u/throwaway_20359

I (17m) gave my mom (60f) my card and PIN number so she could grab some coffee today. She came to pick me up from school earlier than I expected so I was still busy with work and wanted to stay to finish up. She complained that she was hungry and wanted coffee but didn’t bring money so I eventually caved and gave her my wallet and PIN number. She ended up spending upwards of 30$ on food.

This isn’t something I’d normally think is a big deal, especially if she pays me back but I am worried that giving her my PIN was a bad idea. She has a history of “borrowing” money from me without permission. She always pays it back eventually but makes me feel guilty when she does. It’s not small amounts of money either, she once took 300$ from my savings without even telling me first.

We’re pretty poor, not dirt poor but we struggle to pay bills sometimes and when our AC unit broke a few months ago it took over 2 months for us to be able to save the money to fix it. My mom grew up rich and got used to living more lavishly than we can afford. She’s always getting takeout or buying unnecessary things that we won’t use.

I’ve been working hard to pull myself out of this situation and had a job this summer but with school starting up I don’t know if I’ll have the time. I need to have some savings for college and a car but all of my money is on my debit card. I honestly don’t know if she’ll take my money, I don’t even know if she still remembers my pin but I’m worried. DIFU and if so what should I do?

Edit to update: I changed my pin on the card, I’m also planning on opening up a savings account to keep most of my money on within the next few weeks instead of just the debit. I’ll keep cash around to give her if I need to

I’ve had them since before my ED began but they’ve been so much worse lately, for the first time they’re not just big but painful too. Almost the size of a blueberry now and purple-red

Idk if this is related to my ED but I don’t know what else could be causing it. I’ve been fasting a lot lately, more than I ever have in the past but when I do eat it’s always extremely high fiber and all my BM are normal.

Does anyone else get these or know how to deal with them? Is it an ED thing or just bad luck/some other cause?

I’m >!5’9/175cm!< and a dude so it’s safe to say my build isn’t very standard to this community. I’m normally okay with my height or even wish I was taller but at the same time I see people who’s weight gets down to >!less than 45kg!< and I think that would put me at risk for complications but I get jealous nonetheless.

I don’t want to get so bad that my health starts failing more than it already is, I don’t want to be that thin but I am jealous of the numbers that shorter people are able to get to without dying. The main focus of my ED is numbers rather than purely body image so it makes me kind of upset that I won’t ever be able to see the numbers that other people will.

Idk, I guess it just makes me feel bigger than everyone who has a lower weight than I do, even if their bmi might be higher. I probably need to stop comparing myself to other people but that’s easier said than done. This disorder is quite literally eating me alive and all I can think about is numbers :/

Not even three months ago I could do extended fasts without feeling too bad, now I feel tired and dizzy all the time when I do them. I’ve only lost a few pounds since then because I’ve been binging a lot so idk what changed. Maybe it’s because when I do eat half of it is junk now

I have to take melatonin to sleep through the night and even when I wake up I’m still tired. I feel weak all the time unless I eat something. All of this just pisses me off so bad. I’m not bad enough to be experiencing all this bs yet, that should come in a few bmi points but it’s settling in now.

Ik this is probably a sign that I should stop fasting for so long but I won’t. I only feel lovable when I’m fasting

I went through psychosis about 3 years ago during a time in my life where I was extremely depressed and contemplating ending my life. Since then I’ve been on stronger antidepressants and have not had further issues with psychosis, though I am still depressed. The technical name for my condition is Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features but it’s more commonly known as psychotic depression outside of medical context.

