u/waterallergies

I feel like I closed my eyes one moment and my life-ending alarm goes off the next

University is the bane of my existence and the future is bleak

Seeing that there's a whole tag for SH here, I figured I can talk about this here. Unsure about adding a NSFW filter atm.

Literally never seen my vent art translated as something like that. For context, I've been struggling with SH recently and resorted to engaging on my breasts. They start low, so it's really hard to see them even if I wear a shirt with a large collar. It's an odd spot but it's easy for me to keep it covered so my family won't see. They have really bad reactions to it and I don't want to deal with that while already struggling. By bad I mean aggressive.

I vent out my feelings through art. It has been my medium since I was very young and on better days, I've been able to resist urges through it. It depicts the SH placement. I've been on here since I was a teen, uploading art on random accounts I would just delete when I got bored of it. Not once did I receive odd messages about them. They were genuinely supportive every time. Now that their placement is over my breasts, I can count three DMs already that have perceived it as an act of masochism. This in itself is odd but they HAVE to talk about the size depicted alongside them. Even from actual friends I've made here, their eyes just jump to the size depicted and start asking about why they're drawn like that.

I literally don't even add areolae or nipples in an attempt to desexualize it. (btw I don't believe breasts are inherently sexual. I've just noticed people would perceive the art as pornographic in nature if those are depicted on art. It doesn't have to be my own art.) I don't want to remove them as a whole, especially when my body's appearance has affected me since I was young. I don't want to filter my feelings any more than I already do.

This must sound so stupidly trivial. I can assure that my breasts have had a real effect on me irl. I'm just not bringing them up here. I just hate that anything related to large breasts is perceived as sexual, even something related to my collapsing mental health. I'm actually kind of anxious about venting here. If this bothers you, I hope it's known that that is not my intention.

I won't treat any answer as a diagnosis but I feel like I'll get some kind of idea.

So I'm 22 and have a variety of sensory issues due to my ADHD and eating is one of them. I'm not underweight but my diet is comical.

I stick with eating chicken only if it is in the form of chicken tenders or nuggets. I do not like any other forms of meat. I do not ever have fruits or vegetables. The closest I come to eating a vegetable is french fries 💀. If I dare to feel something slightly off (something hard in softer food, unsolicited onions in my food) I instantly get nauseous. It's the same with texture and why I don't have fruits or veggies and other forms of meat. It's just instant nausea. I refuse to mix food in my mouth. If I got myself chicken tenders and fries, it is LAW to eat the fries first followed by the tenders. I hate most sauces and only accept mayo chili sauce. Aside from that, I stick with mac n cheese and very limited flavors of pizza. In my childhood I literally only ate the crust. I've expanded my diet a bit since then. I basically eat like a picky kid.

Basically I don't eat anything healthy. And it's definitely affected my health in more ways than one. Since I have PCOS, this diet is so much worse but I physically cannot eat anything healthy even if I tried. My family refuse to understand the logic behind my picky eating. It came to a point where my mom would force feed me food I couldn't handle and I'd just be crying and nauseous af. She doesn't test me as much anymore cuz like I had a really bad ED as a teen and my appetite has been pretty low recently.

I think one instance that was notable was me trying shepherd's pie? The taste was fine. It was good even but the texture made me so nauseous I had to reject it. It's just strange to think about.

For now, I can't afford a therapist cuz of costs. I always considered this picky eating but that term seemed too relaxed.

So is this PROBABLY ARFID?