Moments of clarity where I can see my body objectively, DAE get these?
Most of the time I am focused on my “flabby bits” and consumed by the thoughts that I’m not thin enough yet. I don’t really believe I’m fat anymore but I still can only think about the bits of me that could be “perfected” by losing more weight.
Even with this mindset I’ll have sporadic moments of clarity when I can see my body and think I really am thin or that I’m going too far with this. It’s usually in low light or in pictures where I can’t see my face. I think it tricks my brain into viewing my body as if it’s someone else’s. These moments are very unsettling to me because it feels as though I am looking at two completely different versions of myself, I don’t know which one is correct and which one is my brain lying to me.
It’s terrifying either way I look at it. If I really am thinner than I believe then that means I will always be unsatisfied with how I look until I reach a point where others view me as a monster, if these “moments of clarity” are the ones lying then that means my brain isn’t perceiving my body as it is in the other direction. Either way I can’t win
Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble, I’m tired and freaked out rn