u/tofu_baby_cake

How do couples know the marriage is irreparably broken and warrants a divorce? Like I'm assuming the couple already knows how they fight and repair their relationship, and whatever crises they are going through isn't following the same pattern? Or is it just a gut instinct thing?

Note: I am not asking personally for myself as I'm not in a relationship. This post is asking out of curiosity and for further knowledge.

Genuine question because it just seems messy, but obviously it still can work because there are so many stepmothers and stepfathers with stepchildren. But honestly, is it ever weird at first, and I'm assuming the adults truly care for each other enough to overlook the already having children part. It just boggles my mind how complicated it seems to be, though.

There's a notion in the therapist world that "nobody is responsible for your emotions" and expecting clients to take 100% responsibility for their emotional regulation, and not seek comfort or advice from another human. Which in some ways does make sense (the self-responsibility part). But if therapists are basically telling society not to rely emotionally on other humans, they can't be surprised if their clients resort to confiding in ChatGPT, as an emotional support tool.

Humans are meant to be emotionally and socially supportive of each other. Therapists telling their clients they shouldn't expect emotional support from others, really can't blame society on starting to use ChatGPT for emotional support, especially if therapists aren't even willing to help support their clients during difficult times.

Maybe I'm neurodivergent. Maybe it's just me. But I've found I'm the happiest, the most fulfilled, and energetic when I'm stimulated in the right ways. Because I feel alive.

So I'd like to reiterate stress is not the same as being well-stimulated. And I guess some people would say they don't like overthinking. But I feel depressed if I don't have stimulation. It must just be the way my brain is wired. I know for others happiness is not thinking too much or having low pressure. Maybe some people just thrive off of challenges?

So I'm a millennial and I grew up with Korean friends. I'm aware some of their parents moved out of the US so they could give their children a more balanced life in terms of the education system. My parents are also from Asia so I'm assuming the school culture was similar - a lot of yelling, aggressive means to get ahead or do well, and psychological damage for those that couldn't "keep up."

This was like 20-30 years ago, what I'm referring to. My question is, is the school culture the same as before for the current students of S. Korea? Do kids still face harsh and strict pressure from teachers and parents nowadays? Like how in the US, teachers want to make sure every kid feels good about themselves even if they're not up to the standard, they're very forgiving, almost too forgiving... but has anything changed with how students are taught or viewed educationally in S. Korea?

It can be someone you met in person and continue to stay in touch with digitally or for some, they became friends through an online forum.

But having that online friend where you can socialize or confide in anytime of the day, without any pressur, is honestly one of the best emotionally support systems. It's bursts of social interaction without feeling like you need to constantly fill silence (like IRL) and makes you feel less alone. It can be as deep (confidant, venting) or superficial (bantering, pics) as you'd like. And the best thing is because it's online, you're able to say things you wouldn't otherwise say out loud. I mean jokes or deep personal feelings. Just somewhere where you feel safe emotionally.

It's difficult because to make friends or date, we need to be open to getting to know a complete stranger. But then sometimes we learn some people aren't meant to be trusted or they backstab us, or simply don't even care.

What's an experience that made you start being suspicious of people when it comes to making new friends or dating?

For me it was that I stopped feeling the need to overexplain myself. Before I used to constantly defend my viewpoints or my values and felt the need to argue/debate with people who told me they didn't agree or thought I was ridiculous for the way I saw things. But as I grow up, I'm not as offended or feeling inferior if someone doesn't agree with how I live my life, and I also don't owe them an explanation.

All that becomes necessary is finding the right people that you'd want to surround yourself with and then peacefully coexisting with those who don't.

Mine was that it matters a lot how two people speak to each other and communicate. There are multiple ways to express or communicate something and the reaction all depends on the specific person who's hearing it. And sometimes the way I say something to one person, doesn't get the same response from another.

So whoever you decide to settle down with, communication style and expression is equally important as other core values (religion, lifestyle, etc)

Don't get me wrong, trial and error are the obvious strategies here. After breaking up, everyone tries to find that person who can fulfill that's one missing thing from their previous relationship.

But I'm someone who has had several relationships and even with experience, I feel like I still don't know what I'm looking for in a relationship. Like it's almost becoming to the point where I'm thinking too much about it but then part of me also doesn't want a relationship and maybe I'm fine with just some energy exchange on various levels.

Like shared hobbies isn't enough for me to be in a relationship - there's obviously companionship, care for the other person, values - but how do people figure out what those dealbreaker values are? What were those "must have" values that you demanded from your spouse?

I get that there's no perfect partner and there's compromise needed but what did people end up realizing was a non-negotiable for them in a relationship?