I had been depressed for several years before the psychotic symptoms started to take hold but I had never been actively suicidal for such an extended period of time. After a few months of planning to commit I started feeling ants crawling all over me constantly and seeing “shadow people” out of the corner of my eye when it got dark. I chalked it up to not getting enough sleep and thought it was fine. Then the walls started breathing and stretching. I’d look down a 20’ corridor and could see it elongating to what seemed like well over 100 feet right before my eyes. If I looked at a wall for more than a few seconds it would start to breathe and warp. I still thought this could just be lack of sleep or some kind of panic attack so I didn’t tell a doctor, just my gf who was worried but also thought it could be lack of sleep

Over the worst 2 months of this episode I started hearing voices. There were 3 distinct “people” who would talk to me, they would only come when I was very actively suicidal and close to doing something that would put my life in danger. These personalities were consistent between weeks, I wouldn’t hear them for a few days but they’d come back and be the same “people”. 2 of them would try to convince me not to harm myself while the other would try to rationalize and encourage my death. I knew they were not real but I didn’t know what was going on with me either. I was somewhat convinced that they were separate entities from myself but were trapped inside my head.

I partially knew that these events were figments of my imagination but that insight flickered in and out with my descent into suicidality. It was almost as if I had to remind myself that these things weren’t real whenever I’d catch myself treating them as if they were.

I haven’t had any problems with psychosis in 3 years despite having 1 suicide attempt since then. I’m not on any antipsychotics due to the negative side effects they’ve caused but I have tried them in the past. I am currently on an antidepressant by the name of duloxetine and it had worked well for me where other medications have failed. Overall I’m doing much better than I was 3 years ago, still struggling but far better off than when I was in psychosis

5’9, 120-125lb. I’ve got a 26’-27’ waist and can’t find pants that fit me right. I usually stick to stuff with drawstrings because jeans always have an annoying bit of flap around my waist and hips or straight up fall down if I’m not wearing a belt. I’ve been buying 28’x30’s for a while and the length fits fine but I’d like to find a store/brand that carries a smaller waist size,any recommendations?

The weight I want to be keeps getting lower and lower, yes, but so does every other number in my life.

X days of fasting? Well I need to make it x more than that or I’m not good enough. X amount of weightloss in a day? It needs to be double that for me to reach the weight I want by school. X amount of water drunk in a day? I need a whole bottle added to that. Made a recipe with x calories? Need to find a way to cut it down by at least xx. XXk steps? Not good enough, triple it.

I made the mistake of getting >!20k!< steps for 1 day while on vacation because I went below my previous limit another day and now it’s been nearly a week of me forcing myself to get that amount before I go home. I was driving for 4 hours today (home from vacation) and got home at 6pm. I didn’t even unpack the car. I just started walking and didn’t come home until well past 9pm all to reach that dreaded new minimum.

I have no active plan or intent to commit suicide. This is simply a vent post

I’ve had multiple suicide attempts in the past but most of them were half assed or I got stopped midway, only one was serious enough to land me in a psych hospital and that was right after my best friend committed.

I don’t have the balls to do it for real. I don’t particularly want to be alive, it’s been miserable for me since before my age was in the double digits but I have just enough survival instinct left to keep me from going all the way with it. I stay alive because I don’t want my family to lose their only son. Which is more painful though? Losing someone to suicide or losing someone to anorexia.

I’ve already lost someone to suicide and it fucked me up more than I ever thought possible, it completely changed my personality and every core belief I held about the world, along with causing me to relapse into this stupid disorder. On the other hand, watching someone you love slowly wither away and be happy about it? That seems like hell on earth.

This disease has fully consumed my life and I don’t even meet the weight requirement for a diagnosis yet. Half the reason I want to keep living is to lose more weight.

Idk, life’s shitty rn

It’s 1 am and I was taking a hot bath after not having eaten and been walking for hours today(bad idea, I know) and on top of it I had just finished jerking off (tmi sry) but I went to stand up and felt lightheaded, the lightheadedness is normal for me so I didn’t think anything of it but I remember feeling like I was blacking out and like I really needed to lay down

What happened in the moments after that is very fuzzy and I don’t have any (visual) memory of it, just a vague memory of hearing the shower curtain fall off the wall. It felt like a few minutes but I think it was only a few seconds that it took me to get my vision back but I was sitting down on the edge of the tub despite having no memory of actually sitting down and my whole body was shaking violently. I couldn’t stop it for a few seconds and my head hurt pretty bad, I think the curtain rod hit me when it fell.

