u/uptakecupcake

I forgot how much I hate being pregnant. I have been pregnant now four times (currently 10 weeks) and have one living child who turned out to be my world even though I also wanted to terminate because pregnancy hormones suck. I’ve had two miscarriages and find myself praying for another sometimes cause I’m too frightened by the future.

In weekly therapy and was on meds for seven years. Worked with a team of psychiatrists to taper off over a year.

Just me and hormones do not mix. Looking for solidarity.

I forgot how much I hate being pregnant. I have been pregnant now four times (currently 10 weeks) and have one living child who turned out to be my world even though I also wanted to terminate because pregnancy hormones suck. I’ve had two miscarriages and find myself praying for another sometimes cause I’m too frightened by the future.

In weekly therapy and was on meds for seven years. Worked with a team of psychiatrists to taper off over a year.

Just me and hormones do not mix. Looking for solidarity.

We are currently pregnant in the early stages. I would like my son (5) to not feel as alone as I did in losing my parents. I even had a grandparent and two brothers and still felt so alone.

I want to give him a sibling so that he isn’t alone in the world but outside of my partner there is no one to help. I’m sure I’ll make new friends but all the mom friends I have now or parents to 5-6 year olds.

If anything were to happen to me or my partner we are not at all confident that either of us could raise two on our absolute own. All parents, grandparents are gone. My siblings are a state over without kids.

I want to build a family for my son but I’d be completely sacrificing myself as I can’t pickup the phone and call mom or vent to dad or grandma. I can’t call a friend to take one of the kids.

Not sure how to have another so my son isn’t alone in the world when we are gone and me drown in postpartum again without a life jacket this time around. I had my dad and a close friend last pregnancy.

Any help is appreciated 🤍

Every time I get pregnant I just panic. Anytime I do anything I panic. I have a lot of childhood trauma with neglect and abuse and am very attached to my only 5 year old. I allow him whatever he wants to do independently and he has no problem separating from me.

Now I’m 9 weeks and while I really wanted my son to have a sibling and he would really be amazing and flourish.

But I’m the default parent with deceased parents, in laws and grandparents. It is so freaking hard. I want to be there for my son consistently and I’m just not sure anymore I can be this available to two children.

I pay quite a bit monthly as a cash patient for therapy and EMDR to work on my separation from my son who is in kindergarten now because my nervous system can’t tell the difference between my son going to school and being chased by a lion.

As for medication, I was on it for seven years for prolonged grief. Felt a lot of rage and with a team of professionals I tapered off over a year. Well pregnancy gives fuck all about that! Hormones crazy.

My question is how do you know if you want something like another child if any change in life absolutely terrifies you? I didn’t even want my only when I was pregnant and now I can’t imagine living a life without him! But I don’t know if on the other side of this will be another one of my onlies ❤️

Thank you!

I have a five year old and pregnant with another.

I’m probably TOO attached to my one. My childhood was full of neglect and abuse.

So then I rake myself over coals to make sure my childhood never feels the same. He will experience disappointment like losing sports, a friend not playing along, etc.

But I’ve made it my life’s mission to always be the safe space for him to land. A place where home or with me is his saving grace and where his nervous system is adamantly protected.

To the point of mom doesn’t get much me time because I’m so making sure all his needs are met.

How the heck do I do that with two!?

I have a 5 and a half year old. We don’t have any support system and while my husband is a good dad he just is not my equal as far as parenting.

I as my son’s mom have childhood trauma from neglect and abuse. Additionally, because I am the default parent and SAHM meeting all his needs before they happen.

My son just started Kinder today. Mom needs to remember what his safe foods are, that his shirt buttons need to be undone so he can change in case of a spill,
does the nurse have a copy of his inhaler prescription and when does it expire?

My husband wants to know what time we need to be at the school again?

Ever since my son was a newborn and unhappy reflux baby I recall crying to my pediatrician I can’t make him comfortable. I’ve spent the last five years making him comfortable. Meeting his needs.

I feel it’s impossible to do this level of attentiveness with two children. I do feel my son would love a sibling and I could see us loving one as well.

I will share that while I do allow my son to be disappointed and have great boundaries I have concerns about his life being upended. What if the baby keeps him awake and he has school in the morning? What if the baby feels neglected cause I’m over here doing so much for big brother?

My own childhood neglect plays a big role in just making sure whatever preventable problem arises, that I can find a solution for it. That would be with both kids.

It’s just too much and maybe I’m biting off more that I can chew.

Feeling so down. Unsure of how much longer I can go with my pregnancy. I have read that so many women experience freedom when pregnant.

I’m 8 weeks and in constant severe pain. My OB hasn’t been able to identify what is happening and the ER is unable to do any testing due to pregnancy.

I feel like a brick is in my uterus and my insides are going to fall out. I cry with every bowel movement or gas pain. I have another child and having a lot of difficulty staying mobile.

Anyone not have freedom from pain during pregnancy but only got worse?

Why can’t my body get it tf together?