It always feels like people who are chill or cheerful come off as the ideal. Are there any perks or advantages of being an intense person? Or being around an intense person?

I now know why people constantly use the word good even if something sucked. Because it's simple, non-offensive, and sometimes you just need to not stress and get on with your life

I've seen an influx of people not using tech as much anymore and relying on paper and pencil methods. For me it's using cash at bakeries/coffee shops rather than credit card or apple pay. I used to journal on my laptop but nowadays I use paper journals and write by hand. Just feels good not to do everything by phone.

(as I type this post on my phone)

Is there a genetic explanation for people who just seem to be more simple or not so hung up on feeling sad/angry/anxious? I'm someone that has a difficult time with overthinking but at the same time, it's stimulating for me to be curious about things. But there are people who just seem way more simple and either know how to turn it off or it just doesn't occur to them to think about more. Is this personality or intelligence or genetics? (a.k.a. why am I so nervous all the time)

Is there a genetic explanation for people who just seem to be more simple or not so hung up on feeling sad/angry/anxious? I'm someone that has a difficult time with overthinking but at the same time, it's stimulating for me to be curious about things. But there are people who just seem way more simple and either know how to turn it off or it just doesn't occur to them to think about more. Is this personality or intelligence or genetics? (a.k.a. why am I so nervous all the time)

I've been noticing something about interactions and personalities. Someone can talk and it comes off as lively and bubbly yet there are others that come off as harsh or aggressive. But both types have a similar intense energy. What is it that makes that subtle difference? Is it just whatevs you're used to from socializing, your own energy and perception?

So there's this guy I knew from high school, that I wasn't ever close with. But we ended up working in the same industry and he still lives in the area. A lot of our classmates moved away. I've seen him at some networking events like every other year or so. I would not consider him a friend first and foremost but simply someone I was friendly with back in high school. We are in our late 30's and I'm also a woman.

So about two years ago he started reaching out on Facebook messenger just to chat about life and catch up, and I was actually fine doing so. Our chats would last maybe less than half an hour then I wouldn't have any interaction with him for months on end. At the time I was happy to stay in touch and just be kinda friends.

Recently he reached out again but I started getting annoyed. All he did was say things like "I like _____" "lol" "omg sooo fun lol" "I looove _____" and then would talk about his wife. Like it just came off like he was using me as a diary in real time and also using me as a container for to make himself happy. To be fair, he did kind of ask me about my life and I shared a tiny bit but he also kept pushing a bit, sayings "tell me" "tell me" and then that's when I started getting annoyed because I didn't want to share more. It started pissing me off and I realized I didn't want this close digital relationship with him where I was confiding in him and also him just talking at me. Again, we're not even close and I wouldn't have considered him a proper friend in the first place, just someone I knew in high school.

So I told him I was uncomfortable and blocked him and that was that. AITAH?

Edit because people are being accusatory:

1. I initially stopped responding to give him a hint that I didn't want to chat all the time. He continues to flood me with texts.

2. I do eventually flat out tell him I didn't want to be glued to my phone all the time because I prefer in-person interactions and real life.

3. Are people forgetting that this guy is married, I'm a woman, and he's texting me (another woman) multiple times a day trying to get the inside scoop on my life? I get trying to be friends be isn't there a boundary when it comes to socializing with the opposite gender especially if you're married?

Do a lot of people have that intuition this is their future spouse when they meet them for the first time? Or is it really a long process where you actively and gradually come to the conclusion this is it?

What might come next after society is sick of high protein, dairy-free, gluten-free anything??

So I broke up with my therapist recently as I was starting to have strange feelings towards her and during the sessions, and lately I've been reflecting on things that happened during the session when we were talking.

I am someone that never expresses anger, I keep it to myself or I suppress it, either out of self-responsibility or having the feeling that nobody cares. This was something I needed to figure out when I went to my therapist as it's always been difficult for me to make sense of my emotions. I often rant in my head but it doesn't really go anywhere as there's no proper outlet or way of processing.

Anyways, so I was venting to my therapist one session and she just abruptly yelled out "when my friend calls me and starts talking about her life, I don't really care to listen or think it's annoying."

Another session, I was talking about my relationship (don't remember what specifically) and she abruptly yelled out "YOU'RE NOT HIS MOM!!!" (later I found out she's divorced)

So I have a feeling she was triggered by me because I'm not the type of person she had a reaction to. I listen carefully to my friends and support them, and in my relationship I was caring and tried to also support my partner in however ways I could.

My therapist came off as just being annoyed with people and normal human/social interactions in general.

Am I onto something here? Did I trigger something in her, and were her abrupt responses a bit odd or borderline unprofessional?