I feel fine now, I put the curtain rod up and have been sitting in my bed since. These kind of incidents have been getting more common over the past few months and they worry me. My doctors thought it might be a heart issue but they didn’t find anything. I’m on the border between underweight and healthy and these incidents happen even when I eat like a normal person. I’m beginning to think it’s an electrolyte thing or epilepsy…

It’s just fucking scary, I don’t think this is ENTIRELY caused by my ED since it started while I was in recovery but I don’t think the lack of nutrition is helping anything. These episodes just keep getting more severe and this was the worst one yet, I usually just lose control of my body but still have all memory of the event. This time there’s just a blank spot in the timeline

I HIGHLY doubt it came from any kind of sincere attraction to me, he was just making the most high-pitched moaning noises he could at me while I walked by. I don’t look like a girl at all either. I’m average height with fairly average proportions other than my weight and all I was wearing was shorts and a plain T shirt with a baseball cap.

Part of the reason my ED started was due to trauma from getting SA’d by a classmate when I was 13. I felt as though my body was all I was worth and that if I lost weight I’d be easier to love because I was “easier to look at”. Part of it stems from feeling dirty and wanting to go back to a time when I wasn’t so mentally exhausted. Right now I just want to disappear.

I know that my weight is probably the reason he catcalled me in the first place. Men with a plethora of insecurities that they were never taught how to address tend to look for anyone they perceive as weak to sexualize. I know this should make me want to gain, to avoid being seen as weak but it really just makes me want to stop leaving the house. I can’t give up this disorder but if I never left the house at least I’d feel safer :/

One of my major safe foods is fruit and I eat a LOT of it. Almost every meal has fruit, every snack has fruit dessert is fruit. I eat a lot of vegetables too but I have a large sweet tooth so it’s mostly fruit tbh. I like it bc it tastes good and it helps with bowel movements when I’m restricting so I don’t want to cut back on it but ppl in my life seem to think I’m a ticking time bomb for explosive diarrhea bc of how much fiber I eat…

I’ve recently been worried abt diabetes too bc my mom was recently diagnosed with pre diabetes (would be t2) so now I’m worried that I’ll get it bc the fruit has sugars in it :( ik that’s probably not too much of a worry since it’s not processed food and I’m not overweight but I still have anxiety abt it.

I obviously know the ED will have health consequences but as far as this question goes I’m strictly asking if eating large amounts of fruit/fiber could be detrimental down the line

Most of my diet consists of fruit/veg and protein like chicken or beans. I eat at least one fruit with every meal and every snack I have is fruit. Sometimes I’ll even just have a massive bowl of fruit for a meal a few times a week. I do eat other things ofc but lately at least 60% of my diet is fruit and veg, sometimes 80%

I feel fine, even better than I did when I was eating junk foods frequently but people around me seem to think I’ll have explosive diarrhea at any moment from all the fiber. Are there any actual consequences to eating too much fiber?

17m so I’ll be free of this in a year if it matters

I overate today so I was purging in the bathroom and my mom opened the door to try and get me to pack for the beach twice. I got up to answer it both times so she wouldn’t see the toilet but she saw my face. I definitely had puke on my chin and my face was red plus I had snot at tears all over me. She knows abt my ED and she knows I puke when I overeat so I don’t see how it wouldn’t be obvious what I was doing, especially with the smell.

She just told me to pack my stuff and didn’t even mention anything about the state I was in. I don’t really want her to talk about it and it’s not like she could do anything regardless but it feels weird that she doesn’t even acknowledge it. I have so many very obviously disordered habits that she just doesn’t bother to call out anymore, she used to say it was unhealthy and stuff but I think she’s given up since I just keep losing weight.

When I bought the food scale she said nothing. When I brought another scale just for my room she said nothing. When I stopped eating anything with oil she said nothing. When I stop eating for days she says nothing. When I buy diet foods she says nothing. She’s even asked me to help her go on a diet since she’s overweight and her doctor wants her to manage her pre-diabetes better.