Feeling so down. Unsure of how much longer I can go with my pregnancy. I have read that so many women experience freedom when pregnant.

I’m 8 weeks and in constant severe pain. My OB hasn’t been able to identify what is happening and the ER is unable to do any testing due to pregnancy.

I feel like a brick is in my uterus and my insides are going to fall out. I cry with every bowel movement or gas pain. I have another child and having a lot of difficulty staying mobile.

Anyone not have freedom from pain during pregnancy but only got worse?

Why can’t my body get it tf together?

Unfortunately due to the losses of all parents and grandparents, my nervous system cannot tell the difference between having my heart ripped out and my only child starting Kindergarten this year.

Everything is death. Someone on TV? How old are they? Are they close to dying?

Can’t have another kid cause then my first will grow up too fast! How many summers do I have left? Time won’t stop!

I’m in therapy.

I have a five and a half year old. My world revolves around him. I come from a childhood of moving home to home with different men that my mom would be in a relationship with. I went to at least five elementary schools and my grandparents helped raise me. Also SA in childhood and other forms of abuse.

Fast forward to today and literally everyone is deceased. My last grandparent and parent died last year. I had been on mental health medication because of my mom’s death hitting me so hard and having prolonged grief though she passed in 2008. She was the biggest “safety” I had.

I am paying cash $200/month to be in therapy and work on these losses through EMDR and talk therapy. I do this because my nervous system can’t tell the difference between my son going to kindergarten and my heart being ripped out. Because of that, as much as I would love for him to be homeschool, he has no family and I’d be making

Now I’m (38) with a five and half year old. He plays sports, he’s been to things like prek with mom, prek by himself for three hours a day three days a week, many many play dates. His social life is way better than mine could ever be. I push him to separate from me and he often chants I could do hard things. I also let him cry and endure disappointment/discomfort.

That all being said, he does cosleep, sometimes for weeks and then goes back to his room to start sleep. I also don’t ever go out cause I just love hanging out with him. I have little hobbies here and there but not a big fan of not hanging out with him. But he has ZERO issues going up to anyone he meets and introducing himself with his name and age and saying will you be my friend? He has no issues going into class at the kindergarten orientation. It’s me. And I don’t want to hurt him because of me.

I just was wondering if I’m messing up my son because I really, really just want him to be happy.

Also wondering if having another child could remove any anxious attachment I *could* have hurt my son with.

I have a five and a half year old. My world revolves around him. I come from a childhood of moving home to home with different men that my mom would be in a relationship with. I went to at least five elementary schools and my grandparents helped raise me. Also SA in childhood and other forms of abuse.

Fast forward to today and literally everyone is deceased. My last grandparent and parent died last year. I had been on mental health medication because of my mom’s death hitting me so hard and having prolonged grief though she passed in 2008. She was the biggest “safety” I had.

I am paying cash $200/month to be in therapy and work on these losses through EMDR and talk therapy. I do this because my nervous system can’t tell the difference between my son going to kindergarten and my heart being ripped out. Because of that, as much as I would love for him to be homeschool, he has no family and I’d be making

Now I’m (38) with a five and half year old. He plays sports, he’s been to things like prek with mom, prek by himself for three hours a day three days a week, many many play dates. His social life is way better than mine could ever be. I push him to separate from me and he often chants I could do hard things. I also let him cry and endure disappointment/discomfort.

That all being said, he does cosleep, sometimes for weeks and then goes back to his room to start sleep. I also don’t ever go out cause I just love hanging out with him. I have little hobbies here and there but not a big fan of not hanging out with him. But he has ZERO issues going up to anyone he meets and introducing himself with his name and age and saying will you be my friend? He has no issues going into class at the kindergarten orientation. It’s me. And I don’t want to hurt him because of me.

I just was wondering if I’m messing up my son because I really, really just want him to be happy.

Also wondering if having another child could remove any anxious attachment I *could* have hurt my son with.

I have a five and a half year old. My world revolves around him. I come from a childhood of moving home to home with different men that my mom would be in a relationship with. I went to at least five elementary schools and my grandparents helped raise me. Also SA in childhood and other forms of abuse.

Fast forward to today and literally everyone is deceased. My last grandparent and parent died last year. I had been on mental health medication because of my mom’s death hitting me so hard and having prolonged grief though she passed in 2008. She was the biggest “safety” I had.

I am paying cash $200/month to be in therapy and work on these losses through EMDR and talk therapy. I do this because my nervous system can’t tell the difference between my son going to kindergarten and my heart being ripped out. Because of that, as much as I would love for him to be homeschool, he has no family and I’d be making

Now I’m (38) with a five and half year old. He plays sports, he’s been to things like prek with mom, prek by himself for three hours a day three days a week, many many play dates. His social life is way better than mine could ever be. I push him to separate from me and he often chants I could do hard things. I also let him cry and endure disappointment/discomfort.

