like I would give up somewhere before my 20th birthday.

Kindness doesn’t require much, and it is very important. We were brought to this earth to be together and to learn how to live together, not against each other. Why would you be mean to someone you don’t really know for no reason? Kindness is something you feel and learn. Most people who aren’t kind are like that because they didn’t learn it growing up. And that’s very sad.

I hate people who say committing suicide is a selfish choice. Do you know how much pain someone has to go through to make that decision? To choose to end everything? People who commit suicide aren’t selfish they’ve gone through so many bad things and experienced so much pain that they can’t see a way to continue living. Calling them selfish just undermines their pain and everything they’ve been through.