u/throwaway_20359

17m, my ED has gotten pretty bad lately if I’m being honest. It’s not to the point where I ONLY eat safe foods but >!it’s to the point where it’s hard for me to eat non-safe foods as part of any meal other than dinner!<. So most of what I eat is confined to a small number of foods that feel safe although I can still eat other things it’s stressful.

I had a job this summer so I do have some money but not a lot and it runs me at least >!50$ a week!< for groceries, even if I try to only buy things that are on sale. I have a medical procedure (won’t kill me if I don’t have it, but still necessary for quality of life) coming up in about 8 months which I will also have to pay for myself and it’s going to be expensive, I either need to get a job now or stop spending money on safe foods in order to pay for it.

My parents aren’t wealthy which is why I pay for my own groceries but they aren’t so poor that they skimp on buying food for themselves. they don’t cook for me so unless I’m cooking for all 3 of us all the food I eat is payed for out of my own pocket. Bottom line is that I can’t afford this and I can’t stop eating entirely either. I’ve already had to start rationing my food just because I don’t have the money to keep buying more at this rate. I’m trying to get another job but have had no luck so far.

I feel bad for wanting my parents to pay for my food since they worry about money already and they say they’re proud of me for stepping up and buying my own food but I can’t afford this anymore. They will pay for my college but I don’t think they’re going to send me any money for food/bills/medical expenses/housing while I’m in college so I need to be saving for that too.

I guess my question is, is this normal? Should my parents be paying for my safe foods or AITAH for expecting that?

I hit a new low bmi today but more than ever I feel like a fraud. I’m technically “underweight” but barely so it’s not good enough. Not even enough to qualify for an AN diagnosis.

I eat over >!1k!< cals every day and I don’t even b/p anymore. I don’t fast, i don’t get my steps in, I don’t do anything that the average anorexic is “supposed” to do.

I don’t think I’m fat either. I know I’m not fat, the thought process is just “I could do with losing a bit more”. I don’t have too much fear about going over my cal limit, I go over it most days and just shrug it off because “it was only x over, it’s fine”.

Idk, I feel like my mindset isn’t disordered enough to warrant calling this an actual disorder anymore.

The focus has shifted from my body to numbers I suppose. I track everything but I don’t know why I even do it anymore. It’s something I can’t give up but I don’t know why I’m like this

I (17m) go to a very small private school, only about 30 students. It opened at the beginning of last year and that’s when I started going because I transferred but most kids started at the beginning of middle or high school so most of my classmates are 12-14 now, there are only 4 other seniors and a handful of juniors. My school is catered towards neurodivergent students and kids who can’t go to other schools for some reason or another (too disruptive, got kicked out, high support needs autism, trauma, got bullied a lot, severe mental health issues, etc.) most of them are young and a bit eccentric so I find them annoying. I didn’t make any friends last year because of that, among other reasons.

Anyways, there’s a new kid there (14m) who’s actually pretty chill. We work on puzzles together for the most part. I only recently found out he’s 14, before that I’d assumed he was at least 15-16 because he’s quite a bit more mature than the rest of the students his age. I could see myself being pretty good friends with him but I don’t want to come off as some sort of creep. Advice?

17m but this started when I was 14. In the beginning I thought I’d just go down to what was considered “barely healthy” for my height. In the beginning I thought it was always just going to be about feeling ugly.

Now that I’ve been dealing with this for years I realize that it was never just about feeling ugly, in the beginning I just didn’t realize that.

It was because I’d been sexually assaulted by a classmate the year before, I felt worthless if I wasn’t attractive.

It was about my extreme executive dysfunction, I felt horrible about never being productive so feeling “productive” with my ED was all I had.

It was because I’ve grown up in a turbulent home. My mom’s a hoarder who’s constantly breaking my trust and ignoring boundaries. I needed a sense of control.

It was probably due to genetics, OCD on my dad’s side and 2 generations of EDs on my moms.

Now it’s about my best friend. He died by suicide just before I turned 16 and my ED immediately took a turn for the worse, heavy binging in the months after he died followed by heavy restriction in the months following that. I’m still restricting and have very little hope of getting better any time soon. He was also anorexic and starving makes me feel more connected to him.

It’s because I needed to stop smoking weed all the time.

It’s because I wanted to feel loved.

It’s because of everything and nothing at the same time. Some days I don’t have a clue why I’m really doing this anymore, I just do it because it’s what I’ve been doing for so long. This stupid disorder wraps its claws around every aspect of your life. Everything becomes increasingly intertwined with it until it consumes you. There isn’t a part of me left untainted by this godforsaken disease.

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17m I’ve been disordered for a while but never this bad. Rapidly dropped from healthy to underweight recently.

I took a shower today and when I was washing my hair my hands got all covered in hair that fell out. When I got out there was a big clump of dead hair in the drain. It looked like I’d bathed a dog. I didn’t know that much hair could come out in one shower.

You’d think this would be a wake-up call but it’s not. I know I won’t stop. I don’t really want to stop.

I had a friend a while ago who was also anorexic, he was worse than me but not so bad that anyone else noticed. He died last year, suicide. I wonder if he started to lose his hair too. I wish I could ask him. This post was supposed to be about my hair but everything’s been about him lately, I guess that might be why I’ve been getting worse.

I have a very short list of safe foods that I eat daily. I typically try to get myself to eat one thing per day that isn’t a safe food but that doesn’t always work out. I am extremely afraid of fats of any kind so I hardly eat them even in the item that isn’t a safe food. I’m worried that the lack of fats in my diet could be detrimental in the long run but I am too afraid to reintroduce them.

