u/unnamed-racoon

need new tracks for my playlist ive had the same 60 songs for 6 years lol

fave artists are dollywood, twikipedia, 8485, lieu and blackwinterwells.

stuff like kurtains, glaive, m1v and so on are appreciated too!!

i love trans tape, for some reason it makes me way less dysphoric since the action of binding with tape feels a lot more manly than putting on a binder.

I JUST CAN'T FUCKING FIGURE IT OUT.

truth be told I've only tried a total of 4 times and i have actually gotten better at it, but right now it takes a whole lot of tape which just isn't worth it financially.

I'm still pre t, so consider that i haven't experienced fat redistribution yet. i think my cup size is around a double b, maybe a bit smaller, maybe a bit larger im not sure.

if anyone knows how to get the same results a binder gives you with tape, PLEASE let me know.

I'm not sure how to say this without it sounding at least a little triggering, so please know i don't intend to shame anyone, I'm just looking to hear from other people who quit self harm.

I quit self harm around 8 months ago, and while I've had a couple of thoughts about it in the most recent months, it really hasn't affected me much.

I decided I wanted to quit because I plan on starting testosterone soon, and they won't give you HRT if you harm yourself.

I had a final session as a sort of "goodbye" I guess, and then I just didn't do it again.

I didn't struggle at all for the first 6 months, and I only ever thought about it when things got really rough these past weeks, and even then, the urge was manageable enough to avoid it.

it legit left me upset since you always hear people talk about how addictive and hard to quit self harm is, so even tho I know I used to struggle with it the fact that all it took for me to stop was a good enough motivation feels weirdly invalidating lol.

did anyone else find it strangely easy to stop even after years of doing it?

I've always called it MCD but i feel like MD is more common

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I've been out of therapy for the past 7 months, and while i am objectively doing better, I'm struggling to get a grip on my diagnoses on my own.

for context, i have borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder with antisocial traits.

i used to do CBT, but it genuinely didn't help much at all cause all my therapist would do is compliment how self aware and introspective i am, which does nothing but enable my behaviour.

I've been struggling a lot with irritability, aggressiveness, and defensiveness, and i can't seem to break the pattern on my own.

not sure what to do as solo therapy did barely anything, and group therapy did nothing but make me annoyed at other people with cluster b personality disorders.

i have an appointment on the 31st with my psychiatrist for other reasons, but i'm wondering if i should seek help again.

on one hand, i don't wanna be an asshole but on the other, i don't care about treating people badly since no one ever bothered to better themselves for the sake of my health.

feeling pretty stuck rn.

I'm gonna start this off by saying that I myself am trans and experience intense dysphoria. this post is absolutely NOT meant to invalidate anyone's experience, this is simply me not understanding other people's perspective and wanting insight from those who do not share my personal experience.

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I really hope I don't come off as a transmed in this post since I generally dislike their whole attitude and find them unpleasant to be around.

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I personally believe that you do need dysphoria to be trans, just that not every single trans person experiences body dysphoria.

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as far as I'm aware, there's 3 main types of dysphoria:

- body dysphoria (the one most commonly discussed; when your physical appearance and traits related to your body, such as your voice, give you a sense of discomfort and/or distress)

- social dysphoria (when being perceived/referred to as the gender you were assigned at birth by the people around you gives you a sense of discomfort and/or distress)

- mind dysphoria (when you feel as though your body language, hobbies/interests, and/or over all thoughts don't align with your true gender, causing a sense of discomfort and/or distress)

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I'm very aware that the 'severity' of your dysphoria is deeply personal and varies from person to person, and I'm also of the belief that you don't necessarily need all three types of gender dysphoria to be trans, but I do believe that you need at least one at whatever intensity you personally experience.

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I'd also like to specify that I consider a general feeling of "I'm okay/I feel indifferent about my AGAB, but I know deep down that I'd be a lot happier if I were perceived as [true gender]" to be dysphoric as it expresses a 'mild' yet present sense of distress in knowing your quality of life could be greatly improved if you were [true gender].

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I'm mainly of the opinion that this whole debate stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what gender dysphoria really is, as most people (including some trans individuals) tend to view it simply as 'I hate my body' which is a gross oversimplification that misses so many other ways it can manifest.

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if anyone on this sub is trans and does not experience any of the things I've described, I'd love to hear what your discovery journey has been like, I'm always open to new perspectives.

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also ps sorry if this post reads like it was written by a chimpanzee high on ketamine it's currently 5am and I have not slept and also had too much caffeine. also I'm 19 so I'm sure that plays a part in it as well.

im gonna see fem in like a month (OWKD8E8ENEJSKSJW9EJDNDJSOSJENANS8W9EIEN !!!!!!) it's gonna be my first concert ever so idk what concert etiquette is like. do ppl like to swap bracelets ??? i love making jewellery of all sorts so i'd be rlly cool even to just hand them out without anyone giving anything back.

would it be weird if i showed up with like a bunch of fem themed bracelets (OR MAYBE EVEN CHARMS AND KEYCHAINS !!) and just gave them to ppl ???