That all being said, he does cosleep, sometimes for weeks and then goes back to his room to start sleep. I also don’t ever go out cause I just love hanging out with him. I have little hobbies here and there but not a big fan of not hanging out with him. But he has ZERO issues going up to anyone he meets and introducing himself with his name and age and saying will you be my friend? He has no issues going into class at the kindergarten orientation. It’s me. And I don’t want to hurt him because of me.

I just was wondering if I’m messing up my son because I really, really just want him to be happy.

Also wondering if having another child could remove any anxious attachment I could have hurt my son with.

We have one son who is five and he is our pride and joy. Mom and dad are 38 and 39 and are having difficulties being able to bring a second into the world. We do not have parents or grandparents and he does not have any cousins.

Our son does not attend any adult only functions and has no idea what it looks like to be somewhere without other kids. We work really hard to do whatever he wants whenever he wants while I also allow allowing him disappointment sometimes.

My biggest fear is that he will be alone when we leave this world. I don’t know if it’s right to bring in a sibling just for that. I am one of three so it’s really hard for me to wrap around my head a childhood with no siblings. My husband is an only and said he actually enjoyed it, even though there were some lonely times.

Currently have a trust and a living will. Literally everything is set up and we are planning to soon pay for our funeral cost. My question is if your parents did, this would’ve have made a difference or do you still feel like you earned deeply for that sibling connection?

Thank you so much for sharing your comments with me. ❤️

I am currently attending therapy biweekly because my nervous system can’t tell the difference between my one and only going to kindergarten and my heart being ripped out.

I have a lot of childhood trauma and have lost all parents, in laws and grandparents. This makes me hold onto my 5 year old a bit (too) tight. I can’t even begin to imagine loving a second the way that I do him. I’m also terrified that another one would make his life harder instead of enriching it.

I always saw myself having a bigger family to (make up) for what was lost but without the support and how close I am with my first I’m at a loss.

I grew up with siblings and don’t want to take that experience from him but I also am very self critical and can overwhelm easily. I do ask myself if having another would help to divide my love instead of possibly putting so much pressure on him being my only.

I have friends, some that have offered to watch my 5 year old son and that’s it. Parents, in laws and grandparents are all gone. As in, I can’t even call them to hear their voices let alone ask for advice. He also had no cousins as neither of my siblings want kids.

We are on the fence about welcoming a new baby but postpartum was hard and there is literally no one to come take the baby for me to shower. There’s no one to entertain my five year old if new baby comes and they’re jealous.

I’m just wondering how much I should bow to my circumstances. I always thought I would build the family I don’t have but now seeing myself having to do all the mental and physical load it doesn’t sound as fun.

I’m one of three siblings and really wish I could give my son what I experienced but my mom also had her parents to help and I don’t.

Wanted to ask if anybody just said screw it and pushed themselves through it or if they just don’t recommend.
I don’t want my son inheriting the lack of family but not sure I have the capacity. Thank you 🙏🏻

My fourth pregnancy (one live birth) and this one is excruciating. I’m overweight and even though I’ve done pelvic floor PT I wouldn’t be surprised if it isn’t what it should be.

My pain wakes me up in the middle of the night. I am rushing home sometimes screaming in discomfort to poo as soon as I eat and sharp pains when getting up from toilet.

I’ve been to the ER three times with this pain. My hcg levels are doubling. I am only showing gestational sac and no yolk sac or embryo but I am only 5 weeks 6 days. My beta hcg is 3,400. OBGYN visit is Monday afternoon.

Not sure I can deal with this for forty weeks as I have a child at home and having difficulty functioning. I’m not understanding why this pain is so severe I’ve only have one full term birth and two miscarriages.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

If you had no one. No parents, in laws or grandparents would you have another?

For context my son is 5 1/2 about to start Kindergarten.

I know it’s hard to imagine for some. But we don’t have any support, community OR people we trust fully to watch our one.

Have you or could you have more than one in this situation?

I’m scared of what it’ll do to my mental health and friends try to help by saying “I only have my mom that lives with me” etc.

Yes I have friends and neighbors that I would trust in crisis but I’d be alone with baby and some days when son out of school.

I just literally found out hours ago that I’m pregnant after my son is about to start kindergarten and I’ve been going through a lot of mental health struggles getting off some medication. I was on for a long time for grief. We have literally no one all four parents are deceased. All grandparents are deceased. It’s quite literally me my husband and my son. I just barely got time back to myself and I’m still dealing with the ups and downs of discontinuing my medication. I stopped the medication because I went through a lot of therapy to deal with grief in the passing of all my loved ones and I did so under Dr supervision.

A lot of the reason that I wanted another was so my son could have a friend but I don’t even know if they would even be close!

I’m struggling heavily because my one is everything to me and starting Kindergarten and I don’t know about starting over. If you are against me having an option to terminate please don’t guilt me more than I already am.

I have no support system and just told one friend that I am considering terminating and she read me the whole riot act on why I shouldn’t even be considering that. Really retreat that conversation. Any advice please. Thank you.