When I first started losing weight she said I looked like a stick but I told her not to comment on my body anymore (it was triggering) so she eventually stopped. I suppose she’s just leaving me alone because it’s what I want her to do but it feels weird ig. It’s not like I want her to start doing anything abt my habits. I want to keep doing exactly the same thing I have been, it just feels like this is probably the kind of thing a mom should be commenting on ig

It’s probably for the best that she says nothing, we’d only fight more if she did. I think she’s cares but doesn’t know what to do with me anymore and has just given up on doing anything about it. I’m too stubborn and stuck in my ways to care what she has to say about my eating anyways

My best friend killed himself last year and it’s sent me into a spiral. Even when he was alive we were both disordered, he was just way worse than I was. He was underweight and restricted pretty heavily while I was always bouncing around the same few pounds and b/p’ing a lot. We didn’t talk about our eating issues too much but it was kind of a mutual understanding that we both had them and we’d vent about it a bit every few weeks.

He died and took with him the most important person in my life. I hate him for doing that. I spend so much time wishing he’d just killed me too but I have people to be here for. I get worse, in part, to spite him. I know he wouldn’t want me to do this to myself but that just makes me want to starve more. I didn’t get a say in whether he lived or not so why should I care that he’d want me to be healthy.

I hate him for what he did but I could never really hate him, He was too perfect for that and I know that he did it for a reason. I starve myself to spite him but I also feel compelled to be thinner than he was. I feel as though I need to “carry on his legacy” so to speak. He was beautiful and everything I wish I looked like. Remembering him keeps me from recovery more than any pro-Ana content ever could

Just about everything in my life, good or bad, ties back to him. I am so comfortable living in the shadow he left behind even as it destroys me. Carrying on without him has made me a shell of a person but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve been doing multi day long fasts back to back with only >!a day or two!< in between for a while now. I know it’s not normal to go days without eating and yet whenever I do eat I feel like I suddenly don’t have a disorder anymore. It doesn’t help that my scale broke yesterday so I’m panicking about how much I weigh. I couldn’t bring myself to eat yesterday because I was too worried about the scale but I ate a bit just now because I couldn’t sleep

Every time I break a fast I feel like a failure. It’s never long enough and every time I beat myself up about it because “if I’d only gone a day longer I’m sure I could’ve lost x amount more weight”

The scale won’t go down fast enough, I can’t fast long enough, my fat won’t disappear quickly enough, I can’t ever seem to walk enough steps, no food is low enough in cals, no amount of weight loss is enough. Nothing is ever enough to satiate this disease’s ravenous hunger for every part of my life. I’m drowning but I won’t be able to stop until I am fully consumed.

I’ve lost about >!25/30!< pounds since my hw and while I realistically know it can’t all be water, I’m convinced that somehow it is and I haven’t really lost any fat at all. I’m worried that all of it was just food/water/shit inside me and that if I eat normally I’ll gain it all back in a matter of days/weeks.

Even eating normally for a week makes me gain multiple pounds :/

I don’t have any hobbies, I don’t have many friends and I don’t have anything interesting about me. I spend every minute of every day working, at school, playing video games, thinking about food or walking. I used to have hobbies but I’ve been too depressed for the majority of my conscious life to keep up with any of them.

I have only 1 person in my life who I’d call a friend, even she has been more distant lately. We only talk once every few weeks. I haven’t had a friend who talked to me more than once a week in over a year. I did have a wonderful friend before that, I miss him dearly and I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone like that again.

I do want friends I think. I miss having companionship but I don’t have anything about me that would spur people to become interested in talking to me. When I had friends I was at my most disordered. People loved me back then because I was attractive. People wanted to talk to me even though I was just as much of a boring guy as I am now. I want to fix my personality but it’s so much easier to just stop eating. When I’m attractive I don’t need a personality, all I need is to be kind and a bit funny when I’m thin. When I’m a healthy weight people stop approaching me. I hate that I can’t just be an interesting person. If I had more redeeming qualities I’d be able to keep friends, even if I was ugly on top of it