I'm diagnosed with BPD. i fit a lot of the symptoms required for the diagnosis. i have very frequent mood swings, an unstable sense of self, i have a long history of self harm, substance abuse and suicidal ideation/attempts to take my own life.

But certain things that other borderlines experience feel so strange to me.

i know ghosting is common in people with BPD, but it's described both by medical professionals and by people who have the disorder themselves as a defensive mechanism. something you do because you feel threatened or when you're overwhelmed with stress.

i don't ghost like that. i ghost because i get bored of people. the emotional dependence i used to have fades away completely in a matter of seconds, and when i realise that person isn't adding anything to my life, i lose the need to keep them close.

i don't react to abandonment the way i should. i don't beg people to stay. i feel no need to desperately cling on to someone if i know, whether through a rational thought process or not, that they want to leave me. that doesn't mean I'm not scared people might leave, it just means when that fear is enabled, my emotions switch off. I'm not going to plead with you. i don't chase. if you want to leave, you're free to do so. i don't care, and i can't tell if that sentiment is true or if I've convinced myself that it is.

i like toying with people from time to time. not always, but i recognise that I've done it in the past. it's interesting to see how people react to different circumstances. it helps me understand the way their minds work better.

it feels like my emotions are overly volatile. there's periods of my life where I'm overly emotional and react strongly to any minor trigger, but there's also periods of my life where i feel completely disconnected. like no matter what happens, i can't bring myself to actually care. my sense of empathy changes drastically as well. I'm extremely empathetic on day, completely engulfed in the idea of loving people and wanting to be loved back, wanting to do things for people just to make them smile, without anything in return. the next day, however, it's like the switch has been turned off. like i can no longer feel anything for anyone, i don't care about being understood, being taken care of. i don't need any kind of emotional connection. i stop doing things because i like doing them and start doing things because they mean I'm getting something back. then it's back to being emotionally involved as if the change never even happened.

it feels like i have two different people living in my head, but both of them are me. i can't understand why i act so emotional when I'm apathetic, and i can't understand how i can be so apathetic when I'm emotional. i recognise myself in both, but the other doesn't feel right when it isn't actively on display. it's as if i have two distinct personalities, each with their own personal goals, but they switch somewhat randomly.

not sure if anyone is going to be able to relate, i mostly just wanted to get this written out.

thanks for reading.

I'm diagnosed with BPD. i fit a lot of the symptoms required for the diagnosis. i have very frequent mood swings, an unstable sense of self, i have a long history of self harm, substance abuse and suicidal ideation/attempts to take my own life.

But certain things that other borderlines experience feel so strange to me.

i know ghosting is common in people with BPD, but it's described both by medical professionals and by people who have the disorder themselves as a defensive mechanism. something you do because you feel threatened or when you're overwhelmed with stress.

i don't ghost like that. i ghost because i get bored of people. the emotional dependence i used to have fades away completely in a matter of seconds, and when i realise that person isn't adding anything to my life, i lose the need to keep them close.

i don't react to abandonment the way i should. i don't beg people to stay. i feel no need to desperately cling on to someone if i know, whether through a rational thought process or not, that they want to leave me. that doesn't mean I'm not scared people might leave, it just means when that fear is enabled, my emotions switch off. I'm not going to plead with you. i don't chase. if you want to leave, you're free to do so. i don't care, and i can't tell if that sentiment is true or if I've convinced myself that it is.

i like toying with people from time to time. not always, but i recognise that I've done it in the past. it's interesting to see how people react to different circumstances. it helps me understand the way their minds work better.

it feels like my emotions are overly volatile. there's periods of my life where I'm overly emotional and react strongly to any minor trigger, but there's also periods of my life where i feel completely disconnected. like no matter what happens, i can't bring myself to actually care. my sense of empathy changes drastically as well. I'm extremely empathetic on day, completely engulfed in the idea of loving people and wanting to be loved back, wanting to do things for people just to make them smile, without anything in return. the next day, however, it's like the switch has been turned off. like i can no longer feel anything for anyone, i don't care about being understood, being taken care of. i don't need any kind of emotional connection. i stop doing things because i like doing them and start doing things because they mean I'm getting something back. then it's back to being emotionally involved as if the change never even happened.

it feels like i have two different people living in my head, but both of them are me. i can't understand why i act so emotional when I'm apathetic, and i can't understand how i can be so apathetic when I'm emotional. i recognise myself in both, but the other doesn't feel right when it isn't actively on display. it's as if i have two distinct personalities, each with their own personal goals, but they switch somewhat randomly.

not sure if anyone is going to be able to relate, i mostly just wanted to get this written out.

thanks for reading.