I do generally get quite a bit of protein and carbs, I eat a lot of fruit and yogurt so I’m hoping I get some vitamins, calcium etc. from that. I take vitamin supplements daily as well. I’m not sure what else I can do as far as harm reduction goes, any suggestions on how to get nutrients in on a very limited number of safe foods?

I (17m) gave my mom (60f) my card and PIN number so she could grab some coffee today. She came to pick me up from school earlier than I expected so I was still busy with work and wanted to stay to finish up. She complained that she was hungry and wanted coffee but didn’t bring money so I eventually caved and gave her my wallet and PIN number. She ended up spending upwards of 30$ on food.

This isn’t something I’d normally think is a big deal, especially if she pays me back but I am worried that giving her my PIN was a bad idea. She has a history of “borrowing” money from me without permission. She always pays it back eventually but makes me feel guilty when she does. It’s not small amounts of money either, she once took 300$ from my savings without even telling me first.

We’re pretty poor, not dirt poor but we struggle to pay bills sometimes and when our AC unit broke a few months ago it took over 2 months for us to be able to save the money to fix it. My mom grew up rich and got used to living more lavishly than we can afford. She’s always getting takeout or buying unnecessary things that we won’t use.

I’ve been working hard to pull myself out of this situation and had a job this summer but with school starting up I don’t know if I’ll have the time. I need to have some savings for college and a car but all of my money is on my debit card. I honestly don’t know if she’ll take my money, I don’t even know if she still remembers my pin but I’m worried. DIFU and if so what should I do?

Edit to update: I changed my pin on the card, I’m also planning on opening up a savings account to keep most of my money on within the next few weeks instead of just the debit. I’ll keep cash around to give her if I need to

I’ve had them since before my ED began but they’ve been so much worse lately, for the first time they’re not just big but painful too. Almost the size of a blueberry now and purple-red

Idk if this is related to my ED but I don’t know what else could be causing it. I’ve been fasting a lot lately, more than I ever have in the past but when I do eat it’s always extremely high fiber and all my BM are normal.

Does anyone else get these or know how to deal with them? Is it an ED thing or just bad luck/some other cause?

I’m >!5’9/175cm!< and a dude so it’s safe to say my build isn’t very standard to this community. I’m normally okay with my height or even wish I was taller but at the same time I see people who’s weight gets down to >!less than 45kg!< and I think that would put me at risk for complications but I get jealous nonetheless.

I don’t want to get so bad that my health starts failing more than it already is, I don’t want to be that thin but I am jealous of the numbers that shorter people are able to get to without dying. The main focus of my ED is numbers rather than purely body image so it makes me kind of upset that I won’t ever be able to see the numbers that other people will.

Idk, I guess it just makes me feel bigger than everyone who has a lower weight than I do, even if their bmi might be higher. I probably need to stop comparing myself to other people but that’s easier said than done. This disorder is quite literally eating me alive and all I can think about is numbers :/

Not even three months ago I could do extended fasts without feeling too bad, now I feel tired and dizzy all the time when I do them. I’ve only lost a few pounds since then because I’ve been binging a lot so idk what changed. Maybe it’s because when I do eat half of it is junk now

I have to take melatonin to sleep through the night and even when I wake up I’m still tired. I feel weak all the time unless I eat something. All of this just pisses me off so bad. I’m not bad enough to be experiencing all this bs yet, that should come in a few bmi points but it’s settling in now.

Ik this is probably a sign that I should stop fasting for so long but I won’t. I only feel lovable when I’m fasting

I went through psychosis about 3 years ago during a time in my life where I was extremely depressed and contemplating ending my life. Since then I’ve been on stronger antidepressants and have not had further issues with psychosis, though I am still depressed. The technical name for my condition is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features but it’s more commonly known as psychotic depression outside of medical context.

I had been depressed for several years before the psychotic symptoms started to take hold but I had never been actively suicidal for such an extended period of time. After a few months of planning to commit I started feeling ants crawling all over me constantly and seeing “shadow people” out of the corner of my eye when it got dark. I chalked it up to not getting enough sleep and thought it was fine. Then the walls started breathing and stretching. I’d look down a 20’ corridor and could see it elongating to what seemed like well over 100 feet right before my eyes. If I looked at a wall for more than a few seconds it would start to breathe and warp. I still thought this could just be lack of sleep or some kind of panic attack so I didn’t tell a doctor, just my gf who was worried but also thought it could be lack of sleep

Over the worst 2 months of this episode I started hearing voices. There were 3 distinct “people” who would talk to me, they would only come when I was very actively suicidal and close to doing something that would put my life in danger. These personalities were consistent between weeks, I wouldn’t hear them for a few days but they’d come back and be the same “people”. 2 of them would try to convince me not to harm myself while the other would try to rationalize and encourage my death. I knew they were not real but I didn’t know what was going on with me either. I was somewhat convinced that they were separate entities from myself but were trapped inside my head.

I partially knew that these events were figments of my imagination but that insight flickered in and out with my descent into suicidality. It was almost as if I had to remind myself that these things weren’t real whenever I’d catch myself treating them as if they were.

I haven’t had any problems with psychosis in 3 years despite having 1 suicide attempt since then. I’m not on any antipsychotics due to the negative side effects they’ve caused but I have tried them in the past. I am currently on an antidepressant by the name of duloxetine and it had worked well for me where other medications have failed. Overall I’m doing much better than I was 3 years ago, still struggling but far better off than when I was in psychosis